Undiscovered Soul
by Katja1075
Summary: After the war, Snape struggles his way back into a new life. Not everything is safe in the after-war world. Hermione experiences a great loss in her life and Snape helps her through it, feeling he is in her debt. Along the way they become friends and more...
1. Chapter 1

His vision blurred. Severus could barely see the three young people before him. It was too exhausting to keep his eyes open and Severus let his eyelids fall close. His mission was accomplished and Potter had all the information he needed. His debt was repaid.

Cold crept through him and his senses seemed to sharpen. He could feel his heart slowing down. He could sense every single part of his body slowly going numb when he had anticipated he would not feel anything when his time had come. The pain in his throat was severe but it didn't weaken any other senses. _I can smell my own blood. My blood is flowing more slowly every second._ _Death doesn't seem so bad after all_. Then everything went black.

"Oh my God," Hermione cried out aloud. Harry, Ron and Hermione stared down at Severus Snape shell- shocked. His eyes were closed and all life seemed to have left him, his body had collapsed and he didn't move one bit. Blood flowed down his neck and his clothes and he was white as a sheet. Had they really just watched him die? They were still trying to understand what had happened moments ago, when Nagini had attacked him so violently on Voldemort's orders.  
>Hermione, however, was the first to recover from her shock.<br>The last look Snape had given Harry had shown so much raw emotion that Hermione could not just let him die, that look had deeply unsettled her and she had to make sure there was nothing left she could have done for him. And this last sentence about Harry's mothers eyes… had made her think of Snape as a human being again.  
>She knelt down beside Snape and put down her fingers on the left side of his neck in search for a pulse. It hadn't been her conscious decision to do so, it just seemed the right thing in this moment. <em>I just have to be sure.<em>

"Hermione, what are you doing?" Harry asked. "He's dead."  
>"Are you sure, Harry?" she asked him back.<br>She slowly removed her hand from his neck and put it back again to be sure. There was a very tiny flutter in his veins and a pretty weak pulse seemed to be left. "Merlin, he's still alive, but only just," she breathed. They were acutely aware they really had to get out of the Shack as soon as possible, but Harry and Ron were still frozen in shock as Hermione now knelt down on Snape's other side.  
>She looked up at Harry, both of her hands were now pressing against the gaping wound on Snape's neck. In the last few seconds, some inner voice had told her to help Snape. She didn't hesitate further.<br>"Harry, you have to take that vial and leave," Hermione said forcefully, "you have only one hour left. Whatever he wanted you to see, it has to be important."  
>Harry hesitated. "Go!" Hermione cried again. Harry slowly started towards the door.<br>"Ron, you try to help me with Snape. Come here."  
>"What?" For a moment, Ron was speechless. "Are you mental? You really want to try to save the life of that bloody traitor? He killed Dumbledore, he doesn't deserve to be saved!" Ron shouted at her.<br>Harry hesitated again when he heard Ron yelling at Hermione. He still wasn't sure whose side he was on here after he had heard Voldemort ordering the attack on Snape.  
>"Yes, I am going to help him because right now I can't understand how Voldemort could order his death without hesitation. And who are we to judge him and let him die here without understanding the whole picture? Without a proper trial? If he really proves to be guilty in the end, leave him to the Wizengamot, but for now, I'll try to save his life. So either help me or leave. We have to hurry or he'll die anyway," Hermione said matter of factly. <em>Damnit, must he always be that stubborn, <em>Hermione wondered.  
>Harry now was sure she did the right thing and finally left.<p>

She reached for her beaded bag and produced a vial of blood replenishing potion and a bezoar. "I'm not even sure if we can do anything to help at all but I just have to try."  
>Ron still stared at her but finally knelt down beside her and asked "What should I do?" and muttered under his breath "I still can't believe I'm doing this." Hermione had of course heard it and just rolled her eyes.<br>"Here, take these bandages and try to press them as hard as you can against his neck so that he doesn't lose any more blood. I'll try to make him swallow the bezoar and the potion."  
>She tried to open his mouth with her fingers a little further and shoved the bezoar inside. Desperately she tried to suppress the thought this was Snape's mouth she was trying to slip the bezoar in. With Snape being unconscious and the damage in his throat she had to find a way to make him swallow and tried to recall the right spell she had read about in one of her basic healing books she had carried around during the last year.<p>

A_bsorbet naturalis_ seemed the right one and she waved her wand. Nothing happened. She tried once more concentrating heavily on the correct wand movement and finally the bezoar went slowly down his damaged throat and hopefully began to drain Nagini's venom out of his system. _If only this is enough for first aid._  
>Hermione applied the blood replenisher in the same way and looked up at Ron. He looked into her eyes and still looked apprehensive but at least did everything necessary without further complaining. Snape still bled but finally it seemed to get a little less. She just hoped it was because of the bandages and not because his heart had stopped beating.<br>When no new blood seemed to emerge his wounds, Hermione tried to close them with Snape's own spell after Ron had taken his hands away and before the blood replenisher began to work. "Vulnera Sanentur," she chanted gently, "Vulnera Sanentur."  
>Additionally she applied the rest of their Dittany potion she had with her. The wounds knitted themselves together and were bright red. "I think this is all we can do, he needs a real healer now," Hermione said.<br>She was astounded that his heart still beat at this point. Once again she wondered if it had been right to help him. _What if I'm wrong? _But it was too late for regrets now.

"I don't think we can bring him up to the infirmary, it will already be overcrowded. We should apparate directly into St. Mungo's," Hermione decided aloud. "Ron, please take his other side and we side-along him, okay?" she asked Ron, sounding a bit unsure all of a sudden. She hadn't thought this far when she had decided to save him, perhaps they wouldn't even accept him in St. Mungo's as a patient. _Too late for that now, Hermione. _  
>"Okay, he does seem strong enough at the moment," Ron acknowledged.<br>At least he was breathing more regular now, although there were still far too much gurgling noises in between his breaths, Hermione thought anxiously. Hermione checked for apparition wards but found none.  
>"Come on, it's now or never. Hold on to my hand. Now concentrate on the reception desk in St. Mungo's on three-two-one.. now!" And they disappeared from the Shack with a loud crack, leaving only a big blood stain on the floor.<p>

They reappeared in St. Mungo's and the reception room was totally cramped with injured people from Hogwarts that could not be taken care of by Poppy Pomfrey alone.  
>Hermione shouted out loud "A healer, NOW!" and looked around, trying to keep up with Snape's weight. A Healer made his way through all the waiting people and immediately conjured a stretcher and levitated Snape onto it. "I'm Healer Jason Harris. Who are you bringing in and what happened to him?" He looked at the person on the stretcher them and his eyes widened. Before Hermione could answer he had recognized the man on the stretcher. "Isn't this Severus Snape? Why would you bring him here, I don't understand," he asked Hermione, the question and also disgust of the person before him visible in his eyes.<br>"We understand you have reservations," Hermione said with a steady voice, "but I have reasonable doubts about his true allegiance and we couldn't just let him die. He was attacked by Voldemort's snake on his very orders. That is enough to doubt his true allegiance for me. You weren't there Sir, but I am sure I did the right thing." Hermione sounded more certain than she felt. _What am I going to do if they refuse to help him?_

Healer Harris did not answer her and brought Snape into what it seemed the last empty healing room on the floor. In his eyes, this young lady certainly had courage and her confidence alone had persuaded him to help Snape.  
>Ron had just followed without saying a word and he and Hermione now watched the healer doing his work and running some diagnostic spells. "Using a bezoar was very clever," he said aloud but Hermione stayed silent.<br>After a couple of minutes Ron turned to Hermione and tugged on her sleeve. "We have to return to Hogwarts and help Harry, the hour has almost run out. Snape is nowhere near important as Harry and we can't do anything here anyway. I'm leaving, are you coming?" he said, sounding almost angry. "Yes, you're right, we should leave," Hermione admitted aloud. _Why do I want to stay here, though?_ She had to ask herself.

"Healer Harris, we are going back to Hogwarts but we will return as soon as possible and see how he is. Do you think he will survive?" Hermione asked quietly.  
>"I don't know yet, young lady, but I'll try. We won't be sure for a couple of days if he'll live I think. And I will make sure nobody knows he is here until you return, that is all I can do for now. At least we don't have to worry that he'll escape. But I want your word that you talk to the ministry that he's here and is dealt with as soon as he is better. You are responsible for him, I am only responsible for his health, regardless of who he is." <em>Merlin<em>, Hermione thought, _what have I gotten myself into_. But now it was too late for regrets, they had to get going. "Yes, Sir," she answered and exited the room.

Hermione and Ron apparated back to the grounds of Hogwarts just in time to see a dead Harry carried back to the castle by Hagrid.

Two days after the final battle Hermione, Harry and Ron returned to St. Mungo's together. Their own injuries had been cared for and Hermione felt anxious the check up on Snape.  
>After she had learned what Harry had seen in the pensieve she was relieved she had made the right decision in the Shrieking Shack. Harry had immediately shown the memories to Kingsley and explained that Hermione and Ron had saved Snape's life after he was attacked by Nagini on Voldemort's orders. Kingsley had contacted Healer Harris to confirm that Snape was allowed to stay in St. Mungo's and that the very fact he was in the wizarding hospital should be kept quiet. It was better the public didn't know about Snape yet. Besides, Kingsley still had to decide if Severus Snape had to withstand a trial or be amnestied for his deeds. Of course, this was not his decision alone to make, but before he presented the facts to the Wizengamot and the public, he had to be sure what he wanted to go for.<br>Snape was now protected by Ministry wards in front of his room in a secluded area of St. Mungo's.  
>The fact that Severus Snape was a hero and shouldn't have died being killed by Nagini was what counted for Hermione in the end. She still had some mixed feelings about him as well as Harry and Ron; after all they had suffered from his strictness and viciousness as a teacher, but this that was for sure no reason to just let him die two days ago. The relief she felt that her decision had been right almost made her feel lightheaded.<br>At the reception desk, Hermione asked for Healer Harris. Fifteen minutes later he appeared in the waiting area to talk to the three of them. "Hello Miss Granger, Mister Weasley, Mister Potter. At first, my congratulations on…finishing off Voldemort for good." He held out his hand to Harry.  
>"It is an honour, Mr. Potter, and thank you for everything you did. " Harry went bright red but managed a "Thank you."<br>"You know, " Healer Harris continued talking, "I am very thankful to your friend Miss Granger here who stood up for Mr. Snape. Minister Kingsley made sure I did everything I could to help him survive the day after you've brought him here. After all I have seen here in the last few days and months I am still having a hard time to believe that everything is all over now and that Mr. Snape seemed to have played a major part in helping you defeat Voldemort. Also I am still struggling to understand that you, Miss Granger, had the right feeling about him. To be honest - when I first saw him when you brought him here, I just wanted to let him die simply because he was one of "_them_", but you were so very sure about him that I changed my mind." He took Hermione's hand in his and held it for a moment. Looking in her eyes he said "Thank you for being so insistent, just… Thank you."  
>Now it was time for Hermione to turn bright red. Once again, tears welled up in her eyes and once again, she couldn't even say why. <em>I should be happy about this and not sad, shouldn't I ? And I wasn't so sure when I brought him in as I am now…<br>_As she didn't trust her voice, she just gave Healer Harris a small smile and nodded.  
>Healer Harris cleared his throat and the emotion that had just shown on his face vanished.<br>"Now back to our patient. Severus Snape is barely alive and you brought him here in the very last minute, so to speak. The blood loss was so extraordinary that the blood replenisher wasn't able to help much. We had to give him a blood transfusion. He will recover very slowly and has to stay here for at least six weeks I think. He still has to regain consciousness and we still don't know what effect the snake venom will have to his nervous system. That we can only find out after he awakes. I still wonder if you two also applied the first aid or just brought him in?" he said, looking questioningly at Hermione and Ron. Hermione blushed and looked at the Healer. "I felt a weak pulse after he was injured although we thought him dead at first. But after I felt this small flutter in his veins I started to think what I could do. I fortunately had a bezoar and the blood replenisher with me. It was sheer luck, I guess…" Hermione trailed off pensively.

"That was luck, indeed. But you also did the exact right things, don't underrate what you did here, you definitely saved his life," Healer Harris assured. "If you want to see him now, you are welcome to do so. He is unconscious as I said and most likely won't notice that you're there. You can stay as long as you like, he has had no other visitors yet."

After having passed the two ministry assigned guards, they entered the darkened room, Hermione holding Ron's hand and Harry following them inside. Severus Snape still was as white as the sheets he was lying in and hardly seemed to breathe. He had some large bandages around his neck and a little sweat trickled on his forehead as if he had a fever. Hermione went to his bed and looked at him, Harry had taken the other side and both of them looked at him. "Who would have thought…," said Harry and trailed off. Hermione felt the same way. Ron stepped up beside her and retook her hand. "I'm sorry." Hermione said gently, facing Snape. "I'm sorry we did not trust you. I think we were not supposed to anyway. You did a good job making sure of that." Suddenly tears welled up in her eyes again which she couldn't explain. She hadn't even seen what had been in the memories he had given to Harry and Harry hadn't told them very much, only, that some of the memories had been very personal. _Why the hell do I feel so sorry for him?  
><em>  
>Hermione took a deep breath and squeezed Ron's hand. "Let's leave, there's nothing more we can do for him today. But we should visit him regularly, don't you think? As Healer Harris said, no one else is visiting him and that's the least we could do for him - provide company," Hermione suggested after she had fought down her tears. She also had to fight the urge to just run out the room because at this very moment she couldn't stand the sight of Snape suffering this much any more. Tugging almost violently at Ron's hand they all followed her outside.<p>

Severus felt that he was not alone in the room he was in. Was death like that? Lying in a way too bright room with his whole body in pain? Perhaps he had landed in hell after all. Well, he certainly deserved it. He was able to hear muffled voices but he wasn't able to follow the words. Most of all, Severus felt sad, sadder than he had ever felt in the last twenty years. The feeling hit him with such intensity that he had to ask himself how he could have forgotten it.

The three friends left the room together. "Why should we visit him, Hermione?" Ron said as soon as they had closed the door. "He still is an ill-tempered and vicious person. OK, he's a hero for what he's done, but that doesn't make him a nicer person worth visiting, does it?"  
>Hermione glared at him. "How could you say something like that? We don't know all the facts and I'm sure he just had to act like he did. Yes, he was an arse to us most of the time, but we can't just judge him by his actions that we remember of our time in Hogwarts. He has done much more than what we are aware of and Dumbledore isn't here to tell us anything. I think he's the only one who can do that. And like the healer just told us, he had no other visitors yet and I doubt there will be people lining up in front his door in the future. He has no friends left and as it seems, no living relatives, living in both worlds as a spy, just think about it. People on both sides didn't trust him anymore." Ron didn't reply at once but looked understanding. "Just don't expect me to come with you every time."<br>The Ministry wards looked at Hermione astounded but didn't utter a word.

Harry, Hermione and sometimes Ron went to visit Snape regularly during the next two weeks, but Snape remained unconscious although he started to look better and was not that pale any more. The scars on his neck were large and still red and visible but they at least seemed to heal very slowly. Healer Harris kept telling them that he was recovering and everything was as it was supposed to be. Hermione still had to force herself to look at Snape's face because he always seemed to look sad and lost, the visits weren't easy for her and every day, she had to struggle more to leave to St. Mungo's.

One evening, Harry and Hermione returned to The Burrow and Hermione let out a frustrated sigh.  
>"I start to think he is never going to wake up. I still feel so bad that we suspected him all those years and I just want to apologize, although I doubt he's interested in that at all." Harry had very similar thoughts but was still doubting his own temper once he was able to speak to Snape again. So many things had happened in the past. After dinner Hermione went up to her's and Ginny's room at The Burrow and went to bed immediately.<br>She was still exhausted form the last year physically as well as emotionally and the events two weeks ago and the ever present guilt about her parents went through her thoughts. Now that the war was over she was desperate to have them back and just be able to bury herself in her mother's arm for comfort. But she hadn't thought of finding a backdoor to regain her parent's memories after she had obliviated them. There simply hadn't been enough time. _What if I'm never able to bring their memories back? Will they hate me for it? _She turned around those two thoughts in her head over and over again.  
><em><br>_Hermione had serious trouble sleeping but kept this to herself and didn't tell anyone, not even Ron. Ginny must have noticed but she didn't say anything. Somehow, she felt more depressed now than before the final battle and she couldn't put a finger on it. The dark circles under her eyes became more prominent every day but she didn't notice. Ron did, though.  
>Ginny had naturally left for Harry's Room around bedtime, she only let him out of sight very reluctantly and had taken up sleeping next to his side. Hermione suspected Molly was aware of it but hadn't it in her heart to separate the two for the night.<p>

Hermione lay alone in the large bed and turned her thoughts around. She and Ron had kissed in the chamber of secrets but not much more had happened since then. Other things had been more important and neither of them had taken another step into that direction. That only added to her depression, she knew it was pathetic but she desperately wanted to be held in his arms. There was a knock on the door and outside Ron said, "It's me, Mione, can I come in?"  
>Hermione let out a happy sigh and sat up. "Of course, come in, Ron."<p>

"Hey", she said as Ron entered the room, "how are you doing?" Ron sat down next to her on her bed and took her hands. "I don't know", he answered after a while, "I still can't believe that Voldemort is gone for good and everything's finally over. I also still try to understand how many people we lost in that final battle and try to realize I will never see them again… like Fred." He sat silent for a minute stroking Hermione's fingers and his silent tears fell on Hermione's hands.  
>"The only thing from keeping me fall apart is you, really," he added quietly, looking up and into her eyes.<br>"All we need is time to recover, I guess. And rest." she added after some moments. She had to take a deep breath before she could continue. "I still can't manage to sleep more than 1 or 2 hours, it's all nightmares and I don't want to use some bloody potion. Do you think you could stay until I have fallen asleep? I think this could help me ... But only if this is really OK with you," she added silently.  
>"Hermione, why would I not be OK with this? I love you, you know, I am here for you, too. Of course I'll stay. And I think your presence will help me sleeping, too."<br>"I love you too, Ron, and thank you." Hermione replied without hesitating. Although she hadn't thought about it before, she was sure she loved him back as soon as he had said it. She felt a little better at once and lay back on her bed. Ron lay down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. A feeling of warmth spread through her she hadn't felt in months. Ron bent down to kiss her cheek. "Goodnight, Hermione".

For the first night in months, Hermione slept without one single nightmare and woke up refreshed the next morning.

Harry and Hermione and on most days Ron continued to visit Snape daily. They sat down next to his bed and just kept him silent company. Sometimes he stirred in his healing sleep but even those small movements seemed to be exhausting for him and he always grimaced in pain.  
>Kingsley had finally decided to avoid a trial for Snape and had pleaded for a complete pardon at the Wizengamot. Dumbledore's portrait, which had conviently woken up after the final battle, had also spoken in favour of Snape and things were looking good. The final decision was only a couple of weeks away now. The fact that Snape was alive was all over the press now and the public didn't seem to share Kingsley's approach, Snape was still the most hated man after Voldemort now for killing Dumbledore, whatever his reasons had been. Perhaps if Dumbledore's testimony was published the public opinion would change.<br>On Friday, Harry and Hermione went alone to see him, Ron had refused to accompany them the fifth time this week and wanted to stay with George.  
>Hermione just couldn't bring herself to not visit him and it seemed the same for Harry, although he had almost never left Ginny's side since the final battle.<br>They talked quietly while watching Snape.  
>"Can you sleep at all, Hermione? I barely sleep at all, most times I find myself back in the veil and when I awake I'm not sure if I'm dead or alive until I feel Ginny beside me. I don't know how to get over all this. Sometimes I dream of my parents like in the Forbidden Forest and I wish I would not have to wake up at all. I just cannot stop thinking about everything. This whole thing with Snape, it confuses me so much. I always hated him and now I don't think I do anymore and this feels so strange. I am relieved all accusations were dropped but what if he doesn't wake up and doesn't even know he's being pardoned and free? I'm turning those thoughts round and round, Hermione," Harry ended sounding desperate.<br>"I have trouble sleeping, too, Harry. I see Hagrid carrying you dead back to Hogwarts and I even cry for you in my sleep. And when I wake up and fall asleep again, the other thing I dream of is Nagini attacking Snape and not being able to save him. I am always too slow. Since Ron started sleeping at my side it is getting better but sometimes the dreams keep coming back with a vengeance." Hermione sighed deeply, tears welling up her eyes. "And I am always crying, and I hate crying," she added with a small sad voice.

She looked at Snape again to avert Harry's eves.  
>"Harry, look - he's crying in his sleep." Silent tears fell down Snape's pale cheeks and he looked sadder than she had ever seen him. He looked like a lost soul.<br>"Please tell Kingsley he must lock these memories away, no one except you or him should know what was in them. He will be furious anyway when he learns you showed them to somebody else…if he ever wakes up," she said quietly fighting down her own tears. _Why does he affect me so much?_  
>Harry just nodded and they both fell silent again and while watching Snape shedding silent tears in his sleep. After some minutes, Hermione could not bear the sight anymore and reached out and took his left hand into hers.<br>She just could not leave him alone in whatever he was going through at the moment. She still felt bad at how they misjudged him for murdering Dumbledore. Just why hadn't Dumbledore bothered to at least tell someone from the order like Minerva why Snape had done what he had. She grew angrier with Dumbledore for that every day and that also added to her sleeplessness at night. Hermione just could not understand the man's motives anymore when she had always trusted him before. How could he leave this world and let one of his bravest fighters against Voldemort all alone without _anyone _to support him. The last year must have been hellish for Snape.  
>At some point during the last few minutes the very man had stopped crying without her noticing.<p>

"Hermione, we should go, it's nearly 7 and he stopped crying a while ago", Harry said and brought her out of her thoughts. "You still look exhausted," he added.  
>"I guess you're right. Let's go home to the Burrow." At the same moment she wondered when she had come to think of the Burrow as her home.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : First of all I'd like to thank everyone who put this story on their alert. **

**This it the first story I ever wrote and tried to publish and reviews and alerts leave me very happy. **

**Many thanks to my friend and beta Christine and CRMediagal who encouraged me further to publish this. **

**2. Awake **

Hermione tossed away the newspaper she had been reading while sipping on her morning coffee.  
>The Daily Prophet was worse than any muggle tabloid now. All this bloody newspaper cared about was partying and celebrating the death of Voldemort. No coverage on those who had lost people along the way. No word about people suffering from the aftermath. The only thing they did cover was Snape. Snape, the evil spy who had killed Dumbledore and hadn't even searched for a way to keep him alive, at least that was what the Prophet wanted to make everyone believe. <em>This is disgusting, I can't read this anymore.<br>_"What has your knickers in a twist this early in the day?" Ron asked when he entered the kitchen and saw Hermione's expression.  
>"It's that bloody thing that still dares to call itself a newspaper," she answered him heatedly. "All they care about is either partying or picking on Snape, over and over again. I can't read this stuff anymore."<br>"Then don't," Ron said quietly as he put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Good morning."  
>"Sorry, Ron," she kissed him back, "good morning to you, too."<br>On some point in the last week, Ron had become her rock and the one person who could really calm her down when she became anxious or upset. She leaned into his embrace and relaxed. "I love you, you know," she breathed into his neck. Ron's arm tightened around her and she felt happy for the first time in months.

After breakfast, Harry and Hermione got ready to visit Snape again. During the last couple of days little had changed in his situation. Healer Harris was still satisfied with the progress he made and was confident that Snape would wake up within the next couple of days. He hadn't cried again while Hermione and Harry visited.

"You coming with us today, Ron?" Harry asked while he gathered his things. He wanted to stop by the ministry again after visiting Snape for today.  
>"No, Harry, not today. I think I'll stay with Mom and Ginny and try to help her a bit. Ginny and I want to make her see that her other children are still here for her…", he answered with a sad look in his eyes. George was still devastated by the loss of Fred but Molly also was having a hard time to finally let go and continue with her life and her family. George needed her so much but all she did was prepare the meals and then returned to her bedroom to sleep or stare at the walls. The Weasley children and Arthur were at a loss.<br>"See you later, love," he kissed Hermione goodbye and went upstairs again with Ginny to find a way to snap Molly out of her depression.

"Harry," Hermione addressed him as they walked up from the apparition point at St. Mungo's to Snape's room, "have you noticed how much Ron has changed in the last few weeks? I don't know, it's like he has grown up in two weeks or so. He's just.. amazing… ."  
>"Of course I noticed, Hermione, he's still my best friend, you know. As are you. You both changed. He just wants to make you feel safe again I guess. Don't think I didn't notice how anxious you've become since everything's over. I can see how you calm down when he is near you. And you help him to get over his loss of George, more than you are aware of. You two complement one another perfectly I think," he finished smiling at her. "And you're right, he <em>has<em> grown up. But I believe that already happened when he came back to us in the Forest of Dean."  
>They had reached Snape's room.<p>

Sometimes both of them wondered why they kept coming every day, when nothing seemed to change or improve much but they both never said that thought out loud. Perhaps it was the fact, that up to this point, only Minerva and Arthur Weasley had been his other visitors. Snape really seemed to be alone in this after-war world, which made Hermione feel very sorry for him. She somehow still connected his loneliness to the tears she and Harry had witnessed almost three weeks ago. She kept those thoughts to herself because she still wondered why she felt so affected by Snape's fate.  
><strong><br>**As it had become their habit, Hermione sat at the right side of his bed, Harry at the left side and they continued talking silently. "Harry, will you and Ginny return to Hogwarts in September? Did you already talk about it?"  
>Harry sighed. "No, we haven't decided anything yet. I am not sure if I am able to return after all that happened barely four weeks ago. I'm not sure if I can stand the sight of a damaged Hogwarts, it's still the only real home I ever knew. I saw Dumbledore…dying there. All the memories.. I have to think about it some more." He rubbed his eyes as if he forcefully wanted to stop the upcoming tears. "What about you and Ron?" he asked her back after he had recovered a bit.<br>"I'm not sure either. I have the feeling after all we have done finishing school seems rather pointless. Good NEWTs seem just so meaningless now after all we've been through, don't you think? Harry, it is so difficult to think about this without my parents to support and guide me. I miss them so much." She trailed off as once again tears welled up in her eyes. Suddenly she realized what she had said to the orphan boy opposite her who hadn't had his parents during the last 17 years. "I'm so sorry, Harry, that was thoughtless of me," she sobbed.  
>"What do you mean, Mione?" Harry asked her as if he really hadn't understood her meaning.<br>"Me, whining about my parents when you haven't had them in your life at all. Sorry, Harry."  
>"It's OK, Hermione, I understand."<br>Now that Voldemort was gone, she slowly began to plan the recovery of her parent's memories and would have to start researching soon. She only had to be sure it was really safe to bring them back to Britain.

She looked away from Harry to Snape and sucked in a breath: "Harry, look, his eyelids are moving and his breathing is uneven. Like he's having a nightmare. Do you think we should call Healer Harris?" She stood and wanted to turn and leave the room when Snape's left eye opened. It closed again and then he opened both eyes. It seemed that he tried to take in his surroundings and after a couple of seconds his gaze stayed at Hermione. He just stared at her in wonder and then looked straight into Hermione's eyes. When he opened his mouth and tried to speak nothing more than croaky hiss came out. Hermione turned and went to the door, opened it and cried "Healer Harris!" and hurried back into the room to return to Snape's bedside. His eyes had closed again but as she reached the bed, they reopened.  
>Then Healer Harris stormed into the room and looked at Snape and just said "Finally, you're awake."<p>

Severus had heard a woman talking for some time and somehow, she had sounded as sad as he felt. Her voice sounded a bit like Lily's, but only slightly. He was incredibly curious whom this voice belonged to and it took all his willpower to open an eye to take a look. As soon as he had recognized her and she had returned to his bedside she looked straight back into his eyes and he wondered what the hell she was doing here of all people. _**And why am I not dead? **_

Hermione stepped back so that Healer Harris could examine Snape. "If you two could please leave the room as long as I check up on him. Thank you," he said in a very determined voice.  
><em>Two<em>, Snape wondered. Consciously, he had only seen Granger and reopened his eyes with some effort to see a young man with messy black hair walk out of the room. So Potter had made it, good.  
><em>But – what was he doing here? Visting <em>_**me**__? _

Harry and Hermione left the room reluctantly and waited just in front of the door. "I can't believe it, finally he woke up. It was about bloody time," Harry said still looking slightly overwhelmed. Hermione just nodded. The look in Snape's eyes had disturbed her deeply. They had locked eyes for only a moment but she had seen sheer sadness in them after he had recognized her, something she had never seen before. _As if he had expected someone else.  
><em>Thinking about it, she consciously had never looked into his eyes before that day in the Shack either. "Hermione?" Harry brought her out of her thoughts. "Are you alright?"  
>Hermione looked into Harry's eyes and said "I don't know. Snape looked into my eyes for this brief moment in there and he looked so sad, that look is still wearing me down. I'm not sure how to react when we go back in there again. It seemed like he expected to see someone else and not me." She was biting her lip and knotted her fingers nervously.<p>

Healer Harris opened the door. "You can come in again. And don't look so frightened," he added with a smile. "He will heal completely with time. His nervous system has not suffered any lasting damage thanks to your quick thinking. He has to thank you for his life, Miss Granger. Talk to him if you like, but don't stay too long, he is still recovering and quite exhausted." He made way and Harry and Hermione nervously stepped back into Snape's room.

Severus still tried to process what had happened. Apparently, he had woken up in St. Mungo's and was not dead. The healer had told him that he had been attacked by Nagini – he could remember this very vaguely – and that Hermione Granger of all people had saved his life. Together with Ron Weasley. _Unbelievable_. The Dark Lord was dead and Harry Potter somehow was alive. The plan must have worked. He hadn't counted on it, and certainly he hadn't counted on surviving. What he still didn't understand was why these two had been sitting at his bedside.  
>The door reopened and Potter and Granger came back inside. <em>What the hell do they want from me?<em>

They stood by his bed, Snape only stared up at the ceiling and had no intention to look at Harry in particular. He couldn't stand the thought of Potter looking at him in this weak state. He felt embarrassed.  
>"Professor Snape," Harry started sounding very hesitant, but Snape now looked at Hermione and just said one word with his voice hoarse from disuse: "Why?"<br>She looked back into his still sad eyes and understood what he wanted to know. _Healer Harris must have told him. Be honest, he'll know when you're not.  
><em>She started to speak very softly. "Professor Snape, first of all, I am very glad to see you awake. You want to know why I saved you life, don't you?" He nodded slightly.  
>"You know, I always had this tiny bit of doubt in me that you were not the man you seemed to be. And the way you reacted towards Harry in the Shack made my decision to help you much easier, although I could not explain it properly to Ron or Harry at the time. I've always trusted my gut instincts and they've never failed me. And Voldemort himself ordering your death was another pretty good reason." Snape flinched at Voldemort's name.<p>

Hermione decided that now was the time to say what had been on her mind for the last couple of weeks. She took a deep breath.  
>"We are very relieved you finally woke up. Harry and I wanted to thank you for everything you ever did for us. And – we want to apologize for disrespecting you and always behaving so badly towards you. I am truly sorry for not having trusted you". Snape just stared at her like he could not believe what he had just heard. Well to be honest, he couldn't.<br>"Professor Snape, "Harry spoke up silently, "I am very sorry for everything and I want to thank you for helping me despite my bad behavior towards you and I want to thank you for saving my life so many times."  
>Harry stopped his rambling. Perhaps this was a little too much for Snape at once.<p>

"Is The Dark Lord really dead?" he whispered weakly. "Yes," Hermione and Harry answered together, "he is. You are free now," Hermione added.  
>"We will leave for now and let you rest. We will come back tomorrow morning if that is alright with you." Hermione said. Snape just nodded very slowly and closed his eyes again. "Why are you here at all?" they heard him whisper when they had turned to leave the room. "I don't understand."<br>"We wanted to keep you company. And we wanted to make sure you're alright," Hermione answered. She didn't know what else to tell him so she tugged at Harry's arm. "You should rest, see you tomorrow, Professor Snape."

As soon as the door closed, Severus Snape tried to piece together what just happened. Firstly, he still had difficulty to believe that he even was alive. These last few minutes seemed so unreal that he began to doubt his state of mind though the Healer had said his mind was fine.  
>The first time ever, Harry Potter had spoken to him with respect and every doubt and all the hate that he had ever seem to have was simply gone. And Granger, that was entirely something else. He had locked eyes with her for not more than two seconds ….and nevertheless it seemed she understood some of what was going on inside him. Although he was not sure of that himself, he was overcome with so many emotions that had been locked away safely in the last years.<br>The Healer had told him that Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley had saved his life and Miss Granger had confirmed it. He still couldn't believe it and had absolutely no idea how Miss Granger had begun to doubt his allegiance to the Dark Lord.  
>On the other hand – did it all really matter? He hadn't made any plans to survive this war and now Voldemort was gone.. really gone. At least that was what the healer had told him and Potter's confirmation had made it sound real somehow. Severus would have been happy to die in the Shack and his miserable life would finally have been over. But Miss Granger could not have known any of this and now here he was – in St. Mungo's, totally stunned from everything he had learned within the last hour.<br>Pain and exhaustion finally took over and he fell into a deep sleep again.  
>The next morning, Severus woke up feeling slightly better than the day before. Yesterday's events came back to his mind and a flood of emotions overcame him. <em>Why am I such a girl, suddenly? Must be the near death experience….<em>He violently had to fight tears that threatened to fall. _This is ridiculous, __**I. Don't. Cry**__. _He swallowed hard and the tears stayed in. _  
><em>  
>A couple of minutes after he had opened his eyes, Healer Harris entered his room to examine him further. "Good Morning, Mister Snape, how are you feeling today?"<br>"A little better, thank you", he rasped, his voice was far from being back to normal.  
>"Do you feel any pain?" the Healer asked. "My neck still hurts, but it is bearable. And my whole body seems to have weakened significantly, but everything else seems to be working fine. And I am thirsty as hell." Severus decided to keep his emotionality to himself for the moment.<br>"You really are lucky, you know, that Miss Granger acted so quickly and with the exact right measures. If not for her quick and intelligent thinking, you would have been dead within a couple of minutes," Healer Harris told him and handed him a glass of water. "And your voice would have been gone completely, too."  
>"What did she do exactly?" Severus asked. "She had a bezoar with her that took care of the snake venom. She also had a blood replenisher with her and from what your wounds and your throat looked like she used a spell to close the wounds from the bite. After that she applied Dittany. It is remarkable that she has such healing knowledge at her young age, and she hasn't even finished school yet. Was she your student?" Healer Harris queried. "Yes, she was and she was the brightest one I ever had," Severus admitted. <em>That came out far too easy. I don't praise my students. <em>  
>Severus sighed and looked out of the window after he took another small sip of water. "Are you already aware that… your Dark Mark is gone?" Healer Harris asked him cautiously.<p>

Severus' head turned back and he stared at the Healer, he put the glass of water on the bedstand. _It can't be true. _Very slowly he lifted his left arm and rolled up the sleeve of his nightgown. The skin on his arm was pale and unmarked. The fingers of his right hand traced over the now white skin and tears welled up in his eyes he couldn't hold back. "Could you please leave me alone?" he asked the healer choking back the tears, not daring looking up at him.  
>"Of course, Mr. Snape." Healer Harris said and left the room silently.<p>

Severus choked back another sob but then his whole body began to shake and he started crying. He was finally free of Voldemort and Dumbledore and now he had his pathetic life back all to himself. The relief of his Dark Mark finally being gone totally overwhelmed him. Severus' tears flooded freely now.  
>After what seemed an eternity, the tears finally stopped and Severus was able to calm down and began to think more clearly. Perhaps he was so overcome with emotions <em>because <em>the Dark Mark was gone. He definitely was not used to feeling so much at once. He had cried last when Lily had died and then not once again in the last twenty years. If he was honest with himself, he felt better now and was able to think more clearly.  
><em>How is it possible that I am here in St. Mungo's and not in some cell in Azkaban?<br>_His thoughts trailed back to the Shrieking Shack and the words Potter had said to him yesterday. He must have looked at the memories and had shared them not only with his two friends from the Golden Trio but also with the ministry. So now basically the whole Wizarding world knew about Lily, him and his whole miserable life. _Just Great_. He would have to kill Potter for that. Honestly.  
>Or he would just have to kill himself, as he still saw no reason to be alive anyway. <em>Damnit.<em>

Hermione, Ron and Harry still sat together at the breakfast table at The Burrow. "I am really afraid of visiting Professor Snape today, he will be furious now that he had time to think and put together what we have done." Harry said. "Oh yes," Ron agreed, "he will be very angry but we have to get it over with. Waiting will not make this any better." Hermione just nodded and stood up to gather their things. "Come on, let's go."

Fifteen minutes later they found themselves outside Professor Snape's room. The ministry wards were still standing guard to protect Snape. According to the Daily Prophet there were still some Death Eaters around and who knew what they were up to exactly? Kingsley had let them know that Snape was the only one who could identify them at all, with the Dark Mark gone from their arms, too.  
>They all took a deep breath, knocked and entered Snape's Room.<p>

**A/N 2 : Please leave a review if you like ...**


	3. Explanations

_**A/N : Thank you, dear readers, for reviewing or putting this story on your alert. **_

_**As this is the very first story I ever tried to write, every bit of feedback is really appreciated to see how I am doing so far. **_

_**Special thanks once again to my beta Christine.**_

**3. Explanations**

After a nearly sleepless night full of nightmares and strange dreams, Severus found himself weary and tired the next morning. After the nurse had brought him his breakfast – Porridge – as his throat was not able to swallow more yet, he felt sleepy again and closed his eyes. Just as he started to doze off, Severus heard a soft knock on the door and slowly opened his eyes. It had to be Granger and Potter, Healer Harris would just have walked in._ Get it over with_, he thought and tried to sit up. He failed utterly. _Stupid body, I am too weak to simply sit up in my own bed. _

The door opened before he had the chance to say anything. Hesitantly, Potter Granger _and _Weasley entered his room. _Wonderful._  
>"Hello, Professor Snape," Harry greeted him quietly, "is this a good time for a visit?" Snape just sighed tiredly. "You've already entered the room so I suppose you can stay." His voice was still hoarse and very quiet but sounded a lot better than the day before. It was a wonder he could still speak at all, Healer Harris had confirmed.<br>"Thank you", they all answered. Severus was acutely aware that these three people had never said Thank you before when they had talked to him. It felt odd.  
>Obviously, his visitors felt the same thing as none of them started to speak.<p>

"Well, now that you're here," Snape started, "what do you want?" At least he didn't sound too harsh, Hermione thought and gathered her courage. She looked directly into Snape's eyes and took a deep breath. "Professor Snape, first of all thank you for letting us in and giving us a chance to talk to you." He nodded which encouraged her to go on. "Perhaps we should start with explaining what happened after Nagini," … she hesitated…"attacked you, if that is alright with you." He didn't say anything so she decided to continue.  
>"Harry left the Shack with the memories you gave him and watched them in the Pensieve in Professor Dumbledore's office. I think it is his place to tell what happened after that." She looked at Harry and he continued. "At first, I couldn't believe what I saw. You in your childhood together with my Mom, it was hard to grasp the fact that you were friends and that you fell in love with her when you grew up. Of course, I was aware that you knew her but you seemed to be a completely different person then. Your emotions were – overwhelming for me." He paused.<br>„You know Sir, I had a lot of time in the last few weeks to think about this, and I guess I am OK with you being friends with my mom when you were young - and I sincerely hope that one day, you are willing to tell me some more about her. I'd really appreciate that." He looked into Snapes eyes and was not able to detect any emotion or feeling in those black irises. At least, he didn't look offended. Then Snape replied very quietly "I'll think about it."  
>Harry lost the ability to speak for a few seconds as he had clearly anticipated a rejection, before he muttered a very silent "Thank you, Sir. That's all I can ask for at the moment."<br>After another pause of several moments, Harry continued. "Then I saw the memories of Professor Dumbledore and you, talking about the spreading curse and your Unbreakable Vow to kill him if Draco wasn't able to. I could feel how utterly torn and despaired you were by Dumbledore's request. I really don't know how to express how very sorry I am – we are –" he said, looking at Hermione and Ron, "to have doubted you all those years, especially during the last year. It was you who helped us to defeat Voldemort in the end, and you who brought us The Sword of Godric Gryffindor. Nagini was killed with that Sword during the last minutes of the battle. Neville Longbottom did that, by the way -can you imagine that? That final memory which explained that I was the last Horcrux" – Harry hesitated – "which I had suspected anyway by this point, I went into the Forbidden Forest after the hour was up."

"You knew?" Ron and Hermione asked him, gaping at him. "I was pretty sure, yes. I know you suspected it too, Hermione, I could see it in your eyes. You always looked at me as if I was in danger of dying any minute in these last few weeks." Hermione took his hand. "Gods, Harry, you were so brave." She hugged him hard.  
>Snape stayed silent although Ron had clearly expected a snort by now.<br>"After you had closed your eyes", Hermione continued to explain after she had let go of Harry, "we all thought you were dead, you had lost so much blood and you weren't breathing any more. I knelt down at the floor to check your pulse, more by instinct than actually having thought of it. I felt a weak pulse and rechecked twice. You were alive. I asked Harry to leave us and watch your memories and Ron helped me to take care of you. We brought you here," she ended.

Harry then told Snape in every detail how Voldemort finally was defeated and didn't leave a single thing out. After Harry had told his story, everyone was silent for a few minutes. Then Snape looked at Hermione with a strange expression which she wasn't able to interpret.  
>"Why exactly did you have doubts about my allegiance?" That wasn't a question she had expected but she had no problem answering it. "I can't put a finger on it, there were some things that happened during all those years that just didn't add up, I think. And in this particular moment in the Shack, I just thought that I didn't want to be responsible for your death if there was any chance to prevent it. The key fact that made me doubt is that I just was not able to understand why you would help Draco to avoid killing Dumbledore. A "real" Death Eater would not have helped him while fulfilling his first important task Voldemort gave him, I guess."<br>Snape nodded. "I always thought you were intelligent." Hermione went bright red at his words.

He lay back on his bed and sighed deeply. "Well, I guess I should say thank you for saving my life and saving the world from the Dark Lord. However, I think you should know I would have been happy to have died in the Shack that day. I did enough bad things during my Death Eater days that shall now let me end up in Azkaban anyway and therefore I would have preferred death. I'm afraid all you effort was in vain. In fact, I would prefer Azkaban, now that the whole wizarding world should know about my unrequited love for your mother," he snapped angrily.  
>"But", Harry cut in, "that is another thing we came here to talk about, and I really have no idea how to say this without you getting any more mad at me, so I'll just say it. I gave your memories to Kingsley Shacklebolt. He is now Minister of Magic. You were acquitted from all accusations and you are a free man now. Besides me, he is the only one who viewed your memories. Now you can yell at me as much as you like." Harry stayed silent and waited for Snape to rant.<br>He didn't. He was rendered speechless. _Potter did this for __**me**__? Why would he? How on earth can I answer to that? A thank you, would be wise, Severus. _Potter looked beyond nervous now.  
>"Well, Potter, I guess I should thank you for showing my most private memories <strong>only<strong> to Kingsley."

He had to think.

„Can you just - leave me alone for a while, please", he just said tonelessly to them after what seemed like an eternity. "Now, if you would."

"Of course," Harry said and they left the room quietly with Hermione and Ron.

Severus closed his eyes as soon as the door had closed. He didn't know what to feel. The Dark Lord was gone, he was free and he had never felt more far from happy than at this very moment. He didn't deserve to be alive, why had those bloody kids saved him? Why did Granger have that feeling about him and helped him? It just didn't make any sense to him.  
>He had been sure that he had made those kids hate him as much as possible and could find no reason whatsoever to doubt him. It could have cost him his life, after all, if anyone had suspected him to be on the right side. He had to survive until the very end, and it had worked, save for Hermione Granger. She had doubted him but had been wise enough to keep this to herself.<br>He guessed that the world hated him for what he had done at Hogwarts during the last year, my, he hated himself for it. How could he live on with all he had done. Shouldn't he better go and obliviate himself? He opened his eyes again and tried to sit up in his bed again with all determination he could gather. He was already sick of St. Mungo's although he was only aware of one day that he had stayed there. He was desperate to get out of that bloody hospital. Severus put his feet on the ground and pushed away from the bed. As soon as he tried to stand his head became incredibly dizzy and his sight began to blur. _Damn, _he thought, I can't even walk. He sagged back onto the bed and waited for the dizziness to go away.

The door opened again and Healer Harris hurried in. "Your alarm screen went off, are you alright?" he asked after seeing Snape sitting on his bed.  
>"I am so weak and dizzy and all I want to do is leave this bloody place. How long will it take until I am able to walk out of here?" Snape asked impatiently and sounding very desperate. "I think in about a week or two you will be fit to leave this place," Healer Harris answered him and lay a hand on his shoulder. "You have to be patient, your injuries were severe."<br>"A whole week? Or two?" He now certainly looked alarmed. "I'm not sure I will be able to endure that." He stared out of the window. A whole more week in St. Mungo's? With nothing to occupy himself than his thoughts – or worse - visits from the Golden Trio? But on the other hand, where would he go from here? His house at Spinner's End had too many bad memories, he did not want to return there with the Dark Lord being gone. Certainly it would still smell like Wormtail there. He had absolutely no friends or relatives to turn to. Dumbledore was dead, Minerva surely must hate him after that last year at Hogwarts. He had no future to look forward to and he was alone.

"Mister Snape, is there anything I can do for you?" Healer Harris asked, interrupting his thoughts. He had spotted the distressed look on Severus' face. "Can I inform anyone that you have woken up, family, or a friend?" Severus turned around and looked at him. "No, there is no one, but thank you for asking." Healer Harris slowly began to understand the empty look in Snape's eyes. He knew the basic facts around Snape from the Daily Prophet but the thought that there was nobody in the background to support Snape with this difficult task was unbearable, or tragic even. Then again there had been absolutely no visitors except Miss Granger, Mister Potter and Mister Weasley, he could thought of that himself. _Stupid, really. _The nurses had told him Arthur Weasley of the Ministry had been there as well as Professor McGonagall from Hogwarts, but the nurses had told they hadn't looked that man was entirely alone and had absolutely no one and he had pointed it out _again_. And although Snape was a hero, most people still hated him for killing Dumbledore. The Daily Prophet certainly did not help with that.

"I will leave you alone then if your dizziness is better now. I just want to let you know, if you need to talk to anyone, you can always come to me. I am a Healer and everything you tell me is confidential." With that, Healer Harris left Snape's room without waiting for a reply.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting at the St. Mungo's cafeteria and had all a cup of coffee before them. "I still cannot believe he didn't yell at me. He still looks like Snape, but he seems to be a totally different person." "Harry," Hermione said, "think about it. He said it himself, he doesn't think he deserves to live and now that he is awake and knows that he will recover, he is a not able to see a future before him. I mean, look at ourselves. We are still struggling with everything every single day and we already had a couple of weeks to adjust. And don't forget, he does not have to act anymore, his role as a spy has ended. I just think he is tired of his life. Perhaps he doesn't even know himself anymore."

"Listen," Harry said seriously, "there's something I have to tell you. Yesterday, when I visited Kingsley for Snape's acquittal, he told me there would be one condition for his freedom." "What?" Hermione was shocked, how could they ask _more_ of this man? "Why didn't you tell us right away?"  
>"Because I knew you would react like that," Harry answered her with a small smile.<br>"What does he have to do?"  
>"He has to help the Aurors find the remaining Death Eaters. It seems that there about 15 remaining and now that they don't have a Dark Mark anymore, they are difficult to spot and identify. He assumes Snape knows who they could be and where the Aurors could find them."<br>"Even now, he is not completely free. Poor man," Hermione added silently.  
>She turned to look at Ron.<br>"Ron, why are you so silent, you didn't say a word in there and even now you are as silent as a fish. What is the matter with you?" Hermione asked him worriedly. "Are you okay?"  
>"Hermione," Ron answered reluctantly, "I don't think I'll be able to speak to him any time soon. I always have to think about what Ginny told me of this last year at Hogwarts and I cannot understand you, Harry, for forgiving him so easily. Of course he was a spy and had to play his role, but torturing students? Death Eaters in the school having their way with the students, even with the first years? Fighting McGonagall? No, I still hate him, I will try to overcome my hatred, really, but it doesn't seem that I can anytime soon. And now he is free to do whatever he likes? Bollocks."<br>That was the longest speech Ron had managed in the last two days.  
>"Then why did you accompany us when you still hate him? We could have gone alone. And why didn't you say a word to us? We are your friends, and I am your girlfriend, you should tell me the things like that."<br>"I know, Hermione. Please don't look so disappointed. But I wanted to sort this out by myself and you always speak of him like a hero. I didn't want to fight with you about it. I am sorry." he said guiltily.  
>"I <strong>am<strong> bit disappointed, Ron, just please - don't leave me out anymore in the future, okay?" She turned back to Harry.  
>"I think we should go back, Harry. Ron - will you come with us or will you return home and we'll follow later?"<br>"I think I'll go home, see you later, then." He stood up and gave her a kiss. "I love you."

Hermione and Harry returned to Snape's room without speaking. After a short knock they entered, they wanted to get it over with and were still expecting to be yelled at.  
>Snape looked up at them, he sat back against some propped up pillows in his bed now. After taking a small sip of water, Snape looked at Harry with a serious expression. "You really did not show those memories to anyone else, not even to you, Miss Granger?" he asked. "No," Hermione answered at once, "he didn't. Harry thought them as too personal to show them to anybody else but Kingsley to let all charges against you being dropped."<br>"ALL charges," Snape asked incredulously, "even for my misdeeds during the last year at Hogwarts? How is that even possible?" He looked into Hermione's eyes and saw that she had spoken the truth.  
>Hermione thought in the same instant that Snape had never looked so vulnerable. As if he didn't dare to believe her.<br>"Sir," Harry began, "Kingsley and I spoke about that after I let him watch your memories. We also spoke to Dumbledore's portrait. He confirmed everything we had seen in the memories and that you were instructed to keep your cover at any cost, even when some of the students were harmed. I certainly don't agree with him on that point, but yes, all charges have been dropped. The Wizengamot only granted your pardon yesterday. There's only one thing that Kingsley wants your help with, he will visit you about it as soon as you feel up to it." "Yes, Potter? Spit it out," Snape asked impatiently, feeling like he was trapped.  
>"He wants your help in finding the last Death Eaters on the run. With their Dark Marks being gone as well they are very difficult to identify and you are the only living person who is able to help. Would you consider it, please? As I said, Kingsley will come to talk about this in the next couple of days anyway, but I wanted to let you know in advance."<p>

"Well, Potter, I guess I have to thank you again for your discretion with my memories and giving me an advance warning of what is expected from me. And now, please leave me alone." His tone was dismissive, even with his damaged vocal chords.  
>"But Sir, aren't you angry at all, I <em>am<em> a bit surprised you didn't bite my head off." Snape sighed. "Of course I am, Mister Potter, but you acted more mature than I thought you would and it wouldn't change anything to yell at you, so I have to accept what you did."  
>Harry didn't know what to say, he could only stare back at Snape. "Well, thank you it is, then. Would it be alright if we keep visiting you, Professor Snape? We have so many questions and so many things we still don't understand."<br>"You may return, Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, but please give me a day or two."  
>"Yes, of course, and thank you. Goodbye." "Goodbye, Professor Snape," Hermione said and looked into his eyes once more. They were devoid of any hope or happiness and she had to break eye contact after a few seconds that had seemed like minutes to her.<p>

After the door had closed, Severus closed his eyes. What the hell was going on, Potter being so nice and friendly _and_ showing some common sense. And Granger, this look in her eyes again, as if she could see right into his soul. And why had Weasley not come back with them? He definitely needed one or two days to sort himself out before facing any other person. _And why do I feel like crying all over again? _


	4. Discussions

**_A/N : Special thanks to my beta Christine and to everyone who reviews and puts this story on alert._ **

**4. Discussions **

Harry and Hermione returned to The Burrow, but didn't speak much. Snape's behaviour was too disturbing for both of them. When they entered the kitchen, Ron looked up at them from his newspaper. "How did it go, did he finally yell at you?"  
>"No, Ron," Hermione answered, "he didn't. He was entirely calm and it seemed that he was even thankful that Harry showed his memories to no one except Kingsley. He seems entirely changed. And depressed, " she added. "We asked if we could visit him again, he asked us to give him a day or two but he still said yes. I can't believe it myself."<br>Ron took a deep breath. "I've decided I will accompany you if you visit him again. I do want to ask him myself how this last year at Hogwarts was for him. And I want him to apologize about how he treated Ginny, and I think one day you should let her talk to Snape herself, if he ever agrees to that. Did you two already talk about this?" he asked Harry.  
>"Of course we talked about him, Ron, what do you think?" Harry replied a bit disgruntled. "Ginny is still having nightmares about the last year, but now she tries to understand why he had to do it. She will have trouble seeing him again but I think you are right. She should talk to him to get some kind of closure."<br>"And when we return to school, and there's a big question mark here, she should be able to walk through the castle without being afraid. But I will wait a couple of days before I ask, there's still time before Hogwarts reopens and there's no need to rush this. He seems to have enough things on his mind at the moment. I think your questioning, Ron, will be enough when we visit him again. He certainly didn't look well as we left him today."  
>"Perhaps, but I want to get this over with. And I can't say that I care what other things are bothering him," Ron said coldly.<p>

They didn't revisit Snape for the next two days. Ron and Hermione took a long walk into the woods that surrounded The Burrow and just enjoyed their time together.  
>They were deep in the forest and had lain down on the grass on a beautiful clearing, enjoying the quietness of the place and the warmth of the early summer sun. It was June after all.<br>Ron circled his hand on Hermione's back and could feel her truly relaxing under his caress. Hermione was on the verge of falling asleep on Ron's shoulder as he began talking to her with a very low voice.  
>"Hermione, have you already thought about what you will do in September? Will you return to Hogwarts? You know, I'd like to make my decision <em>with<em> you because I cannot stand the thought of being separated from you more than a couple of hours, let alone a whole school week," he admitted. Hermione smiled and opened her eyes to look up at Ron. "I haven't decided yet, Ron, but you can be sure I will not make this decision without considering you. I can't stand the thought of being alone, too, Ron. We are together now, why do you doubt me involving you into my decisions?" She looked sadly into Ron's eyes. "After leaving you and Harry in the woods that day, I would understand if you still didn't trust me and - most of all, rely on me", Ron admitted to her.

Hermione propped her head on her arm and looked seriously into Ron's eyes. "I do trust you Ron, and I do rely on you. Why would I only sleep well in your arms, then? Why can I only relax fully when you are around? It's true that I was very hurt when you left Harry and me, and I needed some time to deal with it, but I've gotten over it. There was a Horcrux involved and it influenced your thoughts. And you have changed, Ron, you've grown up in these last few weeks." Hermione leaned in to Ron and kissed him fully on the mouth. "I love you," she smiled against his mouth.  
>Ron was a little surprised at her boldness but didn't complain. He kissed her back and held her tight to his chest. This was the first real kiss they shared after the final battle. Of course, they slept together in one bed, but nothing except holding each other or each other's hands had ever happened. They had been still too distressed to do anything more and move further physically in their relationship. Ron decided he didn't want to think about this right now and deepened the kiss.<p>

When they returned to The Burrow that afternoon with slightly flushed faces and swollen lips, Harry only grinned as they entered the kitchen.  
>"Had a good time, you two?" he asked innocently. "Yes, we did, Harry." Hermione replied, smiling back at him. "This is the first day in months that I feel something similar to happy, I nearly forgot how this felt. The day is so beautiful and it is quite warm outside, what do you think of a barbecue outdoors, just for us four?"<br>"That's a brilliant idea, Hermione. I'll tell Ginny and we can prepare something together this evening, what do you think? I don't know where everyone else is anyway." Harry suggested.  
>"Sounds good to us, Ron, doesn't it? I'll go and have a shower now, I need to freshen up a bit." Hermione replied with a smile and left the kitchen in direction of the bathroom.<p>

"She really looks happy today, Ron, what did you do?" Harry asked. "I'm not sure of that myself, mate, " he replied, "but I will make sure it stays that way and it gets upwards from now. I want her to be happy, and I want to be happy as well. We really had a wonderful time today, you know." Ron couldn't help but smile all over his face. Harry thought he really looked like a lovesick puppy. He didn't know how he looked when he talked about Ginny so he remained silent and just grinned back.

Six o'clock found all four of them in the kitchen, cutting meat into steaks and chopping vegetables for their planned barbecue. They chattered and laughed and they all left the kitchen in direction of the backyard with trays full of food.  
>"You know," Hermione said to all of them, "this is the first time in weeks I am really hungry. Ron, why don't you start the fire, and I'll set the table with Ginny. Harry, what about some cold butterbeer?"<p>

The barbecue was delicious and the four friends had a wonderful time, enjoying each other's company and forgetting all worries beyond The Burrow. They stayed outside long after night had fallen and used the leftovers of the fire to keep them warm and comfortable.  
>They didn't hear Molly, Arthur and George returning from their day trip and neither of them noticed that the three Weasleys could only stare in wonder of the happy scene in their backyard. Not even Molly could hold back a small smile as she looked out of their kitchen window.<p>

The next morning, Ron and Hermione entered the kitchen last of all people that currently inhabited The Burrow. Molly looked much better today and everyone had noticed. Ron had noticed, too. "Mom, how are you feeling? Dad, George and you weren't here all day yesterday, where have you been?"  
>Molly sighed. "Your Dad and George were finally fed up with my moping around and dragged me out of the house yesterday morning. George intends to reopen his shop next Monday and Arthur decided we should help him to get ready. We cleaned everything out yesterday and today we intend to renovate the shop a bit.<br>They also talked some sense into me and let me know how much they still needed me. To be honest, I really was completely out of it. It was about time somebody snapped me out of my depression.  
>This shop is so wonderful and brings joy to so many people, especially kids, Fred would have wanted it to reopen soon, and we will help George as long as he needs us. And thanks for asking Ron, I do feel a little better today, although I fear there will relapses in the near future. It's so hard to lose a child, you can't imagine the grief…," she finished quietly but the tears that welled up in her eyes again managed to stayed in. She took a deep breath and pulled herself together.<p>

"When we returned yesterday night, we saw you all in the garden talking and laughing. It made me happy seeing you again like this and it gave me hope that we really have better times before us now."  
>"It did make us all happy to see you all like this yesterday night," George added. "I miss Fred so much, but you are all part of our family and we still have each other, we should be grateful for that."<br>Nobody felt the need to add something and they all truly enjoyed the first typical Full-Molly breakfast in months. Afterwards, Harry, Ron and Hermione decided to visit Snape again this afternoon. Before that, they still had to discuss how to approach him with the most pressing questions that still hunted their minds.

Severus awoke in his hospital bed feeling marginally better than the day before. He was able to sit up in his bed without becoming dizzy in an instant. He was still counting down the days before he could finally leave the bloody hospital. Nevertheless he still had no idea where to go after he was discharged. The last two days had been filled with thoughts about his past and his future. He had also read a couple of issues of the Daily Prophet to catch up with the news he had missed during his coma, although he still disliked the paper with all his heart. He had tried to read in between the lines of all the gossip and all he had understood that the public seemed to have condemned him for killing Albus. They didn't seem to care about the reasons, which were now publicly known as Kingsley had to publish at least some detail about Snape's pardon. _I can't complain about that, they have every right to condemn me. Then why does it still hurt me so much?_  
>As soon as Severus tried to sleep he was haunted with nightmares of killing Albus over and over again, torturing students like he did during the last year as Headmaster and being attacked by Nagini. Occlumency no longer worked for suppressing these nightmares and he had no explanation for it. He was overcome with so many emotions that had seemed to be pressed down over the last couple of years.<br>Perhaps he had been injured too severely by Nagini that Occlumency no longer worked for him, but the longer he thought about it, the more he blamed the Dark Mark for restraining his emotions. Of course, there was no proof for that but he'd like to think that his brain had suffered no damage. Or his duty as a spy had just kept him functioning like a Muggle machine. He truly had no idea. Perhaps he really should talk to the Healer, he seemed trustworthy enough.

He had come the decision that he had to make peace with his history some day, otherwise he would not be able to live on. He only could not imagine this to happen any time soon. Hell, he had mourned Lily's death for 17 years now and hadn't ever gotten to some closure. Perhaps he should start with her, for all things he had to deal with.

The future that now lay ahead of him was what he feared the most. All the hatred he expected to meet outside the calm of St. Mungo's. The difficulty to find an occupation for the days he had to fill. Returning to Hogwarts was out of the question, as well as for him as for the school, he assumed. Too many bad memories there. He had saved enough money to live on it for a couple of years but that didn't help the sentiment of not being needed any more. He didn't expect the hunt for his remaining Ex-Fellows to take very long. And then.. what? Every day of his adult life was dictated by his obligations and Severus simply was not used to have "free time". His thoughts turned round and round and hence, his mood had not improved one bit.

A knock on the door interrupted his brooding and he was sure that the Golden Trio would now return for their questioning. _Great_. He uttered a raspy "Enter" and the door opened and Minerva McGonagall stepped inside his room. Severus suddenly began to feel dizzy again and laid back into his bed. He hadn't expected her to come and now he anticipated to receive some well deserved reprimand of her. "Minerva," he said quietly after getting over his initial shock. Looking directly into her eyes, he added "I honestly did not expect you to pay a visit. Have a seat."

"Severus, how are you?" she asked him with a friendly tone but looking rather shocked at the sight of him. Severus let out the breath he'd been holding. "I am OK, still very tired and dizzy but it's getting a bit more bearable with each day. Why are you here, Minerva?"  
>"Severus, you're still not one for small talk," she smiled at him, still using that friendly tone. And she <em>smiled.<em> She had to be mocking him. "I had to gather all my courage to come and visit you, Severus." She took a deep breath and stayed silent for a whole minute. Severus was stunned into silence by her admission and now awaited her explanation.  
>"I came here to apologize for my behavior towards you in the last year. If I hadn't been that narrow-minded and had put one and one together I could have noticed Albus' scheme behind your actions. But I didn't. And that is what I want to apologize for. I am sincerely sorry for giving you such a hard time. And throwing you out of the Great Hall like that," she added.<br>Severus was frozen with shock. Of all things expected, this was not what he anticipated when she had entered his room.  
>Finally he found his voice again. "There is no need to apologize, Minerva, none at all. Albus had intended to expose me as an evil, not-to-be-trusted Death Eater, who was loyal to the Dark Lord after all. He made sure nobody suspected me, and he did well." <em>Except for Miss Granger.<em> He stayed silent for a while. After some time he continued very quietly. "I should be the one apologizing to you for my behavior throughout the last year. What I did to some of the students, especially your Gryffindors, is inexcusable, the way I behaved towards my fellow colleagues and you, is even more unacceptable. It was all an act, you have to believe me that, Minerva," he added, sounding desperate even in his own ears now.  
>Minerva nodded. "I do believe you, Severus, but I do want to be honest. Harry Potter came to me and explained your memories and the motives you had, and at first I had trouble to grasp everything he told me. But after I had thought about it for a while, everything clicked into place. I did know about the affection you once held for Lily and before you killed Albus," she said shivering, "I never thought you were a truly bad person. I felt so deceived after you killed Albus and I didn't trust my own judgement any more.<br>I have to thank you for all the things you did and I am sorry that your own life stood behind your duty as a spy all this time. I am so very glad you survived and can start a new life now, Severus." She finished her little speech.  
>Severus was bereft of his speech once again. He didn't know what to say and felt embarrassed. Everybody wanted to bloody damn forgive him. But he was not able to forgive himself. How could he ever?<br>"And what about Albus?" he asked her back. "Don't you hate me for killing him? He still could have lived a month or two. I surely do hate myself for doing it, although it did save Draco's soul. I cannot come to terms with what he had me do for his so called greater good. There is no excuse for killing another person." He sounded desperate for her forgiveness and he hated himself for it.  
>"Severus, I can't imagine the things you are going through at the moment, or what you have gone through that last year. I only know it was unforgivable to burden you with all of this. Didn't he think about your soul at all? You can be sure I'll have a word with his portrait about this. And if you ever need to talk to someone, you know where to find me. You have been alone in this too long, after all."<br>"Thank you, Minerva. You have no idea how much your words mean to me." Severus replied, feeling suddenly very tired again. His head fell back on his pillow and he closed his eyes for a short moment. "I should leave you to rest, Severus. I would like to come back and talk some more tomorrow, if that's agreeable for you."  
>"I am, and thank you for visiting. Goodbye, Minerva." Severus managed. As soon as the door had closed he fell into an exhausted sleep.<p>

Severus slept soundly for almost three hours undisturbed by nightmares, the Healers or visits from the Golden Trio. When he woke up it was already early afternoon and he felt much better than he had in the morning. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders since Minerva's visit. He still felt guilty but somehow he felt like he would be able to get over everything one day. If other people could forgive him, perhaps he would also find a way some day.

Severus slowly sat up on his bed and felt confident enough to try to stand up the first time. He slowly put his feet on the floor and tried to stand with his hands still holding on to his bed. He only felt a small wave of dizziness and let go of the bed. After he felt steady enough, he tried to take some steps around the bed, in case the dizziness came back. It didn't. Then why not try to go to the bathroom for the first time since he had woken up? He detested to pee into that plastic bag. Severus stepped away from the bed and slowly walked into the bathroom.  
>He stopped in front of the basin and risked a look into the mirror. The man that stared back at him looked paler than the ghosts of Hogwarts and unhealthier than the Dark Lord himself. No wonder he felt as tired and exhausted as he did. The scars of Nagini's bite stood out in an angry red on his neck. <em>Perhaps I deserve to look like this. Damaged and broken. <em>After all he had done he didn't feel like he deserved to recover fully, like the Healer had assured him more than once. His hair looked greasier than ever and he definitely was in need of a shower.  
><em>Alright, I can stay like that or I can think forward. I don't want to look like this.<em>  
>The least he could do was keep himself clean and Severus decided to take a long shower tonight before he went to sleep. <em>No more useless lying around in bed. <em>He would leave the hospital in three days without a wheelchair or a cane - and with washed hair.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. "Enter," he called back into the room and slowly left the bathroom again.  
>Harry, Ron and Hermione entered his room and were looking quite surprised to see Snape up and walking in a nightgown without help around his room. They were taken aback how thin he looked without all the billowing, thick, black robes.<br>"Hello, Professor Snape, you look much better today. How are you feeling?" Hermione asked him. She felt a bit awkward with Snape walking around in only his nightgown but he didn't seem to care. _When she thinks I look better, how have I looked these past few days? _This was no time to dwell on it now.  
>"A little better, thank you, Miss Granger. Have a seat, if you like. I have done enough walking for today and will lie down again." Harry, Ron and Hermione all took a chair and moved them around his bed and sat down.<br>"Professor Snape," Ron started hesitantly, "as you surely noticed, I didn't speak to you yet and I didn't return with Harry and Hermione the day before yesterday. The reason is - I didn't know how without yelling at you. I am still very angry with you but I'll give it a try. I really only have two things on my mind that I have to know and I do hope to receive an honest answer." Snape sighed and said, "Then spill it out, Weasley. I want to get over this as much as you do, believe me." Severus waited for Ron to ask his question and wondered which two questions the young man might have in mind. He seemed to have changed considerably in the last year, being on the run with Potter and Granger.  
>"Well," Ron started, "I need to know how this last year was for you as Headmaster. You already said you hated it but Ginny is still having nightmares and this year has been so horrible for her and I guess I just want to understand what happened at Hogwarts from your point of view. I really have difficulties to imagine you didn't , eh…, enjoy torturing the students after our own experiences with you", he managed to finish his sentence.<br>"And your second question, Mr. Weasley?" Snape just asked him back. Ron stared back at him. "Well, Snape, if you don't even want to answer my first question, this is it, and I'm done with you. Go to hell", Ron yelled back at him and stood up from his chair. "Ron," Hermione as well stood up, "be reasonable and calm down. Professor," she turned to Snape, "why are you avoiding the answer?"  
>"I´m not avoiding anything here, Miss Granger. I just wanted to try to give your hot-blooded friend here a thorough answer for both of his questions at once. I'm still too exhausted for your tempers so ask your questions and let me answer in my own time."<br>"Sorry," Ron mumbled, "my other question is about Professor Dumbledore. I did not see your memories and I don't know everything Harry does, but I still don't see how one can have it in them to kill Professor Dumbledore. He was the greatest wizard we'd ever had and you killed him although he still could have had a couple of months. How could you do that, I think you must have hated him in some way to kill him with _Avada Kedavra_", Ron finished his question with a shudder after mentioning the killing curse. They all stayed silent after what he had said and Snape did seem to think quite long at how to answer this.  
>Severus wasn't even sure what to tell these three young people. He would have to tell them his most private thoughts, they deserved that, although he hated to reveal so much of himself. Perhaps this was a part of his punishment.<p>

"The last three years since The Dark Lord's return after the Triwizard Tournament were the worst of my whole life. The last year as Headmaster of Hogwarts still easily stands out as the worst of the three years. Killing Albus Dumbledore was the most appaling thing I ever had to do. Where do I start to explain?" He paused once again.  
><em>Merlin, this is hard. I don't know how to talk about this. They will never be able to understand. I have to try if I want to make amends. Alright. Breathe in, breathe out.<br>_ "You can imagine after Voldemort's return I was immediately summoned to his side and had to swear my loyalty to him all over again. I was most horrified as my Dark Mark began to burn after 15 years of dormancy. When I looked into his eyes again when we met – I have never been more … afraid.. in my whole life. I was not sure my Occlumency would hold after so many years without his attacks on my mind. You know how he looked like, Potter. I don't have to explain how horrifying his sight was.  
>The two years that followed were filled with spying for Albus and the Order and serving Voldemort at his gatherings. You don't want to imagine what happened when we met at Malfoy's home. Muggles were tortured or even raped, and before you even ask, Weasley, I managed to stay out of that, and Muggle homes and villages were raided. You all remember the Death Eater attack on London. Every time I returned from one of these meetings, I was sure I would never attend one of those meetings again, may the Dark Lord discover me or not. I didn't care at this point. But Albus always manipulated me into going back and spy to defeat Voldemort in the end. I had made the Unbreakable Vow and wasn't able to turn him down because of it."<br>Snape's voice had become very rough from all the talking and he had to stop for a moment. "Would you like a cup of tea?" Hermione asked. "No, I'll just have a glass of water, tea is still too hot for my throat, it causes too much pain. But thank you", he said as Hermione handed him the water.

"Well, after Albus returned from the Horcrux hunt with his blackened hand I had to promise him to kill him when the time had come. I couldn't deny this to him, again for the Unbreakable Vow I had taken 20 years ago. After Bellatrix and Narcissa made me swear another Unbreakable Vow for Draco, I saw no other way to get out of this whole mess. I was trapped.  
>And Draco is my godson, I <em>was<em> willing to go to Azkaban for him. But Voldemort had other plans for me, as you are aware. So on this night on the Astronomy Tower I tried to shut out all my emotions and concentrated on Draco and my promise to Albus. I did not hate him, Weasley, although he made my life so very difficult, but he gave me a chance to redeem my sins from my youth and for that, I am still thankful to him. I did not expect to survive, as you all know, and I still don't think I deserve to, but here I am." Snape took another sip from his water.  
>"I did not sleep for a week after the events on the Astronomy tower. I could not stand to look at myself in a mirror. When I had to take over as Headmaster, I started to block out all thoughts of Albus and tried to limit the effects that my fellow Death Eaters had on Hogwarts as they took over the rounds and some teaching posts. I had to hex some students myself, including your sister Ginevra, to keep up appearances and I only went with the least nasty hexes I could think of. I am well aware that her impression of my doing must be a completely different one. For heaven's sake, I am sorry for what I did to all the students and your sister, you have to believe me that, Mr. Weasley. There's nothing more I can say. I am indeed very sorry for everything I had to do. I wish I could forget this whole year," Severus ended.<p>

Neither of them said anything for a long time. Ron looked like he tried to convince himself of something, but still fighting it.  
>Finally he looked up and into Snape's eyes. "I have to think about what you said. But for now I want to say thank you for explaining everything." He stood up and left the room, whereas Harry and Hermione still sat glued to their chairs in shock. Hermione had to mentally shake herself to find her ability to speak again after Snape's speech.<br>"Shall we come back tomorrow, Professor Snape? You do look quite exhausted and your voice is much worse now, " Hermione asked him carefully. Severus turned his head and looked at her. She seemed rather disturbed after his revelations, but what had she expected? Some miraculous completely different explanation?  
>Hermione stared back at Snape. She could not understand Ron, why did he even hesitate to forgive him, it was clearly visible that Snape hated himself for everything he had done. And that he seemed not able to continue his life because of all the things he had done.<br>At last, he sighed and turned to Harry "No, please ask your questions, I want to get this over with. So, Mr. Potter, what is it you'd like to know about your mother?"


	5. 5 Future

**5. Future **

Harry could only stare back at Snape with his mouth hanging open. Of all things expected, he had not anticipated that Snape came forward with _this_ particular subject himself. Of course he had wanted to ask Snape more about his mother at some point but definitely not now. "Well, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked looking at Harry. Harry managed to close his mouth and gathered himself. "To be honest, Professor, I wasn't about to ask about my mum first. Or today at all." Harry cleared his throat to ask the questions he had come for.  
>"One thing I always wanted to know….why you did join the Death Eathers at all?" <em>Oh, that one. Always the most embarrassing things first. Well, if I want him to understand, I should be honest.<em>  
>"And why should <em>this<em> particular event _not_ have anything to do with your mother, Potter?" Snape shot back at him. "I…I don't know, Sir." Harry stammered at Snape's rather vehement reply.  
><em>Where do I start…? I should have thought about this before they came back.<em>

Snape took another sip from his glass of water and started speaking. "You are aware what I called your mother when I was young, after all you have seen bits of my memories. Long before that unforgivable incident we were good friends, and she was the only true friend I ever had. My fellow Slytherins were mere classmates, but nothing more and they had mostly ignored me up to this point in my life.  
>Lily and I grew up together and as children, we were like brother and sister. When I became a teenager, these feelings obviously changed." <em>How can I tell him this without blushing? <em> Severus decided to stare up to the ceiling and didn't dare to look at Potter when he continued.

"I was insecure and shy and not able to tell her about my changed feelings… .  
>Because of my increasing awkwardness towards her, our friendship became more and more strained and we grew away from each other. To be entirely frank with you, I avoided her although she tried to approach me several times. Your mother was quite stubborn, just like you, Potter. I didn't know how to talk to her without giving myself away and at some point, I thought it was better not to talk to her at all for a while instead of losing her completely for some misguided feelings. I know how stupid I was but I never learnt how to deal with feelings during my childhood." <em>Don't go further into that now, <em>Severus warned himself.

"I started hanging around with my Slytherin housemates and pretended to be interested in their discussions about the new leader most of their parents had turned to by this point. Their agenda began to rub off on me and I was quickly becoming friends with Lucius Malfoy, who was one year ahead of me at Hogwarts. He had already joined that new Dark Lord and tried to convince me that I joined, too. I attended some of those meetings and found myself amongst most of my classmates from Hogwarts. For the first time in my life after Lily, someone gave me the feeling of appreciation and belonging. The Dark Lords so called values began influencing me because I didn't want to think about them and what they meant. I just accepted them… and I wanted to belong somewhere." Snape sighed and stayed silent for a while. "I am aware that this is no excuse, Potter, but I have no other explanation for you."  
>„To cut a long story short, I joined the Dark Lord after attending a couple of his meetings. Not long after that, I lashed out on Lily and called her… that word."<br>"What happened then?" Harry asked.  
>"After I had returned to my dormitory, I realized what I had done. Lucius and the others had heard what happened and even complimented me. I was appalled and locked myself into the lavatory for a while.<br>I had truly alienated my one and only true friend. And I didn't care if she was Muggleborn, I had just used the word to hurt her, which I had managed exceedingly well. Only then I realized that I was truly in love with her and wrote her a long letter with my apology … and the confession of my true feelings. She sent it back with her owl, unread and ripped in pieces. I tried to catch her in the hallways to apologize, but she was always surrounded by your Dad and his friends by then. It was the time they started dating and after a couple of weeks, I gave up. A few weeks later I accepted the Dark Mark. I'm not saying it was your mother's fault, before you think that, Potter, it was entirely my own stupidness and delusion that let me join the Dark Lord. But having failed Lily, I saw no other perspective for my future at the time."

Snape leaned back in his bed and swallowed with difficulty. So much talking wasn't any good for his throat. Harry opened his mouth and closed it again. He tried to think of something to say but failed miserably.  
>"Professor, we'll leave you for a few minutes to grab a cup of tea, so that you can rest your voice a bit. Come on, Hermione." Harry stammered after a couple of moments, stood and gestured Hermione to follow him. Hermione didn't reply but she was furious with Harry.<p>

As soon as they had closed the door, Hermione grabbed Harry's arm. "Just what do you think you are doing, Harry Potter, why didn't you say anything about what he told you? Professor Snape has just bared his soul to you. And now he most likely thinks you don't appreciate what he just confessed to you." She was too angry to continue. Harry was sometimes too stubborn for his own good.  
>"Calm down, Hermione, will you even give me a chance to explain myself?" She took a deep breath and nodded. <em>His explanation better be good.<br>_"I just didn't expect him to be _that_ honest, I think I am just overwhelmed for the moment. But you are right, as always, Hermione," he admitted. "When I go back in there, I'll tell him that but right now, I really need a cup of tea. And some time to think about what I'll say. Come on," he said and urged her to move on the cafeteria. Ron had obviously returned home by now.

Severus had closed his eyes as soon as Potter and Granger had left the room. What the hell did Harry bloody Potter think? He had more or less poured his heart out to the boy.. man.. whatever, and he just left without at least saying thank you? Severus felt embarrassed. He had told Potter the most private details of his life. Potter deserved to know about his Mum but after this, Severus was not sure if he should really tell him more. Perhaps he should just tell him to sod off.

Fifteen minutes later, the door opened again and Granger and Potter re-entered. They put down their tea on the table, sat down again and before Severus could say something, Potter started speaking. "Professor Snape, I am very sorry for fleeing the room like that. I… was a little overwhelmed by everything you told me. I want to thank you for telling me about my Mum and why you joined the Death Eaters. I can only begin to imagine this was not very easy for you and I do appreciate it."  
>Severus took a deep breath. <em>Right. Potter apologized.<em> And he looked entirely honest during his apology. Now he was no longer able to tell him to sod off. "You're welcome, Mr. Potter", he barely managed saying. Hermione thought he clearly looked embarrassed now that everything was out in the open. _Poor man, only having one true friend in his life. How lonely he must have been. _  
>Hermione cleared her throat. "What are you going to do once you've left St. Mungo's, Professor Snape? I've been thinking about this for some time now and I am curious what you plan to do with your life, now that you are free of mostly all obligations," she asked cautiously.<p>

Hermione had only wanted to direct the discussion away from Harry's mom to ease the tension a bit, but as it seemed, her question only added to it. He tensed more, if that was even possible, and sighed once again heavily. _Nosy know-it-all. Always on the spot with her questions._  
>"And of what concern is that exactly to you, Miss Granger?" he asked her icily. Hermione shrunk back into her chair, looking humiliated.<br>"I'm sorry, Professor, I didn't want to intrude. I have been wondering what I would do were I in your situation and I could not come to a conclusion, and I had simply asked myself if you had. Once again, I'm sorry for asking," Hermione said, sighing inwardly. _So much for lightening his mood.  
><em>  
>Severus had indeed no intention to answer her that question and stayed silent. What Miss Granger could not know that he had not come to any decision yet and she had managed to put a finger into that particular open wound. He still had no idea what to do after having left St. Mungo's in three days time. Only three more days…but at first, he had this conversation to get over with.<p>

"Any more questions for me, Mr. Potter?" Severus asked tiredly, looking at Harry again.  
>Harry took another sip of his tea and tried to find the right words without immediately insulting Snape again. He still was a bit surprised on the reaction to Hermione's rather innocent and well-meant question.<br>"Professor Snape, I don't mean insulting you so if this comes out a little different than I intend it to, please forgive me. I have been asking myself why you seemed to hate me with so much passion for all these years, and yet helped me in so many ways. I can only guess this has something to do with your guilt in being responsible for my mother's death and my resemblance to my Dad…." Harry trailed off. He was sure Snape's mood wouldn't improve if he said one more word.  
>"Mr. Potter, to clear this up for once and for all times : I do not hate you and I never have. I may not have treated you well in classes and in school because all of my Slytherins were watching but I think you have deduced by now that this was mostly an act. This does not mean I liked you because most of the time, you behaved like a bigheaded, arrogant teenager which I was not able to tolerate. The truth lies somewhere in between. You did a lot of things in these six years that deserved my respect and I was never able to show you this. On the other hand you did enough things to lose this hard-earned respect again alone for your stupidity. How could you walk into Godric's Hollow last Christmas, even when you knew it was likely to be a trap?<br>I did my best to keep you alive out there this whole year and you nearly destroyed all my efforts in one hour in Godric's Hollow. Thank Merlin that Miss Granger was with you. You would not have survived the last seven years without her, that much is clear." He looked at Hermione, who had turned brightly red at his words.  
>"To close this matter, Mr. Potter, I do not hate you, I simply did not adore you like all the other teachers have."<br>Harry didn't know what to say. Instead he held out his hand. "Thank you, Professor Snape. In case you didn't notice, I do not hate you anymore. I'm not exactly sure what I feel, but it is definitely more than respect alone." Snape looked at Harry's hand for a long time but Harry never pulled it back so Snape took it and slowly shook it. He felt as if another weight was lifted from his shoulders with this simple gesture.  
>"I think we should leave now so that can rest. This had to be exhausting for you," Harry said in a friendly tone.<br>"Thank you again for your patience with us," Miss Granger said quietly. "Perhaps we come back tomorrow, if that is okay with you?"  
>"It's fine, Miss Granger, and you're welcome. Goodbye," Snape said.<br>As soon as Miss Granger and Harry – _when exactly had Potter become Harry?_ – had left the room, Severus let himself fall back onto the bed and closed his eyes. Making peace with Potter was not something he had expected anytime soon – or at all, if he was honest with himself.

Of all questions he had been asked today, Miss Granger's question had disturbed him the most. The one question concerning his own future. His past he could talk about, pathetic as it was, but his future was a touchy subject. He still had no idea what to do in three days time and it was time to think about it.  
>The hot shower he had decided on earlier would help to think. Although Severus was exhausted, he slowly stood up again and padded into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He removed his hospital gown and looked into the mirror once again, it wouldn't help to avoid his own sight. The dark shades under his eyes were even more prominent than this morning and his skin was still pale, although his cheeks had a bit more color, perhaps from the discussion with – <em>Harry.<em>  
>However he still had to take his shower and decided not to linger in front of the mirror too long. He turned on the shower and stepped slowly into the tub. The feel of the hot water on his skin was heavenly and he slowly let the water run down his hair and his body and turned the water as hot as he could stand it. The scars on his neck hurt from the hot water but he ignored the pain. It felt like all the aches and the memories of the war were momentarily washed away and sucked through the sink. Severus rubbed his skin with the lavender soap he found in the bathroom until all of his skin was bright red. He didn't care. He hadn't felt this free since…– he couldn't remember the last time he felt a sense of peace and freedom.<br>Slowly, all of his thoughts escaped him while standing in the steaming shower and the first time in years, Severus felt himself truly relax. After half an hour, he wrapped himself into a towel and shaved in front of the mirror. Feeling clean and unwound, he slipped into a fresh nightgown, slowly walked to his bed and slept through dinner and the whole night without waking once from a bad dream.

Harry and Hermione returned to The Burrow in the late afternoon. "That was an intense afternoon," Harry said. "Yes, you can definitely say that, Harry. I never expected him to be so forthcoming with everything. I was sure he would avoid the most personal topics, but he didn't. It was almost like he wanted to talk about everything." "Perhaps he did, who knows? But I still don't understand his reaction to your question, Hermione. That was rather strange." Harry answered, as they entered the kitchen to find Ron in front of a pot of tea and a strawberry cake. "Hey, Ron," Hermione greeted him and kissed him on the cheek. "Why didn't you come back, do you still have to think about what Snape told you?"  
>Harry and Hermione joined Ron at the table and each took a piece of strawberry cake. "Yeah, I was wondering about that, too, Ron, because I think Snape was very honest with you and there's no way to not forgive him what he did. So what's holding you back?" "I honestly don't know, Harry," Ron sighed. "I believed him when he said he was sorry, I could see it in his eyes. I think I need a couple of days to come to terms with everything, but it was good to talk to him. That's for sure."<br>Later, they lay in her bed together and Hermione's hand found Ron's and she stroked it tenderly. "You know Ron, today when you left Snape's Room, I couldn't understand why you were not able to forgive him at once. Snape looked so hurt and vulnerable and sorry, I forgave him everything in an instant. What held you back exactly? I'd like to understand."  
>"I'm not sure I can tell you the exact reason, I am not able to grasp it myself, it's just a feeling," he tried to explain. "You know Ron, even Harry was able to forgive him, you should give him a chance. He certainly deserves it."<br>"Perhaps you are right – as always, Hermione. Come here." Ron took her into his arms and kissed her good night. They slept well and undisturbed long into the next day.

Severus awoke the next morning feeling much better than the last days. The ever present tiredness seemed finally to have eased a bit and the shower had lulled him into the best sleep he could remember. Perhaps things were looking up a bit at last.  
>After the nurse had brought his breakfast, he sipped on a glass of orange juice and started to think about where to go when he left St. Mungo's in two days.<br>There weren't too many options. He could always return to the house he had inherited from his mother in Spinner's End but he resented the memories that came with it and the atmosphere there was even darker than in his dungeons at Hogwarts. He would only stop by there to pick up some books and clothing and then try to sell the damned place. Severus tried to imagine where he wanted to live in the future. He wanted light and freedom, openness, fresh air and nature. Few people. Stillness. A picture of a single house on a cliff came to his mind. The scent of the sea that came with the fresh breeze.  
>That was it. The sea.<br>He would try and look for a house near the sea. Perhaps he would stay at a hotel at first, preferably Muggle, to escape the resent and hatred from the Wizarding world. From there he would start looking for a new home by the sea. Perhaps with a small garden and absolutely no neighbours.  
>What else he should do with his life, was still very unclear, but one thing after another. Not all questions could be answered in one day.<p>

In the afternoon, the Golden Trio returned for another visit. Severus had almost gotten used to their presence and didn't resent them anymore.  
>"You look much better today, Professor Snape," Hermione said while sitting down in the chair beside his bed. "I do feel better today, Miss Granger, but thank you anyway. A shower can do wonders, you know," he said, almost smiling. Hermione smiled back at him. She seemed to understand the change he had undergone since yesterday.<br>She always seemed to understand, and it made him feel sympathy towards her. That was new for him, but he embraced the feeling, she was not the annoying ever-know-it-all any more but a young woman who had seen the same war like he had. He had to apologize for his behavior yesterday. Before he could do so, Harry brought him out of his thoughts . "Professor Snape, Ron has something to say to you if you don't mind."  
>"Get on with it, Weasley. I don't bite. Well - not anymore", Severus added. Ron gaped at him. Had Professor Snape just made a joke? He looked at Hermione who tried to hold back her giggles. So she had recognized the joke, too.<br>"Professor, "Ron began, "did you just make a joke? Merlin, you really seem to be a different person. Well, what I wanted to say is really.. I forgive you. I thought about what you said all afternoon and couldn't come to a conclusion but Hermione talked some sense into me. She was wondering how I could _not_ forgive you instantly. After I couldn't tell her any real reason, here I am swallowing my pride and telling you that it's okay and I don't resent you any more for what you did.  
>And thank you once again for being so open and.. forthcoming, I certainly didn't expect you to." Ron finished and let out the breath he had been holding. He looked relieved now he had managed to get the words out and realized he felt better as soon as the words had left his mouth.<p>

Severus stayed silent. Another person had forgiven him, another member of the Golden Trio. How was that even possible? He could not forgive himself, but all the others seemed to be able to do just that.  
>"But…how?" was the only thing he could whisper back, still feeling overwhelmed. His lighter mood had vanished.<br>This time Miss Granger gave the answer he didn't know he had longed to hear. "Because you really do regret what you did and if you are not yet able to forgive yourself, we should make a start. We were at war, Professor Snape, and war requires extremes measures, as you said yourself. And you did what you had to, but you hated it. You were always on the side of light, how could we not forgive for everything you have done to win this war? You very nearly sacrificed yourself when you didn't fight back Voldemort and Nagini. You easily could have done that but then Harry would not have stood a chance. You are a hero, even if you don't want to hear it."  
><em>Damn emotions, how does she manage to always find the right words to bring me on the verge of tears – again<em>.  
>"Thank you, Miss Granger," Snape said very quietly after a while. He looked as he was close to tears and didn't dare to say more to avoid becoming a crying mess before them.<br>"I think all important things have been said for now and we should leave you alone. We'd really like to stay in touch with you, Professor, if you are not averse to the idea."  
>"I am under the impression I cannot prevent that, so write me if you must. I'll let you know my address. I cannot deny you this after everything you have done for me. Thank you all again for your.. kindness. It was certainly unexpected but not unwelcome at all," Severus said after he had managed to gather himself again.<p>

Harry, Ron and Hermione stood up to say their goodbyes. Harry held out his hand to Severus and he once again took it. "Thank you, Professor Snape, for everything and I hope you will find some peace in your life now," Harry said, sounding rather grown-up and honest. "Thank you, Mr. Potter, and you're welcome and I wish you the same. Your teenage years certainly weren't the easiest." Severus let go of Harry's hand. It still felt strange to both of them to behave so friendly towards each other, but they both didn't seem to feel their old animosity any more.  
>"One last question to all of you," Severus said as the three turned to go. "Yes, Professor Snape?" Hermione answered, looking curiously at him. "Will you return to Hogwarts to finish your schooling?"Severus asked.<p>

An awkward silence fell and the three young people stared at their feet.  
>"Well," Hermione began hesitantly, "we haven't made a final decision yet, to be honest. Thinking about something like school seemed rather pointless to us after the last year. And we don't know if we are ready to return to Hogwarts, so much has happened there." Hermione didn't know what else to say.<br>"You know," Severus answered her, looking quite serious, "you should not let Voldemort win this one, too. He should not have the power to let you leave your education unfinished, even in his death. I can imagine returning to Hogwarts will be difficult, though. Talk to Minerva, I'm sure she is willing to help you in every way she can. Think about it."  
>"We will, Professor Snape," Hermione answered, "and thank you." They all finally said goodbye and left Severus to his own thoughts.<p>

After they had apparated back to the Burrow, they discussed what he had said. "He's right," Hermione said as they entered the kitchen. She grabbed one of the cookies Molly had just made and sat down at the kitchen table. "We should not let Voldemort dictate the end of our education. He could as well have won the war then. We should return to Hogwarts, as difficult as it might be."  
>Ron had poured three cups of tea and sat down at the table to join Hermione. Harry remained standing and glanced out of the window. "What do you think, Ron? We wanted to decide together." Hermione asked.<br>"I think he's right, too. I hadn't seen it from this perspective yet, but he's right. Voldemort's gone and we should try to live a normal life. Including finishing school, as much as I hate learning. I'm so out of practice after this last year. I hope they at least repaired the Quidditch pitch at Hogwarts.  
>Harry, what about you? You didn't say anything yet," Ron asked.<br>Slowly, Harry turned around, looking somewhat agitated. "I know Snape's right but I don't see how I can return there for school. After all I died the last time I was there. I know we already discussed returning to Hogwarts several times but I always thought in the end we would decide to not return there. But Snape is right, as much as I loathe to admit, and Voldemort must not take this last school year away from us. And I'd like to leave Hogwarts with good memories, if possible. We have to return, and Ginny has to come, too. I don't know how to persuade her yet, but we still have nearly two months until school starts."  
>"So that's decided then?", "Hermione asked. "We will all return to Hogwarts?"<br>"Yes," Harry and Ron answered together.

Severus hoped he had given the Golden Trio the right advice. But not finishing school would have done them nothing good for the future. Of course, they were war heroes and could find a job anyhow, but finishing Hogwarts with a good ending could have a positive effect on their personal traumas, too. And they would be safe until all remaining Death Eaters were caught. Severus was sure that they would want revenge for killing Voldemort and go after Harry and his friends at some point. He hoped the Aurors would be fast enough with his help. At this thought, Severus began to wonder when Kingsley might contact him for his help. There hadn't even been an owl yet, only the message from Harry.  
>Another knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts again. "Enter," he said and the door opened and Minerva came into the room, carrying a large bag.<br>"Hello, Severus. You look so much better today. How are you?"  
>"I'm ready to leave the place the day after tomorrow and I feel better, thank you, Minerva." Severus answered and looked at the large bag, raising an eyebrow at Minerva.<br>"These, Severus, are some clothes I gathered from your chambers at Hogwarts. I didn't think you had anything else to wear except a nightgown and your blood soaked robes, am I right?" She asked him.  
>"Indeed, but you shouldn't have bothered, I could have easily transfigured the nightgown. But thank you, anyway."<br>"Have you decided what you will do, when you leave here tomorrow?" Minerva asked him.  
>Severus sighed and took a sip from his water glass. "Yes, I have, but only yesterday. I will sell Spinner's end and buy a new house near the sea. I want something bright and open, no more dungeons in my life, I suppose."<br>"What I will do for a living I haven't decided yet, there's enough money in my Gringott's vault for some time and I do not tend to make a rushed decision here." Severus looked at Minerva to see her reaction. She looked into his eyes and smiled. "That sounds wonderful, Severus. You certainly deserve some happiness and light in your life. Be sure to invite me some time, I do love the sea."  
>"Of course, Minerva," Severus answered somewhat relieved. He wasn't sure why he still awaited criticism on his decisions.<br>"I have a request, Minerva," Severus started, a little unsure how to continue because he still was new to being friendly and caring about others openly without embarrassing himself to no end. It was difficult being his true self again after 20 years of acting. He had wondered in the last couple of days if he would be able to find himself again deep down inside.  
>"Of course, Severus, go on," Minerva encouraged him.<br>"You know Potter, Granger and Weasley paid me several visits in the last week and I asked them today if they would return to Hogwarts to finish their education. They hadn't decided yet and I tried to make them see that they should not let Voldemort win over their education.  
>If they come back, please look after them. Especially Potter and Granger, they seem a bit more traumatized than Weasley. Perhaps give them different chambers or something, I don't know, but I think they will suffer from their memories when they return," Severus ended, unsure what else to say.<br>"I promise, Severus. Although I must admit I _am_ surprised how you actually seem to care about these three. I was sure you still didn't like them." Minerva replied, grinning at him.  
>"I do not <em>like<em> them, but I don't find them as bothersome as I have in the past," he replied, feeling embarrassed how much he gave away from his emotions now. He was now sure that the Dark Mark had suppressed everything. Or his near death. _Damnit_, it didn't matter. He was nearly as open as a book now for Minerva as well as anybody else.  
>He nodded instead of thanking her.<br>"I will let you know how they decided, Severus. I'm afraid I have to return to Hogwarts now. There is still so much rebuild but we should be able to finish until September. I'll write in the next couple of days. Goodbye Severus."  
>"Goodbye, Minerva, and thanks again for the clothes."<p>

Two days later, Healer Harris did his final check up on Severus and supplied him with a large number of potions for the coming weeks.  
>"You will use all of these potions daily until they are empty, in about two weeks time you should be feeling quite normal again. The tiredness will subside and the weakness will become less. Try and get some fresh air every day, it will do you good and will strengthen your immune system. Come back in two weeks for your last check up, Professor Snape. Now, do you have any further questions?" Healer Harris asked him.<br>"Yes, actually I have. Where is the next floo I can use to leave this place? I don't want to be seen if possible, I don't think I am able to handle this yet, to be honest."  
>"Come with me to my office, you can use the floo there. The only public floo connections are near the reception desk, but I agree that wouldn't be a good idea."<br>Severus closed his trousers and buttoned up his shirt. He took his cloak but didn't think of using his school robes. They were much too formal for just leaving St. Mungo's.  
>"I'm ready, Healer Harris," Severus said, "and thank you for putting me back together. I hope I am able to appreciate it with time."<br>"You're welcome, Professor, but the most important things to help you survive were still done by Miss Granger. You should thank her. And now come on, let's get you out of here."  
>Severus took in his words with unease. He still felt he hadn't thanked Miss Granger enough for her efforts on saving him. Severus pushed the thought away.<br>He took one last look around his room, which had become his secure isle during the past weeks that he had been awake. All the hatred and fuss that would welcome him now had stayed outside this room, for which he was thankful.  
>In Harris' office, Severus said his goodbyes, grabbed a bit of floo powder and stepped into the hearth saying "Spinner's end" and left St. Mungo's.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N : Many thanks again to my friend and beta Christine and of course to everyone who has favorited or followed this story so far. An extra thanks to those who reviewed. It's a wonderful feeling to get a glimpse of your thoughts about this. _**

6. Birthday

Severus stayed in a Muggle hotel on the west coast of northern England near Liverpool during the whole month of July. He had rented a room with a nice view on the local beach and the sea and had nearly fully recovered from his injuries at the end of the month.  
>The long walks he had taken along the coastline had done him good and his face had gained more color than it had ever had before. He was still surprised how he looked every time he glanced into his mirror in the hotel bathroom. Slowly he had come to terms with the fact that he was still alive, although he felt it was still entirely undeserved. The feeling of survivor's guilt was ever present and Severus was still having a hard time to enjoy even the little things and pleasures he had now in his life. Time was the thing he now valued most. He had no agenda for most of his days and he still was learning to adjust to the fact. It wasn't easy.<p>

The only moments where he was able to find some peace and contentment was during his long walks along the coast. His mind was able to rest when Severus inhaled the salty air and the view on the sea somehow always calmed his thoughts down. As soon as he came back to his hotel room, he was feeling restless and his sleep never returned to be as good as during this one night at St. Mungo's after this heaven-like first shower - which left him now with an almost ever-present tiredness.  
>If he hadn't gain such a tan, the dark circles under his eyes would have looked much more prominent. Severus didn't dare taking a sleeping draught because he knew he would become dependent on it in no time at all. Healer Harris had told him during his last check up he had to come to terms with his past and the nightmares would most likely stop then. Of course he was right and Severus hadn't needed the Healer to point this fact out. But it had only been one and a half months since he had woken up. He simply had to give himself more time.<p>

Additionally, the search for a new home was more difficult than he had anticipated. Of course most houses were in the middle of villages with lots of noise and neighbours. He was done with noise and too much people around him and was desperately searching for peace and solitude after 20 years at Hogwarts with very little privacy. The stay at the hotel was nerve-racking enough, although it only had 10 rooms.  
>Finding a house that stood isolated and not too run-down at the same time was like searching for a needle in a haystack. In the middle of July he was fed up with the hotel and searching on his own and hired an estate agent. The first offers he received contained a few houses on the coasts of Wales and although he hadn't planned to search or live there, he took a closer look at the brochures. It seemed like the estate agent had understood what he searched for and he now looked at a small white cottage in Holyhead in Wales. The cottage was outside the small village on the south side of Holy Island, standing alone above the steep coast with a nice view on the sea. There was a small piece of land belonging to the house and it looked rather perfect to him. <em>I'd have everything I ever wanted there<em>, he silently admitted to himself. _  
><em>There weren't any pictures of the inside but he would want to take a personal look anyway before he went there with the estate agent. Severus decided to act on his first positive impression, took the brochure and the address and apparated from his room directly to Holyhead.  
>He walked a couple of miles before he reached the house. He wanted to take in the landscape and the surroundings and had decided not to apparate directly to the house and take his time. When Severus approached the cottage, a feeling of rightness overcame him. It was cosy and small and white with a black roof and several small chimneys, a typical old English house. On the little white garden fence sat a sign "For sale" and the house and garden looked as if the house had been uninhabited for quite a while.<br>Severus stepped inside the front garden and opened the door of the house with a silently muttered _Alomohora_.

Stale air greeted him as he pushed to door open and Severus stepped inside and found himself in a small corridor with dark wooden floor that was in dire need of cleansing and polishing. He stepped through the next door and entered what appeared to be the living room. It had a large fireplace and the same dark wooden floor. The living room was quite large and also contained the space for a dining table and a couple of chairs in front of the open door that led to the kitchen. Not that anyone would visit him, except the Golden Trio and Minerva perhaps, if she stood by her word. The kitchen was definitely nearly as old as the house and he would have to buy a new one at any rate.  
>Upstairs he found a bright and large bedroom with the bathroom directly attached to it as well as two more smaller rooms he could use.<br>Downstairs again, he found another empty room opposite the kitchen that would be perfect for his books to be organized in a small, personal library. The house had no cellar but Severus wanted to avoid any cellars or dark places from now on anyway – _no_ _more dungeons – ever again_, he thought. Severus already tried to imagine himself sitting in an armchair near the fire and felt that he was in the right place. The house was not too expensive but he would have to find a job again sooner than he had anticipated. Some much needed renovations would also reduce his savings but he couldn't care less. The house was worth it.  
>For the first time in years, Severus started slowly looking forward to his own future. It was quite a strange feeling for him, being able to decide whatever he wanted without being manipulated by Dumbledore into something or having to explain his new living circumstances to the Dark Lord. For the first time in over 20 years, Severus felt free.<br>_This feels good – and I shouldn't fight the feeling any longer.  
><em>Severus apparated back to the hotel to make an appointment with the real estate agent.

On the morning of his 18th birthday, Harry opened his eyes and found Ginny smiling at him. "Happy Birthday, love," Ginny said and gave him a long, lingering kiss. "Thank you, Ginny," Harry said breathlessly and wrapped his arms around her to return the kiss. Things heated up in no time at all.

Half an hour later, Harry unwrapped his presents from Ron and Hermione and found that he was truly happy with the start of this birthday.  
>During the last month, all four of them had enjoyed the summer in every possible way. The weather had mostly been warm and sunny, as if England had deserved a nice summer after all the darkness during the last years. They had been swimming in the nearby lake almost every day and had gained a nice suntan and a good shape out of it. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny felt carefree for the first time in their lives and thoroughly enjoyed it. Ginny had even agreed to return to Hogwarts with them without making a big fuss of it and had also agreed to meet with Snape before school started again.<p>

Hermione tried to ignore the returning thoughts about her parents and made herself believe it was still better that way. _It's been a year now since I obliviated them_… it seemed much longer to her and so much had happened during that year. So she constantly pushed the thought of what could be away and tried to enjoy the life she had now, which worked well enough most of the time during the days. The nights still were a problem. When she woke up in the middle of the night she always remembered dreaming about her parents, Harry's death or Nagini's attack on Snape. The last two nightmares she could push out of thoughts because they both were alive, but the dreams about her parents left her uneasy and anxious.

The Daily Prophet had stopped insulting Snape weeks ago because there were absolutely no news about him. The Reporters still had to found out his whereabouts.  
>Harry, Ron and Hermione had given an interview about him and after that, the press slowly had changed their coverage and the public opinion had turned. More and more people began to see him as a rather tragic war hero. It only seemed that Severus Snape simply had disappeared from the Wizarding world after he had left St. Mungo's. It seemed to be the best thing he could have done.<br>The Paper mostly ignored the threat of the still free and on-the-run Death Eaters and led the public to believe that everything was safe and the Ministry was in control of everything. From what Harry had learned from Kingsley, that wasn't quite true, but nevertheless, they felt quite safe now.

Snape had written to Harry only once and told him his temporary address and that he was getting better but that had been all. Harry had written him back if he would agree to meet Ginny in August before school started but had not received a reply yet. Perhaps Snape wasn't looking forward to that particular conversation and delayed the answer deliberately, Harry thought.

After the typical large Molly-like birthday-breakfast, a large brown owl tapped at the window and Harry let it in. It was Professor Snape's owl. Harry gave the owl a piece of ham and untied the letter attached to its feet.

_ I received your letter asking for an appointment with your friend Ginevra.  
>As I am currently moving into my new home, I would propose to meet at August 20<em>_th, __around 4 pm.  
>You can apparate directly to my house, I will lower my wards for you. The address is at the back of the envelope and I would appreciate it if you didn't share it with anyone else.<br>Severus Snape  
>P.S. Happy Birthday, Harry. <em>

Harry looked up at his friends after he had re-read the small note three times. "Can you believe it? He called me Harry _and_ he wished me a happy birthday," he said, sounding stunned and held out the note to Ron and Ginny. They all looked at it but Hermione was the first to say something. "Why shouldn't he call you Harry? He is not your Professor any longer and he loved your mother almost his entire life. You're the closest thing to family he has left, don't you see that? Please don't say you feel put off by that," Hermione said unnerved.  
>"But," Harry returned, "he has never liked me and he never called me anything but Potter. I guess I am just surprised. Of course he can call me Harry. Perhaps I should call him Severus then," he added with a grin.<br>"Perhaps," Hermione answered, "I don't think he'd be that peeved about it. You were there with us in the hospital, he treated you with respect, as an equal, even. You shouldn't address him as Professor anymore, you're past that."  
>"I'll have to think about that," Harry answered absently, looking like he was already considering what she had said.<br>Hermione thought about suggesting Harry to invite Snape to his birthday party in the evening, but finally decided against. It was still a bit early in their relationship for that. They weren't friends or anything, although she would have liked it if he had been there. She suspected he could use some company.

In the evening of Harry's birthday, their closest friends arrived at the Burrow for a big barbecue. Even Professor McGonagall had been invited. The night was warm, the food was good and they felt like celebrating the first time in a year.  
>Minerva approached Harry after dinner to say her goodbyes and thanked him for the invitation to his birthday party. "This is the first 18th birthday party I have attended in the last 60 years, I think. I am honoured, Harry.<br>Also, I am very relieved that the four of you decided to return to Hogwarts for your final school year. As a present, especially to you as well as your friends, I can tell you that you will have separate chambers at Hogwarts. You will be given something similar to a small flat with two bedrooms, one for you and Mr. Weasley, the other one for Miss Granger and Miss Weasley. There will be a living room that connects the two bedrooms that you can share in the evenings and for your homework. I am aware you still need each others company, especially when you return to the castle. If there is anything more I can do to lighten your stay for your final year- my door is always open for you, Harry," Minerva finished her little speech, smiling at Harry, who was stunned into silence for a moment.

"Thank you very much, Professor McGonagall, you have no idea how much this means to us. It will make things a lot easier for us, I hope," Harry said, looking as if some burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "You're very welcome, Harry. That's the least I can do for you." Minerva answered, still with a smile all over her face.  
>Shrugging his shoulders, Harry said quietly: "You know, I actually feel bad that our house mates won't have the same privileges like we are going to have. They will think we receive a special treatment just because of who we are."<br>"I've thought about that as well. We will fix the sleeping arrangements for all the seventh years if they want them. I don't want them to feel less worthy as well. Now enjoy the rest of your birthday, Harry." She gave him a quick, tight hug and apparated back to Hogwarts.

Harry returned back to his friends and sat back down in the grass next to them. "You won't believe it, but it's still true. Professor McGonagall just told me that we will have our own chambers at Hogwarts. Two bedrooms and an additional living room. The other seventh years can rearrange their place to sleep as well, but we are the only ones to have chambers of our own. Of course the bedrooms will belong to Ron and me and Hermione and Ginny," he said with a smirk.  
>"No chance," Ginny said and wrapped her arm around Harry, "I will not be able to sleep without you by my side – no offence, Hermione – and I'm sure McGonagall knows exactly how our sleeping arrangements will be. We're of age, there's nothing she can do anyway."<br>"There isn't," Hermione said with a smile, "and I am grateful Professor McGonagall gave our feelings so much considerations. Now I feel much more at ease with returning to Hogwarts and not being forced to sleep in our old dormitory with all the others. We wouldn't have had one single minute to ourselves." _And they would all be aware of my nightmares. And I would miss Ron so much. _ Hermione yawned and kissed Ron on the cheek. "I'm tired, sorry Harry, but I will go to bed now, I'm not able to keep my eyes open any longer. You follow later, Ron?" she asked.  
>"Yes, sleep well" he answered and gave her a quick kiss. "Good night, Hermione."<br>Harry turned to Ron and Ginny. "You think we should tell Luna and Neville as well?"  
>"Yes, why not. They will be happy about this, too," Ginny answered.<p>

Several hours later, a slightly tipsy Ron stumbled up the stairs and entered his room.  
>"Hey Ron," Hermione greeted him in the darkness. "Hey Hermione, sorry if I woke you up." "You didn't, Ron," she answered, "I just couldn't sleep. When you are not next to me, I really have trouble falling asleep at all." "Then I am sorry it took me so long, Hermione," Ron said, while he took off his clothes. Because it was so warm, he decided to sleep only in his boxers and slipped into the bed next to Hermione.<br>"There's nothing to be sorry for, Ron. It's Harry's birthday and I should be able to relax without you, but I can't. I definitely have to work on that," Hermione said, sounding a bit down.  
>"Come here, Hermione," Ron whispered and wrapped his arms around her, "it's only been two and a half months, give yourself a little time. Perhaps I am able to distract you, you know," he said, sounding self-confident.<br>Hermione turned in Ron's arms and her mouth met his. Their kissing very soon started to heat up and became quite passionate. After a couple of minutes snogging, Ron broke the kiss, panting slightly. "We really should stop here, if we continue this I might not be able to stop. I love you so much, Hermione." Hermione gave him another soft kiss on the mouth. "Then don't stop. There's no reason to wait any longer and I feel like it tonight," Hermione whispered seductively, not quite sure herself where her sudden self-consciousness came from. It just felt right to take things further tonight, to make their relationship complete and show Ron the love she felt for him. "Are you sure, Hermione?" Ron asked cautiously.  
>Instead of answering him, she pulled Ron on top of her and started kissing him again. Soon, their tongues were intertwined and Ron's hands found their way under Hermione's night shirt. "Take the damn thing off," she laughed and Ron was happy to do just that. At some point, he had gotten ridden of his boxers as well and Hermione whispered a contraceptive charm.<br>_This is it, I am about to lose my virginity. _She was a bit afraid of the pain she was about to feel but she was also sure that Ron would do nothing that hurt her too badly. When she couldn't wait any longer and her body felt like she might explode any minute with passion, Ron understood and rolled once again on top of her. He slowly eased her legs apart and lowered himself into her. Hermione almost felt no pain at all. She moved her hips to encourage Ron to go further and as soon as he was buried completely inside her, she knew she had never felt that complete.

The next morning, Hermione awoke once again in Ron's arms. Ron was still slumbering peacefully which gave her a chance to reflect on the last night. She had never expected sex to be so relaxing and so good. Somehow she had always expected it to be all around the men having their fun and not getting anything out of it for herself. She simply hadn't believed all the girls talk in the Common Room. They had of course exaggerated about sex being mind-blowing but it certainly was something she wouldn't mind repeating regularly. She could slap herself that they had waited so long, it would certainly have helped her to get rid of the tension she felt most evenings. And Ron had been.. incredibly sensitive and thoughtful, something she hadn't really expected. She felt happy and almost like it was her birthday, too.

The remaining weeks of the holiday were spent with gathering their school things at Diagon Alley and preparing the return to Hogwarts.  
>As August 20th arrived, Harry and Ginny prepared to leave to visit Snape. Ginny felt more and more nervous as the clock approached noon and suddenly thought it wasn't such a good idea to visit Snape any more. Her stomach had made the decision to return the breakfast and as she was able to leave the bathroom again, she met Hermione on the stairs. "You look like hell, Ginny. Are you still that afraid to meet Professor Snape?" Hermione asked her concerned. "I know it's stupid to be afraid of him, but I can't help it. But I have to go, I have to get over this," Ginny answered sounding very undecided contrary to what she said.<br>"Would it help if I came with you?" Hermione asked her. "You would do that? I'm not sure but I think having Harry _and_ you with me, might let me feel more safe, although I do know it's really stupid. I know that Snape's not the man he was last year any more. Thank you, Hermione." "You're welcome, and now let's go. We shouldn't be arriving late, that would certainly not give us a good start."

Downstairs, they met Harry and went into the garden. "You're coming with us, Hermione?" Harry asked. "Yes, Ginny feels safer that way and I don't mind seeing Professor Snape again. I wonder how he's doing. And I'm curious where he lives." "OK then, let's go," Harry said and took their hands and apparated directly to into Severus' front garden.

_A/N 2: Please don't kill me for Hermione having her first time with Ron..._


	7. Trust

_**A/N : Thanks again to my beta Christine and to everyone who was reviewed or still follows this story. Hope you still like it. A bit more Severus and Hermione for you in this one.. **_

**7. Trust**

The three of them landed in Severus' front garden. Hermione looked around her incredulously. She certainly hadn't known what to expect of Severus Snape's new home, but _this_ definitely was not what she would have thought of. A white house with a stunning view in an open and beautiful landscape? For a moment, she was speechless. Harry and Ginny didn't seem to notice that anything was amiss with their surroundings. "Are you sure this is the correct house?" Hermione just had to ask them. "This looks so very unlike Snape." At the very moment, the front door opened and Snape came out of the house – _his _house, Hermione reminded herself. She just hoped he hadn't heard her comment. Harry seemed to have realized the meaning of her words because he now stared at the sea and the cliffs with his mouth hanging open.  
>"Welcome to my new home," Snape said and added, "come inside." For a moment, Hermione thought he looked proud when he said "my new home" and perhaps he actually was. The place certainly was beautiful enough to be proud about it. She almost hadn't recognized him. Apart from his slightly deeper voice, he had quite a tan and looked healthy and fit. <em>He looks good. <em>

She followed Harry and Ginny into the house. The dark wooden floor she stepped upon seemed old, but was polished and very very classy and fitted Snape perfectly. The walls were painted white and everything smelled still new and fresh. Snape turned around as soon as they had reached the living room. Only then Hermione noticed he wore Muggle clothes. A black jeans and a white button-down Shirt. She decided it suited him far better than those teaching robes.  
>"Would you care for some tea and scones while we talk?" he asked with a much louder voice than he had talked with at St. Mungo's. "Yes, thank you," Harry said, still staring at Snape with his mouth hanging open. "What is it Potter, spit it out", Snape snapped at him as he became aware of Harry's staring. So there was a little bit of the "old" Snape left inside this man.<br>"It's just," Harry started hesitantly, "you have changed so much since we've last seen you. Your voice sounds so different. Much louder than in St. Mungo's and slightly different than.. well…than before Nagini's attack. And this house is certainly not the house that we expected you to choose for living, but on second thoughts I can see it suits you somehow."  
>"Do tell – how do you think this house suits me? I would like to hear your thought on this, particularly because I don't think you know me at all. So how can you seriously think this" – he looked around himself, "would suit me if you've only seen one blink of my life's memories plus my role I had to play at Hogwarts. Presumptuous as ever, Harry," Severus sneered.<br>But he secretly had to admit, he was curious what Potter – Harry – thought. The Golden Trio was the first that had ever seen his house that he had only finished renovating during the last week. Harry took another look around and his eyes stopped lingering over the dining table and the stunning view on the sea. He gathered his courage and tried to think of a reply that wouldn't offend Snape any further.

"This house certainly guarantees you quietness and solitude. Something that you haven't had in years I guess. And light, something you certainly didn't have in those dungeons of yours," Harry replied calmly with a small grin on his face. "And – what unsettles me most to be honest - your skin actually has colour. I always thought you were naturally that pale," he tried to joke.  
>Snape laughed. He laughed. Hermione couldn't believe it. "Let's leave it at that. But look at yourself, Harry," Snape answered. "You have a suntan that most certainly beats mine and you gained muscles over the summer that I never thought you possessed. Perhaps we all changed a bit over the last few months, what do you think?"<br>"You're right I guess," Harry answered. Severus turned and went into the kitchen to prepare the tea. He felt a bit unsettled due to Harry's sudden insight, but he had spotted the reason why he had bought this home exactly. Of course he would never admit this to Harry, he didn't even dare to fully admit this to himself.

Ginny hadn't said a word since they had arrived and Hermione stood by her side and took her hand. "Everything all right?" she asked Ginny and squeezed her hand. "I don't know, Hermione. This man seems not to be the man I suffered from at Hogwarts last year, he certainly is different. Of course he is still not the nicest person and his tone could be friendlier, but you were right, Harry, he really seems to have changed as much as you told me. I really am not afraid of him anymore and that certainly feels strange after this last year. I could not believe it until five minutes ago," Ginny answered quietly, so that Snape couldn't hear her from the kitchen. "Now I feel stupid that I had you come here, too. Sorry," she added embarrassed, looking at Hermione.  
>"It's alright Ginny, never mind." Hermione let go of Ginny's hand and had a look around the living room. There were two light grey sofa's and a large fireplace. The view from the dining table was simply beautiful and the afternoon sun played around with the whitecaps on the sea. It was a view to behold, Hermione thought. She as well could imagine why Snape had bought the place, she would like it herself.<p>

Snape reemerged from the kitchen with a pot of black tea and scones that looked like made-in-heaven. "Before you ask, I bought them in town, the bakery makes better scones than Hogwarts' house elves. Have a seat, all of you," he said with a smirk and gestured them to sit down.  
>"Now, Miss Weasley," Snape began with a change in his tone as he poured tea in all of the cups, "I know you have to be uncomfortable around me, but be assured, you have nothing to fear from me. Not anymore. And perhaps you know that these two managed to disarm me already in their third year," he added, sounding bored.<br>"You must wonder why I now seem quite different than during my years at Hogwarts, especially my last one as Headmaster. The first reason, obviously, is that I had to act both for Voldemort and Dumbledore. The second reason has to be that I do not have the Dark Mark any more, as I am sure Harry here has already told you. I have come to believe during these last weeks that the Dark Mark supported my act as an evil Death Eater. Nasty words came a lot easier for me than they do now." He paused. "What I want to say is that during your last year, Miss Weasley, I put up an act to be evil towards you and your friends. I also tried to protect you and your friends against the Carrows wherever possible but the act to be evil was not so trying because I think the Dark Mark supported my dark personality tendencies. I had to give you detentions but I tried to keep you out of harm's way as well.  
>Now that the Dark Mark is gone, I have trouble imagining putting up an act like last year again. I don't think I could do it any more. At least I think I would not be able to delude people so easily."<br>He paused and looked out of the window. Then Severus draw a deep breath and continued. "I am thoroughly sorry this last year has been so terrifying for you. I sincerely apologize for my behaviour, not only against you, but also your friends. I am aware I cannot undo your last school year, but I do hope the next one will be a lot easier and happier for you," he added sincerely.  
>Ginny didn't know how to answer that. She had anticipated that Snape would apologize like he had to her brother and her friends, but the sincerity and his whole personality change were much too take in at once. His almost black eyes looked at her with so much honesty and openness in them that she could not hold back her words any longer. "Professor Snape, to be honest, I am still struggling with the fact that you are the very same person as the Headmaster last year in Hogwarts. I mean, I did not see you," she hesitated and had to clear her throat before she continued,"…killing Dumbledore. I only know what Harry saw but now I am here in your house and your dining room I can't imagine you how you were able to do this. I really can't.<br>The man I see before me today is open and not hiding anything behind a mask, the man I knew during my last school year was sinister and terrifying," Ginny said very softly.  
>"Miss Weasley, thank you for not shying away from the facts and speaking frankly. It seems to me you all have grown up during this last year. If you have any questions, whatever they might be, I will answer them for you. That's the least I can do," Severus answered gravely.<br>Ginny looked him directly in the eyes. "What was it like – killing Dumbledore?" Harry and Hermione simultaneously draw in a sharp breath. "It's alright," Severus said calmly. "I told her she could ask everything, that included." Severus turned his head and looked out of the window. After a couple of minutes he began to speak.  
>"The day that Albus asked me to kill him was perhaps worse than the day of the act itself. From this very moment on I knew I was doomed. It felt like a countdown not only to his death, but also to mine. At least to the death of my soul. During the months leading up to that day I was not able to sleep more than two hours at a stretch and my thoughts rotated about how I could avoid this whole mess. I was clear about the fact that Albus was dying anyway and I know I owed it to him to fulfill that oath I took for your mother, Harry. But nevertheless I desperately searched for another solution and I found none, as you are aware. The more time passed, the less I slept and my temper grew worse. I honestly can't remember the teaching I did during that time.<br>When the day came and I saw you at the Astronomy Tower, Harry, my worst fears came true. Not only was there no way of _not_ killing Albus anymore, but now you even had to watch it. Of course, that made the deed even more believable to the Dark Lord but I never wanted you to witness this, although it fulfilled the purpose to make you hate me even more. When I cast _Avada Kedavra_ I felt nothing. At the very moment I thought my soul had left my body and the last bit of decency had finally left me. I felt totally numb. For hours. My Occlumency shields were as strong as iron walls when I went to _Him_ afterwards and the feeling of numbness inside me was what kept me alive."

Ginny didn't know what to say to this at first. They all seemed to have held their breaths through Severus' narration.  
>"Why do you still call him the Dark Lord?" Ginny asked next. That seemed to catch Severus off guard. "I honestly can't answer that. Habit, I guess. But you are right, even I should now be able to call him by his name," he admitted. <em>Strange that I have never thought about it.<em>  
>"Thank you for your honesty, Sir. I can imagine this must not be easy for you, talking about the past. I appreciate that. I think I can now get a glimpse at what you went through before- and after Dumbledore's death," Ginny said with conviction in her voice.<br>"Miss Weasley," Severus answered, "thank you for your kindness, but I don't deserve it. I did what I did and nothing will change that. And – I have to admit – talking about it helps." _You talk entirely too much, Severus, shut up. Confessing to teenage girls shouldn't make you feel this much better. But it does. _

Ginny looked at him and smiled. "At least I can be sure now that you won't show up in my nightmares any longer. I replace my old image of you with this new, tanned one," she said with a grin. "I imagine your nightmares have to be much worse than mine. And please call me Ginny."  
>"You are very welcome, Ginevra, and I am relieved you find yourself able to think of me as a different person at all. Sometimes I still have trouble to believe everything myself," Snape said with a deep sigh.<br>They were all silent for a while and sipped their tea and enjoyed the scones. Even Ginny managed to eat one of them and now certainly had more colour in her face than before their trip to Snape.  
>Some dark clouds could be seen over the sea but the sun was still shining over Holyhead and Snape's house.<br>"Professor," Ginny said after a while, "I don't intend to be rude but I think I need some fresh air. I feel a bit dizzy and it was certainly a lot to take in for me. I'd like to go for a short walk if you don't mind. And it is quite beautiful here."  
>Severus nodded. "Of course, feel free to go as long as you like. The air around here certainly helps me clearing my head, I do understand."<br>"We'll accompany you," Harry said and laid his arm around Ginny.  
>"No," Hermione said, "you two go and I stay here with the Professor. It's alright for me."<br>They all finished their tea and Harry and Ginny left. For a while, both Severus and Hermione watched them walking towards the cliffs. Somehow, it didn't feel awkward to be alone with Snape, Hermione realized.  
>"Professor Snape," Hermione started but was at once interrupted by Snape. "Please do stop this Professor nonsense. I am no longer your Professor or your teacher. Call me Severus, you did save my life and I think we are all past any formalities now," Snape said, sounding rather impatient.<br>"Alright, S-Severus," Hermione answered taken aback by his rather harsh tone, "although I will have to get used to it. What I wanted to ask is if Kingsley contacted you at all on the search for the remaining death eaters. The press did not write very much about them in the last month but I believe they would have mentioned it had anyone been captured."  
>"Yes, I have been contacted by Kingsley several times during the last couple of weeks, but the Ministry is still searching. I supplied them with all information on safe houses and hiding places I could remember, but nothing has helped so far. But why are you even interested, now that you and your ministry friends have generously left me that task to fulfill, it's none of your business anymore," Severus replied sarcastically.<br>"So," Hermione replied heatedly, "now that we managed to grant you a pardon and the ministry wanted _you_ to fulfil this task, it's suddenly none of _our_ business anymore? I don't think so, Severus. These remaining Death Eaters might still be after us, the famous Golden Trio, as you like so often to remind us, and still it would be none of our business. You can't honestly think that. That's insolent.  
>However, I do hope these last Death Eathers are arrested soon. I will certainly feel more safe then, and I still think it is <em>my<em> business," Hermione said emphatically.  
>Severus didn't reply but stood and levitated the tea cups and dishes into the kitchen. Of course she was right, but he wouldn't admit it to her. He didn't want to be constantly reminded he had to search for his former acquaintances again. He had enough trouble to name all the places he remembered to Kingsley with having to relive all his memories of those places all over again. She didn't need to know that. He put the dishes into the sink and reemerged from the kitchen.<br>Hermione stood in front of the window and looked at the sea, silently fuming as it seemed. He decided to try to change the subject into something he knew she liked and would make her forget their earlier discussion.  
>"So, Hermione, would you like to see my library then?" He asked with a mischievous grin on his face.<br>Hermione decided to let it go, she hadn't come here to argue with him. Death Eaters were after all a delicate subject.  
>"You have a library here? Of course I'd like to see it, Severus." It wasn't so hard to call him by his name, Hermione thought, but it certainly was still unfamiliar that he now called her Hermione as well. She would get used to it and somehow it felt natural after today's events, even after their disagreement. She followed him through the door she had seen earlier and had wondered what could be behind it. A potions lab would have been her first thought, a library had not been on her mind. As Hermione entered the room she stopped at once and had to close her eyes. After she had opened them again, she slowly began to trust what she had just seen. She had never seen a more beautiful library before. The walls were painted in a very dark blue. The book shelves were of a very beautiful dark wood, like olive or walnut, and were bolted directly into the walls. In front of the window stood a dark brown leather armchair, aside a very beautiful standard lamp for the evenings. She loved the room at once.<br>"Wow," was all she managed to say.  
>"You seem to approve of the room," Severus said with a smirk. She took a step forward and took a look at the first shelf to her left. "This is the most beautiful room I have ever seen, Severus. Congratulations. I didn't know you had talent as an interior designer," she said, smiling at him. Severus didn't know what to say to that. He certainly liked his library and had put a lot of thought into it but a little colour and matching wooden shelves had not been too difficult to find.<br>"You know, the dark blue is perfect for a library. Most people go for a dark green here, but I love this dark blue. And it matches your wooden floor perfectly. May I?" she asked as she pointed at one of the books. She seemed to be totally unaware of his sudden speechlessness.  
>"Of course," Severus managed to answer. He was still in awe that she didn't mind to be alone with him in his house. At some point during these last minutes the very realization had hit him. Why hadn't she accompanied Potter and Ginevra? Was it politeness? Was it curiousity? If he were in her place he would most likely still be afraid of himself. He snapped out of his thoughts and watched Hermione taking three books to <em>his<em> armchair and _his_ desk. Somehow he didn't mind her doing this. "Feel free to read what you like, but be aware that I possess also some quite dark books. I'll be taking care of the kitchen." He turned and left her in his library and heard her saying thank you. He was still not used to being thanked at all. Today left him feeling quite peculiar and confused.  
>He cleaned up the dishes and put the remaining scones in the fridge. Severus had decided on a Muggle kitchen and was very happy about it. Cooling spells didn't do most food any good over a longer period and he didn't like to go shopping every two days.<p>

Half an hour later, Hermione emerged from the library and found Severus on one of his grey sofas in the living room. "Sorry, did I drive you out of your own library? I tend to forget myself when I am surrounded with books," she said apologetically.  
>"I already noticed this tendency at Hogwarts," he answered, looking up at her. "Never mind, I <em>did<em> invite you inside my library."  
>"You have an amazing selection. Some day, I hope to have one like this myself."<br>"This is only half of my books, I'm afraid. The ones I have here I brought from my old house, but the rest is still at Hogwarts in my old chambers in the Slytherin dungeons." Just as Hermione wanted to ask why he didn't go and retrieved them, a lightning illuminated the living room and a growling thunder followed shortly after it. A sharp knock on the door followed at once and Severus went and open the door for Harry and Ginny.

They stumbled inside the living room. "The weather changed so quickly, we had to run back here as fast as we could," Harry said, totally out of breath. "We didn't dare to apparate any more as soon as the storm started. Can we use your floo to go home, Severus?"  
>"At least this you could remember from your apparating lessons- never apparate when there's a thunderstorm around. But unfortunately, I am not connected to the floo network, Harry, I didn't want the ministry to know where I live, except Kingsley of course. I am afraid you have to stay until the thunderstorm wears off," he said, "I'm sorry for this inconvenience," and looked like he meant it, despite his rather bored tone.<br>"Perhaps we should let Molly and Ron know we are still here and explain our situation. I don't want to worry them, it's nearly seven now," Hermione suggested after a while. The rain now splashed heavily against the windows and the frequency of thunder and lightning was nearly frightening. "I'll send my patronus." She took out her wand and chanted Expecto Patronum. Her silvery bright otter appeared. Severus had never seen it and found it fitted her perfectly.  
>"Molly, Ron, we are still at Professor Snape's. Please don't worry about us. There is a severe thunderstorm outside and we couldn't apparate back in time. He is not connected to the floo so we will stay here until it's over." And the Patronus was off with a wave of her wand.<p>

"Well, as this weather seems to stay with us for at least the next hour, would you care for some dinner? I certainly can't compete with Molly but I am able to cook something acceptable," Severus asked them.  
>After the scones and the tea they had in the afternoon they shouldn't have been so surprised about Snape's offer but they were. Severus looked at three open hanging mouths and six eyes wide opened. At the very moment, Ron's Patronus rushed into the room and snapped them out of their astonishment on Snape's offer.<br>"Thank you for letting us know, Hermione, we were already worried about you. Come back as soon as you can and be safe," Ron's voice said.  
>"He still seems worried about your staying at my house, maybe he thinks I've already locked you into my non-existent dungeons," Severus said, not sounding sure if he was honest or joking.<br>"Nonsense, thank you for the offer. We'd love to stay for dinner, can we help you with anything?" Hermione finally answered Snape's question. "No, I think I can manage," Snape answered, went into the kitchen and closed the door behind him.  
>"Can you believe all this?" Harry asked Ginny and Hermione as soon as the kitchen door had closed. He leaned back on the sofa and sighed. "During some moments I do wonder if this really is Professor Snape," he added.<br>"I know what you mean, Harry, but I really believe he has changed," Hermione said with insistence. "This afternoon he even let me alone in his library. I've never seen a more beautiful personal library ever, I fell in love with it instantly. It's just behind this door and I could have stayed there for hours. At some point I did realize Severus had left me in there all alone and he didn't seem to my mind that much. In fact, he seemed a bit unsettled that I praised his choice of the library's interior so much."

The thunderstorm outside never seem to lessen within the next half hour and sometimes the wind jolted at the windows and the front door. At some point they had all fallen silent and only watched the spectacular weather outside.  
>The kitchen door opened and Snape carried plates and glasses inside and began to prepare the dining table. "Please, Severus, let us help you," Hermione insisted. "If you must," he answered and swept back into the kitchen. A heavenly smell of roasted chicken and potatoes emerged from the kitchen. Harry opened the bottle of white wine Severus had brought from the kitchen and poured a small glass for everyone. The dinner that Severus brought from the kitchen looked delicious and it now occurred to all of them that a Potions master also had to be apt in cooking.<br>Conversation over dinner was light and centred around their return to Hogwarts. He was relieved to hear they would return and Minerva had followed his advice. Severus asked about their possible career choices which none of them was able to answer yet. Around nine the thunderstorm was still raging outside and had not lessened one bit. Severus stood to clear the dishes away. "Perhaps you should make yourself familiar with the thought to stay here overnight. The weather does not seem to improve anytime soon," Severus said awkwardly and left for the kitchen. "I could transfigure the couch into a bed for Hermione and I have a second bedroom upstairs for Harry and Ginevra," he continued and came back into the room. Hermione thought he sounded embarrassed by the whole situation he found himself in with the three young adults. Perhaps he was.  
>"To be honest, I did not expect my guest room to be used ever but today seems as good as any to inaugurate it." <em>I still don't know why I even bought a second bed but now it seems like a good choice.<em>  
>"Of course I would understand if you would like to stay up until the weather has cleared, I don't expect you to feel comfortable around me during a whole night," he added with his eyes looking to the floor now as none of his guests had answered to his suggestion right away.<br>He turned and went into the kitchen again and shut the door firmly behind him to let them discuss his offer. What had made him offer them to stay the night anyway? Of course they would stay awake and leave as soon as possible. No one in their right mind would stay with him for the night, especially not Ginevra Weasley after this last year, regardless of what she said earlier. _Stupid_, he thought. Now he had made a complete fool of himself by thinking they would truly be no longer afraid of him. Perhaps he had been too overwhelmed by Hermione's unbiasedness around him this afternoon.  
>A sharp knock on the door brought him out his reverie. "Severus?" It was Hermione. "Everything all right?" She asked. How could she sense through the closed door that he was feeling totally out of sorts right now. He took a deep breath and tried to bring his face back into the old impassive mask and opened door. "What is it, Miss Granger?" He barked at her. The reaction on her face was what let his mask collapse in a second. She looked – frightened. He'd done it again. He inhaled deeply and felt like an utter fool. He still was useless in dealing with people without his "Death Eater personality".<br>"I'm sorry, Hermione, I didn't mean to upset you. I only needed a moment for myself," he answered honestly.  
>"We thank you for your offer and had decided to stay but now I think it's not a good idea. You clearly seem to need some time alone. We will leave as soon as possible," she said, sounding very businesslike now. He didn't like it.<br>"I am sorry for my reaction, as I said. I am not used to such friendliness as you have shown me today and I still find myself at a loss with how to handle it. Please stay, if you'd like. All of you." Severus said sounding quite distressed now. Another thunder rolled over the house as if to emphasize the meaning of his words.  
>"We will stay, Severus, and we understand," Harry told him. Severus looked up and his eyes locked with Harry's. "Thank you," Severus said and meant it. "I am going to finish the kitchen and will then see to your beds. Perhaps you'd like to inform your family about your staying here."<br>He saw Hermione flinch a bit at the word family and wondered why that was as he went back into the kitchen.

When Severus came back into his living room, one of his couches had already been transfigured into a comfortable bed. Harry, Ginny and Hermione all sat on the bed together and read in one of Severus's books. "I hope you don't mind," Hermione said, looking up at him.  
>"No, I told you this afternoon, you can read whatever you like. Harry, Ginevra, I'll show you the room you can stay in, come on," Severus said and gestured in direction of the third door in the living room. "If you'd like a tour of the house, too, Hermione, you're welcome to follow us."<p>

An hour later found them all lying in their beds wide awake.

Harry and Ginny lay together in the magically expanded double bed in each other's arms. "Could you please pinch my arm, so that I know I'm awake and lying in a bed in Severus Snape's house. If you had told me this morning what was about to happen, I would never have come. But now I am glad I did. I have not forgiven him yet but I think I can now. He seems very sad and very lonely, although he tries to hide it," Ginny whispered. Somehow she was afraid Snape could hear her through the walls. "I know what you mean, love, but I won't pinch you. You know as good as I that this is real. And I also struggle with the fact I lie in the bed of the man I hated for seven years. Now I begin to think I could like him. Strange, isn't it?" Harry tightened the arms around Ginny and both of them slowly drifted into sleep.

Hermione lay on the magical expanded bed and desperately missed Ron. This was the first time she lay alone in a bed in nearly three months. There was no way she would sleep tonight. The thunderstorm seemed to have lessened a bit within the last half hour, but went on nevertheless. Now that all candles were extinguished, shadows crept along the walls with every lightning that lit the room. No, she certainly would not close her eyes this night. Ron was not happy she couldn't return home this night, she had heard it in his voice, but he hadn't complained. She was astounded he did not tell her to be cautious about her staying the night at Snape's home, that must have cost him some restraint, she was sure. Hermione had to smile at the thought.  
>After what seemed like another hour, she got up again and went into Snape's library and lit his lamp beneath the arm chair. Reading was so much better than staring at the shadows on the walls. Once again, she was astounded about his collection. She selected a book about advanced charms and began to read.<p>

Severus still was wide awake at two o'clock in the morning. He heard a clunking noise and was out of his bed at once. Perhaps it was only one of his guests that searched for the loo in the darkness but the sound had come from downstairs, he was sure.  
>He lit his wand and silently went down the stairs. Slowly he opened the door to the living room in case Hermione was still asleep in there. His eyes met the sight of an empty, dishevelled bed and light that came through under the door of the library. So she had trouble sleeping, too. He tried to blame it on the thunderstorm but deep down inside he knew, her sleeplessness had other reasons.<br>He softly knocked on the door of his own library. _Ridiculous_, he thought, _my own house and I knock on doors_. Slowly he opened the door. Hermione had fallen asleep in his armchair and the book she had been reading had fallen on the floor when she had drifted off. Her mouth stood slightly open and her head rested on her arm on the side of his armchair. She had tucked her feet underneath her body and it had to be uncomfortable, Severus thought. He decided not to wake her and fetched the blanket of her bed in the living room.  
>Slowly, he approached her but as soon as the blanket came in contact with Hermione's body, she woke up with a start and drew her wand at him, ready to cast a hex. "It's me, Hermione, don't be afraid, I didn't mean to wake you," Severus said softly.<br>Hermione realised what she was doing and blushed furiously. "Sorry," she said, looking into his eyes. "I must have fallen asleep, I will return to my bed immediately. Sorry if I somehow woke you up."  
>"You didn't. I couldn't sleep and I must have heard the book falling on the floor." Another lightning illuminated the room. "It must be difficult to fall asleep in an unknown house, in my home of all things."<br>"No," Hermione said emphatically, "it's nothing to do with your house. I am not able to sleep alone anymore. Without Ron, that is. As soon as I fall asleep and I am alone with nobody to hold me, the nightmares return with a force. I know I have to get over it, but I think I will need another year or so."  
>"This is perfectly understandable," Severus replied quietly, "you have nothing to be ashamed of. May I ask what your nightmares are about?"<br>"Well, it always starts with Harry. I see Hagrid carrying Harry back to the castle. Dead. And he won't wake up anymore like he did. As much as I shout at him, he doesn't wake up. Then the scene changes into the Shrieking Shack, where I am unable to save you, regardless of what I do. You see, in my nightmare I hesitate too long before I decide to help you and you can't be saved any more. That's the short version of it," Hermione ended with a deep sigh. _He doesn't have to know about the dream of my parents- yet. _  
>Severus felt deeply humiliated. So he was one of the reasons for her nightmares. And here she was, telling him about it, trusting him enough to do so. His feelings must, once again, have shown on his face, because Hermione took his hand. He looked up at her astonished at her gesture. "I'm sorry, Severus, I shouldn't have burdened you with this. It's not your fault I have these nightmares. Sorry. I really should return to my bed." She let go of his hand and stood up.<br>"Don't be sorry, I am glad you told me. I have the one to be sorry to cause you such distress. Perhaps I should tell you that I am slowly coming to terms with being alive. I do feel grateful that you saved me and perhaps I will be able to have a life now. You alone made it possible, and I should not throw this chance away. I never properly thanked you and I am sorry about that - so - thank you, Hermione."  
>"You're welcome, Severus, and thanks for listening, perhaps I can sleep a few more hours."<br>"Good night – again- Hermione," Severus said quietly and left the living room again. He went back to his bed and thought about their conversation. Miraculously, the thunderstorm had finally stopped and he fell asleep, knowing he was not alone with his nightmares tonight.

The next morning, the sun shone as if nothing ever happened the day and night before. After a small breakfast with light conversation the three young adults finally stood up to leave again.  
>"Thank you, Severus, for your hospitality and the excellent dinner. And most of all for talking to Ginny."<br>"Shut it, Harry, I can talk for myself," Ginny said and shook Severus' hand. "Thank you for talking to me and being so honest. I really appreciate it. Perhaps you'd like to come over for dinner to The Burrow when we return for the Christmas holidays?"  
>Severus eyes widened but he caught himself quickly. "I would like that – I think." Ginny grinned at him. "OK, we'll see you then. Come, Hermione, let's go home."<br>Then Hermione took Severus' hand. "Goodbye Severus, and thank you, for everything. See you at the Burrow, " she said smiling at him.  
>She let go of his hand and the three young people disappeared from his front garden. All of a sudden, he felt totally alone. He had enjoyed their company more than he cared to admit. The three and a half months until the Hogwarts holiday would be quite lonely again, but he would get used to it again. He hoped.<p> 


	8. Hogwarts

_**A/N : Thanks to everyone who put this story on alert or reviewed. It really makes me happy.  
>Many thanks again to my beta Christine.<strong>_

8. Hogwarts

Their return to Hogwarts had been a slight bit different than they had anticipated.  
>Of course they had taken the train as they wanted to enjoy this experience for their last school year once again. But as soon as they had stepped on the platform in King's Cross Station all eyes were on them. It had been quite a mayhem until they had found their place on the train. Hermione had expected that Harry would be surrounded immediately but what had happened then was entirely unexpected. All students and parents on the platform had formed a guard of honor for Harry as soon as he had been spotted on the platform. Hermione still wondered if someone had arranged it but it all had seemed very spontaneous.<p>

They clapped and cheered as Harry and his friends made their way to the train. Ginny stayed behind to give this moment to Harry, Hermione and Ron alone. The three friends took each other's hands and slowly walked to the train together. Neither of them said a word and simply relished in the moment. They nodded and smile at the crowd and the cheering grew louder every moment. They didn't speak until they had reached their compartment on the train and had closed the door.  
>"What the hell was that?" Ron asked aloud. "It looked as if they were all only waiting for you." "For us, Ron, they waited for us," Harry answered quietly. "I did not do this alone and you know it."<br>The journey to Hogwarts was quiet and they all lingered with their own thoughts about their return to the school.  
>For once in her lifetime, Hermione hadn't read all schoolbooks for the year upfront. She had enjoyed the free time with Ron during the summer and their relationship had intensified within the last few weeks. After their visit to Snape – <em>Severus<em>, she corrected herself – she had been worried because her nightmares had returned the following night with a vengeance. She had woken up screaming and Ron had to shake her to make her wake up. Hermione cried for at least half an hour and could only tell Ron in the evening what her dream had been about. She had dreamt that Ron had died in the final battle. A faceless Death Eater had killed Ron with an _Avada Kedavra_.  
>She had seen the Death Eater approach Ron from behind and had raised her own wand but no sound came out of her mouth. She was not able to find her voice to cast a shield - as if someone had cast a <em>Silencio<em> over her. Hermione had started to run towards Ron to protect him but she had been too late and everything had seemed to happen in slow motion. He fell on the ground after the spell had hit him and lay there with his eyes open. He was dead. Hermione had woken up still screaming on the top of her lungs when Ron had brought her out of her dream.

After that night, the nightmares had ceased. As if that last bad one been some kind of catalyst. She still couldn't make sense of that because she certainly didn't feel like she was "over" anything yet and that particular dream hunted her thoughts often during daytime. On the other hand, she was happy that her sleep had improved and she felt more rested as their last school year approached. Of course, Molly, Arthur and the rest of the Order had made a fuss about their security during the train ride to Hogwarts but Harry had argued that he would not let this experience be taken away from him for "some lose Death Eathers", like he called them.  
>They hadn't heard from Severus about them again, but then again, when had he ever been forthcoming with information, she mused. Ron had fallen asleep in her lap during the last couple of hours. She stroked his hair absently and reflected on their relationship as they neared the Scottish Highlands. The afternoon sun bathed the landscape in a beautiful golden glow and the view was simply stunning.<br>Ron had really been amazing in those last weeks and if she was honest with herself, she hadn't expected that. He had always been at her side when she needed company and left her alone when she didn't. He was very sensitive with the subject of her parents and had promised her to help retrieve their memories after all Death Eaters were caught and it was safe to bring them back to England. She couldn't wait for that day to arrive although she still had some research to do how to accomplish her task. She was not totally sure everything would work out as she once had planned, never mind her parents reactions. But Ron had promised to accompany her and help her through it. Yes, he had been great this last few weeks and she could easily imagine to spend her life with him after they had finished school.

The train slowed down and finally stopped in Hogsmeade. Ron woke up with a start as the train stopped.  
>"Hey, sleepyhead." Hermione kissed him on the cheek. After they had gathered their trunks they slowly exited the train with all the other students. All four of them were able to see the Thestrals now and Hermione still shivered at the thought. They shared a carriage for the approach to the castle in their final year. As Hogwarts finally came into view she had to suck in a sharp breath. Certainly, she had read in the Daily Prophet that the castle hadn't been fully rebuilt yet but the state of the castle was nevertheless a shock.<br>Some of the outer walls still had holes in them, although only in those parts of the castle that weren't used very often. Some of the towers were still in ruins, although she could see at once that Gryffindor tower was intact. The main entrance was rebuilt but the bridge leading up to the castle still missed some stones and was still closed. It seemed that all students were equally shocked, even the first years, although most of them had never seen the castle before and only knew if from pictures. Hermione began to wonder how it looked on the inside and if the castle was still as secure as it once had been. That thought left her with an uneasy feeling.

All students readily obeyed Hagrid as he led them into the castle and into the Great Hall. This time it was Ron who sucked in a breath as they entered the Great Hall – the ceiling was no longer enchanted. No skies or stars could be seen when one looked up. Only plain dark stone walls. "It doesn't feel the same, does it?" he whispered into Hermione's ear. She could only nod. Of course, they were floating candles in the air and the Great Hall was decorated as ever but the ceiling had played always a great part into Hogwarts magic. "Perhaps Minerva will explain," she whispered back.

It turned out that there simply hadn't been time to reenact the enchantments on the ceiling, as Professor McGonagall had explained before dinner had started. The bedrooms were finished in the very last minute and everyone would have their beds as requested. The Sorting Hat was also in a strange mood and relinquished his usual speech. The new students were sorted without much fuss and Minerva had made a point in her speech about giving the Slytherins a new chance. Hermione was exhausted after the feast although she hadn't done much more than travelling the train during the day. "Come on," she turned to Ron, Harry and Ginny, "let's go find our new rooms."  
>Outside the Great Hall they found Professor Sinistra, who was now Head of Gryffindor House. She led them to their new rooms personally and explained how the extra layer of wards worked to strengthen the security to their rooms. It was as they had expected. With the castle being still damaged in some places not all enchantments were in place yet and Hogwarts was not as secure as it once had been. Hermione decided to <em>not<em> worry herself sick about it.

The moment they entered their new chambers, all four of them fell silent. These were the most beautiful chambers Hermione had ever seen within Hogwarts. The living room contained a large red couch with enough space for all four of them and four tables to do their homework. The two sleeping chambers both contained a large double four-poster and even a wardrobe – so no more living out of trunks. Both sleeping chambers shared a bathroom in the middle of them with a large tub and shower and two basins. It was simply perfect and the four seventh years felt like living in a flat share - they all loved it and secretly thought about continuing to live like this after finishing school.  
>Professor Sinistra had naturally pointed out that one of the rooms would have to be shared by Ginny and Hermione and the other one by Harry and Ron. With a knowing smile she had added as all of them were of age, there were no spells to detect girls in the men's room and men in the girl's room. Apparently, McGonagall had told her about the exception she had spoken about on Harry's birthday. They all expressed their gratefulness and turned in for the evening.<p>

Ron and Hermione had taken the bedroom on the right side of their chambers and after putting their things in the wardrobe they all met in the living room and lit a fire in the huge fireplace.  
>"Isn't it strange ? A whole school year ahead of us with no Voldemort hanging over us all the time? We can simply enjoy the year, it's still hard to take in," Harry said after a while. "Yes, and we can finally <em>all<em> concentrate on our schoolwork, even you, Ron," Hermione answered with a smile.

After a good night's sleep in their new chambers, Ron and Hermione emerged their rooms in direction of the Great Hall for breakfast. It was Sunday and they had enjoyed a lie-in, it was raining heavily outside and they had simply seen no reason to get up any earlier than they had. As they entered the Great Hall, Hermione looked up to the teacher's table and was very surprised to find Severus Snape up there, sitting next to Minerva. He noticed their entrance and acknowledged them with a small nod.  
>"What is Snape doing here? Didn't he say he did not want to teach any more nor return to Hogwarts," Ron asked Hermione quietly. "I don't know, Ron. I was sure he would not return, but we'll find out. Come on, let's eat, I'm starving."<br>Hermione sat down and while enjoying her delicious Hogwarts breakfast she mused what Severus might be doing here at Hogwarts. She had been sure he wouldn't return. He had invested so much into his new home, why would he return to this place of his most painful memories, his almost death. No, she didn't understand.  
>Harry and Ginny joined them a short while later and Harry had a seat next to Hermione. "Morning, Hermione. What the hell is Severus doing here?" "We have no idea, Harry, but we'll find out soon enough," Hermione answered with a sigh.<br>They finished their breakfast in silence while everyone seemed to be musing why Severus had returned. No one seemed to be able to come up with an idea that made sense.  
>Hermione had watched Severus discussing with Minerva and heavily turned round her thoughts on the reasons for him being here. Had he really turned over his decision within the last ten days? She hadn't imagined Severus as someone to act on impulse. Perhaps she would get a chance to talk to him later. One thing she was sure of : he didn't look very happy to be here.<br>"What do you want to do today, Hermione?" Ron asked her as they had finished their breakfast and left the Great Hall. "The weather doesn't look as if it would improve today, so I guess I will finally start my readings for this year," Hermione answered and added, "like you should, too." Ron looked at her mildly displeased. "Not today, Hermione. School starts tomorrow and I will not start reading _any_ my books before school officially starts. Not a chance. Perhaps I'll play a bit of chess with Neville in the common room and if the weather improves, we could go to the lake later, alright?"  
>"You know where to find me, then," she grinned and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Of course, darling, when in search of Hermione Granger, go to the library first," he grinned back and left for Gryffindor Tower.<br>Hermione went back to their rooms to have a look on the curriculum for this year to decide on the books she would search for in the library. Arithmancy and Potions certainly looked interesting this year, Charms did, too. Well, she would start with Arithmancy and Potions, then and went straight to the library after having made her decision.  
>It felt strange to be really alone for the first time in months without one of the others being only next door. Of course there were other students she met while going to the library, but being without Ron, Harry or Ginny nearby certainly felt strange. She almost felt as if she would be missing a limb and it scared her deeply that she had become so dependent on the company of her three friends. That was certainly something she had to work on during the year.<p>

Madame Pince greeted her enthusiastically and showed her where to find the best books she had come searching for. Hermione soon had a large stack of books levitating in front of her towards a desk by one of the large windows.  
>After nearly two hours of reading Hermione stretched her limbs and decided to have a break. She asked one of the house elves to bring her some tea and looked out of the window to rest her eyes. It was still pouring outside and the walk around the lake with Ron would have to be postponed to another day. And could it really be that she was not used to reading two hours straight anymore, she asked herself.<br>"Enjoying the view, Miss Granger," a deep soft voice interrupted her thoughts. Hermione jumped and spilled her tea. "You startled me, Professor," she answered out of reflex.  
>"Sorry, I didn't mean to. So, are we back to Professor again? Whatever happened to Severus?" He teased her.<br>"You started it by calling me Miss Granger, I guess it was just a reflex. Are you not going to be my Professor again, anyway?" Hermione asked defensively.  
>"No, certainly not, Hermione, and I'm quite sure I already told you my reasons." He sat down beside her at the table.<br>"Then why are you here, I – we – don't understand. Why would you return here, to this place which is full of bad memories for you? Where you almost died…" She looked into his eyes and she found that he looked quite tense and stressed, not at all like when they had visited him nearly two weeks ago.  
>Severus sighed deeply. "I'm here because Minerva asked me to. I'm here to help her with the wards. As soon as we're done, I am going to leave this place. I couldn't refuse when she came to ask me last week and I simply had to overcome my fear to return here. That's all there is to it. I will not be your teacher again. You can be relieved now," he added snidely.<br>"I'm not relieved," Hermione answered almost angrily. "You were a good teacher besides your temper and you know it. But how could Minerva ask you to do this? Does she have no compassion at all? I can see how troubled you are by being here. You haven't looked that pale and tired since the hospital I think."  
><em>How does she do this? One look at me and she sees everything, this isn't good that I can't seem to hide anything from her.<br>_"I owe Minerva, my personal feelings do not count here. I think we will finish the wards this evening and then I will return home. There's nothing to worry or be angry about, Granger," he snapped. "It was my own decision after all." _This should shut her up._  
>Hermione thought about his harsh reply. So he still wasn't used to compassion and the feeling of being cared for. Fine. She would ignore his temper once again.<br>"I can worry about anyone or anything I want, don't you dare patronize me," she shot back. _How had this conversation gotten out of hand so quickly?  
><em>Hermione took a deep calming breath.  
>"So, how bad are the wards?" He looked at her astonished. When had she become so calm and mature?<p>

He would have expected more fuss to follow about Minerva dragging him back to Hogwarts. He certainly hadn't learned too much in controlling his temper in the last three months. Too little human interaction.  
>Severus cleared his throat. "Quite bad, actually. That was why Minerva came to me, she needs a powerful wizard she trusts and it seems she could only think of me," he sneered. "The wards are nowhere near as powerful as the ones in place as Albus was still… Headmaster. The apparition wards are back in place, as well as all the wards around the main parts of the castle and all the dormitories. The outer parts of the castle are nearly unprotected. Only after the castle has been fully rebuilt we can try to put up all wards again," he finished unhappily.<br>"Try?" Hermione had to ask. "You are not sure you can rebuild all the wards?" "No, I'm not, Hermione. The wards were built over hundreds of years, but we will do as much as we can," Severus tried to reassure her. "This information has to stay between us, as you surely understand," he added. "Well I will tell Harry and Ron, but not Ginny, it will only make her worry too much. So you will have to return here every now and then?" Hermione asked him cautiously.  
>"Yes, but I think I will get used to it," Severus answered with a deep sigh. "I will think about the wards and nothing else." <em>Perhaps I can believe this myself if I say it out loud often enough.<br>_Hermione could understand why he would push aside all memories when he had to return to Hogwarts, but it certainly wouldn't do him any good in the long term. But he was an adult and should realize this himself, she thought. Although, being Severus stubborn Snape, perhaps not. She quickly decided to change the subject.

"So, did you find out anything new about the loose Death Eathers? I am slowly getting the feeling they will never be found. It seems like they just vanished."  
>Severus once again was astounded about her change of subject and that she didn't pry on his uneasiness to return to Hogwarts. He certainly appreciated it.<br>"Well, we followed some hints in Bristol, but there was nothing we could follow from there. There can't be more than fifteen left, anyway, according to my calculations. But I certainly would like to know what they're up to," Severus answered her. He wouldn't go into more detail here. It had been difficult enough to find anything at all.  
>"So you are certain they would plan something to take vengeance?" Hermione asked him quietly.<br>"Yes, unfortunately, I am," he answered, sounding rather tired now.

Fifty miles outside Ottery St. Catchpole, in a small, very old and very worn cottage, Avery, Crabbe senior and Alecto Carrow had a very meager meal with a thin soup and some nearly spoiled vegetables in it. They couldn't afford more. "So, what will be our next step?" Avery asked, dipping the almost stone hard bread into his soup. "We weren't able to locate Longbottom's grandmother, Lovegood's back at Hogwarts, as well as all the others who will finish their seventh year. The Weasley's place is highly warded and we can't get into it. And Severus, that bloody traitor, seems to have left England, since nobody's ever seen him since he left St. Mungo's," Avery said, chewing on his bread. "I think we will have to make a list and kill one after the other and only after we have finished off one of them, we move forward to the next one. We also have to do something about the food, I refuse to keep eating that rubbish. Why don't we go and rob some Muggle food shops, they'll never catch us," Crabbe suggested.  
>"As we are already near to The Burrow, we should concentrate on the Weasleys. They will leave their house one day and will get outside the wards, and we will be there to finish them off - one after the other. We only have to be there in the right time. Avery, you will go and observe them in the next couple of weeks. Alecto and me will continue searching for Andromeda Tonks and the little Lupin, and of course, Granger's parents," Crabbe added.<br>"But what about Harry Potter and his friends? They are still our main target, apart from Severus, that bloody traitor. Why not concentrate on them first?" Avery asked. "Because we can't get to them while they're in Hogwarts. It is too well protected. We have to wait for their holidays or after they have finished school. In the meantime, we will teach them to be afraid of us," Crabbe answered with a dark smile.

The following weeks were running by fast and Hermione enjoyed being back to school. Naturally, she was up to date with all her studies and living together in their chambers was exactly what they all needed. Even Hermione's nightmare held at bay and she had nearly forgotten about that dream about Ron. The teachers began to approach the 7th year students about their career plans and options. Hermione practically could choose everything which made the decision even harder for her. Of course she had the desire to attend university, but somehow she couldn't enjoy the perspective without her parents helping her to come to the right decision.  
>Ron already had decided to join his brother in their shop and help him expand the owl-ordering business. The shop in Diagon Alley was so successful that more and more people had asked if they could order by owl, too. Molly still helped George with the shop but only part-time, so George had asked Ron if he would be joining him after finishing Hogwarts as his partner. Ron had agreed happily and Hermione was happy that he had decided to stick with his family.<br>That of course didn't help Hermione with her decision. So Ron would work in London and she still hadn't been able to even narrow down her options. She loved charms, Arithmancy and potions, even history of magic, but what could one make out of these subjects for a job to fulfil one's life. If possible, she would have loved to combine everything, but there certainly was no "Charms-Arithmancy-Potions-History mistress" she had ever heard of. She decided to postpone her decision to the Christmas holidays, where she would have time to think and reflect on her skills and her passion for every one of it. The first thing she would love to do after having finished school was to bring back her parents, but that still all depended on the success of Kingsley's men and Severus.

On October 31st, a couple of hours before the annual Halloween feast, Severus sat at the High Table for breakfast again. The castle was now completely rebuilt and Hermione had already expected him to return soon. He didn't look any better than the last time he had been here, he looked tense and pale and clearly unhappy. It certainly didn't do him any good to return to Hogwarts regularly, Hermione mused. How could Minerva take advantage of Severus like that and not help him overcome his fear of being in this very place where he had to murder Albus. She had to see how Severus had to suffer and even Ron had mentioned that Severus looked quite ill when he had spotted him at the High Table.  
>The information that Severus Snape had returned to Hogwarts once in a while had of course leaked through to public after his first attendance at the High Table back in September. Some of the students had written back home and of course a couple of parents had reported the fact to The Daily Prophet.<br>There were rumours why he had returned and most centered about the Hogwarts wards, but no other information had leaked out. Still, nobody knew where he lived and what he did for a living. Severus still hated the fact he had to sit there in public – Minerva had insisted on it - and so his presence at the school was highly noticed. Perhaps Hermione was right and it was time to talk back to Minerva. She had made him come here and help which had stressed him quite enough and now she insisted that he sat here with the other teachers to get reacquainted with his former colleagues. Which didn't work because they all either still hated him or feared him too much to approach him. It was fine for him. He didn't need their company, their hate or their pity. He just hated being exposed.  
>If Minerva ever made him return to Hogwarts again, he wouldn't give in so easily.<p>

The weather was relatively warm and sunny for the end of October and the two couples took a walk across the Hogwarts grounds and talk about the upcoming Halloween feast that evening. "So what are you going to be tonight, Hermione," Ron asked her, "will you tell me now or is it still a secret?" Hermione shrugged and grinned innocently and him. "Be patient, you will see it tonight."  
>Hermione had only come up with an idea for a costume yesterday and had constantly told Ron and Harry that it was a secret. In the end, as she helped Ginny select her costume – a Veela's dress that would certainly impress Harry and annoy Ron because of it's sexy cut, Hermione had decided to go for a cat costume. For her, it stood for finally getting over that horrible Polyjuice incident and be able to laugh about it now and all their adventures that happened during her Hogwarts time. Not everything had been overshadowed by Voldemort's presence and some things actually had been fun. She could count the Polyjuice incident as fun now although she certainly had not been able to in her second year, and she would point that out to her friends tonight.<p>

As they had rounded the lake and were slowly returning to the castle, Hermione saw a lone figure standing near the entrance of Dumbledore's white marble tomb. His black hair waved in the strong autumn wind and she instantly felt a large wave of sympathy for Severus Snape washing over her. It had to be very difficult for him to even approach Dumbledore's tomb. She tugged at Ron's hand. "Look, there's Severus over there at Dumbledore's tomb. I'm going over to talk to him. You go ahead with Harry and Ginny, alright?"  
>"If you must," Ron answered her. "But he really looks like he could use some company. See you later," he added and kissed her, before he let go of her hand.<p>

On her way over to Severus, Hermione began to ask herself what she could say to Severus. Would he even want her company for approaching Dumbledore's grave? He had dealt with everything alone during his life, so why had she always give in to the impulse to help him. She couldn't understand herself. Severus had heard her approaching and slowly turned towards her. "What are you doing here?" He asked. No hello, so small talk, but not entirely unfriendly.  
>"I'm not sure, to be honest. I saw you standing here and you looked so lonely and tense that I simply had to come over. It wasn't a really conscious decision. I thought you might need some company. If you don't want me here, I'll go," Hermione added quietly and suddenly felt quite foolish to talk like this to a man who was nearly twice her age. A long and awkward pause followed and Severus stayed silent. <em>Am I really that obvious? <em>Severus thought.  
>Hermione decided to go and turned. If he wanted her there, he would have said it. His voice stopped her after her first steps.<br>"I always did everything alone. I forced myself to do this but now I am standing here in front of his grave and I find I can not do it alone. I don't have the strength anymore, it's simply gone." He hesitated and looked into her eyes when she turned around. Sounding quite sad and embarrassed, he added "I would really appreciate you coming with me."

Half an hour later, Hermione joined her friends back in the Common Room. She sat down next to Ron and leaned back against him. "How did it go?" he asked. "He really let me accompany him and I think he got some kind of closure with Professor Dumbledore. He didn't say anything aloud in there but I think it helped him. He certainly looked unburdened when we left. He even thanked me for supporting him and told they have finished the wards today so he will not return here if he doesn't have to."  
>"You really are much too nice to him I think, but it's your decision. It is enough for me to have him spend Christmas with us," Ron complained.<br>"I have to get ready for tonight, I'll head for our rooms and start changing into my costume," Hermione said grinning at Ron. "And don't you dare sneaking in Ginny's room while we get dressed."  
>While she changed, Hermione once again thought about her encounter with Severus. She still wasn't sure why she had approached him at all. He had looked so lonely and perhaps that had reminded her of the emptiness she had seen in his eyes back at the hospital after he had woken up. She just wasn't able to leave him to his own devices.<p>

The Halloween feast would be remembered as the best that had ever been held at Hogwarts. The Great Hall was fully enchanted and for the first time ever, there was a mixture of Wizarding and Muggle music.  
>Everybody had a good laugh at Hermione when she entered the Great Hall as a cat with her head held high. She looked quite sexy to Ron in her cat leggings and furry top and little cat ears on top of her hair. Harry was speechless as he saw Ginny approach him in her Veela's costume and didn't let her out of sight for one second during that night. All worries were forgotten this evening and the night was filled with laughter and happy spirit and they ended up dancing late into the night since the music was so good.<br>The Professor's didn't seem to have the heart to send them all into bed earlier than absolutely necessary. It was a Friday anyway and everybody could have a lie-in on Saturday. The students should be able to celebrate after those last seven years – and they did.

The next morning, Hermione and Ron had a very late breakfast and a splitting headache from too much punch. As they pushed around the scrambled eggs on their plates, the Daily Prophet arrived together with a letter from Arthur and Molly for Ron and Ginny. Hermione paid the owl and nearly spilled her coffee as she read the headline of the newspaper. _"Weasley's Whizard Wheezes- attacked by escaped Death Eaters."_


	9. Fear

_**A/N : Many thanks to all who reviewed and left such positive feedback. It means a lot to me. Another thank you to my beta Christine, whose feedback keeps me writing. :-)**_

**9. Fear**

"_Weasley's Wizard Wheezes- attacked by escaped Death Eaters." _The headline of the Daily Prophet said.  
>"On Halloween's Eve, around 11 pm, the popular jokes and sweet shop "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes" in Diagon Alley, London, was attacked by still free and on the run Death Eaters. After a first investigation it seems that the well-warded shop was opened with the brutal force of four or five combined <em>Reducto<em> blasts at once. First inventory countings show that mainly some sweets have been stolen but the whole shop was demolished again. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was only reopened during the late summer after having been ruined during the last days of the war. George Weasley and his parents, Molly and Arthur Weasley, are still in shock and were not available for an interview. Please continue reading on Page 3… "

Hermione and Ron let go of the paper and handed it over to Ginny and Harry. Ginny handed over the letter of her parents to Ron. They didn't have any idea who exactly had done this, but as there were only fifteen free known Death Eaters around, it must have been a splinter group of those fifteen. Who else would have an interest in destroying this shop?  
>The shop was pretty much in ruins on the inside, the letter said, and George said that he wasn't sure yet if he had the energy to reopen it once again. Arthur and Molly were devastated that they had been once more the target of remaining followers of Voldemort. Although they always had that fear in the back of their minds, they had pushed it all back as nothing had happened in the last few months. How wrong they had been, they admitted in their letter.<br>They specifically told each of the four of them to be extra careful and not to take the Hogwarts Express when the Christmas holidays arrived. They were only allowed to floo home from the Headmistress' office or stay at Hogwarts altogether.  
>"What are they thinking?" Ron looked to Ginny with questioning eyes. "That we just stay here and let them brood and be depressed? Of course we're going home for Christmas. We're not children anymore," he added exasperated. "You're right Ron, of course we'll go. They'll need all the support we can give them and someone has to convince George to reopen. We can't let them win this fight. Ever," Ginny said forcefully.<p>

Harry and Hermione had kept silent. They didn't want to intrude the family discussion although they practically belonged to it. Decisions like these had to be made within the heart of the family. Hermione secretly feared that this was only the beginning of something a lot bigger and decided to write to Severus if he had any more knowledge on what had happened than that poor excuse of a newspaper, although it had gotten a bit more respectable after the war.  
>"I'm going to write to Severus to find out if he knows anything as soon as classes have finished for today," she announced. "That's a good idea, Hermione, he has to know more. Hell, he should have already caught those bloody ex-friends of his," Ron answered heatedly. "Don't you dare start that again, Ron," Hermione answered angrily. "None of this is his fault."<p>

After her lessons had ended for the day, she sat down in their chambers and wrote her letter to Severus.

"_Severus,_

_I hope you are doing better after yesterday's events here at Hogwarts.  
>We were all shocked to hear about the attack on George Weasley's shop this morning, as I am sure you can imagine. The Weasley family is devastated and George is undecided if he will ever open up the shop again. To be honest, I could understand if he decides against it.<br>The reason I am writing to you is, of course, if you have any deeper knowledge on yesterday's attacks. Do you have any idea who exactly might be behind this or whose signature you would be able to identify here? Were you invited by Kingsley to Diagon Alley to take a look at things there?  
>The Prophet of course has no idea except it was an Ex-Death Eater attack, but where's the news in that…<br>I am sure you have your suspicions who could be behind this. If you need any help investigating, please feel free to include me for research or anything, I have to help the Weasleys in any way I can. They are the only family I have currently left, after all. _

_Thank you._

_Yours, Hermione_

Hermione let go off the school owl with her letter attached to it. She really hoped Severus knew more about the attack. It was getting too much for the Weasleys and Hermione was determined to help in any way she could. For now, she returned to their chambers and tried to focus on her work for the next Arithmancy exam but her concentration constantly seemed to escape her and her thoughts drifted to George Weasley and the escaped Death Eaters again. The happy bubble she had lived in during the past couple of months had burst.  
>Why was the Ministry not able to track them down with their wands or anything. Could they all have gotten new wands illegally? If Severus had already narrowed it down to 15 names, there had to be a way to find them. If only he answered her letter. Hermione suspected he would have little time to answer her because it was likely Kingsley also had sent for him and he would be stuck in the investigation. She still hoped after yesterday's encounter he would trust her with the information he had and simply answer his friend, Hermione dared thinking. Yes, she liked the thought of Severus becoming her friend, regardless what Ron still thought about him.<p>

Severus returned from Diagon Alley to his home on November first. He was exhausted. After finishing the wards at Hogwarts only yesterday and the very depressing visit to Albus' grave, Severus had barely slept at night as he was still haunted by images of Hogwarts and Albus' falling off the Astronomy tower. He had yet to return there. If not for Hermione, he wouldn't have found the courage to really walk into the tomb. She had silently supported him there and never commented on his tear streaked face afterwards. He was more than thankful to her and trusted her not to tell her friends about him being a crying mess.  
>Serverus had hoped to find time in the next couple of days to calm down and come to terms with everything, but at dawn an owl had pecked at the windows of his bedroom with some urgency.<p>

He left for Diagon Alley immediately with a steaming mug of coffee in his hands, he simply wouldn't have functioned without it. Kingsley had met with him shortly at Weasley's shop to coordinate with the Aurors and authorize Severus access to the destroyed shop. Severus found himself within a dozen people all investigating the site. He would have preferred to do this alone because all those people would certainly destroy more evidence than find some. But he would have needed Kingsley to throw them all out. The Aurors very nearly ignored him and still only talked to him when absolutely necessary. He only knew Thomas Finnegan and Dean Harris but it seemed they were engaged somewhere else. With those two, he managed to get along and they at least seemed to respect him but these ones here seemed pretty useless to him.  
>"So, Snape," one particularly stupid example of those Aurors began to address him, "why exactly are you here? What have you to do with Kingsley? And where did you hide all this time?" he asked, unable to keep the grudge out his voice. "None of you bloody business," Severus said back icily. "I suggest you ask him about my presence here the next time you see him." He turned around and tried to tune out the buzz that went on around him to do his own investigation.<p>

Apparently, after having blasted the windows with some simple _Reductos_, they had entered the shop through them. Most of the shelves had been knocked down with force, but without magic. They had to really hate the Weasleys for the amount of destruction caused in the shop. Not one shelf was in its place anymore and all decorations were destroyed. Even the stairs had been blasted off - with magic that was. Had anyone accidently been in the shop that night, he would have been killed for certain. Severus wondered why they hadn't set fire to the store after they had finished their rampage, but perhaps they had wanted this to be identified as a Death Eater attack. A small Dark Mark had been drawn with a wand on the entry door to the store-room. A sign that they were definitely back. Severus shivered.

When he returned home around midday, he made himself some lunch and then immediately went for a walk along the coast. He had to think and clearing his mind still worked best while breathing in the fresh salty air.  
>Who of those 15 people would be bolt enough to attack the Weasleys joke shop and come out back into the open? Who would be able to lead a group and organize an attack like this? Who would be able to think strategically at all of those remaining 15? Why had they waited over half a year after the end of the war? It had to be Crabbe or Avery. Most likely Crabbe. The other ones were simply too stupid and Severus was sure that at least 10 out of those 15 were still hiding somewhere, doing mostly nothing and waiting for a signal to come back and join a new "Dark Lord".<br>How he wished that all was truly over. He had felt peace for a couple of weeks after he had finished his new home and before Minerva had called him back to Hogwarts. By now he felt as exhausted as in his Death Eater days and he felt an ever-present subtle fear deep inside. Of course he was in Kingsley's debt and would do anything to find his former fellows, but was he not allowed some peace for more than a month? Were they coming to find him, too? He was pretty sure they were, but would they be able to find him? Had he covered his tracks and his secured home sufficiently?

Severus returned to his house and found another small owl waiting for him at his doorstep. He opened the door and the owl flew by him and landed directly on his dining table. He untied the letter and had to smile as he saw it was from Granger… _Hermione_, he corrected himself.  
>He thought again about what she had done yesterday and he slowly began to think of her as his friend. Severus Snape had had few friends to compare this relationship to but he liked to think of Hermione as a friend, even if she was considerably younger but more mature than her friends. At least, she seemed to be willing to understand him and made an effort to make him feel better. That, he was still unaccustomed to. He sat down on the small bench next to his door in front of his house and read her letter. He stumbled over one of her last sentences: "<em>They are the only family I have currently left, after all." <em> What had happened to her own family, then? He wondered and decided to reply immediately and returned into the house.

_Hermione, _

_I've only just returned from Diagon Alley and already find myself attacked with your questions… which is perfectly alright and understandable. I am not sure if I should disclose to you everything I found out today but I feel I am in your debt and rely on your discretion.  
>The place was pestered with Aurors when I arrived and I think they destroyed more of the evidence than they actually found. Nevertheless I recognized some important things and came to the conclusion this attack was organized most likely by Crabbe senior. He is the only one intelligent enough for this. This helps me to start hunting him down but from what I saw, I am afraid we are going to see more attacks. We all have to be extremely careful and alert.<br>I can understand Weasley as well, but this is his decision to make. Don't try to talk him into anything, it is __indispensable__ that decides for himself.  
>What happened to your own parents? I am sorry I am not aware that anything happened to them.<br>I will keep you informed._

_Best regards, Severus._

He folded the letter and tied it to the owl's feet. While he had written his letter, the owl had happily eaten some leftover roast he had found in his fridge. Severus opened the windows and let the owl fly back to Hogwarts. Now he had to write a slightly different one to Kingsley with all the conclusions he had come to as well as the forebodings he felt.

Back at Hogwarts, McGonagall had granted Ron and Ginny the permission to go home for the next day to be with their family. The four of them sat in their chambers in front of the fireplaces and didn't talk much. Hermione put her arms around Ron and stroked his back to comfort him but she wasn't sure if he even recognized what she was doing. She let her thoughts drift and hoped that Severus's answer to her letter would arrive soon and that she could actively do something to help the Weasleys. Harry seemed to have the same thoughts as he stared into the fire, absently caressing Ginny's hair.

Around 10 o'clock, just as Ron and Hermione decided to turn in for the night, Hermione's owl pecked at the window of their sitting room. "At last you're back," Hermione said with a hint of impatience in her voice. "But I know you've had a long day, come in," she added as she opened the window. Ron returned from their bedroom to join her. "Is it from him?" was the only thing he asked her. "Yes, it is," she answered him as she handed him over the letter she had just finished reading.  
>"Crabbe, I'm going to find you, you bastard," he shouted as soon as he finished the letter. Ginny reemerged from the other bedroom and joined her brother immediately. "We've got to find him, Ron", she said when she had read the letter as well. That was quite enough for Hermione. "No, you won't. You will leave this to Severus, Kingsley and the Aurors. You don't know him and you certainly won't be able to find him without risking your own lives. I can't lose anyone anymore, don't you understand? I know George is your brother and I don't have any siblings but you can't do this to your parents. Please promise me you won't do anything.. please.." she trailed off, swallowing down the tears that threatened to fall.<br>"You'd have to promise to me as well – and all for the same reasons." At some point, Harry had returned from the bathroom unnoticed and had heard all that had been said. "Promise," he repeated sternly to both Ron and Ginny. As they both saw tears shining in Harry's eyes as well, they both gave their promises without further hesitation.  
>Hermione felt relieved but not as much as she had hoped. The Weasleys were a target and most likely, she and Harry were, too. All people that had been in the Order of the Phoenix, including Severus, whom she realized they had to see as the worst traitor of all. She feared for his safety, too.<p>

The next morning after breakfast, Ron and Ginny left for The Burrow and Harry headed for the Quidditch Pitch for some training now that all wards were back in place.  
>Hermione decided to get some work done to divert her thoughts from the attack. The Daily Prophet had obviously not been informed by Kingsley about Severus' findings. Good. That wouldn't give those villains a head start.<br>The prophet had also made sure the public was in fear of a new Dark presence all over again.  
>After staring out of the library windows for thirty minutes, Hermione realized she wouldn't get any work done today and decided to write to Severus and explain about her parents. She had been surprised he didn't know what she had done one and a half years ago, she had been sure he knew it. Quill and parchment pulled out of her bag, she started her letter.<p>

_Severus, _

_First of all thank you for replying to my letter so quickly. It certainly is easier to direct one's wrath to a known person. Is there anything I can do to help you track down Crabbe sen. from here at Hogwarts? Do you know what happened to Vincent after term's end? I suppose I could ask Draco but I still find myself unable to approach him, the Slytherins are very rarely seen except for the meals, as you surely have noticed when you visited. Anyway, please let me know if I can be of any help. _

_I was surprised to learn that you don't know about my parents.  
>After our fifth year, when it became clear that things would escalate soon, I went home during the holidays and obliviated them. They are neither aware that they have a daughter nor that they are the Grangers. I gave them new names and sent them on their way to Australia. I am planning to undo my actions but wanted to make sure there was no danger anymore. Those Death Eaters <em>_must__ be found, Severus, I need my parents and want them back as soon as possible. Ron has promised to accompany me and explain as soon as I have been hopefully successful with retrieving their memories.  
>That's why I see the Weasleys as my only living family right now and perhaps you now understand better why this is all so important to me.<br>Please keep me informed about your progress and if there is anything I can do to help._

_I look forward to seeing you on Christmas at the Burrow._

_Warm regards, Hermione. _

Severus put down the letter and looked at the rain that splashed against the window of his dining room. Hermione obviously underestimated the risk of removing a well placed memory charm. He had to speak to her about it before she tried anything. Too many things could go wrong and he already thought about accompanying her and Ron. He stopped his trail of thought. _Do I really want to offer her my help? Since when do I offer my help freely? Since she saved you life and you are in her debt, you silly git… This friendship thing confuses me to no end. _  
>He could also sense her desperation about the whole situation and this made him even more decided to end this "situation" with Crabbe as soon as possible. After a good night's sleep he would speak to Kingsley about how to proceed further.<p>

Crabbe and Carrow were discussing the success about their latest attack on an old Wizarding town called Atherstone just outside Coventry over a glass of Firewhiskey. They had just returned to their cottage and immediately opened the bottle of Firewhiskey they had stolen from one of the shops before they had set it on fire. They burnt most of the shops on the main street and most of them had burnt down to their grounding. The Dark Mark had been left glooming over the town.  
>"This is going to make them take us seriously," Crabbe said as he entered the cottage. "Oh yes," Carrow grinned back. "Now the Wizarding world will fear where we will attack next. Until they realize this was only a distraction to confuse them, Harry Potters friends will all be dead."<br>"The light will be extinguished once again, and forever," Avery added with conviction in his voice.

"Did you find out anything about Severus's whereabouts?" Crabbe asked Avery. "He doesn't seem to live at Hogwarts."  
>"I went to his old house again but it was sold and a small family lives there. They have no idea who lived there before, they bought the house over an estate agent. They gave me the name and address and I will pay him a visit these days. Of course I obliviated them before I left. The Prophet reported he was seen in Weasley's shop after our attack, so he is around and we have to find a way to follow him to his home," Avery reported.<br>"This is good news. He will most likely be invited for investigation on today's site. Disguise yourself and wait for him there tomorrow. Follow him and find out where he lives," Crabbe ordered him, swallowing down the last bit of Firewhiskey from his glass.

The next morning, the noise in the Great Hall was immense. The discussions circled around the attack of a small Wizarding town. Four people had been killed in the fires and for most people the base of their existence had been totally destroyed. Fear was settling down in the Wizarding world again. After only five months of calm and time for recovering of Voldemort, people were once again afraid to leave their homes. The students had only had couple of months to recover from the final battle and now this. All nightmares were back at once and everyone feared a new Voldemort would soon be out in the open.

Headmistress McGonagall stood up from the Head Table, pointed her wand at her throat and cleared her voice.  
>"Good Morning, students. I am aware you all have to feel quite uneasy about the events in the last couple of days. We still don't know who exactly is behind this and I know most of you must fear for their families at home. Hence we decided to grant you all the possibility to visit your home and your parents next weekend. You will all have to use the floo in the teacher's offices. Those of you who want to go, please tell your Head of House today. For the situation here at Hogwarts I can assure you the wards are back in place and we are well protected against any kind of attack. Don't be afraid in the castle or on the grounds, nothing can do you any harm here. And now, please hurry for your first class of the day, it is time."<br>Minerva sat down again, turning to Professor Flitwick. "I hope this was enough, and I hope the wards we set up are enough," she said sounding exhausted although it was only morning. "I hope so, too, Minerva, I hope so, too."

Severus had apparated into Atherstone around midday. When he had woken up in the morning around nine, he found an owl waiting on his doorstep together with The Daily Prophet. They both contained the same news and Kingsley requested to see him in his office first to brief him on the events of the last night.  
>Upon his arrival in the small town, the smell of smoke and fire crept up into his nose. The Main Road was non-existent any more and all houses were in ruins. It was a small wonder only four people had been killed. The fire couldn't have spread very quick then.<br>At the end of the day Severus was not much wiser. It was clear who had attacked the town but nothing more. In Atherstone people had not been involved in the war and no one in the Order of the Phoenix had been from here. All houses were in the same level of destruction and to Severus it seemed it had not been a targeted attack. As if they had just enjoyed to burn the city down and nothing more. It made absolutely no sense and that made him fear their next step even more. It was totally unpredictable what would come next.

Avery had spotted Severus walking around in the smoking remains of a clothes shop. His face was as expressionless as ever. He followed him for nearly two hours and had to notice that Severus was very thorough with his investigation. But suddenly, Severus went into a small side road and apparated away. Shit, Avery thought to himself. Now he had seen him but he still had no idea where Severus lived. Perhaps the Aurors knew. He hid himself behind a ruined house and tried to listen to their conversations.  
>"… Snape still isn't a man of much words, is he?" one of the Aurors just said to his colleague. "I guess it's a wonder he even said hello when he arrived today. I wonder where he lives, he smelled like the sea when I met him earlier. It was clearly noticeable in all the smoke and bad air here. Like a fresh breeze. "<br>"You think so? I didn't smell anything. I can't imagine him sitting on a beach or walking around in the sand barefoot. But your sense of smell was always better than mine."

So they suspected Snape lived near the sea. Damnit that Britain was an island, Avery thought, but he was nowhere next to give up his search for Snape. Perhaps the estate agent will be helpful, he added in his mind and decided to go to Manchester within the next few days.


	10. Christmas

_**A/N: Many thanks to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing, as well as to my beta Christine. **_

**10. Christmas**

For the next two weeks, things stayed calm in the Wizarding World. Nevertheless, the renewed fear people felt throughout all magical cities and villages did not die down. Of course, the Daily Prophet's reporters had continued to report every single information they had been able to gather from the Auror's office, although the names behind the attacks still were a secret and the Prophet had to stick with its own speculations there. The official ministry statements did not contain any deeper information about the situation either; they did not want to warn off those Death Eaters after all. But all the newspaper coverage certainly hadn't helped to calm people right before Christmas.

Severus had met with Kingsley several times to discuss possible whereabouts of Crabbe and his followers but they still had no valuable information to track them down. He began to feel quite unnerved and stressed by the whole situation.  
>The evidence that had been found in Atherstone had led to nothing and the magical signatures could, like in the Weasley's shop, not be identified. That definitely meant that either they had bought their wands abroad and illegally or had someone here in the country who had made them equally illegal. The whole situation frustrated Severus to no end. Of course he was aware he had to help the Ministry in every way he could and he had to atone for his deeds during the war, but sometimes he began to wonder if he really didn't deserve a couple of months of calm and rest. He had thought his body had fully recovered from Nagini's attack but as Christmas neared his wounds itched and he felt constantly tired and exhausted. His nights were still often interrupted by nightmares and he wasn't able to go to sleep again after he had woken up from one. It almost felt like the times he had still been serving the Dark Lord.<p>

Two weeks before Christmas, Severus wrote to Arthur and Molly and told them he would not be coming over for Christmas. He didn't feel like celebrating and the only thing he wanted was a long soak in his tub and a fire and a good book from his library. At least that was what he made himself believe.  
>Severus could consider himself lucky that he hadn't received a Howler from Molly the next day. Her letter certainly sounded like she had been in the mood for it. She practically ordered Severus to attend their Christmas Dinner and had simply ignored all his reasons not to come. As he didn't want to provoke more hellish-sounding Owls, he simply gave in and relinquished one day of personal "wellness treatment". If he was truly, truly honest with himself, he even looked forward to the company. Of course a nice long soak would also have had its merits, but Severus had begun to feel a bit lonely despite all the people he had to meet during his investigations. <em>But they are not your friends. But - do I see the Weasleys as my friends.. do they see me as one? It can't be… Be honest with yourself, you're just lonely. Perhaps Hermione is a friend.. <em>He told his inner voice to shut up.  
><em><br>_During the last few weeks, he hadn't enjoyed being all alone. Severus had truly enjoyed those first weeks of solitude during the summer when he had renovated his house and the time after he had moved in. He had felt true peace for what felt like the first time ever in his life.  
>But now, he wasn't able to point a finger on it, he felt like he really was all alone in the world. <em>Me against the rest of the Death Eaters. How things hadn't changed so much for him, last year it was me against everyone.<em>

The first snow had fallen in Hogwarts and Ron and Ginny were eager to leave for the Christmas holidays. They had returned quite shocked from their one-day visit at home right after the attack on George's shop. George seemed to have fallen into a deep depression, he almost never talked and certainly not about the incident and he had also lost most of his appetite. Molly and Arthur were out of their depth. After they had all worked together in the summer to reopen the shop, George had very slowly recovered from Fred's death and had begun to make cautious plans for the future when he had asked Ron to join him running the shop. The anew destruction of his shop seemed to had also destroyed the meaning of his existence. Molly and Arthur weren't able to access him or talk some sense into him.  
>Ron and Ginny received letters almost daily from home and were very worried about their brother. They weren't able to concentrate much on their schoolwork, so Hermione and Harry had to push them quite hard to do some of their homework at all. Worrying constantly and abandoning schoolwork wouldn't help George either, they argued.<br>Hermione and Harry were also very concerned about George's current state but they discussed this secretly behind the backs of Ron and Ginny.  
>"You know what Severus wrote me a couple of days ago, Harry? He said it is essential that George decides for himself what to do about the shop. We must not talk him into anything. I guess he also meant we should give him all the time he needs to think about everything. He shouldn't really be pressured and I think Severus is right, what do you think, Harry?" Hermione asked as the two sat together in front of the fire of their living room. It was Monday evening in the last school week before the holidays. After a while, Harry sighed and answered her. "I find myself thinking that Severus is right. And that I still have problem admitting that he is," he added with a half-grin. "Perhaps we should talk to Ron and Ginny that they should just let him be when we all return to the Burrow for Christmas. I really think that could backfire."<br>"I just hope they understand. Perhaps we shouldn't mention the original thought comes from Severus, Ron will still not accept any suggestion that comes from him. I really hope someday he will come to his senses. You know, Harry, in the last few weeks I really began to think of Severus as a kind of friend but I still feel like I can't admit this to Ron, I think he would stop talking to me for a day or so, honestly. I really don't understand what still irks him so about Severus. Did he say anything to you?"  
>"No, he didn't."<p>

On Wednesday, Harry and Hermione decided to talk to Ron and Ginny about the current situation at home. They all sat comfortably in front of the fire in their shared quarters and enjoyed a cup of Earl Grey. "Ron, Ginny," Hermione began tentatively, "Harry and I discussed about what awaits us over the Christmas at your home…" Ron interrupted her at once. "It's your home, too, you know." "Yes, I know, Ron, thank you. But it's still your family, that's what I was trying to say. Well, Harry and I talked a little bit about the letters you received from home and I think we can agree that things will be quite tense and unhappy when we arrive. We just can't help thinking it would be better to leave George alone and not talk to him about reopening the shop at all. Neither of us. We are sure he needs time to make his own decision and he shouldn't be pressured to do anything when his heart isn't into it. We also think we should convince you parents not to pressure him any further… what do you think?" Hermione stayed silent, Harry gave her a subtle nod of approval. She had tried to address the subject as logically and sensitively as possible.  
>"Hermione, I can't help thinking this is your idea alone but I think she's correct, isn't she, Ron?" Ginny asked mischieviously. "Oh yes, she is, my brilliant girlfriend, "Ron smiled and gave her a lingering kiss, which he hadn't done in a while. "All this time we read those letters I was thinking what we could about the situation and you are absolutely right. We can't and we shouldn't do anything. The only important thing is to support George, regardless of the decision he'll make. Thank you, you two. And we will all talk to my parents the moment we arrive, OK?" Hermione let out the breath she had been holding. That had gone rather well and she was relieved Ginny and Ron had understood at once what she was trying to say. She only hoped that Molly and Arthur would see things the same way and Christmas could at least be peaceful and perhaps also a little joyful. If Severus showed up, which she hoped, she had to thank him for letting her know his thoughts. He really turned out to be a good friend.<p>

Just as the four of them were finishing their tea and it was getting dark outside, there was an urgent knock on the door. Harry stood up and opened it. Outside stood a very pale Minerva and a petrified looking Filius Flitwick. "What happened," Harry asked at once.  
>"There's been an attack in Hogsmeade, we don't know anything specific yet. In any case, you four stay here, they could wait for you out there. This is a direct order. I will inform you as soon as I know more." They both turned to leave. "But Professor McGonagall," Harry called after her, "can't we do anything to help?"<br>"No, Harry Potter, you stay here, and if I have to look your door, I will. Now go back inside." "Alright, Professor, don't worry, we'll stay."  
>"This can't be happening," Hermione cried out, "will we never have peace? Why aren't we allowed to help, for God's sake. We're adults!" "And we're also targets, Hermione. Minerva's right," Harry answered her calmly. "We can't lose each other, we have to stay safe, as much as we hate the situation. Severus and Kingsley will catch them, I am sure."<br>Hermione let herself fall down on the couch, feeling slightly dizzy. _What is the matter with me? Harry is right and I'm suddenly the impulsive person around here… no. _  
>"Oh Harry, since when are you our voice of reason, that's supposed to be my job. Sorry about my outbreak…." Hermione said silently, looking ashamed. Ron took her into his arms and stroked her back soothingly. "It'll be alright, Hermione, it'll be alright…" She hoped he was right.<p>

Some nerve-racking three hours later, it was time for dinner and the house elves had informed everyone to get into the Great Hall for dinner and an update on the attack on Hogsmeade.  
>Only some silent whispers could be heard from all four tables and as soon as Minerva stood up to address them all, it was silent at once.<br>"As you all know," Minerva started, "Hogsmeade was attacked this afternoon. There was an attempt for the life of Aberforth Dumbledore but he was lucky to not be at home at the time of the attack. His home was completely destroyed and the Dark Mark has been cast above the ruins of his house. Those attackers are certainly getting bold. But Aberforth is alive and the good news is: no one else is hurt or died. This was a targeted attack.  
>However, our train station has been demolished and the Hogwarts Express can't bring you home for the holidays. Your parents will be informed tomorrow that you all have to floo home. Your trunks will be delivered separately. Those of you who can apparate, please also take the floo, we don't want you to leave for the gates to be able to apparate home.<br>This is all for now, you will see all the details in tomorrow's newspapers. Try and enjoy your meal." Minerva sat down and suddenly looked another 10 years older.

The last school day was called off and everyone was given time to pack their things and send them home. Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione were scheduled to floo home at 3pm and were anxious to leave. They were relieved that Aberforth was alright but it was also clear he was a target as well because he had helped them before the Final Battle. The hits couldn't draw any nearer and they were aware they had to be very, very careful.

Severus had been called to Hogsmeade immediately. He had just returned from a wonderful long and exhausting walk along the coast in the winter sun and had looked forward to a cup of hot tea and good meal later. Kingsley's owl had been waiting impatiently when he returned to his house, and the message in it had still come as a shock, although he had expected something like this to happen.  
>He apparated outside the village and tried to get an overview of the damage as he stood silently on the hill that led up to Hogwarts. His enemies certainly had a good sense in terrifying people. Just before Christmas they attacked the most peaceful village in the Wizarding World. And also the spot that was nearest to the war heroes like Aberforth, Minerva, The Golden Trio and their friends. He began to wonder if the Ministry shouldn't let some Aurors stand in as bodyguards for the most threatened people and their families. It was a good thing Hermione's family was still far away, he thought not for the first time since he had learnt about the fact.<br>He was no longer in doubt that Harry, Ron or Hermione were in immediate danger. That Aberforth had not been killed had been sheer luck, he assumed. But first things first, he decided as he walked into the village.

The train station was in such a state of destruction that it nearly brought tears to Severus' eyes. This was the place where he had arrived as a child to escape his father for most of the year. This was where he had first seen Hogwarts. The platform and the tracks were deformed and no longer usable. The small building was completely burnt and after some searching, Severus was once again able to find that small drawn Dark Mark he had already found in George Weasley's shop. He talked to Thomas Finnegan while the other Aurors searched the place for further evidence and then walked into the town in direction of what was left of Aberforth' home. What he actually found there rendered him speechless once again. Where only yesterday Aberforth small stone cottage had stood, now only a huge crater was left. The whole house had simply been blown away and Severus had yet to learn the spell that could cause a damage like this. It looked like a Muggle bomb had exploded there. But perhaps, he suddenly thought, it had. Crabbe had certainly dark enough connections into the Muggle world to organize explosives. He decided to take some samples of the bits and pieces that lay around and investigate them himself. After he had spoken to Dean Harris – and had kept the thought about a possible bomb to himself- he shortly thought about visiting Minerva up at Hogwarts but decided against it. She would already have enough to do to calm down the students.  
>The remaining Aurors could talk to the neighbors and fill him in on what they had heard. He had no desire to do this himself.<p>

Severus had heard from Auror Finnegan that no one from Hogwarts had been in Hogsmeade during the attack. He wondered why they had attacked the village when no one except Dumbledore's brother could be hit. Was it all for the sole purpose of generating more fear amongst people? That certainly had worked out well, he thought cynically, as he hadn't met anyone except Aurors on his way through the village. Or had they just come to target Aberforth and had destroyed the train station "for fun"? He needed to think.  
>Now what little he had left for a Christmas spirit certainly was extinguished. He took his samples of the burnt earth and small bits of furniture and stone and apparated home.<p>

When Hermione, Harry, Ginny and Ron arrived though the floo at The Burrow, they were greeted with total silence as they entered the house. "Hello?", Ron asked into the silence. "We're home." A small rumbling could be heard from one of the upper levels. "Ron, Ginny, is that you?" Molly shouted from upstairs. "Yes, Mum," they shouted in unison.  
>They could hear a door being closed and Molly and a very sad looking Arthur came down the stairs. "Welcome home," Molly said with tears in their eyes when she hugged everyone tightly. "What is it, Mom?" Ginny asked as soon as she let go of her.<br>"It's George, Ginny, he's stopped talking to us. Yesterday, after he heard of the attack on Hogsmeade, he just went into his room and hasn't come out since then. We brought him breakfast this morning and tried to talk to him about everything.. anything.. but he is just sitting there, staring out of the window, showing no reaction at all. As if we weren't there," Molly ended, sobbing on Arthur's shoulder.  
>"What did you say to him?" Hermione asked carefully.<br>"We wanted to convince him that we should not let these Death Eaters win, that we all should continue with our lives and not give up hope. And that he should give up his shop, because this is exactly what they wanted to achieve. And then he turned away from us and hasn't spoken since," Molly said, clinging to Arthur.  
>The four young people looked at each other as if silently voting if this was the right moment to bring up what they had discussed at Hogwarts yesterday. They all nodded after a while and silently decided that Hermione should do the talking.<br>"Molly, Arthur, we talked about George yesterday. Perhaps we should go and sit down in the living room," Hermione suggested.  
>When they were all seated, Hermione took a calming breath and Ron took her hand to reassure her.<br>"Well, we, that means Harry and I, talked about the letters Ron and Ginny received from you about George's condition. We think that he is most likely feeling pressured into moving on and continue as if nothing happened. I personally think he fears of losing his connection to Fred if he just moves. Time is what he needs right now, Molly. He shouldn't be pressured into reopening before he is ready for it. He shouldn't reopen at all if he doesn't want to.  
>I think the most important thing right now is to help George recover from everything he's lost and support <em>every<em> decision he will take one day.  
>I am aware you lost your son as well, but you are different than George and Fred are. You are stronger and still have each other, whereas George has lost his other half. Give him the time he needs and talk to him, otherwise we all fear we lose him," she ended, leaning back into Ron's embrace and waited for their reaction.<br>Suddenly, Molly stood up and sat down again next to Hermione, hugged her hard and started to sob again. She needed a couple of moments to be able to speak again. "You are right, Hermione. And it seems you really are wise beyond your years. How could we not have seen?" Hermione didn't know what to answer and just hugged her back and shot a desperate look at Arthur. He also had tears in his eyes and nodded. "I agree, Hermione, how could we have been so blind and had to wait for you to let us see the only possible way to help George."  
>Hermione thought that sometimes a little distance like Severus had was all that was necessary to see things clearer.<br>They all stayed in the living room for a long time. Nobody felt the need to talk. At dusk, Molly slowly disentangled herself from Hermione and Ron and silently invited Arthur to join her in George's room.

The four friends stayed in the living room. Harry spoke first. "That went rather well, don't you think?"  
>"Yes, much better than expected," Ron answered and smiled at Hermione. "You are the best, my darling," he added and kissed her.<br>"Ron," she started slowly, "I haven't been entirely honest with you about this whole thing with George."  
>"What do you mean, you haven't been entirely honest?"<br>Hermione hesitated and chose her words very carefully. She was precisely aware how much this could backfire but she wanted to be honest with Ron. After a look at Harry who didn't seem able to decide if Hermione did the right thing, she took a deep breath explained everything and left nothing out.  
>"Look, Ron, I know how you feel about Severus, and this is why we decided to say it was our idea. But – I can't keep this from you. You've been so great all year and it is so hard for your family right now and I only wanted to help… please, Ron ... don't be mad at me."<br>Ron took her hands and looked into her eyes. He took his time before he answered her.  
>"Hermione, you know I still don't like Severus, but even I have to admit that he was right – in this case. I don't mind who had the idea, as long as it helps George and us as a family.<br>I'm not mad at you and Harry, but you could have told me it was Severus' idea, I wouldn't have minded," Ron added with a hint of disapproval in his voice.  
>"I know, Ron, I know, and I'm so sorry," Hermione said quietly.<br>"You know, Ron," Ginny entered the conversation, "I don't bloody care who had the right thought first – this is the only thing that will help George, I am sure about it. Stop being so resentful about Severus, even I had it in me to forgive him. Don't you think it's time for you to do the same?" She ended heatedly.

Ron now looked slightly ashamed but just as was ready to tell Hermione what an idiot he was, they heard steps on the stairs. Molly had once again tears in her eyes and directly went to Hermione to take her into her arms. "Thank you, Hermione, thank you so much." She hugged her tightly.

Christmas morning came and Molly was busy in the kitchen to prepare the meal for everyone. It seemed she was back to her old self.  
>At precisely one o'clock, there was a knock at the door and Hermione went to open it. It was Severus.<p>

Hermione opened the door to Severus and for a short moment, he had to hold his breath. For the first time in his life, he recognized that his former student had become quite a beautiful young woman in a very beautiful curve hugging red dress. About one second later, he had himself in control again and shut down all those wrong sounding thoughts like _She is twenty years younger than you, why do you even think she's beautiful?_  
>"Merry Christmas, Severus," she said, smiling at him. "Come on in."<br>"Thank you, Hermione, and Merry Christmas to you, too." He answered and couldn't stop himself from smiling back at her.  
><em>Did he just smile back at me? Merlin, that makes him look ten years younger.<br>_Christmas day was spent with lots of delicious food and amicable conversation. For a short moment, everyone had lost the ability to speak when George had joined at the table. He sat down, look at everyone and asked – as if nothing had ever happened – "I am hungry – what about everyone else?"  
>Then, all tension had dissolved and all sorrows were really forgotten for this one day. Even Severus had to admit to himself he had – against all odds – enjoyed the day. In fact, it was the best Christmas he had ever had. This morning, he had still thought about sending an Owl that told the Weasleys he was ill, but Molly would never have believed it. After what he had seen the day before yesterday, he admitted he needed the distraction and the company.<br>Not once did anyone mention the threat that was on all their minds for sure.  
>Hermione - and Ron – which he was still surprised about – had thanked him thoroughly for his insight concerning George's situation. He had completely forgotten about the advice he had given several weeks ago and was still kind of overwhelmed that Hermione had taken him so seriously. It meant more to him than he let her know.<p>

They all talked long into the night and shared several bottles of wine. George was the first to turn in for the night and before he did, he sat down next to Hermione. "Hermione," he whispered into her ear so that only she could hear what he said, "thank you for talking some sense into my parents. I really appreciate it and should you ever need anything, I'm here for you, OK?" She nodded. "You're welcome, George, but you should really thank Severus, it was his insight I passed on to your family."  
>"So thank him for me, will you, Hermione?" She nodded again. "Goodnight, George."<br>Severus stood from his place next to Arthur and held out his hand to Molly. "Thank you, Molly, for the finest Christmas Eve I ever had, honestly. I will take my leave now. Goodnight," he ended but Molly had already pulled him into a hug which he didn't dare return in front of all people. _When was the last time someone hugged me? I honestly can't remember. _Along his thoughts, Molly had drawn back again and Severus suddenly felt cold. The hug didn't do him any good. _I shouldn't get used to it._

"Arthur," he managed to say, "thank you as well and goodnight." _I have to get out of here…no more hugs. _Severus started right for the door and simply forgot there were more people in the room he had to say goodbye to.  
>When he reached the door, he heard Hermione's voice behind him. "Severus?" He turned around and found her looking sadly at him. "Something happened?" she asked hesitantly.<br>"No, I've just had enough of all this celebrating and will head home now," he answered coldly. _  
>So he's feeling uncomfortable. <em>"OK, Severus, goodnight. And Happy Christmas." Hermione wasn't sure what inspired her to dare this, but she reached out and hugged him tightly.  
>Severus wasn't sure what had hit him but he blushed furiously and stumbled out the house. <em>Bloody witch. How dare she hug him without his permission? She was not Molly and this hadn't felt like a motherly hug. At all. He would never be able to sleep tonight. Damnit. <em>  
>He walked to the gates, gathered himself and apparated home. He found his garden fence burnt down and some of his wards down.<br>_Merry Christmas to me, _he thought and drew his wand.


	11. Ron

**_A/N : Sorry for the delay in posting. I hope this chapter doesn't frighten you off, dear readers. _**

**_Many thanks again to my faithful beta Christine._**

* * *

><p><strong>11. Ron<strong>

His wand drawn and all senses on full alert, Severus slowly approached his burning garden fence. Most of his wards had held and protected his house but his garden was completely ruined. He slowly approached the house and cast a Human Revelio – it returned nothing. So they had already left.  
>But how had they found him at all? The thought that his carefully chosen hiding place was not a secret anymore made him shiver with unease. Of course, he had expected to be targeted and chased by his former <em>friends<em>, but HOW THE HELL had they found his retreat?

He cautiously entered his house and searched for spells and damages. _At least they were not clever enough to break the important wards, good._  
>After Severus had checked every room for signs of a break-in he sat down at his dining table to think. He felt thoroughly shaken by the violation of his personal comfort zone. Forcefully he drove the thoughts away. The most important thing now was to find out how Crabbe and his associates had found out where he lived. Had they followed him? Had somebody let the information slip in the wrong moment in the wrong place? Was there a spell on him? Had the Golden Trio not kept its promise to keep silent about his whereabouts. Had Kingsley let someone see his address when he had sent an owl?<br>He had to analyse this carefully.  
>Firstly, nobody had ever followed him home. He <em>always<em> checked for all kinds of spells before he apparated back home. One could never be careful enough, his twenty years as a spy had taught him this much. He had never found anything.  
>Secondly, he had to make a list of people who knew where he lived or had his address.<p>

Thirdly, he didn't really believe that Harry, Ron or Hermione had revealed his whereabouts but perhaps someone at Hogwarts had spotted Hermione sending Owls. He had to talk to them but already anger welled up in him as he thought about the possibility. And Minerva of course, they corresponded regularly, even after he had done his part with the Hogwarts wards.

_I will start the list right away, I can't sleep now anyhow. _

1. Minerva

2. Real Estate Agent: Christopher Miller

3. The Weasleys

4. Kingsley

5. Harry, Ron and Hermione

6. Gringotts

7. Healer Harris

8. Mrs. Wykes from the Bakery in town

They were only 8 possibilities and when he looked down on the list, the real estate agent was the first thing he would look into next morning – after he had questioned the Weasleys and the Golden Trio. Feeling suddenly too exhausted to do any more clear thinking, Severus went upstairs and tried to get some rest.

Hermione suppressed a huge yawn as she snuggled against Ron to try to get some more sleep. The night had been way too short with a lot of rather exhausting activity in their bed. She thanked God to have thought about a silencing spell before they had gone to bed. _This is certainly a good start to this Christmas. _She smiled and fell into a deep sleep again.  
>Two hours later, Ron woke her with a kiss on her cheek. "Good morning, love," he whispered and embraced her tightly. "We should get dressed and go downstairs, it seems we have a visitor. And there was a loud knock on our door a couple of minutes ago, didn't you hear it?"<br>"No, I didn't, I could really sleep the day away I think. And good morning to you, too, " she smiled against his lips. "I'd rather stay in bed but you're right. Somebody seems to make a fuss down there." Molly's voice could be heard from downstairs and she certainly sounded angry.

A couple of minutes later, they made their way down the stairs into the kitchen. They were both surprised to see a very agitated Severus Snape at the breakfast table.  
>"So you finally decided to join us," he said in the same icy voice he had used yesterday before he had left. Hermione decided to not be impressed by this.<br>"Good morning to you, too, Severus", she smiled and put forth her hand to greet him. He didn't take it. Hermione's smile froze. "Have we done anything to deserve this rather rude behaviour?" she shot back at him. _Have it your way, _she thought.

"Perhaps," he answered coldly. "And what exactly do you think we did?" she snapped. _Well, at least I am awake now. _

She and Ron had desisted to sit down at the table after he had refused her greeting. Hermione looked down at him. "What happened?" she asked once again, her tone now matching his. _So much for the thought of being friends with him. _

"Someone's been at my house while I attended this dispensable Christmas Party here yesterday. They didn't get in but my garden and the fence has been burned and destroyed. They left their sign on of the remains of it." His tone sounded bored and cold, as if it wasn't his house he was talking about. _Is he occluding? _Hermione thought at once. His face was expressionless as well. _This isn't good, I can't read anything in his face. He must feel very violated. _

Hermione sat down next to him und laid her hand on his arm. "I am very sorry, Severus," she said. "Are you here because you think we haven't been careful enough with your address?" This was the only possible explanation for his wrath that she could think of.  
>His eyes snapped up to meet hers. He exhaled loudly. "Yes." His expression changed and wasn't unreadable any more. He looked sad and tired.<br>"Were you?" he asked. "Careful enough?" she asked back. "Yes, I can assure you I never told a soul where you lived and I send every owl personally. I never gave anyone else a letter to take it up to the owlery. I destroyed all envelopes of your owls in our fire. I have been careful enough. It makes me sad you would think otherwise." Severus didn't answer.  
>"And you?" he asked, looking up to Ron, who still stood. "Not guilty," Ron said in a firm voice. "But perhaps I should have, the way you have just treated my girlfriend. She hasn't been anything but nice to you and you just come here and accuse her with this nonsense. She'd never do anything that might harm you. I don't understand it, but she seems to like you. So why would she give your address to anyone or be careless about it?"<p>

_He is right. Apologize to her. She likes me? _He couldn't do it. He was too ashamed of his behaviour now. He had behaved exactly like it was expected of Severus Snape. The _old_ Severus Snape. This wasn't him any more. He had tried Occlumency when emotions and uneasiness had become too much this morning after he woke up. It only had given him a bad headache and deep feeling of wrongness inside him. Nevertheless, he had kept the shields up with force until a couple of moments ago.  
>Abruptly, he stood and turned to go. "I have to check on something. If you think of anything, let me know." He closed the door behind and was gone.<br>"What the hell is he thinking," Ron yelled. "Bloody idiot! Are you alright, Hermione?"

"Yes, Ron. It's OK, he will come around. He is just scared because his home is not safe any more."

"That doesn't excuse his behaviour."

"No, Ron, it doesn't. But I'm not mad at him. Let it go, Ron."

Severus apparated directly into Manchester and walked through the city for a while to calm down his thoughts. He was disgusted with his behaviour towards Hermione. _So for a couple of months I had some kind of a female friend. And a quite beautiful one, _his damned brain added. _And just because I can't handle a threat anymore, I treat her like this? Well done, Severus. I can go search for new friends now. Which I won't find anyhow.. STOP IT ! CONCENTRATE !_  
>He picked up his pace to visit Christopher Miller and tried once again to shut down his emotions, but now without Occlumency. He still wasn't used to feeling this much. When he finally reached the real estate's agents office, it was of course closed for the Holidays. Severus hoped he just lived above the office and searched the doorbells for Miller. The last one luckily read C. Miller. Severus rang the doorbell.<p>

"Hello?" a voice came out of a thing the Muggles called speaker. "Mr Miller, this is Severus Snape. I bought a house through you agency last summer. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?" Silence answered him. "No, I'm sorry, but I don't know a Severus Snape," the voice returned after nearly a whole minute.  
>"And you are Christopher Miller?" Severus asked back. "Yes," Christopher Miller answered, sounding very unsettled.<br>"I know you don't remember me, but I would be very thankful if I could come in for a minute as I do not appreciate to do all the talking down here at the street," he said in his best teacher voice, that sounded more like a command than a request. The door suddenly buzzed and Severus pressed against it and entered the house. He heard a door opening in the upper part of the staircase and went upstairs. Christopher Miller was waiting for him in front of his apartment door on the third floor.  
>"Hello, Mr Miller," Severus greeted him in the friendliest tone he could manage and held out his hand. The other man didn't take it. From the look in his eyes, Severus could clearly see Christopher Miller didn't recognize him. At all. He had been obliviated. At least it was clear now how they had found out his address. But it wasn't clear at all how they had found out about Mr Miller and that he had sold him his new home.<br>"Please, Mr Miller, I only want to talk to you and I know it's Christmas and I apologize for disturbing you, but I really need to talk to you," Severus tried again before he had to use other measures to get that man letting him inside his apartment. Friendliness seemed to help and Mr Miller went back inside his apartment and let the door open for Severus.

Severus followed him into his living room and waited until Mr Miller had sat down. Then, he wandlessly petrified him as gentle as he could manage. "Sorry, Mr Miller, but I need you to be conscious and unable to move right now." Severus stood before him and drew his wand. Mr Miller's eyes seemed to widen to no end. "Legilimens," Severus whispered and entered the poor man's mind. Mr Millers mind reeked of fear and chaos and it was clear the obliviation hadn't done him any good. Severus projected calmness and trust inside the man's brain and it seemed he slowly seemed to calm down a bit. "I am not here to hurt you," he said out aloud. Finally, he found traces of the obliviated thoughts and very slowly attempted to restore them. Severus hadn't done this for a long time and he was exhausted within minutes. He could now clearly see what had happened.  
>The day before yesterday, Crabbe and Avery had entered the little office of Christopher Miller. At first, they seemed friendly and pretended to be interested in buying a new home. After they had taken a look at some of the offerings, their false smiles vanished from their faces and they drew their wands. Crabbe locked the door and Avery held his wand directly into Miller's face. "Who are you?" Miller dared to ask. "Some kind of magicians? Or just some really stupid criminals?" Severus shortly admired Millers courage.<br>Avery's face turned into an expression of pure anger. "We are wizards, you stupid git, and you will tell us NOW the address of the house you sold to Severus Snape!"  
>"Snape?" Miller asked, still sounding rather unimpressed. "That was months ago, I would have to check this in my files. What do you want from him?" It was clear that Crabbe and Avery hadn't expected the Muggle to be so fearless and cheeky. That was the man Severus remembered from last summer and not the one he had found here today. The obliviation had damaged his personality. Severus would try to undo that as much as he could.<br>"That's none of your business," Avery snarled angrily. "Give us his address and we'll leave. Otherwise we'll kill you, don't doubt that." Now Millers instinct of self preservation kicked it and he didn't talk back. He went to fetch Severus' address. "Finally we can get Severus. Let's get back to Bristol and plan our attack for Christmas day, he'll be at home alone anyway." Miller had heard Avery say. _I'll have to warn him,_ was his last thought when he handed over the address to Avery and was obliviated right away.

Severus carefully drew back from Christopher Miller's mind and finished the Petrificus spell.

Snow had begun to fall outside as Hermione stared out of The Burrow's kitchen window and watched the sheer beauty of the falling snowflakes. She couldn't stop thinking about Severus. He hadn't been that rude and cold since he had woken up in the hospital. Yesterday evening he had clearly felt out of his depth when he had been shown that he was liked and welcome within the Weasley family but his behaviour this morning had hurt her much more than she had let on.

Harry was also furious about Severus' way of handling the situation. Of course he wasn't as close to him as Hermione had become by now but he had made his peace with Severus, which now seemed thoroughly shaken. Before Hermione and Ron had woken up, Severus had talked to Harry and Ginny with the same accusing tone and had demanded a detailed report of every time they had spoken about Severus whereabouts. He seemed to suspect that they had let the information slip at Hogwarts, but the four friends had been careful to not discuss him outside their chambers. When Ron and Hermione had come down, Severus was already frustrated he hadn't found someone he could blame, she guessed. His could demeanour had reminded her of the old Severus Snape, the one that she had never liked. The man that was cold and full of hate and mistrust. She felt sad that he seemed to have returned.

She felt Ron's arm come around her and sighed deeply. "Care for a walk in the snow?" Ron asked. "Yes, I'd love to. It's beautiful out there." She was thankful for Ron's insight.  
>They put on the warmest robes they could find and told Molly they would be back for tea in time. "Don't go too far, dears," Molly warned them before they closed the door.<p>

After a while, they reached the forest and Hermione still had to speak a word since they had left the Burrow which was totally unlike her.  
>"Are you still angry about Snape?" Ron asked carefully. That snapped Hermione out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry, Ron. Yes, but I think I am more worried than angry."<br>"Why are you worried? He's a stupid and cold git. How could he talk to you like this? I can't believe I have forgiven him. He hasn't changed one bit," Ron snarled angrily.

"Please, Ron, stop it, I don't want to talk about him anymore," Hermione pleaded. "But," Ron started. "No, Ron, please, let's just forget about him for now. Let's talk about our plans for New Year's eve." Ron let out an angry breath and needed a minute to calm down.  
>"Okay, Hermione, whatever you want. So, what do you think of Harry's idea of celebrating at Grimmauld Place?"<p>

Crabbe, Avery and Alecto Carrow had waited on the hill above The Burrow in a gathering of trees to wait for anyone leave the house since morning. They had caught a short glimpse of Severus but he had disappeared within the house so quickly that they hadn't found the time to attack him. They couldn't believe their luck and just decided to wait for somebody exiting the house and leave the wards for an attack. The Burrow's wards were so strong they couldn't get nearer than a hundred yards.  
>They were still burning with anger that they hadn't found Severus at home yesterday. He seemed to have made friends with someone then, the bloody traitor, and had found a place to spend Christmas other than his home. It seemed they were lucky to soon get their revenge on both the Weasleys and Severus which seemed a good compensation for months of searching and hiding in Bristol. Perhaps it would all be over before the bloody Golden Trio left for Hogwarts again.<br>It really seemed to be Christmas for the three Death Eaters when Hermione and Ron left the house and headed towards the woods.

"This is our chance," Crabbe cheered. "Let's go and follow them. There's no better place than the woods to finish these two." "Yes," Carrow agreed, "finally. Finally we can get the two that helped to kill our Lord. We will kill them for him and when we have gotten them all, nobody will dare to question our right to be his successors." They swiftly stood and apparated to the edge of the forest where Ron and Hermione had disappeared a couple of minutes ago. "There they are, let's follow them deeper inside. We need to get more distance between us and them, otherwise they'll hears us if they don't speak." They cast a disillusion charm and slowly followed the pair deeper inside the woods.

Severus slowly sat down opposite of Christopher Miller. "I am sure you have questions," he cautiously said, looking into Mr Miller's eyes.

Mr Miller's brain finally seemed to add in the missing parts of his memory into their right places again. "You are Severus Snape, they searched for you. What have they done to me?"

Severus took his time to explain. Of course he also had to explain that he was a wizard as well and that there were two parallel existing worlds. It took him nearly two hours until he had answered all of Mr Millers question.  
>"Thank you, Mr Snape," Mr Miller said and shook Severus' hand. "There's nothing to thank me for, Mr Miller. If I hadn't come to you, they wouldn't have sought you out in the first place. Be well, and if there's anything you need, you know where to find me. Goodbye."<br>Severus turned and left. He couldn't explain it, but he felt a bit better now. He knew where to search for these bloody bastards now and had a clear aim.

But first of all, he had to apologize to Hermione. He couldn't afford losing one of the two friends he considered to have.

When he returned to The Burrow, several inches of snow had fallen and the scenery reminded him of a winter wonderland. It was quiet, beautiful and peaceful. All the things he didn't feel right now. Severus was deeply ashamed and hesitantly knocked on the door.

Molly opened the door. She started screaming at him instantly again, just like he had expected her to. "Severus, how dare you treat the children this. You have some nerve showing up here so soon again. Come inside, but Hermione's out at the moment with Ron. You'll have to wait for her, but in the mean time, apologize to Harry and Ginny." Molly stepped away and let him inside the kitchen. He deserved her treatment and she was right, although a tiny little voice in his head reminded him that he was here to apologize to children, his former students. His life really had changed.

"Where are Ron and Hermione?" Severus asked. "They went for a walk in the snow, Severus. Hermione hasn't talked much since you left and I think Ron wanted to distract her with a walk in the snow," Molly answered with a sharpness in her tone he wasn't used to hearing. "I know I behaved despicably this morning. I'm here to apologize," Severus said apologetically.

"I know you regret what you said, I can see it in your eyes. You look sad, Severus. Why this relapse in your behaviour? I thought you trusted the children."  
>"I do, Molly. I admit I felt out of sorts that my former friends found out where I live and I occluded because I thought I couldn't think clearly when my emotions affect me so much, I don't know. I just needed an outlet and I'm sorry it was Hermione. I really am. I am afraid I have lost her friendship." Severus sat at the kitchen table with hunched shoulders and his head hanging down. His hair hid his expression but Molly was sure he was close to crying.<p>

She went over to him and laid her hand on his shoulder. "If this means so much to you, Severus, go after her. Apologize. She will listen to you, she hasn't given you up – yet." Severus looked up and she saw a glimmer of hope in his sad eyes. _Poor man,_ Molly thought. _He really values Hermione's friendship and the feeling's mutual. Good for him._ "Go, Severus, but remember to talk to Harry when you get back."

Severus stood and left the house. He tried to enjoy the silence the snow brought but his mind was screaming. He really should hunt down Crabbe and Avery first and get his mind off them before he apologized to Hermione. Kingsley would be furious he hadn't followed the lead first. _But he doesn't have to know I came back here first._  
>When he reached the forest, Severus stopped dead in his steps. He could see five pairs of footprints now, not only two. Was this a coincidence? Not likely. He started to jog, then broke into a run when he couldn't see anyone ahead of him. For the first time in his life, he valued the skill he had acquired as a Death Eater and drew his wand to fly along the way in a whirl of black smoke.<p>

Hermione and Ron had stopped walking at the clearing where they had lain in the summer. "I love this place, Ron. It's so quiet and peaceful, I'm so glad we found it during the summer," Hermione said and hugged Ron tightly. "Me, too, Hermione. It's been a wonderful Christmas so far and I really look forward to spend a lot more Christmases with you. I really do love you, Hermione." He slowly bent down to kiss her.

"So nice of you to finally stop walking," a cold voice interrupted their kiss brutally. Immediately, Ron turned around and instinctively stood before Hermione. "Ah, now we have your attention, Ronald Weasley." Ron and Hermione both froze in shock. Before them stood Crabbe, Carrow and Avery and all had their wands drawn, pointing in their direction. Hermione came back to her senses first and slowly drew her wand behind Ron's back.

"What do you want?" Ron spoke up in a tight voice. Hermione could sense his fear through it. It was clear to her what they wanted. How could they have been so stupid and leave the outer wards of The Burrow?  
>"You really have to ask?" Avery asked with a devilish grin in his face. "My, still a bit stupid, Ron Weasley, aren't you? Well, of course we're here to kill you. We've waited long enough to get a hold of you and your beautiful little girlfriend here and now it's finally our turn."<br>"What use is it to you when we're dead? Your Dark Lord won't return," Hermione asked and tried to keep her voice steady.

"No, he won't," Crabbe answered her, "but we as his most loyal followers must avenge his death. It is our duty. And you are clearly responsible that our Lord is dead. We have a long list to work through, but your death will show the people how serious we are about this. Now – any last words?"

"Yes," Hermione said aloud and stepped forward with her wand drawn. "Expelliarmus!" Avery's and Carrow's wand flew towards her but Crabbe had already had a shield up, it seemed. _Shit,_ she thought, _he's going to kill us. _Crabbe actually laughed.

"Nice try, little girl. Expelliarmus!" Crabbe shouted with so much force that Hermione and Ron were both wandless immediately.

"I will kill Mr. Weasley here first and you will watch, Miss Granger. Then it's your turn."

Tears were now streaming down Hermione's face. She grabbed Ron's hand and held it tightly. "I love you, Ron," she whispered. _This really is it_, she thought, _I am about to die_._ After I survived a whole bloody war. _It really was ironic. "Love you, too, Hermione," Ron whispered back. Carrow and Avery had picked up their wands and now three wands pointed at them again. _At least I am not going to be far behind him. _The thought consoled Hermione a bit.  
>"Enough talking," Crabbe said interrupted her thoughts. "You wanna do it, Avery?" "Love to," Avery answered. He stepped forward. "Ready, Mr. Weasley?"<p>

"As I'll ever be, you sardistic poor excuse of an asshole," Ron answered bravely, but his voice was unsteady. He gripped Hermione's hand tighter.

_Adava Kedavra!_ Avery shouted and the green light hit Ron directly in the chest. The sheer force of the spell knocked Hermione out at once, too.

Seconds later, a whirl of black smoke landed in the clearing and Severus Snape materialized out of it. _Gods, I am too late, _he thought as he saw Ron lying there in the snow together with Hermione. He drew his wand and stunned his three former acquaintances before they had the chance to realize what had happened. He tied them up and ran over to Ron and Hermione.

Ron lay in the snow with his eyes open. He wasn't breathing. Hermione had her eyes closed but he could see her breath in the cold air. _She's alive_, Severus thought with momentary relief. "Ennervate", he muttered and Hermione's eyes opened.

She coughed and immediately looked at Ron. "Ron?... Ron? please…," she grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

"Wake up, Ron...," she cried desperately.

"Hermione," Severus said softly, "there's nothing you can do, he's dead."

"No, Severus, it can't be, he can't leave me. I need him."

Severus could see she was near collapsing. "Hermione," Severus tried again.

She didn't react. "Hermione, look at me." He tried again. He touched her arm. That provoked a reaction.

"Let go of me! Why didn't you let them finish? Why did you show up here at all? I don't need your help! Let – go – of – me!" she yelled desperately but Severus only grabbed her tighter.

"I came after you to apologize for my behavior this morning, Hermione. I saw five pairs of footprints leading into the woods and came as fast as I could. I can't tell you how sorry I am I was too late."

Hermione said nothing. She silently started to sob and Severus felt at a loss at the sight of her. So he did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around her.

With his left hand he summoned his Patronus and sent for Kingsley and the Aurors. The three Death Eaters were slowly coming back to their senses and Severus couldn't help thinking if it hadn't been better if he had killed them right away.

Suddenly, Hermione started moving and unwrapped herself from his arms. She wiped her eyes and sniffed. Slowly, she stood up, drew her wand and walked towards the captivated men who had just killed her boyfriend, her Ron. Now that they were tied up and a wand pointing at them, they were no longer looking arrogant and smug, but afraid.

A warm hand touched her wand arm. "Don't, Hermione," Severus said quietly. "They deserve it, but think of what this will do to you. I know what I'm speaking about. - Please." She hesitated. Only when Severus had said "please" the message slowly got through to her. Perhaps he was right and they were not worth it. "But they killed my Ron and I am all alone now, what does it matter what happens with me?" She answered with a voice void of any emotion.

"It matters to me, Hermione."

She slowly withdrew her wand and started to sob again. With a loud pop, the Aurors arrived but she couldn't hear it. Ron was dead.


	12. Hermione

_**Thank you so much for all the Follows / Favorites / Reviews. They all made me very happy as I have never expected such a positive reaction to my very first attempt at writing. THANKS! **_

_**Thanks again to my beta Christine.**_

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><p>12. Hermione<p>

After Kingsley and the Aurors had once again confirmed Ron's death, Severus slowly untangled himself from Hermione. She had stopped sobbing a couple of moments ago. Her tear-stained face was void of any emotion and she was unhealthily pale. To Severus, she looked broken. He nearly couldn't bear it to see her in this state.  
>"Hermione," he addressed her softly, "we have to go back and tell his family and Harry." She slowly shook her head. "I won't leave him," she said with a hard tone in her voice. "You can go and tell them, I'll stay with him." Her tone left no room for discussion and her eyes once again found the direction where Ron still lay in the snow on the stretcher that the Aurors had brought.<p>

Severus pondered how to get through to her. He touched her arm again and she teared her eyes away from Ron and looked into his. "Please, Hermione, Harry will need you with him when he learns about this. The Weasleys will be devastated and I fear they will forget that Harry's lost a brother, too. This war has cost them entirely too much. I will make sure no one touches Ron or takes him away until you return. I promise."

"What about me, Severus? Who will be there for me now?" She asked him sadly. "I've lost my anchor in my life. He was all I had left for a family."  
>"That's not true, Hermione, and you know that. I know that Harry will always be there for you, he sees you like his sister. And the Weasleys will not abandon you. They love you like you were their own daughter." Severus had to pause to say his next words, but he wanted to make sure that Hermione understood what he wanted to say. If she ever remembered that conversation after such a devastating shock, he thought.<p>

"Hermione, if you let me, I'll be there for you as a true friend. I will try to help you through this. I am so sorry about my behaviour this morning, I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I promise I will never hurt you again."

Hermione didn't say anything. She just looked at him and Severus wasn't sure she had understood what he had said. "Let's go, Hermione," Severus added, "it will not get easier the longer we linger here."

Hermione finally gave in with a sigh although everything in her writhed against leaving Ron here in the woods without her watching over him.

Severus nodded and went to talk with Kingsley. Hermione just kept standing where she was and didn't move. She didn't hear the voices around her with Carrow, Grabbe and Avery shouting and protesting against their arrest. _Perhaps I can just die of the shock. How will I ever be able to tell Harry what happened? This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so upset about Severus we would have never gone into the woods. _And now Severus had saved her… and only her. He had been too late to save Ron. He had been too early and had saved her. And now his strange behaviour, he was so nice that she wasn't sure she believed his words.

Kingsley and Severus both came towards her. Kingsley took her hands and quietly began speaking. "I am so very sorry about your loss, Miss Granger. I apologize that we were not able to catch these – miscreants - earlier," he finished with a disdainful look at the captives. "This is our fault and I personally take the responsibility for what happened here." Hermione could only nod - she couldn't speak right now.

Her throat was tight when she thought about what still lay ahead of her. _Telling Harry. And Ginny. Oh God. _

"Hermione," Severus addressed her again, "we should go." She showed no reaction but looked him straight in the eyes. Severus took her arm and apparated them right in front of the Burrow's wards.

Hermione couldn't move when she saw the house. "I can't tell him, Severus, I just can't. If I say it out loud, it will be real." Severus didn't know what to answer her, she sounded desperate and he could unterstand her meaning. _I am totally the wrong person to help her with this. _Hermione took a tentative step forward and Severus followed her in silence. They reached the door. Hermione slowly opened it and entered the kitchen.

Her first look fell at the family watch. Ron's hand had remained at "mortal peril", death didn't show on the clock. Had anyone seen this yet?

The house was silent and Severus closed the door behind them. The floor creaked. "Hermione, Ron, is that you?" Harry shouted down form upstairs. Severus saw Hermione take a deep breath and tears welling up in her eyes again. "Yes," she said as loud as she could. They could already hear Harry coming down the stairs. "Did Severus find you?" Harry asked entering the kitchen. "Oh he did, I see. But – where's Ron? Is he mad at you again because you've forgiven Severus for his behaviour?"

Hermione burst into tears. Harry rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Merlin, what happened, Hermione? Just tell me, I am here for you," Harry whispered into her hair. "It's Ron, Harry," she sobbed violently, "he's dead. And it's all my fault." Harry stepped back from her. "What?" Harry shrieked in total disbelief.

"Ron's dead, Harry. Avery, Crabbe and Carrow followed us into the woods. They killed him. They wanted to kill us both but Severus came and saved me. Only me," she blurted out. Harry just stood there with his mouth hanging open, turning as white as a sheet. He swallowed audibly. "Is it true?" He asked Severus with a strained voice. "I'm very sorry, Harry. Yes it is true, Ron's dead." He didn't know what else to say.

Hermione threw herself into Harry's arms and they both cried heavily.

Severus felt like he was intruding and the only thing he wanted to do was leave but they still had to tell Ginny and the rest of the family. He heard the stairs creak again and seconds later, Molly and Ginny entered the kitchen. In an instant, they both realized that something was very wrong. "Where's Ron?" Ginny asked fearfully. Harry let go of Hermione and stumbled into Ginny's arms. "He's dead, Ginny," he sobbed, "killed by the Death Eaters." Molly let out a shriek and fainted only seconds later. Severus had seen this coming and prevented her from falling on the floor. Ginny had yet to say something. She didn't even cry yet. "Where is he, Hermione? Were you with him when it happened?" She asked and Severus shortly admired her clear mind in this situation. Perhaps it was her way of dealing with the pain. "He's still out there, in our clearing," Hermione answered between sobs. "I was with him, I held his hand. He wasn't alone. I have to go back to him, I promised," she said, looking back at Severus. He still waited for Molly to come back to her senses and gently touched her check. "Molly, wake up," he said softly. She didn't move.

"I want to see him," Harry said suddenly with a firmer voice than Severus had expected. "Let's go," he added and took Hermione's and Ginny's hand and started towards the door. "But what about Mom," Ginny asked. "We can't leave her like this. We have to tell Dad and the others.. oh God."

"I will take care about it. Go ahead," Severus said quietly. "Where is Arthur?"  
>"He's in the barn, he isn't even aware of what happened this morning. He's together with George and Charlie," Ginny replied. She still didn't cry.<p>

The three of them left the house and Severus was alone with an unconscious Molly in his lap.

It took the three friends a lot of effort to apparate to the clearing to see Ron. Kingsley had stood by his promise and personally watched over Ron. The other Aurors had already left and had taken the prisoners with them. Total silence had fallen over the clearing, it was as peaceful as before, Hermione thought. But her life was not. Not anymore.

Kingsley quietly expressed his condolences to Harry and Ginny and then stepped away to give the three young people some space to say their Goodbyes. He knew from experience it would be vital for them to find closure one day.

Ginny fell down on her knees beside her brother. She took his right hand and silently began to weep. Harry knelt down beside her and touched his face. It had already gone cold. But Ron looked peaceful and almost had a smile on his face. He had died with Hermione beside him and that was a little consolation for Harry. He had lost the first friend he had ever had and could still not quite wrap his head around the fact that this morning was the last time he had ever spoken to him. Tears welled up in his eyes again and he bent down and laid his head on Ron's chest and sobbed.

Hermione just stood there and took in the scene before her. She let them say their Goodbyes and would do the same later. If she knelt down now beside Harry and Ginny she would never be able to get up again. Their shared grief would be too overwhelming for her.

After a while, neither could make out how much time had gone by, Harry and Ginny silently stood. "Goodbye Ron, we love you," they said simultaneously with muffled voices. It was easy to see just how much effort it cost them both to tear away their eyes from him and never see him again. Hermione could see Harry softly squeezing Ginny's hand and they both turned away from Ron. "Take your time, Hermione," Harry said, now hugging her tightly. "We go back and get Molly and Arthur."

Harry and Ginny went over to Kingsley to thank him for the time he had given them but Hermione didn't hear them any more. She knelt down beside Ron and slowly lay down on the stretcher next to him. She wrapped her arms around the now much colder body and buried her face in his neck. She inhaled his scent and tried to memorize everything she could in as much detail as she was able to. Hermione didn't cry anymore. She silently said all the things to Ron she hadn't been able to say in their last moments. How thankful she was to him for being there for her, especially in the last half year. How thankful she was for their friendship, as difficult as it sometimes had been, throughout all the years. How wonderful he had made her feel during the nights. How much she loved him.

In the evening, the Weasley family sat around the kitchen table in silence. The two chairs Ron and Fred had always occupied stood empty. A small bouquet of flowers sat on the table before each empty chair. Neither of them felt like eating but their stomachs grumbled a bit nevertheless. Slowly, Molly stood up and handed out some bread for everyone. It was all they had decided to be able to eat. Bread and tea.

Severus had silently left after all family members had sad their Goodbye to Ron. No one had really noticed his absence until now. "Where's Severus?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know," Hermione uttered, "and I don't care," she added and stood up from the table. She practically ran up the stairs and threw herself on the large bed and started to cry.

"What's gotten into her?" Ginny asked Harry. "None of this is Severus's fault."  
>"I'll talk to her tomorrow, I have an idea what's going round in her head," Harry answered quietly. He could imagine all too well what bothered Hermione. She was alive and Ron was gone. Severus could only save her and hadn't been in time for Ron. She clearly gave him a part of the fault for Ron's death. Harry was as devastated as she was about Ron's death, but the one thing he had seen clearly today, was how good it was that Severus had been there today. He hadn't killed Ron and none of this was his fault. Hermione had to understand this and he would have to show her.<p>

Severus was totally exhausted when he came home this evening. After he had left the Weasleys he had apparated to the Ministry to give his testimony for the events in the forest. After he had related everything in the minutest details, he felt very guilty he had not made more haste after discovering the six more footprints. Perhaps he could have saved Ron. Kingsley made a point about him being there in time for saving Hermione and that he wouldn't have done anything different than Severus, but the feeling of guilt lingered heavily on his mind. Hermione hadn't spoken to him after she had gone back into the woods. He was sure she made him responsible for Ron's death. Hell, she had even said so. _I've truly messed this up. Perhaps I should have killed them, it would at least given __**her**__ some satisfaction. And I would be out of her way in Azkaban. _

He helped himself to a rather generous amount of Firewhisky and then went straight into bed.

Hermione woke up feeling cold. Only half-conscious, she turned around to snuggle against the warmth of Ron's body - but he wasn't there. Slowly, she opened her eyes. They were heavy and her eyelids stuck together from crying herself into sleep. That made her remember what had happened the day before. She sucked in a breath and forced her eyes close again. _It can't be. It was only a nightmare. Ron can't be dead. _ But he wasn't there and his side of the bed had clearly looked not slept in. She pulled the covers over her head. Perhaps if she just shut out the reality the pain in her chest would go away.

There was a hesitant knock on the door. "Hermione?" She could hear Harry's voice. "Are you awake?"  
>"Go away, Harry." She heard the door open silently. "I said, go away," she repeated.<p>

She felt the bed dip down beside her. Slowly, Harry pulled down the covers over her head. "Look at me, Hermione. Please." She slowly turned around. "What part of "go away" didn't you understand?" She snapped and tried to push Harry off the bed. He caught her wrists and held them firmly. "Don't you dare shut me out, Hermione. I've lost my best friend and you've lost your boyfriend. We're in this together. We have to help each other to get through this. Stop fighting me," Harry ended with a firm voice. Hermione lost all strength in her arms and stopped fighting Harry. She began to sob and Harry hugged her tightly against his chest. Tears welled up in his eyes again and they sat silently together for a while, crying and holding each other.

After they both had calmed down again, Harry spoke up again. "Listen, Hermione. I wanted to speak to you about Severus."  
>"What about him?" Hermione asked, her voice turning suddenly cold.<p>

"You make him responsible for Ron's death, don't you? Because he was able to save you, but was too late to save Ron."

Hermione didn't answer at once but looked down at her hands. "Deep down I know it's not his fault," she whispered after a while, "but I can't help thinking why he didn't show up fifteen seconds earlier to save Ron or fifteen seconds later when we were both dead. It's his fault I'm all alone now."

"No, Hermione," Harry replied vehemently. "He came to you as fast as he could and he couldn't have sensed what was happening to you or Ron. They were hunting you down on Boxing Day, for God's sake. No one could have guessed that. He saved you and I am thankful that he did. You should be, too. I know it's hard right now but not Severus killed Ron, it was Avery. Never forget that."

With that, he stood up and left the room.

Hermione was angry and confused. She knew Harry was right but it was so easy to give Severus the fault for her personal tragedy. She pulled up the covers over her head again and never left the bed that day.

Severus had woken up with a strong headache. Not eating and the rather large Firewhisky hadn't done him any good yesterday. He was at once aware of yesterday's events and the feeling of his own guilt had never left him trough the night. Slowly, he got up and took a hot shower to relieve a bit of the tension he felt. For breakfast, he had a large amount of anti-headache potion and a strong black coffee with two leftover scones. The sky outside was grey and the snow had turned into rain last night and now splashed heavily against the windows. Severus wanted nothing more than to stay inside today and forget about yesterday. Sitting in front of the fire and reading a good book would have been a good distraction. With a heavy sigh, he stood up from his table, extinguished the fire and fetched his heavy coat. He concentrated hard and apparated straight into the Ministry to help conducting the interrogations with his former fellows. Severus already hated it.

"Hermione, you have to eat something. Please, come down and join us," Molly tried once again standing outside Hermione's closed door. She had locked it during the day because nobody seemed to have sensed that all she wanted was to be left alone. She didn't bother to answer Molly and decided to use a silencing charm to keep the noise out. Finally, she was able to fall asleep from exhaustion and wasn't woken once by bad dreams.

The next morning, Hermione had to use the loo and silently slipped out of the room. When she entered the bathroom she risked a look into the mirror. _Gods, I look like a zombie. Perhaps I died from the grief last night. _But that couldn't be true, because Ron hadn't been there when she had woken up. She didn't shower, that would wash off the last bit of Ron she had on her. She wasn't ready for this yet. Or perhaps she would never be. She had thought about Harry's words the whole day before she was finally able to sleep last night. He was right, it wasn't Severus' fault, but it wasn't easy to let go of the thoughts that had settled right after Ron's death the day before yesterday's morning.

Had it really only been two days? 48 hours? _Seems more like an eternity to me. _

She finished her morning ablutions and slipped back into her room unseen.

Nobody bothered her again but around noon her stomach grumbled so loudly she slowly got dressed and went downstairs. She found the whole Weasley family in the sitting room, bent down over some sort of catalogue. When she neared the table she could see what was in the catalogue : coffins.

"Hermione," Molly addressed her with tears in her eyes, "it's good you came down. You should take part in this decision," she added. "We're not able to agree on one, anyway." Hermione turned around and ran from the room. She certainly wasn't able to make a decision on Ron's coffin yet. The finality that was implied in this decision made her dizzy and she had to stop in the kitchen. She grabbed her coat and went outside. _I have to clear my head._

Inside the sitting room, Harry jolted out of his seat to go after Hermione. Ginny stopped him. "Let her go, Harry, Mum's approach on the subject wasn't the most sensitive one. Give her time. We all know how hard this is, don't we?"

Hermione once again took the way into the woods. She needed to see the clearing again to wrap her mind around the fact that Ron really was not coming back. Ever.

Two hours later, when Harry and all the Weasleys had gotten slightly agitated, Hermione finally returned and went to the sitting room to retrieve the coffin catalogue. After 15 or so pages she finally saw a model made of cherry wood. For her, it was the perfect choice. It was plain and classy at the same time. She took the catalogue and went to find Molly.

Severus wondered if he should visit the Weasleys when he left he Ministry that evening. They should learn what he had found out from Avery, Crabbe and Carrow but on the other hand – would it help them with their grief? _I guess not. _

He decided to apparate home and update them in a letter. When he had left yesterday he wasn't even sure they had noticed. Of course he was able to understand that, nevertheless he had been a bit hurt after he had even spent Christmas with them. _Come on_, he told himself firmly,_ don't be so whiny, they have just lost another son. Don't be upset. _

If he was honest with himself, the real reason for his dark mood was Hermione. He wanted to see her and find out how she was holding up. He feared for their friendship and her strength that had always kept her going. Yesterday it had seemed that none of it was left inside her.

New Year's eve was spent with a light dinner and no further celebration at the Burrow. Bill and Fleur had stayed and Fleur tried to support Molly in every way she could. Hermione almost never spoke and only came down to some of the meals during the last few days. For this evening, Harry practically had to drag her out of the room. Harry was as devastated as she was, but he at least had Ginny to turn to. She grieved for her brother but had shown unshakable strength in supporting Harry and the rest of her family. Arthur silently mourned his son and tried to support Molly in every possible way. George had shortly returned to not speaking but when he joined the table, he took a spoon and tapped it against his wine glass. Silence fell and everyone looked at George when he stood. "To the best son, brother and boyfriend we all can imagine. To Ron. May he rest in peace. And to you, Hermione. You are a true part of this family. Never doubt that. And now let's eat like there's no tomorrow, the way Ron always did," he ended with a small smile.

The evening ended in a much lighter mood than everyone had anticipated and they all shielded the thoughts about the funeral that would take place two days later.

On New Year's Day, Severus's owl tapped at Hermione's window. She slowly got up from the bed and let it in. She hadn't been in contact with him since … _that_ day. She felt a little bad about it but hadn't been able to do something about it. Slowly, she unfolded the letter.

_Hermione,_

_I'm not sure you want to hear from me at all but before you tear this letter into pieces, please read at least what this letter is about._

_I want to inform you what I learned from interrogating these three miscreants that killed Ron. And of course, I want to apologize for not being there in time. I know you must hate me for this._

_If you are still reading, please allow me to express how very sorry I am about everything. First of all about my behaviour on Christmas Day and also on Christmas Eve. That was totally uncalled for and I felt very much out of my depth. Secondly, I apologize for not realising sooner what those three men had planned and how serious they were with their plans. I didn't realise how keen they really were on killing people, although I should have after analysing the circumstances of the attack on Hogsmeade. I also apologise for being too late and I think you know what I mean. I will regret this for the rest of my life. There's nothing more to say._

_I am not sure if you remember anything I told you after Ron's death. If you do, please know I will stick to my words. _

_Crabbe, Avery and Carrow – once securely locked away in a dark cell deep down in the Ministry – were quite easy to break during the interrogation. Their plan has been simple : Kill all people that were involved in finishing off Voldemort – me and you included – and spread fear and terror throughout Britain with the attacks to take over Voldemort's place after you were all killed. The remaining 12 free Death Eaters were not involved in the attacks. They seem to have left the country to wait what would happen here. Cowards. Nevertheless the Aurors are supposed to be alert._

_I'll spare you the rest of the details, they won't help you and these three are not worth any more attention.  
><em>

_I'm afraid the public will learn about Ron's death and the arrest of Crabbe, Avery and Carrow the day after the funeral. I couldn't convince Kingsley to hold the information back any longer. _

_If you don't want me to be at the funeral, please say so. Molly send me an invite yesterday._

_Wishing you a happy new year would seem rather inconsiderate. I hope you are able to get through the funeral tomorrow, small steps are the most important ones now._

_Yours,_

_Severus._

He had told her something after Ron had died? She couldn't remember. She decided to write a short note back.

_Severus,_

_Thank you for your kind letter. I accept you apologies. I don't want you to feel guilty for what happened, none of this is your fault. I can see that now. You've said something to me after Ron died. I'm sorry – I can't remember. What was it?_

_Of course you can come to the funeral, we need every support we can get. _

_See you tomorrow, Hermione. _

The funeral was worse than Hermione could have imagined and she wasn't able to speak to Severus or anyone else. At all. She had been crying the whole time and had nearly collapsed when Ron's coffin was lowered into the grave. Someone had been catching her before she fell and held her steadily but she never realised it had been Severus. Hermione didn't join the funeral feast afterwards and went straight back into her room and locked herself in. There she stayed until it was time to leave for Hogwarts again three days later.


	13. Despair

_**A/N : Sorry for this being another sad chapter.. the next ones will be more upbeat - I promise! Thanks for sticking with me. **_

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><p>13. Despair<p>

Harry hesitantly knocked on Hermione's door. There was no answer. Slowly, he pushed down the doorknob and entered her room. It was entirely dark. "Hermione?" He called out softly. There was a slow movement on the bed. "Hermione, are you awake?" Harry slowly approached the bed. "I don't want to go, Harry. I don't think I can face all the others yet. I don't know how…" she trailed off. Harry sat down beside her on the bed. He grabbed her hand in the darkness of the room. "I'll be there with you, Hermione. I know it will be hard for me, too, but we will get through this together." Harry sighed and waited for her answer. It didn't come. "It won't get easier the longer we hide here, you know," he added quietly.

She slowly squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Harry. I'm sorry – I know this is as hard for you as it is for me and sometimes I tend to forget that. I miss him so much, Harry."  
>"I know, Hermione, I know."<p>

An hour later, Hermione was dressed and as ready to go back to Hogwarts as she would ever be. She had just said her Goodbye to Arthur and Molly and was crying again. Trembling, she stood before the fireplace with her shrunk down trunk in the left hand. She grabbed a bit of floo powder and with an unsteady voice, she shouted "Hogwarts, Headmistress' Office" and stepped into the fireplace. The Headmistress had kindly allowed them to avoid the train.

Harry and Ginny had already gone before her and were waiting for her in Minerva's office. The two were talking quietly to Minerva, they all had tears in her eyes. "Hermione," Minerva addressed her with a sad voice, "come here, my poor girl." Hermione silently obeyed and stumbled into Minerva's arms. "I am so sorry," she whispered into Hermione's hair, "so very sorry." Of course, Minerva had attended Ron's funeral, but Hermione hadn't noticed her – just as anybody else. After a couple of minutes, all four of them had calmed down enough to go to their chambers. Minerva had thought about changing Ron's and Hermione's bedroom but in the end had decided against it. Hermione should do the change herself when she was ready for it.  
>"I suggest we take the floo into your rooms, I think it will be hard enough for you tomorrow morning. Take your time to feel at home here again." Hermione hadn't said a word since she had arrived. She appreciated Minerva's words and her intuition but all she wanted was to be alone now.<p>

Hermione had cried herself into sleep that night, all alone in that much too large bed in her bedroom. It was even worse than in their bedroom at The Burrow. The darkness of the old castle and inside their rooms weighed heavily on her mind. _I have no idea how to get through a whole day of school today,_ she thought as she lay wide awake in her bed on Monday morning._ They will all offer their condolences and will make me cry even more. I'm really not sure if I can take much more crying. Perhaps I should stay in bed and pretend to be sick," _but then she had to think about Harry's words from yesterday again. "It won't get easier the longer we wait." He was right. _I have to face them even if it will slowly kill me. _

After a long hot shower, Hermione carefully dressed in black robes and left the bedroom. Harry and Ginny were already waiting for her, also dressed completely in black. Words weren't necessary between the three young people and Hermione silently linked her arm with Harry's and together they left their chambers. On the way to the Great Hall, the castle seemed to ensure that they met no other students, it even seemed like they were alone in the castle. Voices could only be heard very distantly but the noise increased steadily as the three friends approached the Great Hall. Finally, they reached the entrance. "Ready?" Harry asked quietly. _No, I'm not, _a voice screamed in Hermione's head, but she slowly nodded against her will. _You have to go through this only once, come on. _She tugged at Harry's arm and slowly took a step forward.

It seemed they were late and all students were already in the midst of their breakfast. Slowly, Hermione, Harry and Ginny made their way to the Gryffindor table.

Bit by bit, the students recognized who was coming this late to breakfast and all noise slowly abated the more way they made. This was exactly the way Hermione had feared it would be. Several hundred eyes looked at her and Harry and Ginny with pity and sorrow. _If we don't reach our table soon I __**will**__ scream. _When Hermione nearly couldn't take it anymore, they had finally reached their table and silently sat down. Slowly, the noise came back and people began eating again and continued their discussion. Those, who sat at the same table as the three friends, had yet to speak.

Hermione was quite sure she wasn't able to eat anything although her stomach rumbled and seemed to disagree. She grabbed a buttered toast before her and tried a small bite.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see that Neville had risen from the far end of the table and came down towards then. Hermione put down her toast and took a deep breath as tears welled up in her eyes again as soon as she saw the expression on Neville's face. _He has lost a friend, too, I nearly forgot that. _Neville silently sat down beside her and hugged her tightly and Harry and Ginny afterwards. "How are you holding up?" Neville quietly asked after the four of them had calmed down a bit and had dried their tears.

"Nearly not at all, Neville," Hermione answered him. "Coming back here is even harder than I imagined."

Severus woke up very late that Monday. It seemed that all the tension he had felt during the last few weeks, had finally eased and he had been able to sleep well the first time in weeks. He was acutely aware that today was the day when Hermione and her friends had to face the world outside The Burrow again the first time after Ron's death. Severus found himself thinking a lot about Hermione this last few days, if he was being honest with himself, even the last few weeks. Yes, he thought of her as his friend. And on Christmas, he had felt more than friendship but had suppressed every thought into this direction since then. He wondered if she would ever be able to be a true friend to him again. Although she seemed to have forgiven him, as she had said in her last letter, he doubted if she really had it in her to let the thoughts about him being responsible go one day.

He really feared she wouldn't.

He hadn't replied to her last letter and hadn't repeated the words he had said to her in the woods that day. She would have to be the one to contact him again, he didn't dare bothering her if she didn't want it.  
>She had enough friends to rely on at Hogwarts, he supposed. Perhaps he would write to Minerva these days to ask how she and her friends were holding up.<p>

The funeral had been hellish for him as well. It had been hard for Severus to see Hermione in such grief and despair. When Ron Weasley's coffin had been let down into the grave, her knees were to weak to support her and if Severus hadn't caught her, she would have fallen right into the grave after her boyfriend. He was quite sure she hadn't even noticed what had happened. _I will tell her one day when she's better. And I will also repeat the promise to support her in every possible way, if she will let me. _

During the days after the funeral, he had thought several times of visiting The Burrow again to see how the whole family, and especially Hermione, were keeping up. He didn't have the guts. He really wasn't the right person to give solace to others. He still had trouble with his own emotions, although he had been rid of the Dark Mark over half a year now. But twenty years of mostly feeling nothing still left him confused to no end. How was he ever supposed to know if what he was feeling other people were feeling, too? Sure, he could always go back to using Legilimency to pick up other people's emotions, but one wasn't supposed to do that with his friends, he guessed. So he had stayed at home and felt at a loss about what to do with himself.

Kingsley had sent over the final confirmation yesterday. It contained the official Ministry document that Severus had fulfilled his duty on helping the Ministry catching the Death Eaters. He now _really_ was free. But all he felt was trapped. He had gained his freedom at the cost of Ron Weasley's life. He should turn himself in at Azkaban.

Hermione had just finished the longest morning at Hogwarts she ever had. Finally, she entered her bedroom after her last lesson for the day and fell on her bed, crying heavily. During the lessons, she had been struggling to keep the tears inside and had been someway successful. Harry and Ginny had never left her side during the day when lesson after lesson, students and teachers approached them to express their condolences. After the third lesson, Neville had enough and tried to keep people away from the three friends to let them breathe in between lessons. Hermione had stopped him. She wanted to get it over with. Once she had seen everyone, they would leave her alone, she hoped. Harry and Ginny seemed to have been grateful for the break that Neville had managed for them but Hermione had simply ignored them. It seemed that now her friends were a little cross with her but she didn't care.

For the rest of the day, she stayed in her bedroom and not even left it for dinner. Sleep wouldn't come to her that night again, only at four in the morning Hermione managed to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. When her alarm went off three hours later, she felt like she had been hit by a train. But she couldn't stay in bed today. _I have to face the rest of them today and hopefully then they will all leave me alone. _She dressed herself in black again and once again, Harry and Ginny were waiting for her in their living room.

"Hi," she greeted them quietly. "Sorry about my behaviour yesterday," she added a little sheepishly. "I just wanted to get it over with, you know." Harry came over to her and hugged her tightly. It felt good to be hugged, it comforted her more than she dared to admit and hugged him back. She almost clung to him. "It's alright, Hermione," Harry whispered into her hair after a while. "But don't forget that we're going through the same hell like you. Ginny _could_ have really done with a little break yesterday, OK?" _He's right, but I can't take this any more. _

After breakfast, the first lesson was Potions with Professor Slughorn. During the lesson, Hermione's mind drifted away to the last Potions lesson she had attended with Ron. It had been two days before the Christmas Holidays. They had worked on a healing potion together and – as the potion was an easy one – had mostly talked about their future together. They had pretended that there was no threat outside Hogwarts. After school, Ron would have loved to rent a flat for the two of them in London, so that he could work with George in his shop and Hermione could go to a University or get a job at the Ministry. They had even decided on the colours they would have used on the walls and the wood they wood have liked for the furniture. It had been a happy Potions lesson and for a short while, they had found a small escape.

"…Hermione?" a voice interrupted her daydreaming. It was Harry. "Where are you? Look at your potion!" It had turned a pale shade of green instead of the blue it was supposed to have. So she had messed up the potion. _I don't care. There are worse things in life._ "It's OK, Harry," she answered him calmly, "I was only daydreaming."

Professor Slughorn passed her table and she could clearly see the pity in his eyes. She turned her eyes down. _If Severus was still the Potions teacher, he would have kept my mind busier. He would have never allowed me to daydream in a Potions lesson. _Now that she was back in reality, she felt even sadder than this morning when she had woken up.

Somehow, she managed to survive the day.

After that, it got easier and people left her alone. Completely. No one approached her or dared talking to her except Harry and Ginny and sometimes Neville. Even Luna didn't try to talk to her anymore. At the end of the first week, Minerva paid her a visit in the evening. She looked worried.

"Hermione, you have to eat more," she said directly after she had entered her bedroom. "Look at your clothes, they all seem to be one size too large already."

"I can't eat much more than breakfast, Professor, and honestly, I don't care how I look at the moment."  
>Minerva had left her that evening with a slight warning. "If you don't take better care of yourself, I will find someone to properly look after you. Don't shut everyone out who wants to help you, you'll end up very lonely, Hermione." Her words had gotten through to Hermione but she couldn't find the strength in her to approach her friends again. Yet.<p>

Severus apparated to the Ministry in time for lunch with Kingsley. The last two weeks without a real assignment had left him with a lot to think about.  
>It seemed that Britain now was finally safe from all Death Eater threats. At least that was what the three poor excuses of wizards had told him during their interrogation. But what if they simply didn't know what the other twelve escapees were up to? What about those who had left the country? Had they really accepted their fate and their final demise? He felt it was his duty to inform Kingsley about his thoughts. What if anything happened because he had kept his thoughts to himself?<p>

Of course, two weeks of free time had left enough room for other thoughts as well. He hadn't heard from Hermione and had contacted Minerva after her first week back at Hogwarts.

He was really worried about her and that was another new feeling for him. Of course, he had been worried about Dumbledore after his hand had been cursed and he had weakened constantly, but the Dark Mark seemed to have muted that feeling as well. Now he had to actively stop thinking about his – he feared, former – friend otherwise he would think about her all day. The loss of her first love had the potential to destroy her confidence, he had seen it on her face that day in the woods. It was mind-boggling how much he thought about her. And only her, not Potter or Ginevra.

Finally, he reached Kingsley office and his secretary immediately allowed him to go through into Kingsley's office.  
>"How are you, Severus? Welcome," Kingsley addressed with a huge smile. "Thanks – I'm good, Kingsley, and you?" After they had exchanged formalities, they sat down on the couch in Kingsley's office, where a light lunch had been prepared for them.<br>"What can I do for you, Severus? Your letter certainly sounded serious enough," Kingsley answered after his first bite into one of the delicious sandwiches.

Hermione sat in the library with five books in front of her. Outside, cold winter rain splashed against the windows of the castle.  
>The weather matched her mood exactly. The grief had made her numb and cold in the last couple of weeks and deep down inside she knew this was not a good thing. It just was a lot easier to read and learn and not talk to others than bringing up matters again and again. Not talking to anyone really suited her right now. Even Harry had stopped approaching her although she had to give him credit how persistent he was until a couple of days ago.<p>

She still remembered Minerva's words from weeks ago but as long as no one bothered her, she wouldn't change anything in her behaviour. Perhaps eating more regularly again had kept Minerva off her heels.  
>During particularly dark moments, mostly at night, Hermione thought about Severus. He truly didn't deserve her silent treatment, especially after she had learnt from Harry that he had prevented her from falling into Ron's grave at the funeral. She wasn't aware of that at all and she really should be more thankful that he had saved her life. <em>What life? I don't have a life anymore. I'm all alone and I don't have my parents and Ron can't come with me to find them. What will I do after Hogwarts?<em> This was what really plagued her, if she was honest with herself during these dark hours. Her life here in the castle was structured and organized. How the hell should she manage after she had left the secure walls? She still had no idea what she wanted to do after Hogwarts, it was all a bloody mess.

It didn't occur to her that talking to a friend about her problems could have helped.

Kingsley had just finished his second cup of tea and now sat silently next to Severus, deep in thought.

How could he have been so stupid to not see what Severus had seen. He had been downright naïve in thinking all was fine now that Carrow, Crabbe and Avery had been caught. Perhaps it was what he wanted to believe, he admitted to himself. He wanted it all to be finally over and have a peaceful Britain to reign. His aurors had mostly said the same as he had : After the three captives had made their confessions they were sure that all Death Eaters, who really wanted to cause harm, had been caught. It was his bloody job to extinguish all possible threats, and he had given in to the false sense of peace much too easily. Severus was right, they had to catch the other twelve, too. Whatever they were up to, they didn't deserve to walk freely.

"Severus," Kingsley addressed him, his voice full of respect for the former spy, "I am deeply ashamed how blinded I have been by the capture and confessions of Carrow, Crabbe and Goyle. You are right to have doubts about the others, even if they are in other countries right now. I will have my aurors hunt them down – every single one of them. I am deeply in your debt, Severus." Severus sighed. "That's rubbish, Kingsley, and you know it. You would have come to the same conclusion in the next couple of weeks, I simply had more time to give this some thought. And if you would allow me, I would very much like to help your aurors. I know these people and think I can be of help," he added. _Please just keep me from having no purpose. _"Thank you for offering, Severus, I'd appreciate your help. I just thought you would be happy about your freedom now that I granted you the full pardon. Why would you want to do this again and not leave it all behind now?"  
>"I feel it is my responsibility," Severus answered vaguely. <em>Should I really tell him my other reasons as well? Well, you're never going to have another friend if you don't open up. <em>He sighed once again. "And I don't know what do with myself all day," he added quietly. "My thoughts are entirely too loud to listen to all day."

Kingsley smiled at him and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "At least you're being honest, Severus. I suspected as much. When this is all over, I will help you get a job. I know it has to be hard for you." Severus let out the breath he'd been holding as he had secretly feared being laughed at for his confession. "Thank you," he said and meant it.

They arranged a meeting with the team of Aurors for the next Monday before Severus left. _And now I have an entire weekend to find out how Hermione is really doing, _he found himself thinking as soon as left the Ministry.

As soon as he arrived home, he decided to write another letter to Minerva.

_Minerva,_

_Now that three more weeks have passed since I last heard from you, I find myself wondering if Mr Potter, Miss Weasley and Miss Granger are doing better now. I haven't heard from you in a while and unfortunately, but understandably, I haven't heard from these three either. I would appreciate an honest update on their current situation. _

_Perhaps you can find the time and discuss matters over a cup of tea at my house at the weekend?_

_Regards,_

_Severus_

As soon as his owl had left, Severus retreated to his library to write down every fact he could remember about the missing twelve Death Eaters. He had an objective.

There was a knock on the door. "Yes, come in!" Harry answered, not bothering to get up from the comfortable sofa, where Ginny was currently curled up around him. The door opened and Minerva McGonagall stepped into the room. At once, Harry and Ginny sat up straight to greet her. "Headmistress, what brings you here?" Ginny asked her. "Please, there's no need for such formalities in here, Ginny," she answered warmly and come over to sit down on the other sofa. "I'd really like to know how you are and if there's anything I can do for you."

Harry untangled himself from Ginny, stood and began pacing in front of the fireplace. It was an odd reaction to her question, Minerva thought but waited patiently for an answer. Finally, Harry spoke.

"I think we're doing okay, honestly. I mean, sometimes we both feel like crying and sometimes we do, but we're slowly accepting the fact he's not coming back. We miss him terribly and the pain is intense but we are coping – day by day." Minerva believed him. "What has you so worked up, Harry?" She already suspected his answer, but waited for him to say it. "It's Hermione. She's not herself any more. I barely recognize her. I know I shouldn't be talking about her like that, but I can't help thinking I'm losing her, too…." He collapsed on the sofa again and silent tears rolled down his cheeks. "You have to do something, please," Ginny added quietly. "We can't get through to her anymore since a couple of weeks."  
>Minerva was quite shocked by Harry's revelation. She had seen Hermione eat more and somehow that had let her think she was doing better. It seemed she had been utterly wrong and it was time for more drastic measures.<p>

"I have an idea how to help her," Minerva said as she stood up. "I understand your worries and admit I haven't seen how much she has withdrawn from you. I thought she was faring better, I'm sorry. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," Harry said through his tears as she left the room.

Minerva headed straight back to her office and penned her answer to Severus.

_Severus, _

_I'm coming over for tea tomorrow at 3 o'clock. I'll bring some scones from Hogwarts. We need to talk - you were right to ask how they are really doing. _

_Regards_

_Minerva._

Severus stared down at the letter in his hand. This didn't bode well – and she hadn't gone into specifics what really was going on. He continued with his work in the library to forego any thoughts about Hermione.


	14. Reality

_**A/N : First of all, welcome to all new followers of this story. And thanks to all who have left a review, I'm really, really grateful for all the feedback.**_

_**And - WOW - I somehow managed to reach more than 100 followers. I am bit speechless about this, I have to admit. I began writing this story quite a while ago just for me, to see if I was able to write anything **_**_at all. I posted this and would have been happy if only 20 people had liked my little story. So I am bit overwhelmed and very happy about this development. Now, enough rambling.. onwards with the story.. _**

**_Thanks as always - to my wonderful beta Christine. _**

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><p>14. Reality<p>

"I agree, Minerva. She should definitely be away from Hogwarts for this," Severus said with a hint of distress in his voice.  
>"Gods, Severus, you can't imagine how guilty I feel for not realising the seriousness of her situation earlier," Minerva answered with a deep sigh. She took another sip of the delicious tea Severus had served. The landscape outside Severus' window was bathed in the golden glow of a spring-time sunset. The sight was entirely too beautiful for the gravity of the situation. She was seriously worried that Hermione might harm herself.<p>

Minerva straightened her back. "How can we convince her to come here, Severus? I am sure she will not simply agree if I ask her. Shouldn't Harry be the one to talk to her?"

Severus had thought very carefully about this as soon as he had learnt about the state Hermione was in.

"No, keep Harry out of this. He has enough on his plate already. Go to her with some false-pretences and give her a disguised portkey that will take her directly to me. I will handle everything else from there." Minerva looked quite taken aback by his suggestion.

"Are you sure this is the right approach for this? This could change her state for the worse," she answered, worry heavy in her voice.  
><em>Of course I am not sure. I still feel so much out of my depth that I might jump out of my skin any moment now. <em>But he wouldn't heighten Minerva's concern for Hermione any more than necessary. "I know this sounds a bit drastic, but the shock will hopefully pull her out of her shell. I think it is the only way." His voice sounded much surer than he felt but he still had it in him to convince people, as he saw Minerva nodding silently. _Perhaps this will work with Hermione, too. If I can only find the right words. _Minerva helped herself to a second scone. "How long will she have to stay with you?"

"As long as she needs to. It might be a couple of hours or a couple of days. I have no idea how to tell Kingsley that I will not be available the next few days. He will assume I have gone soft after all." Severus said with a sigh. "I will write to him this evening."

Minerva patted his hand motherly. "He will understand, I am quite sure of that. There is no immediate threat out there that you need to take care of right now. Perhaps I should write to him as I see Hermione currently as my responsibility, although she is of age," Minerva suggested. Severus had of course informed her about the activities he had spoken about with Kingsley.  
>"I would really appreciate that, Minerva. Thank you."<p>

"You're very welcome, Severus. I'm sure he'll understand. You know, when I came here today I hoped you would offer your help but I would never have asked for it. You have done enough already. But you seem to know Hermione quite well by now and I really wanted to have your opinion in the matter." _And you behaved exactly like I hoped, Severus. I know you like her and she's an important friend to you. _

"So, Severus, when do you think we should arrange her arrival here?" Minerva asked with a much lighter tone in her voice now.

"Tomorrow." Severus' tone was serious.

"Already? I mean, are you prepared for this?"

"As prepared as one can be for this. I owe her, Minerva. I owe her my life. She has to get back hers, too."

It was a Hogsmeade weekend. Hermione had decided to stay in the castle. Not that anyone had asked her to come. She was aware that Harry had twice nearly worked up the courage to ask her to join Ginny and him but her look had ever been so icy that he always had backed down in the very last moment. Poor Harry. _He still looks so sad. _That this look might have had to do with her behaviour didn't occur to her. She had cut him entirely off, as much as anyone else. When Minerva had visited Harry on Friday and had asked questions about her loss of Ron and her state of mind she had clearly heard the worry in the older woman's voice. Oh yes, she _had_ listened to the conversation through her closed bedroom door.

As far as she was concerned, life was pretty much over for her. Her boyfriend was dead, her parents were unaware that she even existed, the Weasleys had enough problems with the loss of two of their sons in only one year. And Harry – he had Ginny – and they took care of each other. Which she thought was a good thing for both of them. Which left her alone.

She would finish school somehow and then move into her parents house and perhaps sell it for something smaller. Further plans like planning her career or applying for uni she was not able to do yet. She couldn't think about a single thing that she still enjoyed doing. Reading was only a means for spending too much time. The schoolwork wasn't very demanding for her and Hermione felt both bored and sad and tired of her life.

She could hear the students returning from Hogsmeade outside her chambers. Full of joy and laughter and happiness. She hated the sound they made and placed a silencing spell around her bedroom. She pulled the blanket over her head and closed her eyes to shut out the world outside.

Severus was pacing his living room. Hermione would arrive within the next hour and she would be furious –he hoped. If she was still able to show any emotion at all.

Just as she was relaxed enough to fall asleep, there was a sharp knock on the door. She decided not to answer. Who should want something from her, anyway?

After a couple of moments, the knocking became more insistent. "Miss Granger… Hermione, open the door this instant," she heard Minerva stern voice through her door. The student that was still buried inside her reacted to the demanding tone in the Headmistress' voice and Hermione slowly got up and opened the door. "What is it, Headmistress?" she asked tiredly.

Silently, Minerva was shocked how sad and unhealthy Hermione looked. But she wouldn't let her see her concern. "Hermione, please get dressed and see me in my office in fifteen minutes," she continued in her sternest teacher voice. "Why? Can't we talk whatever there is to talk about in here," Hermione asked as if the very thought of getting dressed seemed to annoy her. "You will learn that when we meet in my office. Be on time." With that, the Headmistress turned away from her door and left through their chambers.

Hermione seriously thought about not going. The tone the Headmistress had used had definitely not been to her liking. _But she will not leave me alone if I'm not going. _So she gave in and went into her bathroom to get dressed.

Exactly fifteen minutes later, Hermione stood before the Gargoyle that led into the Headmistress' office. She still wondered what the Headmistress wanted from her. Had something happened with Ron's murderers? Were there more threats lingering outside of Hogwarts? Not that it really mattered to her anymore, nothing would bring back her Ron anyway.

With silent footsteps she entered the Headmistress' office. Minerva sat behind her large desk, tea and two large mugs waited in front of her. "Hermione, good that you made it," she smiled gently at her. "Take a seat." Hermione couldn't help but feel confused at the change of the tone in Minerva's voice. First she practically ordered her here and now she was all friendly and nice? She certainly felt suspicious now and some of her alerts she would have believed forever lost went off. _What does she really want?  
><em>Minerva could see that some life had returned into Hermione's eyes and felt quite pleased with her plan. Hermione would be furious as soon as she would arrive in Severus' living room. "Have some tea with me, my dear," she addressed her again. Silently, Hermione obeyed and poured herself some tea in her large mug. Then she reached for the sugar. The last thing she saw was Minerva's smile, then she felt a very unwelcome but familiar tug behind her navel and was portkeyed away. _This can't be happening! I am abducted while I am having tea with Minerva at Hogwarts! _The journey was fast and over in an instant and she found herself standing in – Severus's living room. _What the…_her thought was stopped by Severus entering the living door through the door that led to his library.

Severus had to carefully hide the shock he felt at the sight of Hermione. How could Minerva had not seen the seriousness of her state earlier? She looked like skin and bones, unhealthy – and furious. The first part of their plan had worked. At least, she still felt _something_. Before he could open his mouth to say something, Hermione began to yell at him. "What is the meaning of this? You've planned this with Minerva, haven't you? Let me return to Hogwarts this instant!"

Severus let her rant and kept silent – he was curious to learn what went on inside her mind.

"Damn, you blocked your own house for apparition, who do you think you are? Am I some kind of prisoner? What do you want from me? …Just - leave me alone." Her voice already sounded hoarse and exhausted. She breathed heavily and tried to stare him down now.

Severus let her calm down a couple of moments. "Are you quite finished?" he asked her quietly. When she didn't answer he went over to his couch and sat down. "Sit down, Hermione, and I will explain," he asked her and pointed to the couch opposite of him.

"You have five minutes, then I will leave," she agreed stubbornly. The fire he had seen in her eyes only moments ago already seemed to die down again.

"Hermione, you saved my life nearly a year ago. I owe you my life and the least I can do is help you through the difficult situation you are in." He saw her forming a reply already. "No, wait until I'm finished and let me explain." _Gods, this is much harder than I expected. _"You may think your life is over without Ron. That there's no sense in going on without him. It's been three and a half months now and it's only getting worse for you. You think there's no meaning in your life any more. Your friends have turned away from you and so have you from them. You hide in your room and only leave it for lessons. You have muted down all feelings and emotions, haven't you?" She showed no reaction. He continued. "Why do I know all this? Because I have gone through the very same thing."

Still, no obvious reaction from Hermione. Was she listening at all? "So I really need to spell it out for you? It seems your intellect has suffered as well in the last few months," he now sneered at her.

_What the hell was Severus' thinking? Talking to me like that like I have become suddenly stupid. And how can he ever assume he went through the same hell like I do. _She only wanted to get away from him. She had to carefully hide the turmoil of the emotions that suddenly welled up in her and decided to stay silent and hear what Severus would give her as an explanation.

"Twenty years ago," Severus now continued in a much gentler tone, "the love of my life died. You've known me since seven years now. Have I been a good and nice person in your eyes? Was I kind or gentle? Did I appear human to you? Have I ever even tried to be nice to you just once when no other people were there to witness my behaviour? No – to every single question.  
>This is what happens to people who don't overcome their grief and think their life is over at the age of twenty. You get bitter, sad and thoroughly dissatisfied in life. You don't have friends to turn to. Do you want to become this kind of a person, too, Hermione? Do you?"<p>

He stopped speaking and let his words sink in. _I hope they were enough. I have bared my very soul to her – again.  
><em>Hermione slowly stood up and went for the door. "Hermione, the five minutes aren't over yet, wait," Severus asked, now desperate to get through to her. He hated that he couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice.  
>She slowly turned around and looked into his eyes. "I don't see how your situation compares to mine. Let me go. I am perfectly alright." Her tone was cold and unemotional. She had herself under control again.<p>

It was too much for Severus. He quickly went over to her and grabbed her shoulders. "No, you are not, can't you see?" He started to shake her to get her out of her detached state. "Let go of me," she said, "let go of me," but her voice had started to shake. "You have no right…"

She unwound from his grip, opened the door and ran out of the house. She ran towards the cliffs just to get away from him and the pity she had seen in his eyes. Just apparating away didn't come into her mind again.

Severus let her ran towards the cliff but didn't go after her right away. Perhaps she only needed some time to think. After all, he had pressurized her pretty hard. Only when she nearly reached the edge of the cliffs he suddenly became concerned she might just jump off. _Shit, why didn't I think about that right away? _He panicked and ran after her in a sprint, calling out her name several times. She didn't hear and didn't stop. He caught up with her shortly before she had reached the edge of the cliff. He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. "Please, don't do that. Please." For a couple of seconds Hermione fought his grip but suddenly, all tension left her. She started sobbing violently and the only thing Severus could think of was putting his arms around her.

She cried until there were simply no tears left.

"Come, Hermione, let's get back into the house," he softly addressed after she had stopped crying and had blown her nose into his handkerchief. "Okay," she answered, her voice hoarse from shouting and crying.

Back inside, Severus went straight into the kitchen and prepared some tea. He needed time to think and she, he assumed, as well. He hoped she wouldn't fall back right into her state of apathy and despair again. He still hadn't recovered from the shock at the sight of her after those three and a half months. She was almost deathly pale and had dark circles under her eyes. Her skin seemed translucent and dry. She looked a couple of years older than she actually was. It frightened him. He decided for cream instead of milk for the tea and scones with raspberry jam. When he came out of the kitchen with the tray in his hand, Hermione looked at him wearily. "How are you feeling now?" he asked her with a gentleness she had never heard in his tone before.

"Exhausted, and confused, thanks to you," she answered while he poured her a cup of tea. "I assure you," Severus said dryly, "no further portkeys on this table."

"That was sneaky, I have to give you that," she answered but her voice lacked any humour. "I wasn't a spy for nothing," he answered her, trying to lighten the mood.

"So, once again, why am I really here, Severus?"

Severus took a sip of his tea and helped himself to a scone. He needed time for the explanation he would give her. He would once again have to be entirely honest to her. _She will know me better than any other person soon, I'm afraid._

"Hermione, I pretty much explained it to you earlier. You _need_ to grief for Ron, you have to cry and shout and be angry and sad at the same time. You must not shut down all the things you are feeling. I assure I _know_ this seems the easier way at the moment.

But at the moment you are not the Hermione I've known for seven years now. You are cold and distant and you've alienated your friends. Friends you've had for years and that fought with you against Voldemort.  
>I am aware the death of a loved one changes the person who is left behind but not in the way you have changed. Where is the humorous, intelligent, fierce and beautiful woman I've had the pleasure to become friends with in the last year after she saved my life. My life, which you've <em>felt<em> worthy enough to save. And that is the key to it – you've felt it. But now? Are you still able to feel?"

He paused and took a deep breath to be able to say what he wanted to say.  
>"I haven't felt much in the last twenty years- might the Dark Mark have been the cause for that or Lily's death or something else entirely - it shut me out from my very own life.<p>

You can believe me, Hermione, I am still utterly confused about all the things I am now feeling everyday. But I wouldn't want to live without this again. I've learnt that the hard way on the day of Ron's death. Life is too short to not feel anything, even if there are bad feelings amongst the good ones.

This … friendship we have developed over the last months, I really do value this as a very precious thing, I want you to know that. I am even able to admit that I… like you. And you can't imagine how hard it is for a person like me to say that. It means the same as laying bare my soul to you.  
>It hurts me to see you in a state like that. And I think it hurts Harry, too." Her eyes had widened a bit at his confession. Severus felt bare. What else to say to her? It seemed only his last sentences had provoked at least some reaction in her. He waited.<p>

Her eyes filled with tears again and her lips started to tremble. Finally all the grief she had locked up inside herself since a few days after the funeral seemed to find a way out. _I don't want to feel all this, but he's right. He understands,_ Hermione suddenly realized. He really understood her. He was a true friend and he still liked her after all her bad behaviour. There was still one person in her life she could turn to and that felt good and made her sad at the time because she had shut him out, too.

She couldn't _not_ cry anymore and at last let it all go. The loneliness of the last few months, the sadness that she had shut out her friends and had probably hurt them. The pity she had seen in everyone's eyes. She cried until she fell asleep on Severus' sofa from sheer exhaustion.

Severus carefully wrapped her into a blanked and watched her sleep for a while. Finally, finally, she had let it all go. He couldn't help but feel relieved.

He wasn't sure what he would have done if his last speech hadn't provoked some reaction. It had been a close thing, that he was quite sure of.

Tired from all the talking and all the emotions he felt he stretched out on his sofa as well and fell asleep soon after Hermione.

The first rays of sunlight peaked directly into Severus' living room. Hermione woke with a start. _Where am I? _She was confused for a moment, she hadn't slept that good since… since the day Ron had died. Slowly, the last day came into her mind again and she relaxed on Severus' sofa, snuggling under the comfy blankets. Until she turned and saw him sleeping on the opposite sofa, his mouth hanging slightly open. He looked a bit tense but was still fast asleep.

_Gods, I really fell asleep on his couch. How long have I cried yesterday?_ Tears welled up in her eyes again, tears she had thought she had spent all yesterday already. But she had to admit she felt better after Severus had pulled her out of her state of denial. _How could I have let it come so far? I barely recognize myself anymore. _

Silently, Hermione stood up from the sofa and went into the bathroom upstairs.

When she stood before the bathroom mirror to wash out her eyes from all the crying she was startled by the person who looked back at her from the mirror. Once again, she thought how she could have let it come this far. She looked like a mess. Her skin was pale and her hair was nothing but an unruly, outgrown mop. _I look horrible. And I need a bath as soon as I return to Hogwarts. And a haircut. _Severus wouldn't let her stay much longer, he surely had better things to do than watch over her now that she had finally come out of her state of…yes.. whatever state she had been in until yesterday. She couldn't even describe it properly. The coldness she had felt within her was gone. The pain caused by the loss of Ron was back in her chest but she could bear it now. She would have to.

When she felt presentable enough again, Hermione went back downstairs. Severus was gone from the sofa and could be heard in the kitchen. She decided to help him with whatever he was doing to avoid the awkwardness after they had slept in the same room all night.

Hesitantly, she knocked on the kitchen door and entered the kitchen. "Good morning, Severus," she tried with a smile in her voice.

Severus had been confused when he had woken up on his couch instead in his bed upstairs. For a short moment he was worried when he saw Hermione gone from the other couch but then he heard the water running upstairs. He still had to get over the thought that they had slept in the same room all night and that he hadn't slept this good in the last couple of months. It seemed that her presence had rather calmed than disturbed him. He hadn't woken once during the night. Hermione looked much better this morning and her eyes were filled with life again. She was still there with him and had not fallen back into her state. Good. All other thoughts of how lovely she looked this morning he pushed down violently.

"Good morning, Hermione," he answered and returned her smile. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Yes, thank you. In fact, I haven't slept this good in months," she admitted and blushed a little. "And you?" she asked him back with real interest in her voice. "You didn't have to watch over me all night, I'm sorry if you had the feeling you had to stay with me."

"It's alright, Hermione. I fell asleep shortly after you…sheer exhaustion I think. I slept well, thank you. Tea?"

"Are you asking me to stay for breakfast, then?" Hermione couldn't help inquiring. She assumed he would want her to return to Hogwarts for breakfast.

"You think you should return to Hogwarts, don't you?" She nodded.

"I agreed with Minerva you could stay here as long as you need to recover a bit. Of course, only if I had managed to make you stay more than five minutes," Severus answered, sounding a bit unsure with his proposal.

"I can stay a bit? I would love that, Severus. But only if it is really okay with _you_ and not just Minerva's idea. I know how she can be sometimes."

"Then it is decided, stay as long as you feel you need to," Severus answered firmly but avoiding her eyes. She didn't notice. He wondered how he could manage to have her around him for more than a day. Company was something he still wasn't used to, and her's was especially trying for him.

"What else would you like for breakfast?" He asked, trying not to show what went on inside him.

Hermione helped him preparing breakfast and as soon as they had both sat down at the table, Hermione suddenly realised she had no other clothes with her. "But I can't stay, I don't have anything else with me," she bursted out, gesturing at her clothes.

_Women, _Severus thought and had to hide a smirk, _they are all the same. _"Don't fuss, Hermione. I will write Minerva after breakfast that you will stay and ask her to send over some clothes with a house elf _and _inform Harry that you're here."

"Thank you, Severus. Sorry for being a nervous wreck," she said quietly. "Would it be okay if I take a bath later?"

"Of course it is, but you should also get some fresh air as long as the weather is as good as it is right now, don't you think? You are still much too pale," he tried with a hint of his teacher's voice.

"Will you accompany me?" she asked him at once. "If you wish, yes, of course," he answered after he had overcome the shock that she really seemed to want his company.

They continued their breakfast in silence.

"I can't eat anymore, Severus. You know what came into my mind this morning when I was in the bathroom?" She asked after she had finished her eggs. She had cleared her plate, which certainly was a good sign.

"No, care to enlighten me?"

"I still wonder what you told me that day in the woods, after Ron's death and before we went back to The Burrow. I still can't remember and I tried very hard this morning. You didn't want to write it to me, either, so – what was it, Severus?"

_Oh - that, why must that come up now? After all the things I already said to her yesterday. How much more will I have to lay bare?_

"Severus?" she addressed him again because he didn't answer and stared out of the window instead.

He sighed.

"I promised to be there for you as a true friend, and that I wanted to help you trough all this. I promised to never hurt you again like I did that day. And I failed you. I'm sorry, Hermione" He looked devastated.

"Why, Severus? There's nothing to be sorry for. You are helping me now and you've shown me true friendship, not only yesterday," Hermione asked him, now looking confused.

"Because I wasn't able to help you the last three and a half months. I should never let it come this far," he admitted quietly.

"That's rubbish, Severus, and you know it. You couldn't have done anything these past months. I let nobody near me, not even Harry. There's no need to feel guilty at all."

_I don't seem to be the only one with issues here…_Hermione couldn't help but think.

Severus stood from the table and cleared the dishes away, which gave Hermione time to think.

It certainly was a strange situation, she and her former teacher together in his house with her using it as a place for thinking and recovering a bit and him sharing his private life with a former student.

A man that was twice her age understanding her better than her oldest friend. Perhaps it was just what she needed, the perspective of a man that had been unattached to Ron. A man that had really gone through the same like her at the same age. She was able to see the parallels today. She hadn't really thought it through yesterday when he had compared their situations, but he had been right. If anyone could understand her, it was him. And that Severus had offered her to stay although he was such a private man gave her a warm feeling deep inside her.

Severus stayed longer in the kitchen than he really needed to. He needed to think. So, Hermione would stay for a while, exactly as Minerva and him had planned. What he hadn't planned was his reaction to her. _She is grieving, Severus, why are you even think about how beautiful she looked this morning. Stop it. _But he couldn't. He would be doomed if she stayed a couple of days. And he had no idea how to hide his growing feelings for her. He still denied himself to analyse exactly what he felt towards her, but it was certainly more than friendship.

So he would try to be a friend, more than he had ever tried in his life, to keep her friendship and stick to his promise. He would get over everything else eventually, he was quite sure about that.


	15. Relief

15. Relief

"Hermione? Come out for breakfast this instant! You can't stay in there all day again – I will not allow it!" Harry shouted through her closed bedroom door. What the hell was she thinking, not even bothering with a simple "No, just leave me alone" anymore. He was furious with her. He had lost Ron, too and he needed her as a friend. What the hell had happened with her that she had shut him out completely? Not to mention her other friends.  
>"OK – have it your way, Hermione. I will sit here all day before your door until her grace decides to come out and talk to me," he added and sat down before her door.<p>

"She won't be coming through that door today, Harry," he suddenly heard the Headmistress' voice from the front door of their chambers. Harry was up in the blink of a moment. "What happened? Did something happen to her?" He panicked immediately.

Minerva grabbed his arm and looked him directly in the eyes, which were already filling with tears. "No, Harry, please calm down. She's quite all right. Sit down and I'll explain."

Harry sat down obediently and silently waited for an explanation.

"Harry," Minerva addressed him with a serious tone in her voice, "you know as well as I do that Hermione's not feeling well at the moment. I have realised, although I have to admit, rather late, the bad state she was in during the last few weeks. She shut out even you, her oldest friend, and she has lost a considerable amount of weight. I, well - we decided to do something to help her find her way back into life."

"Who – and where is she?" Harry asked stubbornly.

"She is with Severus," Minerva said.

"Severus? Why him? And why didn't you talk to me first? I'm still her best friend!" Harry shot back at her, sounding rather displeased now.

"Because you have lost Ron, too. She needs someone with another perspective, someone who wasn't this close to him. Someone who isn't grieving Ron as well. Someone who has experienced the very same thing when he was young."

That made Harry think. She could only mean his mother, then.

"What do you mean, exactly?"

"I guess you already suspect that I am talking about your mother. He has only really gotten over her death after he woke up last year in St. Mungo's. He never properly grieved for her and had also shut out the last friends he still had after her death and after he had become a Death Eater. It is his belief that this is the reason he became the person he was until the very last year, and that not only the Dark Mark was responsible for this."

"And he – and you, obviously – both think that will happen with Hermione, too? And how will he be able to help, he needed twenty bloody years to become an even half-decent human being again," Harry answered her heatedly.

"Please, Harry, calm down. I can understand your objections, but I haven't finished yet. I sent her over to Severus yesterday. He wrote me this morning that he was able to pull her out of her "state" yesterday and that she will stay a couple of days with him. She sends her regards, especially to you, and tells you not to worry about her anymore." Minerva let her words sink in.

Harry finally processed what he had heard and sagged back on the sofa, his relief obvious.

"You really believe she is doing better?" He had to ask for his own reassurance.

"Yes, Harry, I really do," Minerva said with a smile. "That was obvious from the letter I received this morning."

"I would really like to see that for myself," he said stubbornly.

"I understand, Harry, but please give her a couple of days. I believe that she is still very fragile and needs to come to terms with the pain she supposedly feels right now."

"You really believe that Severus is the right person to comfort her? To pull her out of her state – yes I can imagine him doing that, but consoling her…I don't know. I hope you're right, Headmistress."

The walk along the coast had exhausted Hermione. She was now fast asleep in the guest bedroom Severus had prepared for her. He guessed she hadn't had this much exercise in the last three months because she had been out of breath already after the first mile. At least she hadn't complained about his rather quick pace and followed him, mostly staying silent. On their way back to his house, they had stopped at a small bench and had enjoyed the stunning view on the sea from there.

Hermione had started talking to him then.

"You know, Severus," she started hesitantly, "this is the first thing I enjoy since…he died. The view and the fresh air. I really missed being outdoors and wasn't even aware." She paused.

"I feel alive again." Severus had to hide his relief about hearing her words. They were certainly a good sign and sounded sincere.

"That's certainly good to hear, Hermione," he reassured her and waited for her to continue talking.

"I am really sorry that I didn't hear those words you've said to me in the forest that day. They really mean a lot to me, I want you to know that.

I think my mind already started to shut down itself when I said my Goodbye to Ron. Harry tried to pull me out my state the next day and managed to do so for several days until we returned to Hogwarts but I had already experienced the comfort of not feeling anything then. It appeared so much easier to not feel so much. I wasn't aware how much this affected everyone else, truly. I don't know what happened. I think the pain was too much…"

"How much pain are you feeling now?" Severus asked softly.

Tears were silently streaming down her face again. "It feels like someone is pulling at my heart and wrenches it at the same time. It's pretty hard to endure but I know I have to."

"It will get better, Hermione, believe me," Severus answered, his voice now distant. She looked up at him.

"How did you get over Lily, then? And when?"

"One question after another, Hermione," he answered with a smirk. "You still haven't learned that. I wonder how your teachers endured that." She dared to knock her elbow into his ribs and understood that he was not mocking her, but trying to lighten her mood.

"Don't change the subject, Severus," she added now, more serious.

"I know, Hermione, but this is difficult for me to talk about."

_What have I gotten myself into? I haven't thought this through properly. I am NOT a damn psychologist and is my own experience with the subject really a help for her? Damnit! _

"I would never betray your trust, Severus," Hermione said quietly when she sensed his hesitation. She continued to look at the sea and after a while closed her eyes and waited if he would answer her question.

Hermione woke up in Severus' guest bed and stretched languorously. She had difficulties to remember the last time she had felt this relaxed. She decided to enjoy the comfort and warmth of the bed a moment longer and recalled the conversation she had had with Severus on that little bench with the stunning view earlier.

After she had given up the hope that he would really talk about Lily with her he suddenly cleared his throat and began talking. It really seemed to be difficult for him to find the right words but she didn't interrupt him once.

"When I learnt about Lily's death, all I really could think about were two things: How was I about to survive without ever seeing her again and why had she sacrificed herself for her son? I couldn't wrap my head around it for weeks. Voldemort was gone, I was still branded as a Death Eater and I had lost the love of my life a second time. Well, I thought my life was over. I didn't bother to stay in touch with the last two real friends I had and shut myself out from the world. Of course, Albus gave me the job at Hogwarts after he had come to made sure my intentions were sincere. He tried to pull me out of my shell for years. But I didn't want to feel anything." He had hesitated then.

"I thought I couldn't stand the pain. Albus gave up after a few years and I became the person you've met when you were eleven. It had become easy to be nasty and vicious and detached, much too easy over the years."

He was silent for a while and seemed to be lost in his memories.

"After I had woken up in St. Mungo's I had time to really think about everything for the first time in years. For once, I wasn't caught up in spying and playing roles or silently helping you and your friends. I realised I didn't know who I was anymore. Under all those layers of acting I felt I had lost myself. And I realised I had to start right at the beginning of all this – with Lily's death. I realised I finally had to let go of her memory and had to overcome her loss.  
>It wasn't easy for me, Hermione, and I won't lie to you, it won't be easy for you as well.<p>

When I bought this house, I spent weeks redecorating and renovating it. It isn't work where you have to do much thinking and so I thought about her – a lot.

The pain I finally was able to feel in my chest again was still there and it only began to lessen after weeks of work on the house. I guess I've used the work with my hands as some kind of therapy, like the Muggles call it. It's difficult for me to recall what exactly went through my head during those weeks, but I started letting go. I visited her grave and silently told her all the things I never had the courage to tell her personally. How much I hated the fact that she had died without giving me the chance to restore the friendship we once shared. I talked to her while working on the house and confessed all the things I did during the last 20 years.

I don't know if any of this will help you, Hermione, your situation is quite different, after all. But deal with the pain with whatever helps you. It will lessen with time, I promise."

He didn't know what else to tell her. He hadn't told this anyone before, not even Minerva. She knew that he had finally gotten over Lily, that much he had confessed, but not how he had managed.

"And is the pain still there?" Hermione asked after a while.

"No, it's been gone for a while now, but I don't recall when exactly I realised I didn't feel it anymore," he replied. For the first time since she arrived, Hermione thought he had lied to her about this.

But no matter, she still appreciated the effort he had made when she would never have expected him to be so open in the first place. Of course, he had offered her friendship but this somewhat brutal honesty was still unexpected for her.

Severus hadn't really expected her staying longer than a day but she hadn't said a word yet on how long she had decided to stay with him. He hadn't dared planning ahead and hadn't trusted her enough that she could really be willing to stay. He had run out of food. So it was either going shopping with her or taking her out to dinner tonight. He would let her decide, if she ever woke up again from her nap.

As if she had heard his thoughts, he heard the toilet flush upstairs. Moments later, Hermione came down into the living room where Severus sat on his couch and appeared to be reading.

"Slept well?" he asked her without looking up from his book.

"Oh yes, thank you," she answered, sounding quite enthusiastic. Finally, he looked up at her and found her cheeks rosy and her eyes shining a bit. Good.

He closed his book. "What would you like for dinner? I haven't much left in the kitchen and we either have to go shopping or eat out."

_Going out for dinner? No, I'm not ready for that yet. _"I'd love to stay here and rather do some shopping first, if that's fine with you." Suddenly, she had to think once again about the situation they were in. It rather felt like they were talking about everyday life and not the special situation they were in. It felt comfortable, now that she thought about it. How things could change… Her thoughts were interrupted by his answer.

"I rather hoped you would like to stay in because I try to stay away from the people in town."

"But why?" Hermione asked immediately.

"For obvious reasons, I would say. I don't want anybody to recognize me."

"But isn't this a pure Muggle neighbourhood? Nobody will ever recognize you here. You could find new friends here…"

He left her sentence unanswered and grabbed a bag. "Come on, before it's too late and the shop closes."

They ended up preparing the meal together and had even opened up a bottle of wine for dinner. Hermione felt a bit tipsy by the end of their dinner but also better than she had in a very long time.

"Thank you, Severus, for all of this. I don't know how to make this up to you, really."

"There's nothing to thank me for, Hermione. You _do_ remember you saved my life, don't you?" He asked her with a smirk.

"I know, Severus, and I don't know what will happen when I return to Hogwarts in a couple of days, but this" –she gestured around the room- "really helped me already. A lot. To get away from the gloomy castle and from everyone else, I guess."

Severus had really enjoyed the dinner with her and her company had been … entirely too pleasurable. She hadn't talked much and the meal they had prepared together had been simple, but delicious. He hadn't felt that content in a very long time, despite the rather sad reason Hermione was here with him.

Hermione said good night not long after dinner to catch up with her lack of sleep during the last months. She still hadn't said how long she would stay. He hoped for another two days or so, not only for his sake but also because he thought she needed to become more stable and self-confident again before she left for Hogwarts.

The thoughts he had pushed away all day now came back to him with a rush. _Bloody alcohol,_ he thought bitterly. Hermione was a beautiful young woman, and she was grieving. And she was half his age. And he really, really liked her.

He wouldn't – ever – let her know that all the pain he had felt for the loss of Lily had only stopped after Hermione had accompanied him to Albus's tomb. The pain in his chest, the loneliness and the guilt had been overwhelming that day. The simple gesture of silently accompanying him had meant so much more to him than he had ever let her know. He hadn't even admitted the fact to himself until today. He had lied to her when he said he couldn't remember when his pain had stopped.

And he had told her more about himself than he had _ever_ told another person. He was lost – he had to admit to himself. And he had no idea how to not fall deeper for her whilst maintaining their friendship.

Hermione was down for breakfast early the next morning and there was no sight of Severus yet. She had slept almost 12 hours straight and it was now nearing 9 in the morning. She hadn't taken Severus for a late riser and went into the kitchen and started to prepare breakfast.

Severus had fallen asleep around three in the morning after tossing and turning in his bed for hours, trying to fight down the feelings that had evolved for Hermione. _How stupid must one be to fall for another Gryffindor he once again couldn't have, _he had berated himself half through the night. And also the first woman he had really met after he had woken up.

Eventually, Severus had decided he would leave for the continent to hunt down the other Death Eaters as soon as Hermione left. That would keep him occupied for a while and perhaps, he dared to hope, his feelings would evaporate magically, when he didn't see her for a while.

He abruptly awoke and looked at his watch on the bedstand - 9.30? Jumping out his bed he stumbled into the bathroom. After a very quick and rather cold shower he went downstairs and found breakfast ready and Hermione already waiting for him, reading one of his books. With interest, it seemed.

"Good Morning," he greeted her. She looked up from her book. "Good Morning, Severus," she greeted him back.

Hermione had prepared a full English breakfast and had put it under a stasis charm to keep it warm. Severus tried to remember the last time another human being – and not a house elf or some cook in St. Mungo's – had prepared him a breakfast – willingly. It must have been his mother when he was… sixteen? He wasn't able to speak for a while and just sat down and began eating.

Severus had a rather confused expression on his face when he started eating his breakfast. No words of thanks or comments. She wondered if she had intruded too much by using his kitchen to full extent. She loved that he had a nearly full-equipped Muggle kitchen and had felt very much at home in it when she had prepared the breakfast.

"I'm sorry, Severus," she started silently, "if I have done something wrong, I apologize."

"What?" He looked up and his expression got even more confused. "Why should you apologize to me?"

"Because you don't seem too happy about the breakfast or me using your kitchen."

_Oh hell, she has gotten this completely wrong. I must have made quite a face. _

"Hermione, you haven't done anything wrong – quite the opposite. I – well – you are the first person to prepare breakfast for me in more than twenty years. I tried to remember who was the last person who did this for me – it was my mother. I must admit I was at a loss for words earlier. Thank you for this, Hermione," he ended quietly and had to avoid her eyes.

_Gods, what is she doing to me. I am nearly crying now. Bloody damn emotions. _

"You're welcome, Severus," Hermione answered him with a sincere smile and they continued their breakfast in amicable silence, but only after she had shortly squeezed his hand.

After they had cleared away the dishes, Hermione had made up her mind about how long she would stay with Severus. Really, the man had done way too much for her already.

She would ask one more thing of him and would then return to Hogwarts this evening.

"Severus?"

They had just sat down on the couch and Hermione had decided to just ask him what weighed on her mind.

He sat opposite of her on the couch and looked up into her eyes, waiting for her to continue.

"Well, I'd like to visit Ron's grave today. I haven't been there since the funeral. Would you… mind accompanying me?" There – it was out. Hermione was pretty sure he would decline her request because she thought it went way too far anyway. But she really needed someone with her to do this. _And I don't know if Harry is able to give me enough strength. _

_Why would I not? _This was the first thought that went through Severus's mind. _She has accompanied me to Albus, why would she think I wouldn't do the same for her? _

Well, not the same, really. Albus hadn't certainly been the love of his life but nevertheless he couldn't deny her request. And didn't want to, either. He still could feel the warmth of her hand on his when she had squeezed it earlier. This alone would have made him say yes.

"If you wish, then yes, I will come with you," he answered softly. Her eyes went a bit wide when he answered. "Really?"

"Since when am I known for joking in such serious matters?" He asked with a rather sharp tone. "Of course I will go with you, you did the same for me with Albus," he added, his voice sounding much warmer now. _And here my voice betrays me again, I will give myself away if I continue like this._

He cleared his throat. "When do you want to go?"

"Now, I thought. In the evening, I will return to Hogwarts. I have bothered you with my presence long enough, Severus. And I couldn't be more thankful to you."

"You will do no such thing," he answered, sounding like her former teacher now. He stood up and paced the room.

"You will be distressed when we return from Mr. Weasley's grave. You have to rest and eat and I will see to it that you do. If you feel good enough tomorrow, then you shall return to Hogwarts." His tone left her no room for discussion.

He had been absolutely right. She was in no state to return to Hogwarts when they returned to Severus's house. Her face was pale and her eyes red and puffy from all the crying she had done – again. But it was good that she had visited Ron. Severus had given her enough space to say all the things she had on her mind, but when her strength seemed to leave her, he was there right next to her and silently gave her strength to finish her visit.

She had once again said goodbye to Ron, but it had been different today. That day in the forest, she hadn't truly realized how life would be without him and how big his part in her life had been. As a friend _and_ a boyfriend. She had also reprimanded him for being so brave and standing before her when the Death Eaters had tried to kill them. All the frustration and blocked out thoughts found their way out when she stood before his grave. She let them flow freely.

Severus had silently watched her standing before Weasley's grave. She stood there for nearly two hours and when she nearly collapsed from all the crying he went to her to take her back to his home. Silently, Hermione turned away from Ron's grave to face Severus.

"I'm ready to leave, Severus," was all she had said. He apparated them straight back into his living room.

"Tea?"

"No, Severus, thank you. I need to lie down for a bit, I'm exhausted. You were right about this." She went upstairs and he heard her bedroom door close and let himself fall down on his favourite couch.

The emotional rollercoaster was too much for him. He needed tea and fresh air. Fresh air first.

He stood up from the couch, wrote a short note for Hermione and went out for a walk along the coast.

Hermione didn't want to sleep and just lay down on her bed to calm down her emotions. She was still a mess and wondered what would happen when she returned to Hogwarts the next morning. And she would leave in the morning, no matter what Severus said. She needed to see Harry and her friends – if she still had them. Several deep breaths later, Hermione finally calmed down a bit and tried to rest. She had heard the front door close and guessed that Severus needed some time alone after this morning. He had done so much for her, it was still hard to grasp for her how much the man had changed within the last 9 months.

When he had said he didn't know himself anymore after he had woken up in St. Mungo's, she believed him. But it seemed he knew who he was now. A quiet, sometimes snarky, serious man who was really nice and even funny deep down inside. He still had his difficulties in trusting people but once he had, his face was nearly an open book. Hermione recognized this with delight. She liked him, too and perhaps she should tell him before she left, after all he had done for her.

Finally, she did fall asleep without having planned to do so. Hermione woke up rested about an hour later and got out of bed immediately when she realized she had been asleep so long. She straightened her clothes and went down the stairs. The moment she found Severus' note on the dinner table, the front door opened and Severus came in, looking a bit dishevelled and with a healthy colour on his cheeks.  
>"It seems to be quite breezy out there the way you look, Severus," she greeted him with a smile.<p>

"It is," he answered her and took off his coat. "Tea?" He asked again like he had when they returned from the graveyard.

"Yes, I'd love to. You can change while I prepare some tea," Hermione answered. Severus nodded and went upstairs.

_It almost feels as if she's always lived with me. Coming home to someone is something I'm definitely not used to, _he mused while he changed into some more comfortable clothes. _But I could get used to it…_the voice continued in his head, very much out of control now.

After tea, they once again had to discuss what to do for dinner. Hermione felt up to facing some people again. She needed to practice for Hogwarts tomorrow, she argued with Severus who still was very reluctant to eat in the villages. Once again, he gave in to make her happy. She would leave tomorrow morning anyway, so then why not enjoy the time that was left. Dinner alone in his house he could have every day, Severus decided.

Hermione decided to change into something nicer than her baggy jumper and worn out jeans. It was really remarkable how comfortable she felt in Severus's house. She almost dreaded her return to the rather dark rooms in the castle. _Perhaps I should do something about the colours in the bedroom, _she mused while she changed into a dark blue jeans and a burgundy pullover. She tied back her hair and went downstairs to meet Severus. He was already waiting for her, also in a dark jeans and a black button-down shirt that covered his scars well enough, although he had never tried to hide them from Hermione. Hermione thought he looked quite handsome in those clothes.

"Shall we?" He greeted her and held out her coat for her.

They found a small pub in the middle of the beautiful small village of Holyhead. After the half-hour walk, Hermione was really hungry and eagerly studied the menu.

Severus silently studied her expression from behind his menu. She looked much better than she had at her arrival two days ago. Had it really only been two days? He almost couldn't believe that he was the reason she looked so much better now. During her stay he felt more than unsure about how to help her but it seemed he had found the right words and had done the right thing. Perhaps for the first time in years, he felt proud about something he had done and he had to hide his smile behind the menu.

"Have you decided, Severus? I really don't know what to choose, everything sounds down-right mouth-watering," Hermione asked him while studying the menu further.

There were only four more guests in the little pub and they didn't seem to mind the two unknown guests. Severus felt a bit relieved.

"I will try the Oysters and the sea-brass after that," he answered Hermione's question. "And you?"

"I think the Bouillabaisse and – although it seems like a crime when I look at the menu, classic fish & chips, I haven't had this in ages," she said, smiling at him. Then, she seemed to think about something and her smile faded. "I always ate that with my parents before we went into Diagon Alley in the summer holidays," she silently added.

Her parents… Severus had nearly forgotten about that situation. He waited for her to say more but she didn't, so he decided to let the subject go for another time.

After they had ordered and had sat down at their table again, Severus decided to push Hermione a bit more out of her comfort zone. She wouldn't be able to avoid the subject back at Hogwarts anyway.

"Have you thought about what you will do after Hogwarts?"

His question was met with silence and widened eyes. Their drinks arrived and they silently both took a sip from their wine.

"Not yet," Hermione answered uneasily after setting down her glass. "Why would you ask me that? You know I haven't had an exactly easy time and a clear head to think about this," she added, sounding a bit angry now. Her smile had vanished.

"I am aware of that, Hermione, don't get me wrong, but there are only three months of school left before you leave Hogwarts and Minerva will harass you with that particular question, be assured. I only wanted you to start thinking about it, I didn't want to offend you," he added quietly.

He was right – again. And somehow he always asked the questions that made her both think and uncomfortable. Almost like a therapist, she silently added.

"Thanks for the reminder, Severus, I will think about it in the next few days. Could I – perhaps – send you an owl if I need advice?

Now it was time for Severus to feel uncomfortable. He hadn't said a word yet about his "mission" with Kingsley and the auror team.

"You can always send me an Owl, but it can take a while before I answer. I will leave the country tomorrow for some time," he answered and waited for her reaction.

"What?" She asked, obviously confused. "And why?" she added.

He explained the situation to her as honestly as he could manage and she seemed to understand the importance of it. She even offered him her help, again. It seemed she was able to separate the death of her boyfriend from those other Death Eaters and only wanted the rest of the world safe again, exactly like he did. After that, their conversation turned to lighter matters like the books Hermione wanted to borrow when she left for Hogwarts in the morning.

Dinner was delicious and Hermione had left her plate clean. "It seems that my appetite finally returned to normal. Thanks for taking me out to dinner, I know this wasn't easy for you as well," Hermione thanked him. Surprisingly, he had forgotten about his unease eating in a pub and had simply enjoyed dinner with her. He didn't admit it and only gave her an acknowledging nod.

On their way back to Severus' house in the darkness and the cold of the night – it only was march after all – they didn't talk and both kept their thoughts to themselves. It wasn't an uneasy silence but they were both aware that their time together had come to an end.

Hermione was reluctant to go back to Hogwarts, even though she didn't admit it. She wasn't sure about the state of her friendship with Harry and everyone else she had let down in the last couple of months.

Severus' reminder about her plans for the future had added to that unease but she decided to do some research about Universities and apprenticeships that appealed to her.

Severus, however, had completely different thoughts, as he silently walked besides her.

The thought of not seeing Hermione again for weeks or months weighed heavily on his mind. How could he prevent her from falling back into depression if he didn't look after her? How would _he _cope when she was gone again in the morning? The fact that he had to leave for the continent tomorrow certainly helped but his treacherous thoughts about her wouldn't just go away if he put a distance between them. He saw a hard time coming for him – again. But he also decided to savour the memory of those last few days with her because they had simply made him happy.

The night was over way too soon and it was time for Hermione to leave. She had slept much better than she had anticipated and prepared to apparate back to the gates of Hogwarts.

Severus was preparing his breakfast in the kitchen when she silently knocked on the already open kitchen door to say Goodbye.

"Severus?" she addressed him when she entered the kitchen. "I guess it's time for me to leave. You will be happy to have you wonderful house to yourself again, I think." _I'm babbling. Say what you__ want to say and then leave. _

"Listen, Severus, I am no good at this but I really want to thank you for what you did for me," she started and looked into his eyes, so that he could she that she meant what she said. "I don't know who else could have pulled me out of my shell again and these few days I spent here mean very much to me, much more than you could possibly imagine. Thank you for being such a good friend, Severus." She closed the distance between them and hugged him.

Severus was at a loss what to answer her. When the words still wouldn't come, he began to hug her back and kissed her on the top of her head.

Hermione broke the embrace. Severus openly smiled at her for the first time. "You're very welcome, Hermione.

I lowered the apparition wards, you don't have to go outside," he added, silently unwilling for her to leave.

"Thanks, I'd better go then. Stay in touch, Severus," Hermione answered, unaware of his reluctance and turned away to apparate from the living room.

Severus was just about to hold her back when she simply apparated away and was gone within seconds. There was so much he still wanted to tell her, but he knew he shouldn't. He would only give himself away. It was better she had left as fast as she did.

He finished preparing his breakfast and sat down at the dinner table, sipping his coffee and planning his journey.

Back to business.

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><p><em><strong>AN : Reviews are always appreciated !**_


	16. Moving on

**_A/N: Many thanks to my beta Christine for sticking with me throughout this journey._**

**_Feel free to hit the review button if you still like where this is going :-)_**

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><p>16. Moving on<p>

Hermione looked up at the castle from the gates. For the first time in months, she was able to register the beauty of the castle again. The morning sun had just risen behind Gryffindor Tower and the lake was bathed in the golden light of the early spring sun. She took her time for the walk from the gates up to the castle and enjoyed the morning sun that even warmed the air a bit up here in Scotland.

The nearer she got to the entrance gate, the slower Hermione became. She still dreaded the upcoming confrontation with Harry. He had to be furious with her after weeks of silence from her side. _I hope I haven't lost his friendship forever. _The nice comforting bubble she had felt in the last two days at Severus' home had finally vanished. She was afraid and the pain in her chest once again became severe.

Minerva had watched Hermione approaching the castle from her office after she had received Severus' patronus that she had apparated back and was now on her way up to the castle. Now she awaited her at the entrance gate and opened it in the moment Hermione came to a halt shortly before it. At that moment she had almost lost her courage to move forward. She dreaded seeing her friends again.

"Hermione!" Minerva greeted her with a voice as bright as the sunshine that very morning. "My dear, you do look a lot better, your time with Severus worked wonders, I see," she continued in the same joyful tone. "Now, come inside."

As soon as the Headmistress had closed the door, Hermione found herself in a tight embrace. "I am so relieved you are better now. You are better, aren't you, Hermione?"

Hermione stepped back form the Headmistress' comforting embrace, but tears threatened to fall once again. Finally, she found her voice. "Good morning. Yes, I am better," she all but sobbed. "I am sorry I caused you so much worry and stress, Headmistress," Hermione added with a strained voice and only now dared to look into the Headmistress' eyes.

"There is absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Hermione, and I am Minerva for you when nobody else is around, you know that. Come now, Harry is already waiting for you in your rooms."

"Is he very angry?"

"Why should he be angry, Hermione?"

"Because I let him down, I wasn't there for him when he needed me. And I shut him out and ignored him. He has every reason to be angry with me. " Now tears were streaming down her face again.

"Don't worry, Hermione, believe me when I say he will be more than happy to see you."

They had reached her chambers.

"I will leave you here and expect to see you at breakfast in half an hour. Go inside, he is waiting for you," Minerva reassured her. Hermione nodded. "Thank you, Minerva, for everything," she said as she took the older woman's hands and squeezed them. "Sending me to Severus was the best thing you could have thought of."

That being said, she let go of the Headmistress' hands, took a deep breath and entered her chambers.

Severus sat at his dining table and sipped on his black, hot coffee. His appetite for breakfast had vanished the moment Hermione had left for Hogwarts. Suddenly, the thought of preparing breakfast for himself alone wasn't very appealing. Of course, he was being stupid. Hermione had only been here for a few days and he was used to eating alone all the time. _I really need to leave for a few weeks, _he thought, put the dishes away and went upstairs to pack a few things.

An hour later, he apparated to the Ministry of Magic to meet with Kingsley to discuss the details of his self-prescribed mission.

Harry had been waiting for Hermione for almost an hour. He had woken up at six in the morning and had silently left the bedroom he shared with Ginny to use the loo. He was nearly frightened to death when the Headmistress' patronus had rushed into the bathroom to let him know Hermione would be returning within the hour. He had been almost sick with worry about Hermione during the last few days. She now was the one person that really thought of him as "just Harry". Not even Ginny knew him better, although she now had been his girlfriend for almost a year. No, Hermione was now the person that knew him best and he didn't want to lose her for anything in the world.

Things with Ginny also weren't easy at the moment. She was mourning Ron, too, but in a completely different way. She almost never cried in Harry's presence but she did talk about him a lot. This was her way of grieving. For Harry, it was difficult to hear so many things that Ron had done at home or in his childhood, when Harry hadn't even known him yet. Everything she said reminded him of what he had lost. And during the last few weeks he had feared he had lost Hermione, too. He had felt very alone.

Slowly, Hermione opened the door and found Harry sitting on the couch, staring at the door she had just come through. It took him a moment to take in the change Hermione seemed to have gone through in the last few days. She smiled at Harry with tears in her eyes, but her eyes were alive again. "I'm back," she whispered. Harry practically ran over to her and hugged her very tightly. "I'm so glad, Hermione. Finally."

After they had both dried their tears, the two friends sat down on the couch. Hermione took Harry's hands into hers and squeezed them hard. "I am so sorry, Harry. You have to be furious with me for abandoning you in such a way…I am so very sorry…" Hermione repeated quietly and let her head hang down, not daring to look into Harry's eyes despite the warm welcome he had given her.

"Hermione," Harry addressed her, "please, look at me." She did as she was asked and found Harry looking at her with a smile and warmth in his eyes. "I am not angry at you. I was worried, yes, and in the beginning I was angry, but mostly, I was sad and feared that I had lost you, too. I can't lose my best friend, Hermione, you're like a sister to me, I can't lose the only person left who loves me for just who I am. Please tell me you're really back."

"I am, Harry, I am. And I'm still very sorry to have caused you so much worry. I still don't really understand at which point my mind decided to shut down from grief and guilt – it just did at some point. I'm sorry I didn't contact you earlier, but Severus practically forbid it. He wanted me to recover a bit first." She hugged Harry again. "And I do love you for who you are," she whispered into his ear.

Harry cleared his throat to ask the question that was burning on his mind since days now.  
>"What did Severus do exactly to pull you out of your "state"? For the last couple of days I could only think about what I could have done to help you…, I feel really guilty that I had let it come so far."<p>

"Don't be, Harry, please. None of this was your fault. I really think Severus is the only person who was able to help me. I can't really tell you how he did it, but he managed to get through to me. And it was so hard, feeling all the pain and the loss again. He was great, Harry, and although it was painful I will always feel very grateful towards him."

Hermione also told Harry about her visit to Ron's grave and suggested that Harry did the same because it had really helped her.

A short while later, Ginny emerged from the bedroom and greeted Hermione with quiet reserve. Hermione could understand her feelings and didn't even try to make her forgive at once because she knew she was the one at fault here. The three friends went into the Great Hall for breakfast together and Hermione wondered how her other friends would react after she had experienced Ginny's rather reserved welcome.

Hermione was greeted with stony silence at her table. People had gotten used to her not talking anymore but now that she was aware of the fact, she felt highly uncomfortable and suddenly wished she was back with Severus at his breakfast table. It hurt her to feel so abandoned and she now had an idea how Harry must have felt in the last weeks. She had felt far more comfortable with Severus than here at Hogwarts but it didn't help, she had to get through this.

Neville was the first to speak with Hermione again during the day. He had recognized that she looked a bit better and more alive again and seemed to be – finally – talking at least to Harry again.

The other students, including all the Gryffindors, needed more than a couple of weeks to approach Hermione again, but shortly before the Easter holidays, things felt almost normal again to her. Slowly, very slowly, she felt she could get a grip on her life again.

She hadn't heard much from Severus, which left her worrying about him. He had written twice from France that he had "taken care of" two more Ex-Death Eaters, Nott and Rosier sr. Whatever that meant. She just hoped he was all right. He, of course, had said so, but she wasn't sure he was being honest with her. After the time they had spent together, his letters sounded much too formal and detached and she wondered why that was.

Hermione had always replied to his letters immediately and had also let him know about her progress with her plans for the future on a weekly basis.

She had discussed her options with Harry and Minerva and some of her teachers but it was still difficult for her to make a final decision – which definitely meant moving on from Ron's death. She had decided to postpone it into the Easter holidays that were about to start at the end of the week.

Severus would not be back then, she had asked him in the last letter. He now was on his way to Spain to find the next Death Eaters and she found herself constantly worrying about him. In his letters he had said that there were more than enough Aurors with him to ensure his safety and he always pointed out they were mostly a nuisance and hindered him from doing his work. But rather between the lines he had also mentioned two Aurors that he seemed to like a bit in his own twisted way and she was happy for him that he might have found someone to make friends with while being away for a longer period.

Sometimes Hermione still wondered who the other two friends were that he had mentioned during his confession about the time after Lily's death. Perhaps she would ask him about them one day.

It was entirely too hot in Spain, Severus decided at once. The north of France had been almost like England but Spain – no – he would never like countries like these where temperatures rose above 30 degrees even in April.

Of course, his plan to forget his feelings for Hermione had _not_ worked. She wrote him every week and although he didn't reply to every letter, she always poured out her heart to him. She was very open with her feelings and most of the time, he felt at a loss how to respond to her letters. So he had mostly written quite cold and detached answers and hoped she wouldn't be too angry with him. Until now, it seemed she wasn't. Her decision on choosing an apprenticeship or attending University was still open but he hoped she would apply for the Wizarding Oxford. It was the only Uni in Britain and he secretly hoped she would stay in the country.

After what she had done when she had saved his life, he was sure Healing would be the right profession for her. Healer Harris at St. Mungo's had pointed out more than once that Hermione had managed a small wonder – even for the Wizarding world – when she had saved his life. Her quick thinking after she had assessed the situation was something only a Healer with life-long experience would have managed. Severus had often wondered if she had ever realized that. Or if anyone had ever told her about the fact.

Healer Harris had only said that he had complimented her on saving Severus' life, but not to what extent. _Perhaps he had meant this for me to tell her. I have only thanked her but nothing more. _

He planned to wait what she decided and then would think again about recommending her going into a Healer's career.

She had never mentioned Healing in her letters and it seemed she mostly thought about studying Wizarding Law. He would try and be patient and wait for her next letter.

Then there still was the issue of her parents' memories. Severus still wanted to help her with retrieving their memories and in her last letter she had written that she would do some research on memory charms during her Easter Holidays. He doubted that she would be able to start her academic studies before she had seen her parents again. She wouldn't be able to focus.

She had passed on an invitation by Molly Weasley with her last letter for Easter Sunday but he had said no to it. He still needed his physical distance from Hermione. It was only four weeks since he'd been gone now.

During the last couple of weeks, Severus hesitantly made friends with Finnegan and Harris, or Thomas and Dean how he now called them after they had left France. He found them tolerable company, and if he was truly honest with himself, he actually liked them. They were intelligent and both had a dry sense of humour. And – most importantly – they didn't seem to constantly judge him.

The evening before they had left for Spain, the three of them had dinner together in a small lovely Brasserie in the Bretagne.

"You know, Severus," Dean had said at the end of the evening, "if it wasn't for you we would still be searching for Rosier and Nott. I don't really want to know how you are able to find them, but you are really good at it. Your years as a spy weren't certainly wasted, I think." He chuckled.

"And now that you've finally opened up a bit," Thomas continued, "we find that you are quite tolerable to work with. We have decided you are one of the good guys."

Severus was at a loss how to respond to them. He liked these two and somehow he had managed to win them over, although he had continued to be rude and sarcastic and closed up most of the time. "No, I'm certainly not. But I thank you for your kindness," he answered Thomas quietly.

Thomas clapped his hand on Severus' shoulder who was taken aback by this physical approach. Not many people touched him voluntarily. _Except Hermione, _the treacherous voice in his mind said.

"Oh come on, Severus, we all know you're a hero and you really didn't want to kill good old Albus. It's time you forgive yourself. When we have caught all of your Ex-friends, you should really pay us a visit. Our families are quite close, as you most likely are already aware. You weren't a spy for nothing."

And so he suddenly had two new friends. They were all right with his past. They trusted him. _Him. _They had said so the evening before. It was still a strange feeling that people talked to him so openly and he would have to answer with the same honesty and openness. He knew he needed to trust them but they had understood this was the hardest part for him and accepted that he needed his time. He still was amazed about how the evening had gone.

His friendship with Hermione seemed very different to this but he guessed it was because she was a woman. It had been nearly twenty years now he had been true friends with men.

While sitting on the veranda of their hotel in Barcelona, Severus though back to his friends he had lost 20 years ago after he had lost Lily. He had actively forgotten about these fine two friends and had only really thought about them after he had spoken about them briefly with Hermione.

Ironically, one of them was called Tom, Tom Cooper, but everyone had called him Tommy. The other one was Matthew Smith, whom everyone called Matt. They had lived in his neighbourhood in Spinner's end. They were Muggles and had had no idea that Severus was a wizard. As children they had often played together at the playground couple of blocks away from his childhood home. The three of them had been inseparable until Severus had met Lily. She didn't like his two Muggle friends very much and so he met either with her to play or with Tommy and Matt. When he had left for Hogwarts he had written to them quite often, telling them he was attending a public boarding school in Scotland. Tommy and Matt had been quite surprised about the fact that his parents, who did seem to be rather poor, could afford it to send Severus to a boarding school but they had never questioned the fact. He had missed his friends and had spent even more time with Lily at Hogwarts to avoid the loneliness he sometimes felt with his Slytherin companions in the beginning.

During his years at Hogwarts, it became more difficult to retain the friendship and during his teen years, it had almost stopped.

After he had left Hogwarts and returned to live at home with his mother during his potions apprenticeship their friendship had warmed up again, especially as he needed someone – or anyone, really - after he had lost Lily's friendship completely. It had been hard to admit to his two old childhood friends, but they had seemed to understand what he had been going through, even though he had never been able to explain the situation in detail.

After Lily's death he had stopped meeting Tommy and Matt. He was too ashamed that he was the cause of his best friend's death. And how should he have explained that a certain Dark Lord, who was a very powerful wizard, had killed her in cold blood? And that he was even one of his followers?

Severus had been quite sure at the time that everyone he made friends with would die eventually because he had joined the dark side.

In the end Severus had actively avoided becoming close to anyone again, friends or women and had remained very lonely until Hermione dared to approach him. He had simply gotten used to not confiding into anyone.

His relations with Lucius Malfoy or other Death Eater "friends" had always been only perfunctory, although he had taken being a Godfather to Draco very seriously. But he hadn't been able to deny Lucius' request 19 years ago when Narcissa had announced she was pregnant. He had admired Lucius at one point before he joined the Death Eaters and had thought of him as a friend shortly, but after Lily's death he had realized that they had never shared a true friendship.

When Severus had returned to Spinner's End to sell the house last year, he had briefly caught sight of Tommy but he hadn't seen him across the street. He would have never dared to approach him after so many years, but perhaps he should have. He wouldn't have known about his doings, his history. Sitting on the veranda in Spain in the warm evening sun – which was quite nice, he silently admitted to himself – he took his time to remember his lost friends and made a promise to himself to try hard to keep the new ones he had just found.

Hermione had packed her trunk for her leave to the Burrow. She met with Ginny and Harry in their common living room to leave for the train. They were all a bit afraid of the situation they would find at The Burrow but together they would be able to bear whatever they would find there.

Of course, Ginny and Harry had been in constant contact with Molly and Arthur but a letter could only say so much.

Ron's parents had constantly asked about Hermione and during the first two weeks back at school she had written to them. This communication had stopped as well at some point during Hermione's phase of depression.

After she had returned from Severus, she had written them a long letter with her apology about being so rude, self-centred and not thinking about others and she had been instantly forgiven in their reply. She was worried just the same if she was still welcome in their home after she had no direct relationship to the Weasley's anymore.

They reached King's Cross in time and the welcome Molly, Arthur and George gave her was more than warm. She let go of her worries and hugged them back tightly. Tears threatened to fall once again but she managed to keep them inside.

"Hermione, dear, how are you holding up?" Molly asked with a concerned look after she finally let go of her. "I'm better, Molly, slowly and painfully, but it is getting better." Having said that, she took a closer look at Molly and Arthur. They both seemed to have aged a couple of years since she had last seen them at Ron's funeral. Molly had lost a couple of pounds and Arthur's hair now had some grey strands in it. Ron's death had hit them very hard as well and they were no nearer to getting over it than Hermione, Harry and Ginny were.

Hermione silently swore to herself she would do whatever she could for this family, who had always been there for her. If they still wanted her.

At dinnertime, the whole family met downstairs for drinks before dinner. Harry silently tugged at Hermione's arm and shot a pointed look at the Weasley family clock. Ron's arm had been replaced. Hermione couldn't believe what she saw and just stood there with her mouth hanging open.

Just then, Arthur took a spoon from the table and knocked on his wine glass with it.

"Hermione, I'm afraid Harry just spoiled our surprise. We, as a family, have decided to include you in our family, therefore you can now find your name on the family clock next to Harry. Yes, Harry, we've also added you here. We know you are both grown-ups now and probably don't need an adopted family any more. But we want to let you know – whatever happens in your lives – you belong to this family. We know Ron and Fred won't ever come back and seeing their hand there forever pointing at mortal peril certainly didn't make it easier for us every time we entered our kitchen. Molly and I decided it was time to make a change to the clock." Arthur fell silent.

Harry and Hermione both stumbled forward and hugged the Weasleys tightly. "Thank you so much, Molly and Arthur," Hermione said silently. "You have no idea how much this means to me, thank you."

Harry turned to Ginny. "Did you know about this?" Ginny smiled at him. "Of course I did, it was a family decision. Sometimes I was on the verge of telling you, but it would have spoilt the surprise and that happy look on your face you had a couple of minutes ago."

Harry kissed her and didn't let go of her hand for the rest of the evening.

Easter was spent with good food, in a quiet, reminiscing mood and Hermione found herself missing Ron, but not in a way that totally ruined her days at The Burrow.

On Monday, she decided to go back into the forest where it had all happened. After having survived the visit to Ron's grave, she was sure be able to find another way of closure there.

She silently wished that Severus had also come to The Burrow and would be able to accompany her on this hard way back to their clearing but on the other hand she also thought it was time to be able to handle something like this on her own again.

After breakfast, she told Harry where she would go. He offered to accompany her but she declined at one. She had to do this alone. The weather wasn't in her favour – it was very windy and the clouds looked heavy with rain. Hermione didn't bother and just picked her raincoat and went outside, straight into the forest.

First signs of green could be seen on the trees and the forest finally seemed to come out of his winter sleep. As soon as she had entered the forest, the wind almost stopped and she felt instantly comforted by the near silence around her.

When she reached the clearing, it looked as nothing bad could ever happen there. At the spot where Ron had died, she found a small bundle of flowers his parents must have placed there. She would thank them for it later and was ashamed of herself she hadn't thought about something like this at all. _How could I not even think about sending flowers to his grave or this place? I am such a bad person, _her inner voice berated her. _But it wouldn't bring him back either, _the voice also said. _I will bring some flowers here and to his grave tomorrow, _Hermione decided.

Somehow the visit to this place hadn't left her in tears. Of course, the memory of what had happened there was still quite fresh, but she seemed to have reached a point where the pain was somehow bearable now.

On her way back to The Burrow, she began to think about her future again. _What will I do after Hogwarts? _


	17. One year

_**A/N : Many thanks to my friend and beta Christine.**_

* * *

><p>17. One year<p>

_Dear Severus,_

_I hope this letter finds you well and with a nice Spanish suntan. (I can't even imagine how you would look like with a real tan.. not like the one you had last year… please come back as long as you have one…I'd __really__ like to see this…) _

_See, I've gotten side-tracked already. As I promised, you are the first person I am letting know about my decision regarding Uni._

_After weighing a lot of the pros and cons I've decided to study Wizarding Law in Oxford. If they'll have me, that is. And I realize I really need to revise more for my NEWTs to get in, I didn't do much in the last few months - I guess a part of the old Hermione is finally back then._

_I hope you do approve of my decision, it was either that or an apprenticeship at Hogwarts but I wasn't able to decide on any of the subjects. Wizarding Law seems now more important than ever, with all the things that happened during and even after the war. _

_It's nearly the end of April and I can't seem to stop thinking about how we are going to endure May 2__nd__. There will be a celebration here at Hogwarts and I'm still searching for a way to not attend it. Harry's also very agitated about it as he doesn't want to be seen as a hero in the middle of a bloody ceremony. You can be happy to be out of the country for this, otherwise I am sure Kingsley would have made you attend. _

_When will you be back, Severus? All these letters aren't the same as a real conversation and having read your last letters left me in doubt if I somehow offended you. I apologize if I did. _

_The first semester in Oxford won't begin until the midst of October so I will hopefully have enough time between Hogwarts and then to visit my parents and try to revive their memories. Does your offer still stand to help me with that? I guess I can really need any help I can get, the books I've looked into are most discouraging. Will you even have time for that in August or September?_

_Oh, and I have redecorated my sleeping chamber at Hogwarts. The walls now nearly have the same colour like your living room. Sorry to have copied your design, but I find the colour soothing and it certainly brightens the room. Now, only a view on the sea is going amiss…_

_Sorry, I have to go now, the lunch break is nearly over. Please let me know how you are and if you've had any more success in finding the Death Eaters._

_Love, Hermione_

_P.S. Harry told me to say Hello. _

Severus folded her letter and carefully put it into the small box where he kept all her letters. He had reread those last two words at least twenty times before he was able to put the letter away. "_Love, Hermione." _Of course he knew this was a common way to close letters, he had stumbled upon the words nevertheless. Love.. she certainly didn't feel love for him. Friendship – and perhaps even a little bit of the platonic love like she certainly felt for Harry, but she would never fall in love with him once she was over Ron.

But what exactly was it what he felt? _Dare I hope that I am even able to fall in love again? _He hadn't thought much about the depth of his feelings for her yet – or at least he had tried not to - but now… was it just infatuation he felt for the lack of any other women in his life or was this really about her?

His promise to help her with her parents also weighed heavily on his mind. Of course he would stick to his promise, but would he really be able to help? He had warned her it would be very difficult, but he hadn't explicitly said it could also be impossible. He didn't know how to tell her that without risking her to fall back into depression. Her recovery was still too fresh for that.

Her decision about studying Wizarding Law was certainly understandable but he wasn't able to read between the lines if her heart was really in it. He seriously doubted it. Did he approve of it? No, not in his heart.

And now that she had come to a decision, should he really tell her about his feeling that Healing would be the best-suited profession for her? To make her doubt her decision again? It must have been hard enough for her to come to a decision at all. _Should I really make it more difficult for her? Do I even have the right to give her that advice although she even asked for it?_

Severus decided to postpone the answer to her letter for a day or two, he wasn't able to think clearly and his emotions still were in turmoil. _Am I beginning to fall in love? _The question went round and round in his mind again.

He knew it was a lost cause anyway. Hermione was young and had her life in front of her. She would find a nice young man her age at the University, marry him and have children with him. He was old, wounded, ugly, damaged and the murderer of Albus Dumbledore. How could _anyone_ ever fall in love with him?

Her mentioning of May 2nd certainly didn't improve his mood either. How fast a year could go by without the constant threat to the own life. It was one year since the Wizarding World learnt about his true allegiance and one year since Hermione made the decision to save him. One year since he'd been given the chance of a new beginning, a new life. One year in which he had slowly developed a friendship with Hermione. A year in which her boyfriend had died because of him – yes, he still was convinced of the fact - and the threat wasn't as far gone as he would have liked. He had to make sure to find every single remaining Death Eater out there, he owed her as the rest of the Wizarding World that much.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

He slowly opened the door, his wand hidden in his left hand behind his back. It was Dean and Severus let his wand slip up his sleeve again. The spy in him would take a long time to get out of his system. "Evening, Severus," he greeted him. "Ready to go out for dinner? Thomas found a nice Tapas Bar a couple of streets from here." Severus nodded. "Give me a minute. Come inside," Severus invited him into his hotel room, despite his inner averseness to letting anyone into his private room. He disappeared into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, which thankfully was non-magical. Hermione was right, he had really gotten quite a tan after the last couple of days in Spain. It made his whole appearance different. He looked healthy and strong and the blackness of his hair wasn't such a stark contrast to his normally pale face anymore.

The look he found in his eyes was rather sad and briefly he wondered if that would ever change. He was content in a way - yes, but would he ever be able to feel happy – really happy – for more than a couple of hours now and then?

He pushed away the thoughts, washed his hands and met Dean back in his room.

The Tapas Bar Thomas had found offered great Spanish red wine and delicious Tapas. Severus had only heard of Tapas before and now found he liked them a lot better than any English food. After his second glass of wine he had brought himself to take a chance in trusting his new friends. The recurring thoughts about Hermione in his head hadn't stopped during dinner and although the three men had always been engaged in conversation about finding Mulciber, whom Severus suspected here in Malaga, where they had come during the last week from Barcelona.  
>He needed to talk to someone. Just as he had worked up the courage to say something, Thomas laid his hand on Severus' arm. "Listen, Severus, we both can clearly see that something's bothering you. You are not really following our conversation and the look on your face tells us you are thinking very hard about something and it's not Mulciber. So, tell us, Severus, who is she?" Thomas ended with a knowing smirk.<p>

_Gods, have I become that obvious? How did I ever survive Voldemort? _Severus opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't find his voice. "You can trust us, you know that, Severus," Dean added. "Whoever she is, we won't tell anyone…"

Finally, Severus found his voice again after another sip of wine.

"Thank you," he started. "You are correct, but I don't know how to tell you this without completely embarrassing myself. And it is a rather long story," Severus said hesitantly. If he really wanted them to understand, he would have to start a year ago, earlier even if he wanted to include Lily. "We have all night," Dean answered and ordered a second bottle of wine.

* * *

><p>The Easter Holidays were finally over. After her decision on studying Wizarding Law, Hermione had finally been able to do some more research about memory charms. The books she had read hadn't left her optimistic. It seemed she hadn't concentrated enough on the trigger reversing the charm she had used on her parents. Back then, she had thought it was enough because she simply hadn't known better but now she had researched more, she was unsure if the one safety-sentence she had chosen as a means to trigger back the memories had been sufficient.<p>

Her research made it clear that one should always use several "back doors" to retrieve extinguished memories and not only one. The schoolbooks at Hogwarts hadn't told her that. She would really need Severus with her when she went to her parents. His Legilimency could be very useful if nothing else worked the books had said.

Severus had finally sent an answer to her letter. It arrived just before Ginny, Harry and Hermione had to leave for King's Cross Station. She packed the letter into her school bag and decided to read it in the evening at Hogwarts.

Molly and Arthur invited them all back after school had finished and they had left Hogwarts for good. She and Harry would stay as long as they needed to find a flat or a room near their studying places. Harry had thought for a long time about going into Auror business but in the end had decided against it. He had had defeated enough evil wizards for one lifetime. Hermione was still surprised Harry had declined the Ministry's offer to even skip a year in Auror training but Harry was adamant he was finished with defeating bad guys.

Two days ago he had surprised everyone – even Ginny – with his decision to work at St. Mungo's. He would apprentice as a Healer and Hermione was surprised how much Harry was at peace with his decision. She didn't feel the same about hers and couldn't point a finger on it why that was the case.

Ginny would work together with George at his shop and take over the position Ron had planned to. George was very happy about his little sister's decision as well as her parents. The Weasleys still stuck together like glue in situations like this. She was truly proud to be a part of the family now.

After they had all said their goodbyes at platform 9 ¾ the three friends left for Hogwarts for the very last time.

On the train, they shared a compartment with Neville and Luna, who had become quite close to each other during the last months. Hermione hadn't really realized just how close they were nowadays.

"You know," Harry said after they had left London, "it is a strange feeling to go to Hogwarts for the very last time as a student. Last year when we left we didn't think of it this way, but now – it seems we've finally grown up. It will be good to start anew after the summer." His words couldn't have been chosen better, Hermione thought. "You're right Harry, " she said quietly," it _is_ time to move on." Harry squeezed her hand and understood exactly what she meant.

"Speaking of moving," Luna said brightly, interrupting her thoughts, "Neville will move in with my father and me after school. He will show us how to make a newspaper and we will take over The Quibbler, together," she added and put her arm around Neville. He practically beamed. "I am so happy for you," Hermione congratulated them. The couple seemed sure of their feelings for each other and Hermione really felt happy for them. For the first time since Ron's death she wondered if she would every find someone again to share her life with. Watching the happy couples in the compartment with her wasn't as easy as she had hoped it would be.

The rest of the train ride was spent with planning their futures, sharing chocolate frogs and simply enjoying each other's company.

After dinner, Hermione retreated immediately into her bedroom. She was tired and still had to read Severus' letter. Of course, she could have read it on the train, everyone knew she was in contact with him, but somehow she found herself anxious about his feedback on her plans for the future. Harry and Ginny approved of her plans and had expressed that they thought she had made the right decision. The feeling deep down inside her was still different.

When Harry had announced he would become a Healer, she had been more than surprised. She still was. He had never openly talked about his plans before and he could have easily postponed his decision a year or two after defeating Voldemort. But he didn't want to. He wanted to do something meaningful and he wanted to help people.

Everyone had always assumed the famous Harry Potter couldn't become anything else than an Auror, but he had lost his ambitions after he had lost Ron. Hermione could understand him.

She would rarely see him when she left for Oxford and he stayed in London in a flat with Ginny. Their time schedules would be different and she was already afraid of the distance between them.

With a sigh, Hermione snuggled under the covers of her bed and unfolded Severus' letter.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I am sorry for not answering your letter earlier, I have been quite busy within the last few days. And you did not offend me, don't worry about that._

_We finally found Mulciber in Malaga, Barcelona was a false trace after all. He did not hide very well and we caught him within a week. Of course, during our questioning, he assured us he would never again follow _any_ Dark Lord that would come up one of these days and that he now led a quiet life in Spain._

_I used Legilimency on him and - surprise – he had lied to me. Stupid of him to think that I had lost my abilities in that area. He was secretly planning to set up a new alliance of Death Eaters here in Spain to gain more followers and he and Yaxley are in this together. We had to act quickly so that Mulciber couldn't warn him in any way. I'll just let you know at this point that we took care of them both and they are now locked away safely in Azkaban. _

_They were able to form an alliance with a couple of more Deaths who are supposed to be in Italy, gaining more followers there already. We are supposed to finish examining Yaxley's home tomorrow and will then leave for Italy. I am still wondering who initialized this new initiative. Mulciber and Yaxley seem to be in the dark whom this new group in Italy follows. I couldn't find a name or concrete information in their minds. This is taking longer than expected but – I have to admit – it is good to have a purpose. It feels like making at least little amends for my past. _

_Even Dean and Thomas assured me to view it this way.  
><em>_You may be surprised, but I have found two good friends in these people. They are honest and nice and I find myself able to trust them. A bit._

_As for the suntan, you certainly wouldn't recognize me on the streets now. Spanish food and wine have given me at least four more pounds and I wasn't even aware my skin could take this colour it has now. Perhaps I will let you take a look when I am back. _

_As for the timeframe - I hope to be back around the time of your graduation. We will have the time to talk about everything then, including the matter of your parents._

_I have to go to Italy undercover, Dean and Thomas will join this new alliance and I will support them there, I am still to easily recognized even if I used Polyjuice. I won't be able to write you and please, refrain from doing so as well. _

_Now to your decision about studying Wizarding Law. Thank you for letting me know before you told any other person, even Harry as it seems. I do feel honoured that you have such trust in me, even if I can't truly comprehend it._

_I will be honest with you, Hermione, you deserve that much. I am happy for you that you have come to the decision to study Wizarding Law. We could certainly use someone like you to bring some reformation into our Laws. Do never doubt that. _

_I only want to make sure that your heart is in this decision. From the words in your last letter, I cannot be sure about it. Please only do something you are completely happy and at peace with and nothing else.  
>If I made one correct decision in my life, it was studying Potions. Although I haven't touched a cauldron in almost a year now, it is the one thing I was always happy about. When all this is over, I will work with potions again, the farer away I get from England the clearer I can see that. <em>

_You still have to convince me you feel the same about studying law. _

_I'll contact you when I'm back. _

_Take care, Severus_

_P.S. Say Hello to Harry from me as well. _

Now, Hermione felt even more confused. _He can read in my letter than my heart doesn't seem to be in it? Can he use Legilimency through a letter? How the hell is he able to ask the right questions all the damned time? _

Sleep certainly wouldn't come easy now. Was her heart really not in line with her decision? Why was Harry so much happier with his? Was hers only a logical conclusion for her future? Had she considered _all_ her options? Minerva had come up with the suggestion of studying Wizarding Law a couple of weeks ago, after she had returned from Severus. Before that, she had never thought about it, if she was honest with herself.

She had always thought she would stay at Hogwarts to become a teacher before her sixth year. She had even considered it again during the last couple of weeks although she knew it was time to move on. Hogwarts wasn't the place she felt truly at peace any more.

* * *

><p>Severus had woken up with a headache the morning after the rather long visit in the Tapas bar. They had talked until two in the morning and the three men had killed a bottle of red wine each.<p>

He couldn't deny it _had_ helped to talk about the feelings he had developed for Hermione. Of course he had never mentioned her name but he was sure his two new friends had guessed. After all, everyone knew who had saved his life.

They had convinced him that a friendship was always a good place to start for a serious relationship. Their own marriages had started that way. Naturally they hadn't been able to convince him that he _was_ worthy of a happy relationship and that not everyone saw him as an evil person – and most certainly not the person he was already friends with. They had actually laughed at his mentioning of their age difference. When one had still a hundred years or more ahead of them, that really wasn't the point. They had told him to go for it – continuously, subtle and slowly. One day, she would be over the loss of her previous boyfriend and recognize the man right in front of her. They even dared to mock him about keeping his suntan which made him a lot more attractive and even suggested going to a solarium back in England. That was when he told them to just shut up. They had both grinned.

He still wasn't convinced, but they had given him hope, a feeling he still wasn't very used to.

The next morning, he decided to answer Hermione's letter after he had swallowed a headache potion and before he could develop second thoughts. He only sent it two days later but he hadn't changed the words in his letter. Subtle he could do.

May 2nd finally arrived. Hermione woke with a dreading feeling in the morning. The Daily Prophet would be there, they would celebrate Harry and her, the remaining part of the Golden Trio, and Ron would be honoured. A momentum would be set up on the grounds where all people who had died would be honoured and their names mentioned. It was going to be a horrible day.

Hundreds of chairs were placed on the Hogwarts grounds in front of a fairly great stage. Hermione could only stare at it in horror from the window in her rooms… she would have to go up there, together with Harry, Neville, Ginny, Luna and everyone else who had fought in the final battle. Their seats were in row five, so the way up there wouldn't be that long but she guessed that at least 1000 people would attend the celebration.

The Ministry had written her a letter and had asked her if she would give a speech for Ron. She had declined the request. Not because Ron didn't deserve it but she simply wasn't able to go on a stage and talk about him to people who hadn't really known him.

She would be given his Order of Merlin and that was all she could bear for the day.

Slowly, the guests arrived and the grounds filled. It was a beautiful, sunny day and nothing reminded of what had taken place here a year ago.

Hermione found herself also thinking about Severus not for the first time this day.

A year ago, he must have been relieved that things were finally coming to an end. The abhorrent Headmastership was over and she believed he had been quite happy to be thrown out of the Great Hall by Minerva back then. She had really been afraid of him that day and he had looked worse than ever. Pale, unhappy, unhealthy, desperate. And she had saved his life only hours later all the same. Sometimes she was still in awe about her own instinct back then.

Harry met Ginny and her in their living room. They were all wearing dress robes for the occasion. Harry looked as unhappy as Hermione felt deep inside. She took Harry's hand.

"It is one year, Harry, from now on we'll only look forward and leave it all behind us. They were able to get us on this stage this year, but next year and the years to come, we will be far away. Let's give them what they want and then they can go fuck themselves!"

"Hermione - Language!" Harry looked very surprised because she really never used words like that, but he smiled. That was all she had wanted to achieve.

"Let's go and get it over with", he added.

When they arrived on the grounds, it was already crowded with people. Neville and Luna were waiting for them at the entrance and slowly they made their way to their seats. They passed the ministry officials and finally met with the Weasleys, Luna's father and Neville's grandmother who were already waiting for them.

The seats before them were filled with the Hogwarts teachers and more Ministry officials. All other members of the DA sat behind them. It was a shame, really, Hermione thought. Those who had really fought in this war had to sit in the back, and the Ministry, who hadn't done so much as move a finger, sat there as if they had killed Voldemort personally. Of course, Harry had been offered a seat in the front row together with Hermione but as they weren't allowed to bring their friends into that first row, they had preferred to sit in the back as well. Kingsley hadn't seemed so happy about this but Harry and Hermione had stayed adamant.

Hermione sat next to Neville's grandmother. She was a very nice old woman and reminded Hermione of her own grandparents. The sun warmed up the grounds and it was nearly too warm to sit in the sun in Dress Robes. Hermione could already feel sweat dripping down her back. A shower was in order as soon as this was all over.

She wondered how Neville's grandma was doing in her several layers of clothing. She glanced over to her and saw she was sweating as well and she seemed to be a bit dizzy. "Ms Longbottom, are you alright?" Hermione asked her. "Yes, my dear, it's quite a warm day but I'll be fine," she answered but in Hermione's eyes, she seemed a little pale.

She conjured a glass and filled it with an aguamenti spell. "Here," Hermione said as she handed the glass over to Ms Longbottom, "that should help with the heat."

"Thank you, my dear, that is a good idea," she accepted the glass and immediately took a couple of sips. Neville shot Hermione a grateful look, as he hadn't seen that his grandmother wasn't doing so well.

"Anything else you would need?" Hermione asked her. In the very moment Ms Longbottom paled and collapsed from her chair. "Grandma!" Neville all but shouted. Hermione immediately knelt down next to the old lady. _How can I help her? _ She thought. "Neville, go and fetch Madam Pomfrey! Hurry!" Luna knelt down next to Hermione. "How can I help?" she asked as if Hermione was sure what to do. "Let's open her clothes, I think her circuit has collapsed form the heat or something." Luna opened the old lady's Dress Robes and Hermione conjured a couple of towels and some cold water and tried to cool down Ms Longbottom. Her forehead was practically burning and the temperature spell she had just cast showed around 39° degrees. Perhaps it was a heat stroke.

As Hermione thought about what else she could do, Poppy Pomfrey arrived at her side as well as a breathless Neville. "Give me some space, all of you!" Already, a small crowd had gathered around Hermione and Ms Longbottom but Hermione hadn't noticed while she had tried to help Ms Longbottom.

"Perhaps it's a heat stroke," Hermione quietly said to Madam Pomfrey. The Medi-witch was still casting diagnosis spells on the older woman but nodded in direction of Hermione. "You may be right," she answered her. "Her cardiovascular system has collapsed completely from heat and dehydration. You've done the right thing, Hermione," she said, smiling at her, "I'll take her from here.

She will be all right, Neville, don't worry. I'll take care about her."

Hermione felt relieved. She had acted upon instinct and mostly with Muggle methods due to the lack of any potions or the knowledge of the right spell. It could have easily gone wrong as well.

She sat back down on her chair, feeling exhausted but happy. She had helped Ms Longbottom and she would survive the day. Hermione now felt she could survive this hellish day as well.

Neville had of course gone with his Grandma but not without thanking Hermione for her help. He admitted that he had no idea what to do when he saw her collapse. Hermione accepted his thanks and relaxed in her chair, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Three hours later, it was finally all over. She had accepted her Order of Merlin as well as Ron's but had handed it over to his family as soon as she had left the stage. Molly hadn't expected that and hugged Hermione tightly with tears running down her face. "He would have been so proud of you today, my dear," she said quietly. "Perhaps he's watching from above, who knows…?" she added quietly and finally let go of Hermione.

Harry and Ginny were still talking with Minerva and Kingsley and it looked it would be a while before they finished. This was her chance to escape the party after the ceremony and Hermione hurried back into the castle and immediately was on her way to the hospital wing.

"Madame Pomfrey, how is she?" she said breathlessly as soon as she entered the infirmary.

"I'm good," came the answer from behind the curtain on her left just as Madame Pomfrey hurried back into the room from her office. "She is doing fine, thanks to your quick thinking, Hermione. Come on, you can see for yourself," she said and opened the curtain. Colour had returned into Ms Longbottoms face and she looked much better now. "Thank you, young lady, for taking care of me. I was so stupid and didn't drink anything all day. I was so afraid I had to use the loo during the ceremony so that glass of water you gave me was the first drink I had all day. Madam Pomfrey already told me just how stupid that was, considering my age."

"Oh yes, Augusta, never do that again. Your heart won't thank you for it," Madam Pomfrey addressed her with a stern voice.

"Understood, Poppy, understood. Thank you again, Miss Granger. Neville can be proud to have such friends." Hermione was sure she blushed at the compliment and smiled back at the old woman.

"Hermione," Madam Pomfrey now addressed her, "come with me. I'd like to talk to you about something." Hermione followed her into her office and wondered what Madam Pomfrey had to say to her.

"Sit down, dear," she said, "would like some tea?"

"Tea would be lovely, Madam Pomfrey," Hermione answered and now she was even more curious what the medi-witch had to say to her when she offered the tea.

"Now, Hermione," she addressed her as soon as she had poured the tea, "have you ever thought about becoming a Healer?"


	18. Reunion

_**A/N : Thanks to my beta Christine!**_

* * *

><p>18. Reunion<p>

Severus hadn't felt that exhausted in months. It was now mid-July and he was still in Italy and it still felt like the damned hottest place on earth. Dean, Thomas and him had infiltrated the new group of Death Eaters successfully. Finally, they had gotten the pivotal information as who led this new group. They had found Jugson and Macnair easily in Naples and Dean and Thomas had played their roles well when they met for the first time. The only thing necessary had been to tell these two idiots that they were deeply disappointed in the Ministry of Magic back in Britain and the situation in general.

Dean and Thomas pretended to be descendants of Pureblood families who had supported Voldemort quietly but after his downfall had decided it was finally time to act on their own to bring down the new Ministry. When they had learnt about this new group from their friend Yaxley in Malaga they were eager to join this new association in Italy. The only condition to join was to answer a couple of questions to judge their intent and that they told the absolute truth. But as soon as they mentioned Yaxley, Dean and Thomas seemed to be trustworthy. It had almost been too easy.

Severus had briefed his two friends as detailed as he could and had supplied them – he at least hoped that– the necessary information to gain Jugson and Macnair's trust.

He had also trained his two friends further in Occlumency which is why he now felt that exhausted. Performing Legilimency several times a day left him with severe headaches and bad feelings. Of course, Jugson and Macnair were only beginners when it came to Legilimency skills but as they still had not idea who actually led this new organisation, he was adamant to train his friends as thorough as possible.

He really didn't want to see these very private things about his two newfound friends and he would have explicitly preferred if they just had told him over a glass of wine about the things he had seen in their minds. Dean and Thomas had said they were absolutely fine with the things he had been able to see; nevertheless both of his friends sometimes were bright red in the face when Severus retreated from their minds. Especially when he had stumbled upon very private scenes between his friends and their wives. He had also seen a glimpse of the birth of Dean's son and had felt his emotions about holding his son for the very first time. Severus had been overwhelmed for hours by the feelings he had experienced through Dean's memories. He would have never expected the birth of the own child this emotional for a father. He had retreated to his hotel room for the rest of that day.

Hermione hadn't felt that exhausted in months. Since the Easter break she had studied during every free period she had. Her weekends were also spent hunched over books in the library, but she didn't abandon her friends over her studying any more. She had learnt her lesson that there were more important things in life than good grades. So she had gone to the Hogsmeade weekend together with Ginny, Neville and Luna and had thoroughly enjoyed it.

Since her talk with Madam Pomfrey, or Poppy as she was now allowed to call her, Hermione had some serious difficulties with sleeping again.

She had made her decision to study Wizarding Law very carefully and with much thought but Severus had been right, her heart wasn't really in it.

The moment she had left the Hospital Wing that day, Hermione had felt elated about her new option. She had never once spent a thought about going into healing and even Minerva hadn't suggested it once during counselling. The feeling she had after helping Neville's Grandma had made her happier than she had felt in months and she was trying to see it as a sign for her choices.

When she had reached her chambers again, she already felt hesitant. Should she really ignore her choice and apply to St. Mungo's, too? Certainly, her connection to Harry would help her to get into the training programme but did she really want to rely on that? Was she really able to do that as a job for every day for the rest of her life?

What would happen to her if she failed to save a life? Would she even think about choosing this profession if she hadn't been able to save Severus and Ms Longbottom? Could she stand actually losing a patient?

For days, she didn't speak to anyone else about her new options. Harry was still very happy about his choice and had already started to look for a flat in London together with Ginny.

The thought of staying closer to Harry was appealing and made Hermione doubt her decision to leave for Oxford even more. Of course, Oxford wasn't that far away from London and apparating in and out would be easy as well but Hermione knew when she was lost in studying she would certainly miss one or the other chance to meet Harry and Ginny.

She also had significant doubts she would find new friends in Oxford. Some Hogwarts students would be there as well but not any of her close friends.

It was part of being an adult – going away to Uni on her own and finding new friends – but Hermione wasn't sure if she was ready to do that step. Her twentieth birthday was coming up in September but after all the trauma she had endured during the last years she felt she could need a break from finding new friends and learning to trust them. And she still missed her parents for advice.

Oh - how she wished that she were able to at least write to Severus for advice. If she talked to Harry about this he would be so happy that she would choose the same profession like he had that he wouldn't be able to give an impartial opinion to her situation.

Harry hadn't expressed any doubts about her decision to study Wizarding Law and thought her becoming a lawyer or a judge within the Wizengamot suited her very well. He was downright happy that someone with her mind and character would be changing the Wizarding World with her work and that this person was his best friend. This was the other reason she hadn't told him yet. She feared he would be disappointed that she didn't stick to her first choice.

_Perhaps I should ask Neville, he is much more objective and perhaps even more insightful._

* * *

><p>A couple of days later – it was a beautiful sunny Sunday morning – she approached Neville after breakfast. NEWTs were now only three weeks away and it was the middle of June. She still hadn't heard from Severus and was now really worried for him. How could his mission last almost three months? She missed him more than she ever thought possible. These few days in his house had been very intense and painful but now that she hadn't seen and heard from him in months, it felt to her like her soul was missing a part. It was a strange feeling, missing someone so much who was twenty years her senior and understood her better than anyone of her best friends.<p>

"Neville? Would you have some time for me after breakfast? I'd like to discuss an idea with you," she asked Neville between bites of buttered toast. He nodded.

"What is it about, Hermione?"

She hesitated, as she didn't want to give away what this was about yet. Harry sat right next to her.

"It's a surprise, Neville," she teased and hoped he wouldn't be disappointed later when all she wanted was his advice.

Severus woke up exhausted. The heat was almost unbearable for him. He wasn't able to sleep before 2am most nights, when the air finally cooled down a bit. Italy was beautiful, but not it's temperatures. Of course he used cooling charms but he still wasn't able to breath properly when the air was so heated up. He wanted to go home very badly now. Now, that he finally had a home to come to, he really missed it.

Laying awake for the greater part of the nights he always found his mind filled with thoughts about Hermione. Had she received his last letter and had taken his advice? Or was it too late now? He hated it that he couldn't correspond with her but she was an intelligent young woman, she would find her way, he tried to convince himself. He also missed talking to her, seeing her biting her lip when she thought hard about something. Seeing her at all. It was like his soul was missing a part, even if she had only spent a couple of days with him. It was a strange feeling.

Dean, Thomas and Severus had finally found out who was the leader of this new group of Death Eaters. They called themselves "Voldemort's true heirs" and Rokwood was their leader. Severus had been surprised when Dean and Thomas had finally met him and Jugson and Macnair had introduced them into the group.

He hadn't thought Rokwood had it in him to be a leader, but he had already gathered twenty-five people in his group and they were getting more every couple of days.

They would need backup from Kingsley if they wanted to end this once and for all. Careful planning was needed and when he didn't think about Hermione at night, he made plans how to get the whole group at once. Severus wanted this to end as soon as possible.

The talk with Neville had cleared up Hermione's thoughts. He had been very understanding about her confusion and her doubts, although surprised that she didn't discuss this with Harry and Ginny, and had told her he could imagine her in both professions. He didn't give her advice about what she should choose in the end, but advised her to send her application to St. Mungo's if she seriously thought about going into Healing. Perhaps talking to Healer Harris would be wise, Neville had suggested. Hermione had written him a letter directly after her talk with Neville.

Neville had been adamant that she took her time with her final decision. As she had already been accepted at Oxford she should leave the option open until she had decided which path of career she finally decided to pursue.

She would wait until Severus returned. He would help her to make her final decision, she was sure about that.

Finally, it was time for NEWTs and Hermione had crammed all available knowledge that existed in the world into her brains. At least she felt like it. She had somewhat of a permanent headache during the last week before the exams. She felt awful and not for the first time she had to ask herself it this was all worth it. Harry and Ginny seemed equally stressed out although they had both 2 NEWTs less to take. They had both dropped Arithmancy and History of Magic in their last year.

Healer Harris had responded to her letter almost immediately and had enclosed all necessary application forms for St. Mungo's. He had let her know she would be welcome in St. Mungo's and that he had already seen her talent when she had saved Severus's life. In his letter he had said she was a "natural". Hermione had been surprised by his words. How could she not have seen anything of this by herself? She had helped Severus with sheer desperation that day and hadn't thought one minute she had done something close to brilliant there, but that was exactly what Healer Harris had told her in his letter.

She hadn't known that the theoretical part of studying Healing would also take place in a secret part of Cambridge so she wouldn't miss going to Uni regardless of which decision she would finally make.

Hermione filled out the application and sent it to St. Mungo's one week before her NEWTs. She seriously doubted she would be accepted anyway with an application that came in this late. But she could also wait another year or so, if Healing was the right thing for her. She would not be making any more haste in such a life changing decision.

The NEWTs week went by so quickly that Hermione was surprised when her final exam was suddenly over on Friday afternoon. It had been potions and she had been extra prepared for that one. She wanted to excel in potions, mostly to impress Severus, but she also really needed it for becoming a Healer. Harry had studied a lot with her in the last few weeks and he was so much better in potions since he had learnt from the Half-Blood Prince's book.

On Friday evening Harry, Ginny, Luna, Neville and Hermione met in Hermione's chambers to celebrate the end of the exams. Neville hadn't taken the potions NEWT and had time to shop in Hogsmeade for their little private celebration. Firewhisky, lots of sweets and Butterbeer were killed that evening and for the first time in months, Hermione felt almost free of all obligations for a few hours. Her career would go one way or the other, school was finally over and she would leave Hogwarts.

She would take care of her parents as soon as Severus returned and was ready for it and the rest of July, she would spend at The Burrow. It was a bittersweet feeling.

"I can't believe it's finally over…", Harry said with a slurred voice. "We survived our last year of school. Now we'll all go separate ways… Hermione goes to Oxford, Ginny stays in London, Luna and Neville will live with her Dad… and I don't want to lose any of you, please promise me we'll stay friends. Please…" he trailed off. Definitely too much alcohol involved, Hermione thought, but he was right nevertheless. She didn't want to lose her friends as well, now that school was over. She raised her glass. "To never ending friendships! And – to Ron, who can't be with us tonight but will be in our thoughts forever," she finished quietly. "To Ron!" her friends repeated and they all stayed silent for a minute to remember their lost friend.

The next day, the Great Hall at Hogwarts would be decorated for the leaving feast and then they would leave Hogwarts for good until the graduation ceremony. Their NEWT results were going to be sent by owl within the next week and there would be a formal graduation ceremony next Saturday on the Hogwarts grounds. The week between would be spent lazily at The Burrow, hopefully with good weather and occasionally bathing in the nearby lake.

The leaving feast was a glittering event and different from all the leaving feasts they had seen before. Minerva's speech had a hint of sadness in it when she spoke about the 7th years that would now leave Hogwarts. They had helped defeating the most evil wizard Britain had ever seen and she was proud to have taught them through the years.

But she also pointed out that the world out there was still recovering and that everyone had to live life to the fullest now that they could all live in peace. Her words rang in Hermione's ears throughout the evening.

The week spent at The Burrow was a mixture of holiday and anxiousness. Every day all three graduates waited eagerly for the owls to arrive to bring their NEWT results.

On Thursday the day of truth finally arrived and three Hogwarts Owls arrived. The three friends opened their letters together and either of them stared at the papers with open mouths. Hermione, because she had managed an "O" in every subject except History of Magic. Harry, because he had managed an "O" in potions and mostly "E"s in the other subjects and Ginny, because she had managed an "O" in transfiguration. They were all more than happy with their results and now looking forward to the graduations ceremony on Saturday.

Severus finally arrived at home after his debriefing at the Ministry. The air in his house was stale and layers of dust covered the floors but he was happy to be home again. Truly happy. Almost.

Dean and Thomas had done a tremendous job in Italy. Within few weeks, they had gained Rokwoods trust and had convinced him to organize a meeting that included all followers of Voldemort's true heirs to develop a strategy for winning over the Wizarding world. They had convinced him it was the only way to become more powerful as quickly as possible when they joined forces and planned together how they could infiltrate governments, ministries and other public facilities. Rokwood was very happy with his two new followers and much more naïve and trusting than Voldemort had ever been. He did try to use Legilimency on Dean and Thomas but they dealt with it easily due to their training with Severus.

Severus had organized backup from Kingsley and the Italian Ministry and during the meeting they had stormed the place and were able to arrest all twenty-five followers and some new ones who had wanted to join that very evening. Everything was finally over now. All former Death Eaters were caught and Severus felt as if a weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders. He felt he could finally move on now.

He had bought a Daily Prophet on his way out of the Ministry and learnt that the graduation ceremony at Hogwarts would take place tomorrow, on Saturday. The students NEWT results were not made official but he suspected Hermione was top of the year.

Attending the graduation ceremony was not an option for Severus, he didn't want to return to Hogwarts if he absolutely didn't have to, but he really wanted to see Hermione again. He was quite sure she would stay at The Burrow now that school was over and she had let him know she was now practically a part of the family. She would be there. He would be, too. He would surprise her and wait for her when she returned from the Hogwarts graduation ceremony.

Hermione was nervous. She still hadn't heard a word from Severus and in that letter back in April he had said he hoped to be back around the time of her graduation. Today was her graduation and still no word of him.

If Kingsley attended the ceremony today, she would ask him about Severus if she got the chance. There was a chance he might be there when Harry Potter, the boy who lived twice, graduated from Hogwarts.

The whole Weasley family, including Harry and Hermione, apparated to Hogwarts to attend the ceremony and see their youngest children receive their diplomas. This would be the last time for them to attend the ceremony, too, at least before any potential grandchildren would leave Hogwarts.

Harry, Hermione and Ginny sat in the Great Hall in their Dress Robes and waited for their names to be called. "Hermione Jean Granger!" Minerva finally exclaimed.

Hermione rose from her seat and went up to the front where Minerva and all the other Hogwarts teachers were waiting for her.

Minerva greeted her with a warm smile. "Hermione, Congratulations. The best diploma we've seen in twenty years. I am very proud of you." Hermione blushed deeply, said her thanks and went back to her seat. "Wow, Hermione, "Harry greeted her, "the best in twenty years, I do wonder who was the last one with result like these."

Hermione didn't. She wanted to get this over with and talk with Kingsley who sat in the back of the Great Hall. She was suddenly desperate about news from Severus now.

Finally, every name had been called and they all had received their diplomas. Hermione retreated to the back of the Great Hall as soon as Minerva finished her speech.

"Mr Shacklebolt.. I mean… Minister, could I speak to you for a minute, sir?" The man still sat in his seat and seemed to wait for someone, but not her.

"Hermione, of course, please, have a seat. And you may still call me by name; we've known each other long enough. Congratulations, Hermione. Now, what can I do for you?" he asked her with a big-toothed smile.

"Well, I know it's possibly a secret, but do you have any news about Mr Snape and the mission he is on for you? I haven't heard from him in weeks and I hoped you could tell me he is alright," Hermione asked, fidgeting with her hands, nervous as she was.

"Don't worry, Hermione, everything is fine. He returned home this week, his mission is finished and he is back safe and sound in England," he told her with a smile.

"He's back? But why haven't I heard from him yet?"

"This you should ask him; Hermione. But our debriefing was only yesterday and I am sure he has to take care of his home first after months of absence. He really is doing fine, don't worry."

"Thank you, Minister… KIngsley. Sorry to have bothered you about this," Hermione felt suddenly foolish.

Why hadn't Severus contacted her yet? Had he forgotten about her? She stood up and went back to the Weasleys. She desperately wanted to go home now and write a furious letter to Severus who hadn't even thought that she might be worried to death about him.

Perhaps she should just apparate to his house right away…

"Hermione, what's the matter with you? You look positively furious," Harry asked her with surprised look on his face.

"I just spoke with Kingsley. He told me Severus came back this week. He didn't even contact me and I was so worried about him all the time. Damned idiot. I am so furious right now," she said heatedly.

"Hermione, please. Give the man a chance. When he's only back for a couple of days… he's been away for months. He _will_ contact you - don't worry. You are his friend after all."

"Yes – and that's exactly why he should have let me know right away that he's back safe at once."

"Hermione, Harry? Come on, we're going home to celebrate," Ginny said with a bright smile. "Say Goodbye to Hogwarts!"

Hermione had already done that the week before and was ready to leave. She had a letter to write before dinner.

Finally, the whole family met in front of the Hogwarts gates and apparated home to The Burrow.

* * *

><p>Hermione separated from the group first and practically ran into the house to find a quill and a piece of paper.<p>

She didn't recognize that the Wards were down when she stormed through the door, nor did she see the person that was sitting at the kitchen table. A voice stopped her.

"Hermione?" Hermione stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned around.

There, at the kitchen table in The Burrow, as if nothing ever happened, sat Severus. She almost didn't recognize him, tanned as he was.

"Severus?" All the rage she had felt moments ago vanished when she saw him sitting there and sheer relief washed over her.

"I know I'm not easy to recognize these days," he said with a smirk while getting out of his chair, "but yes, I am back."

Hermione practically ran towards him and nearly crushed him with her hug. Severus stood frozen for a moment and then hugged her back.

"I am so glad you are alright," Hermione whispered into his chest.

Severus had apparated to The Burrow shortly before the ceremony at Hogwarts ended. It had been the same procedure for years and he didn't think it had changed.

He had lowered the Burrow's wards let himself into the kitchen and hoped that Molly and Arthur wouldn't mind the intrusion. Waiting outside would have been too awkward and he really did want to surprise Hermione.

He heard them apparating one by one outside and then heard footsteps running into the house. He was surprised it was Hermione and that she seemed to be furious. He would find out later what this was about. She looked beautiful. There was no other word for it. When she turned after hearing him call her name, his heart missed several beats. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The huge smile that broke on her face when she had finally recognized him gave him more hope than he dared to admit to himself.

She was genuinely happy to see him again. And then he had her in his arms, inhaling her scent and hugging her back. Having the woman suddenly in his arms after months of trying to forget her showed him how very ridiculous his attempts had been. Only then he could relax into her embrace.

He just hoped she didn't recognize his furiously beating heart. Suddenly, Hermione retreated from his arms and looked up into his face.

"Kingsley told me you've returned this week. Why didn't you let me know? I was almost sick with worry about you the last few weeks," she asked him with an accusing tone.

"I came back only yesterday and had to take care of my house first. I wanted to surprise you today and I am sorry if you don't appreciate it," he said, looking a bit sad suddenly.

Hermione realised how foolish she was when she saw the downcast look in Severus' eyes. She couldn't accuse him of surprising her after only one day back. Quite the contrary, it gave her a warm feeling that he thought about surprising her personally and not only with a letter.

She hugged him again. "I am sorry, Severus, I forgot myself... I just was so worried about you. I wanted to write you a letter after I've just talked to Kingsley, that's why I was so furious when I came in. Sorry…I'm so glad you're here."

The door opened and the rest of the family came in, surprised to find Severus and Hermione in a tight hug.

Of course, Severus now had some explaining to do as he had let himself into The Burrow's kitchen to surprise Hermione but when he told them that every single known Death Eater was now in custody, he was at the receiving end of a full Weasley family hug full of gratitude.

An invite to dinner followed and Severus fully enjoyed the evening, sitting next to Hermione. With the whole family surrounding them, he didn't find a chance to talk to Hermione in private during the whole evening. He was desperate to learn which decision she had made but as he didn't know what she had told Harry and Ginny, she kept silent. She would talk about it in her time.

He was more than surprised when Harry said he would be a Healer, but didn't comment. He looked into Hermione's face to look for a reaction on her side, but he wasn't sure what to make of her expression.

Finally, it was time say his goodbyes and when Hermione hugged him goodnight, she whispered into his ear.

"I really need to talk to you, Severus. I didn't want to talk about it tonight, but I really need your advice."

He nodded, inhaling her scent once again and then loosened his arms around her. He could get used to hugging her.

"I'll send you an owl tomorrow." She smiled at him thankfully.

"Goodnight, Severus."

"Goodnight, Hermione." Severus turned and left the house, hearing the door behind him close softly.

He opened the garden gate and went to the apparition point and enjoyed the warm night air before he apparated home.

He went straight into his bed and one last thought went through his mind before he fell asleep.

_I am in love with Hermione Granger._

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><p><strong><em>AN 2 : Things are heating up now continuously...hope you liked this one._**

**_Reviews are appreciated :-)_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N : Thanks for the reviews, favorites and follows, every single one makes me very happy.**_

_**Thanks to my beta Christine**_

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><p>19. Getting closer<p>

Severus woke with a start on Sunday morning. The sun shone brightly into his bedroom. From the position of the sun he guessed it had to be almost noon. He hadn't been aware that he was _this_ exhausted from the hunt of Voldemort's true heirs. Well, he would have enough time to recover within the next couple of weeks.

Severus stretched languorously in his bed, enjoyed the silence and the sun shining through the window. Few minutes later, when he was finally properly awake, the realisation that had hit him out of the blue yesterday night when he had gone to bed, came to his mind again. _Dear gods, how could I fall asleep directly after __**that**__? _

He shook his head. It wasn't possible...but it was therefore not any less true: he loved Hermione. The long mission in Europe and the self-prescribed absence hadn't helped in getting over his growing feelings for the young woman. At all. When she had thrown herself into his arms yesterday evening, he had never felt any more... complete. And happier... and at peace. After he had come to his senses again during dinner with the Weasleys he had secretly watched her talking to Harry and Ginny. She seemed happier and more at ease, she had gained weight and her skin had taken an almost golden colour during the summer. Not to mention the dress she was still wearing from the graduation ceremony. After she had removed her dress robes, a beautiful little black dress surfaced which had nearly taken his breath away. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Lying in his bed, seeing her again before his mental eye, he realised just how besotted he was. _Merlin, what am I going to do about this? _

He got out of his bed to take a cold shower as a first measure.

Ginny slowly turned around in her bed to see if Harry had finally woken up. He had had a bad nightmare during the night and she wasn't sure how much sleep he had finally managed. The nightmares had become rare but were still very disturbing and troubled Harry mostly throughout the following day.

Harry had sensed her movement and opened his eyes. He smiled at her and pulled Ginny on top of him. "Good morning, love," he whispered and kissed her thoroughly, morning breath and all.

Ginny was surprised. Normally Harry wasn't in a good mood after a bad night. She decided to keep her thoughts to herself and kissed him back enthusiastically.

After a very heated snogging session they lay in her bed and Harry had curled up behind her and had his arms around her.

"Did you see how Snape was staring at Hermione yesterday during dinner?" Ginny asked after a couple of moments silence. "What do you mean – stare at her?" Harry asked sleepily.

"Oh come on, Harry, don't tell me you didn't see how he stared at her after she had removed her dress robes. For a second, I almost thought his eyes were practically gleaming. And she did look gorgeous in that dress, don't you agree?"

"Yeah, she looked good, but no, I didn't see that."

"But I have to admit," he continued after a while, "I wondered about that _very_ tight embrace a while during dinner yesterday. The way he hugged her back, did you see that? He seemed to be truly happy to see her. And that's alright, they _are_ friends, after all."

"Well, I think there's more to it," Ginny said lost in thought.

"More to it? " Harry asked back, not following her trail of thought.

"Well, I think he's smitten with her. The way he looked at her during the whole evening. I watched him, Harry, he found her sexy in that dress. And friends just don't think of each other as sexy, am I right?"

"Sexy? Oh come on, Gin, he was her teacher, for God's sake! How can he find her sexy at all? And he said he is her friend!" Harry seemed to get angry now. Ginny stayed silent and let Harry calm down a bit. _ Perhaps I shouldn't have brought it up _that_ way_, she thought, but she tried to explain how she had come to her conclusions.

"Severus is a very lonely man, Harry, and Hermione is not his student any longer. Hasn't been for a while, in fact. She is his friend and she likes him, how could that _not_ affect him? We all know his history now, don't we? I don't say that I like it but I can recognise a smitten man when I see one," Ginny said quietly after a couple of minutes into the silence of the bedroom.

"But she is still mourning Ron, Ginny, how can he even think about her that way?" Harry asked, still sounding upset, but calmer now.

Hermione sat already at the breakfast table when Harry and Ginny finally came down at half past ten. In fact, she had already finished her breakfast almost an hour ago.

When she had woken up this morning, she felt happy and rested. Severus was finally back and he was exhausted, but otherwise doing fine. She could finally talk to him and make an educated decision about her future. Now, she impatiently awaited his owl when she could meet him. She hoped it would already be today, but she remembered he had said yesterday that he had still some things to do at home.

"Wow, Hermione, you're up early for a Sunday!" Harry said when he sat down at the table.

"Couldn't sleep any longer, Harry," she answered him absent-mindedly while staring at the sky through the open kitchen window.

"Waiting for mail, Hermione?" Ginny asked innocently.

"Yes, in fact I do," Hermione answered without hesitating, "from Severus. He wanted to let me know when I could come over in the next few days. I urgently need to talk to him about...something." Ginny couldn't help but shoot Harry a meaningful look.

"What do you want to speak to him about, Hermione?" Harry asked between bites of toast and egg.

_Shit, that comes from answering without thinking...how do I tell them that I need to speak with him first and not with my two best friends..._Hermione berated herself and the realisation about the very fact hit her with force now. _Gods, I really didn't handle this very well_.

"Hermione? What is it?" Ginny dug deeper. Hermione's strange answer had made her more than curious. After all, she had seen Severus only yesterday for the whole evening and she needed to talk to him, again?

She asked Hermione the question that had just crossed her mind.

Now, Hermione blushed and looked ashamed. She would have to tell them, these were her best friends, after all. She took a deep breath.

"You remember, back in March, when I wasn't doing so well and was with Severus for several days?"

They both nodded in unison. "Well, at the end of my visit he asked me which career I wanted to choose and I had truly no idea, but he made me thinking about it for the first time after Ron...died.

After consulting with Minerva you are aware what I chose for a career. But a couple of weeks ago, something happened and I'm now not so sure if I really made the right choice. And that is what I need to talk to him about."

"But," Harry interrupted her, now sounding upset, "why wouldn't you talk to me or Gin about it? We are your best friends, are we not?"

"Harry, please, let me explain...". Hermione laid her hand upon Harry's arm. She had expected this to trigger his temper once again, and understandably so.

"OK. Explain." He looked more hurt than angry now.

"Of course you are still my best friends, my brother and sister even, and you both know that. It's just...

You see, I informed Severus about my choice of studying law in a letter I sent to him when he was in Spain. It wasn't a very long letter and I hadn't explained my choice in so many words but his answer was unsettling nonetheless. He asked me if my heart was in the decision and if my choice is what I truly wanted for my life. He was sensing my uncertainty long before I did. Because that's what I am right now, uncertain. And I was not able to shake off the feeling again before ... this other thing happened."

"You still don't want to tell us what this is really about, then, Hermione?" Harry asked, disappointment clear in his voice.

"I'll tell you as soon as I've spoken with Severus and you'll understand me then, Harry, I promise. Please, don't be angry with me," Hermione pleaded with him.

"OK, I hope I will, Hermione," Harry said but it was clear to see that he was still upset.

Shortly after that, Hermione went outside to clear her thoughts. All those weeks, she had actively avoided talking to her friends about her problems but now she had to ask herself if she really hadn't done it all wrong. She was friends with Severus for a couple of months now and she solely relied on him with her career choice? Ok, he had given her advice and made her thinking about it all in the first place but didn't she give him too much credit? Would he even want that responsibility? Had she just lied to herself in thinking that Harry couldn't give her serious and objective advice after all they had been through together?

An arriving owl interrupted her thoughts. It was Severus'. She carefully took the letter from the owl's foot; it wasn't even a letter, just a piece of paper, actually.

_Tomorrow, 1pm, lunch at my house. Severus_

Hermione quickly went inside before she could think any longer about it and wrote her answer on the backside of the paper._  
>I'll be there. Hermione. <em>

The owl took her answer and instantly flew away. Hermione watched her until she had become a little dark spot in the sky.

Sleep hadn't come easy for Hermione the following night before her meeting with Severus. She hadn't spoken with Harry and Ginny again; she only told them at dinner that she would go to see Severus the next day for lunch. Molly sensed that something was off between the three young people but decided not to pry. Harry and Ginny had looked at a flat in London in the afternoon and were discussing if they could afford it. It really seemed to be a nice flat. Harry was about to sell Grimmauld place to the Order for official use as a Headquarter and with the money he would want to buy a home for him and hopefully Ginny later, but not before Harry had finished his education. He didn't want to keep Grimmauld place, it felt too dark and held too many painful memories for him.

Hermione tried hard not to envy the young couple. She would probably have the same discussion with Ron now, if he were still alive. She went to bed early because she simply couldn't stand listening to the happy couple any longer - but sleep evaded her. Only when the first light of dawn fell into Ron's room, she fell asleep, feeling guilty, confused and exhausted.

She awoke around ten in the morning. After a long shower and a small breakfast she went to find Harry and Ginny but Molly told her in and odd tone they had left early to look at another flat.

She had really wanted to talk to them again before she left for Severus but it seemed that fate was against her, now.

In the time remaining before she left she tried to read a book but couldn't concentrate enough on the subject so she decided for a short walk.

She returned shortly before one o'clock and found a thick letter waiting for her on the kitchen table. It was from St. Mungo's.

Well, the cat was certainly out of the bag now. Molly would clearly wonder why she would get a letter from St. Mungo's as well. She decided to take it to Severus with her, still unopened. It was time to leave, anyway.

Severus had considered delaying his invite to Hermione for a couple of days but in the end had decided against it. It wouldn't help with his feelings and having heard the urgency in her voice the evening before, he had written her he would meet her on Monday. On Sunday, he would try to finish cleaning his house and get a grip on his feelings before seeing her again.

It was now Monday, half past twelve and he sat at his kitchen table and was still trying to get a grip. His heart was already beating furiously at the prospect of seeing Hermione soon again and having her here for lunch and perhaps even the afternoon. He wondered if she would ever be able to sense his feelings. Probably not, as she was still mourning Ron. He also wondered if he would ever be able to get over his feelings. Or if she could look at him one day and not only see a friend before her.

Lost in thought, he heard the pop of Apparition outside his door. She was here.

Just before her knuckles hit the door, it opened and Severus stood there. He looked... flustered.

"Hermione, come in," he greeted her and stepped aside. "Hi, Severus," she smiled at him and went inside.

Severus felt a bit disappointed that she hadn't hugged him again. But – why should she? Honestly, he was pathetic.

She let her bag drop and practically fell down on the sofa. She looked as agitated as he felt, he observed. "Make yourself comfortable," he said humorously.

"Gods, I'm sorry, Severus, I didn't think and I do feel comfortable here...sorry." She stood up from the couch, looking ashamed.

"It's quite alright, Hermione. Perhaps you'd like to tell me what has you so ...agitated?"

She let out a deep sigh. "I don't even know where to begin..." she answered, sounding desperate.

"Perhaps... at the beginning?" he suggested dryly. "But let's eat first, shall we?"

"Alright, Severus, it seems I have to gather myself before we talk anyway."

Lunch was delicious. Severus had made simple fish and chips because he knew how much she liked it and he was rewarded with a happy smile and her empty plate afterwards.

He made coffee for them both and gestured to sit down at the sofa.

"Now, Hermione, start at the beginning...," he offered and waited for her to start speaking.

However, she didn't but grabbed her bag again and pulled out a thick letter. It was from St. Mungo's. He didn't dare to think about what it might contain. Had she finally come to the same conclusion as he had?

"Severus, I am not even sure if I should talk to you at all, I feel so confused right now...," she started but the surprised look she earned from him made her stop talking.

He looked...disappointed. "But you were the one who wanted to talk me. And now you-don't?" he asked, confused now.

"I do, but, hell, please don't look so disappointed. I hate to disappoint people and you are the third person I am disappointing in only two days..."

"What the devil are you talking about, Hermione? Start. At. The. Beginning." he ordered her in his cold teacher voice. Her head snapped up and her expression cleared. _That still seems to work._ He smirked.

"Alright, Severus. When you were in Spain you said in your last letter to me that you doubted my heart was in line with my decision for my career choice."

He nodded, but didn't say anything. So this was what all the fuss was about, her career choice. But he had already guessed that when he had seen the letter.

"I guess you were right," she added.

"At the Memorial day on May second, something happened at Hogwarts. Neville's Grandma had a breakdown and I helped her and I felt ... so good and happy afterwards and then Poppy took me aside and asked me if I had ever thought of going into...Healing?" She ended the sentence sounding like she asked him for the answer. He already liked where this was going. It was good he hadn't said anything about the alternative he too had seen for her, he felt.

"And? Have you?"

"Yes," she answered hesitantly.

"And?" he asked, now becoming impatient.

"I'm not sure. That's why I wanted to talk to you," she said quietly, looking into his eyes and sipping on her coffee.

_But I'm not so sure about that, either, _a little voice in her mind said, but she didn't say _that_ out aloud.

"What, exactly, is your problem, Hermione? From the letter you're holding so tight in your hand it seems you've already made a choice."

"No, I haven't." She sighed again.

"I have applied at St. Mungo's, but I haven't withdrawn the application for my Law studies. I wanted to keep my options open until...I was able to talk to you about it."

He felt honoured by her statement and his heart took another leap.

"And what do your friends recommend you?"

"I haven't told them about any of this," she said in a small voice.

Now Severus was speechless. She had waited for him to return until she would make her choice. Did she hold him in this high regard? He felt a blush creep up his cheeks.

"Why?" His voice sounded thick with emotion in his own ears.

"Because I _thought_ you were the only person I could entirely trust this with!" she almost screamed in his face.

However the past tense she had used didn't escape his notice.

"Thought...?"

Now it was her turn to blush.

"You see, Harry and Ginny wanted to know why I wanted to see you again so shortly after Saturday and I told them I needed to talk to you about something. Of course, they wanted to know what this was all about and I only told them that I was second-guessing my career choice and had to talk with you first before I could tell them. I hurt them, obviously, with my statement, as you can surely imagine."

He nodded, but still didn't understand his own importance.

"And why haven't you talked to Harry about this?"

"Because, as he has told you yesterday, he is becoming a Healer, too! And he would be happy if I would start together with him at St. Mungo's and he wouldn't be able to give me an objective opinion about my choices...," she trailed off.

"He told me he was happy with my choice of Wizarding Law, but at the prospect of us staying together during the next years.. I don't know.. I .. " Hermione was close to tears now. She had messed this up. Truly this time.

"Hermione, Harry trusted you with his life for almost eight years now, and you don't trust his friendship or his judgement enough to give you career advice? What in Merlin's name is the matter with you?

I can see why you would be hesitant to talk to him about all this and I agree he will be happy to have you by his side in the near future after all what happened. But Hermione- why would that be a bad thing? Don't you want to stay near your friends as well?"

Severus was astounded. What had happened while he had been in Europe? Since when was Hermione known for dependency or uncertainty?

She didn't say anything but he could see that tears were beginning to fill her eyes and she was starting to sob silently.

Enough was enough. He had to find out what this was about.

"Stop crying this instant!" he barked at her. She flinched but stopped sobbing instantly.

"You will tell me this instant what is the matter with you," he ordered. Back to the teacher's voice – again.

"I don't know, Severus. Honestly. I don't understand myself anymore. Since Ron died, I feel so insecure in everything. I am hesitant to decide anything and if I do, I'm not sure if I made the right decision. I've never felt this way. And I didn't even realise it… only yesterday morning I could see how much of a mess I've made with Harry and Ginny," she said, sounding sad and desperate. Severus could see she still was actively fighting the tears to fall.

However, he didn't say anything and waited patiently for her to continue and gather her thoughts.

Outside, it had started to rain heavily and rain splashed against the windows of his living room. It had become quite dark outside and he lit a few lights while he waited for Hermione to continue speaking.

"After I had helped Neville's grandma and spoken to Poppy about going into Healing, I felt happier than I had felt in a long time. But the feeling only lasted for a short while and I became insecure again if I should act on my feelings or not. If I could stand losing patients. If I only thought about choosing healing so I could stay close to Harry and wouldn't have to make any effort in finding new friends at Uni...and trusting people I don't know... ."

_Now we're getting to the bottom of this..., _Severus thought and once again said nothing but shot her an encouraging look to continue.

Hermione had to think before she could continue. Talking to Severus was, once again, like a therapy for her. Suddenly, she could sort out her thoughts and pour out his heart to him. Poor Man. And he only returned a couple of days ago and now he has to deal with an immature girl who somehow happened to save his life. _Perhaps he only listens to me because he still fells he's in my debt..._ A sharp "Hermione!" stopped her thoughts. "Stop brooding and talk to me," he once again barked at her.

She took another deep breath to ready herself for revealing her most private thoughts to Severus. Hermione hadn't been aware what was causing her sudden self-doubts but suddenly it was crystal clear for her to see.

"I feel if I rely too much on one person, the person will just disappear from my life. Just like my parents, just like Ron, just like Harry would if he would start at St. Mungo's alone... I fear trusting people with my problems and letting them in too far because I will lose them any way."

Now she couldn't hold back the tears anymore and started to sob again.

"And what about me, Hermione?" Severus just had to ask her. _Where does all this leave me in her life?_ He couldn't help but ask himself.

She looked up at him with wet eyes, but smiled at him nonetheless. "I have no idea, Severus. You seem to be the anchor in my life after what happened in March. I couldn't stop myself from putting all my trust in you, I don't understand myself.. and I know I don't make any sense...Sorry."

So the real issue were Ron and her parents. And she was right; she didn't make any sense in her thoughts about him, but no matter. He couldn't do anything about Ron, even if the guilt for his death once again welled up inside him, but he would do anything he could to help her get her parents.

"Hermione," he addressed her, his voice low and soft now. "If you believe it or not, I understand and you do make sense...now, however not about me. And I promise you, I will do anything I can to help rectify the situation with your parents. I can't bring you back Ron, but I will help you with your parents. And you can't honestly think Harry Potter would abandon his best friend only because he would choose another career than you do. He will stick like glue to you, even I can see that."

She let his words sink in for a couple of minutes.

"Thank you, Severus. I honestly don't know what I would do without you." She took his hands and squeezed them affectionately. "Thank you," she repeated, looking into his eyes.

Before he could lose himself in them, he loudly cleared his throat.

"And when could you start at St. Mungo's?"

He asked to actively end the previous discussion about her friends and him and pointed at the letter laying on the table before them.

"I haven't opened the letter yet. It just arrived before I left."

Once more, Severus was astounded. He would have certainly opened a letter of such importance in private, and would have most likely preferred to be reprimanded for being late than opening it in another person's presence.

"Open it, Hermione," he said softly.

She grabbed the letter and tore it open. Slowly, she retrieved the covering letter that contained the answer to her application.

Very carefully, she read sentence after sentence, not quite believing the words. She had been accepted and could start training at January 1st. If she would like to start earlier, she could do a practical beginning October 1st, together with Harry.

The reason she could only start on January 1st was that Healer Harris, who had treated Severus' injuries, would oversee her training himself. And he still had another Trainee that wouldn't finish before the end of December.

A bright smile began to spread on her face and she handed the letter to Severus.

"See for yourself, Severus," she said and closed her eyes, leaning back on the couch. A feeling of rightness was spreading throughout her and she just knew it was the right decision for her. She would be a Healer. And thinking about it, she almost couldn't believe she had created such a mess over it.

"From that goofy and rather ridiculous smile on your face I take it you accept their offer?" He asked her offhandedly. Hermione opened her eyes and smiled at him and...leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you, Severus," she said once again.

He had a hard time hugging her back without accidentally kissing her on top of her head. "Whatever for?" he asked her honestly. He really had no idea why she thanked him again.

"For making me doubt my initial decision, of course. Idiot."

She turned bright red after the word had tumbled out of her mouth. "Sorry, don't know what came over me...," she admitted, averting his eyes.

He loved it when she blushed. _Gods, I am in so deep, I'll never be able to __**not**__ love her anymore. She is perfect. I need to talk to Dean and Thomas soon or I'll loose my mind. _

He abruptly stood up from the couch to get some distance between them before he forgot himself.

"Well, what is your answer, then? When will you start? Healer Harris is certainly the best mentor you could have gotten, I have to admit."

"I am not sure, Severus, this entirely depends on the situation with my parents, " she said, her eyes becoming sad again. "I'd prefer January to have enough time for them should we not be successful. Gods, I can't even think about that."

"So, when would you like to leave for Australia? Would you say two weeks time for preparing yourself for the travel is sufficient?" He wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. It wouldn't help her to be any longer without her parents and it certainly would help his mind to ease off some of the guilt he still felt. And after that, he could avoid her again and think unhurriedly about his feelings for her again.

It was all such a mess.

"Severus," she interrupted his thoughts, "you've only come back last week. Surely you need more time for yourself before you go off again to help me. September or October would be perfectly all right with me. "

"No, Hermione, we'll do this on my terms. You need your parents and I won't have any peace of mind before we've done this. Two weeks?" he asked again, now impatient and sounding rather rude.

"I think two weeks will suffice, Severus. I'll get us a portkey and owl you the details," she answered, looking hurt at his rude tone. He didn't have it in him to apologise for it.

"I'll send you over some books you should read before we leave," he suggested, back to the teacher's voice again.

Hermione had no idea what she had done wrong, but Severus clearly dismissed her. She stood up as well.

"Thank you for your time today, Severus. You've certainly helped me to set my mind right again," she said and...hugged him again, as if he never had been rude to her only seconds ago.

What was it with this woman and hugging? His anger and frustration faded and he hugged her back. "You're welcome, Hermione," was all he was able to say.

She let go of him, told him goodbye and left. Severus stood in his living room for a long time to process what had just happened.

Hermione was anxious at her return to the Burrow. She still wondered about Severus' somewhat strange behaviour before she left but at the same time felt relieved of a huge weight when she arrived at the Burrow. She had made her decision and now she could apologize to Harry and Ginny.

After taking several deep breaths, she steeled herself for what was about to come and entered the Burrow through the kitchen door.

Molly sat at the kitchen table, obviously waiting for her. "Arthur, she's back!" she called without looking away from Hermione.

"Sit down, Hermione," Molly addressed her, not unfriendly. Arthur entered the kitchen and sat down beside Molly.

"Hermione," he started softly, "I know we are not your parents, but you can always speak to us if there's something bothering you, you should have understood that by now. We haven't added you on the family clock for nothing, you know," he continued, sounding a bit hurt now.

"Molly saw that letter from St. Mungo's for you arriving this morning, and suddenly everything clicked into place for her," he said and gestured for Molly to continue speaking.

"Hermione, I don't know what is in that letter but I have a strong suspicion. You've been running around this house like a beheaded chicken for days now and I can sense this is about your career choice. You never asked for our opinion about your choice but if you did, we would have told you it would bore you to death one day. Honestly.

At first you seemed happy with your decision and suddenly, not anymore. I may not be your mother, Hermione, but I can sense if a child is unhappy about her choices."

Hermione felt ashamed. Not once had she considered talking to Arthur or Molly about her problems. Gods, she had been so stupid in these last months. And she was supposed to be intelligent. Well, obviously, she was not when it came to life altering decisions.

"Don't look so ashamed, Hermione. We are not angry with you, well, only a bit to be honest. I can see why you didn't speak to Harry about any of this, but you could have spoken to Ginny or us, we wouldn't have said a word if you didn't want to. But Severus...is he really the right person to talk to for you? It's obvious you share a special friendship, but how long have you been friends now, half a year?"

Hermione couldn't help but burst into tears again. So she had messed up with Arthur and Molly, too.

"I'm sorry," she said between sobs," I am so so sorry, I've been so bloody stupid these last months..."

"Yes, you were, dear," Molly admitted but stroked her head.

"Harry understands, I have explained, he's not angry with you but you should go and talk to him and Ginny. Better now than later, alright?"

She pulled Hermione into a tight hug, Arthur squeezed her arm and with her head hanging down, her eyes full of tears, she went to see her friends.

Talking to Harry and Ginny had been easier than she had anticipated, she reflected when she finally went to bed that night, exhausted, but feeling happier than she had for a long time.

It had taken her a while to convince Harry just how stupid she had been for weeks, but after she had apologized for the fourth or fifth time he couldn't help but smile at her and hug her and tell her how happy he was they would be working at St. Mungo's together. Ginny had understood at a much earlier point why Hermione had acted as she did but didn't let her off as easily as she could have.

Hermione had to promise to never exclude her friends again like she had and she could now easily give that promise.

Both Harry and Ginny were awfully tolerant of both her friendship with Severus and her trust in him and were happy for her that he would now help her with her parents.

Hermione fell asleep with a smile on her face that night. All was well.


	20. 20 Australia

**A/N : Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It's been a couple of hell weeks at work. Many thanks to my beta Christine.**

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><p>20. Australia<p>

The two weeks before Hermione and Severus left for Australia went by in a fly. The Ministry had provided a portkey for August fifteenth, seven a.m. for her and Severus, so that they would be arriving in Sydney, Australia at four p.m. in the afternoon. The witch at the Ministry had surely wondered about the second name on her authorization sheet, but hadn't dared to ask why she would go to Australia with Severus Snape of all people.

The books Severus had given her had been very helpful in theory but had made her fear failure even more.

Hermione was now more than anxious about her visit in Australia and sleep had been escaping her the last nights before they left. The peace and calm she had felt after she had arranged everything for her start at St. Mungo's on January first had evaded her again.

By August fourteenth, one day before she would leave, she had almost convinced herself that her journey would be in vain and Severus would give up his much deserved rest for nothing. Hermione was a bundle of nerves.

They hadn't seen in each other again since her last visit at his home and had only corresponded by owl to discuss the different possible approaches for recovering her parent's memories and arranging the time and place they would meet the next day.

Severus had kept his distance quite deliberately. He needed to deal with his feelings and had met with Dean and Thomas the day after Hermione's visit.

Talking to his friends again had certainly calmed his nerves a bit but hadn't lessened his emotional state.

Dean and Thomas were happy to see that Severus was truly in love with a beautiful young woman and encouraged him to stay in her life. They were both sure she would develop feelings for him from the way Severus had described her behaviour towards him. He would just need to be patient. Easier said then done.

Severus would have loved to believe his friends, but his tendency towards negative feelings and that he didn't deserve such happiness still kept the upper hand most of the time.

Dean and Thomas had also offered to help him down in Australia with Hermione's parents since they both had enough overtime on their accounts from their time on the continent. Severus felt a bit overwhelmed by their offer but declined. He had to do this alone with Hermione and see where things would lead when he was alone with her for a longer amount of time.

He always answered her owls very promptly and enjoyed conversing with her immensely. Of course, her letters had a very worried tone about not succeeding in retrieving her parent's memories but the ideas she developed from reading his books had been marvellous.

On August fifteenth, Severus' alarm went off at five a.m. in the morning. The first light of day came through his bedroom window and Severus found his way into his bathroom without switching the lights on.

He showered and dressed carefully in linen clothing, it would be warm enough in Australia even though it was winter there.

His things were all packed and shrunk and he warded his house at a quarter past six to meet Hermione in London. They had agreed to meet in front of Wiley's odd Café in Diagon Alley to grab a cup of coffee and some rolls before they had to leave for the ministry to take the portkey.

Hermione was already there and waiting for him. The sun had just risen and Diagon Alley was covered in golden morning light. It was a beautiful sight, when there were nearly no people in the narrow road and it was almost silent.

Hermione, however, didn't notice these things and looked nervous beyond recognition.

"Good Morning," he greeted her with – what he hoped to be – a reassuring smile. "Good Morning, Severus," she held out a cup of hot black coffee to him. She didn't smile back at him.

"Hermione, it's going to be alright. One step at a time. Please don't give up before we've even left." He squeezed her arm.

Hermione let out the breath she'd been holding. "I am trying, Severus, but during the last couple of days… I don't know. I was so happy after St. Mungo's accepted me and I felt calm and centred. But I am a mess now. It's time to go and clear this matter for once and for all. I can't live like this any more. Either I do have a family besides the Weasleys, or I don't."

"I understand, Hermione. But your nervousness isn't going to help. You have to be calm when we do this." Severus look was serious. His voice alone seemed to be able to calm her nerves a bit. Hermione took another deep breath.

"I know, Severus. Thank you. Let's go. Once we're on our way, I'm going to be better… I hope."

When they arrived in Sydney and finally left the Wizarding immigration office, the light was already beginning to fade outside, although it was only shortly after five p.m. Although it was winter, the temperature still was around twenty degrees and the air was not too damp.

Hermione had sent her parents off to Perth, on the other side of the Australian continent and they had both agreed before their journey that they would stay in a hotel in Sydney for the night and apparate to Perth the next morning. Apparition over such a long distance was tiring and Severus and Hermione would try to get a night of sleep first and get used to the time difference.

They found a nice small hotel that had a beautiful view on the sea and booked two rooms next to each other. For dinner, they went into the hotel restaurant and although it was only lunchtime in England now, Hermione tried to forget about the time difference, ordered seafood and a glass of white whine to calm her nerves down.

Severus was very silent since they had arrived in Sydney and Hermione was lost in her own thoughts since they had left. However, now she recognized his unusual silence. Finding things to talk about had never been an issue in the year they now knew each other better but there was an almost awkward silence between them now.

"Severus, is everything alright?" His eyes immediately found hers and he stopped eating.

"Yes, of course. Why do you ask?"

"You are very silent, Severus. It is kind of new that we aren't able to talk to each other, unless something bothers you. _Is_ something bothering you?"

Severus' thoughts exploded at that question. _Well, what do you think, Hermione? I am sitting in a nice restaurant eating dinner with a beautiful young woman who has no bloody idea that I'm in love with her and all she asks is if there is something the matter with me? Hell, this should be a date and nothing else. _

But what he said, was "No, everything is just fine, Hermione. I am just thinking about tomorrow and what our best approach on your parents will be."

_And now I am even lying to her, because I don't have it in me to confess what I'm feeling…_

"Are you sure, Severus? It's never been awkward between us and if there is anything I need to do differently then please just tell me. We are friends and you should be able to tell me if you are cross with me."

She really looked a bit worried now. _And therein exactly lies the problem. We are friends, but I want it to be more. _

"Don't worry about it, Hermione. I am not cross with you. I am just a bit tired, I didn't get that much sleep last night." As if that ever had been a problem for him. Another lie. Little sleep for a couple of nights really were no big deal for him. She seemed to believe him because she looked more relaxed now.

They finished their dinner and decided to meet for breakfast at eight a.m. and leave for Perth around nine.

Severus and Hermione climbed the stairs to their rooms on the first floor and when Hermione reached the door to their room, she turned around to Severus.

"Thank you for coming here with me. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. Good night, Severus." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, then opened her door and went through it without another look back at him.

Severus kept standing in front of her door, stunned. Once again, she had voluntarily kissed his cheek. He felt warmth spreading through him and in that very moment, he decided to not give up hope and fight for her.

It was only ten p.m. in the evening and Hermione didn't feel tired at all.

She tried to read a bit in her bed but found she couldn't really concentrate on the text. Instead, she turned on the TV. Something was definitely off with Severus, she was sure about that although he kept telling her there wasn't. She hoped that she would get to the bottom of it soon because she couldn't _not_ think about it. Somehow, worrying about Severus behaviour had kept her thoughts off her parents throughout the evening. She didn't feel that nervous anymore and began to look forward seeing her parents again, even if they didn't recognize her at once.

During an episode of a TV series called "Sex and the city" she finally fell asleep wondering about if she could ever think about men like those four women in this series.

During breakfast, everything seemed back to normal between Severus and Hermione. They had both been able to catch more sleep than they had anticipated and felt rested enough for the apparition.

"Would you like to go and see your parents today or would you like to wait until tomorrow," Severus asked her during breakfast.

"I'd like to go there today and see if they're home. They won't recognize me anyway, so no harm done, I guess. I just need to see if they are all right. I can't be in the same city like they are and not go and see them – I couldn't stand it. It's been two years last week."

She had never told him when exactly she had obliviated her parents. He was aware it had happened after her sixth year but if he had to guess, he would have said she'd done it when she was already on the run with Harry.

"When did you start to make plans to obliviate your parents? If you already did in August, you must have planned beforehand," he asked out loud.

"I did. I started thinking about it after the Christmas holidays in sixth year. I started my reading then and decided act upon my plans at the end of July before Bill and Fleur's wedding. When Muggle London was attacked during the summer, I knew it was time. Gods, Severus, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I could understand if they'd never forgive me…" Hermione was close to tears now.

"Hermione," he placed his large hand on her smaller one and she looked up, surprised at his kind gesture and the warmth of his hand. He had never initiated contact with her before. "We are here," he continued, "and they won't hate you for it, I promise. Now finish your breakfast and then we'll leave. Calm down, it's going to be all right." He slowly withdrew his hand again but Hermione grabbed his fingers and squeezed them. "Thank you, Severus, for being so kind." She let go of his hand and wiped away her tears. "Let's go." He was so much out of his depth in giving comfort he needed a moment to compose himself before he was able to stand up from the table.

Perth was unmistakeably warmer than Sydney but the temperature was still tolerable. It felt like a warm summer day in Britain when they left the apparition point in a hidden area of a city park. They weren't many Wizarding people in Australia and they were scattered all over the country, hidden within Muggle neighbourhoods. Places like Diagon Alley didn't exist in Australia, Wizard and witches had to owl-order their things directly from certain hidden Wizard shops. Hermione and Severus hadn't consciously seen any other wizard since they had left he immigration office. Their wands were kept hidden in their sleeves and were only used in the hotel room to shrink or unshrink the luggage.

Once again, they found a nice hotel at the beach. Hermione wondered if Severus kept choosing hotels with a view on the sea to feel nearer to his home. She found she liked it, too and never questioned his choices.

The rooms were ready for them and they packed away their luggage and took a taxi to drive to the neighbourhood Hermione's parents lived in.

Of course, apparition would have been quicker but Hermione needed a bit of time to get acquainted with Perth and the fact that she was only minutes away from seeing her parents again.

Severus liked what he had seen from Australia so far. The people were nice and the landscapes and cities were beautiful and felt less crowded than in the United Kingdom.

It was a Saturday and Severus hoped that Hermione's parents were at home. They had deliberately chosen to arrive in Perth on Saturday to have the weekend for checking on her parents. If they were at work from nine to five it would have been much harder to make the first contact. Hermione hoped her parents were still dentists because she hadn't erased those parts of the memories, but she wasn't sure.

She only knew where they lived and nothing else. They didn't talk during the taxi drive. To the driver, they looked like a couple that had just fought over something and weren't on speaking terms now. Slowly, the taxi pulled over and stopped. They were there.

"Fifteen dollars, mate," the taxi driver said and Severus paid before Hermione could protest. "And no tip for calling me mate," he said dryly as he left the taxi.

They stood in front of an empty looking house, just opposite her parent's home. It was a nice neighbourhood to live in, Severus decided at once. Neat little houses with well-kept gardens, little traffic and not too far form the centre of the town. Perth wasn't that huge after all. Hermione looked a bit shaken but seemed to try to pull herself together. She took a deep breath and turned to Severus.

"I'm ready."

"Hermione, I have an idea. The house on the other side of the road is for rent and perhaps we should use this as our cover story. A couple looking for a house and asking about the neighbourhood beforehand. What do you think?"

She smiled at him and never hesitated in her reply. "Introducing us as a couple is a brilliant idea. Hi, we're the new neighbours. That should work, my parents are very open to new friendships."

Just like that, Hermione linked her arm through his and together they walked towards the house. She hadn't mentioned that no one in their right mind could believe they were a couple._ Good._

Hermione rang the doorbell with her heart jumping around in her chest. She could hear footsteps coming from the inside.

The door opened – and an elderly woman appeared in the doorway. Not her mother. "Yes?"

Hermione found her voice. "My name is Hermione Granger. Is this the home of Wendell and Monica Wilkins?"

The woman turned around. "Monica, there's a young woman here to see you!" She called into the back of the house. "Mary Taylor, I'm the housekeeper," she introduced herself, holding out her hand.

Hermione took it and before Severus could introduce himself, Hermione's mother came around the corner. She was the spitting image of Hermione.

He could see Hermione trembling a bit from the corner of his eye but apart from that, she didn't seem to react. Severus decided to help Hermione adjust to the situation by introducing himself.

"Ms Wilkins, I am Severus Snape and this is my partner Hermione Granger," he began and Hermione's mother showed no reaction to her daughter's name at all.

"We are thinking about renting the house across the street and were wondering if you could tell us a little bit about the area. We are from England and would appreciate some insight of the people who live here."

Ms Wilkins face broke into a huge smile.

"You're from England? It will be lovely to have someone from home in the neighbourhood, we are from England as well. Do come in, both of you." She held out her hand to Hermione, who took it cautiously, looking into her mother's eyes. "Nice to meet you, Ms Wilkins," she managed to say.

"Come on inside. I'm afraid we don't have much time today but I'd like at least introduce you to my husband. Wendell?"

"Coming," Hermione's father's voice came from behind the house. He had to be in the garden.

They entered the living room and Hermione couldn't help but gasp. Before her mind could properly process what her eyes saw, the door that led to the garden opened and Mr Granger entered the living room. Something flickered in his eyes when he saw Hermione but even Severus had to watch very closely to see it.

"Nice to meet you," he greeted them both and introduced himself.

Severus once again explained they were going to rent the house across the road and watched him very closely at the mentioning of Hermione's name, but again nothing happened just like with her mother. The obliviation seemed to work perfectly. He could clearly see Hermione struggling to keep her demeanour but she fought bravely.

"We would invite you for tea or even a second breakfast – given the early hour – but I'm afraid we are in a bit of a hurry today because we are on duty for the emergency medical dentist service today and someone is going to arrive at our practice in a couple of minutes. But we'd like to invite you over for tea tomorrow afternoon. Is three o'clock fine for you?"

"Yes, perfectly. Thank you, that is very kind of you," Severus replied for them both. Hermione seemed incapable of speech for the moment.

"Come, darling, let's take a look at the house again," he addressed her and the endearing seemed to snap Hermione out of her state. She stared at him.

"Yes, let's do that. Thanks for the invite, Mr and Ms Wilkins. We're looking forward to tomorrow already."

When they were out on the street again, Hermione's knees were weak and she leaned heavily against Severus.

"Are you alright?" He asked her quietly. "Just give me a moment, Severus."

A couple of moments later, she straightened her back and let go of Severus. "We need to get back to the hotel and prepare everything. We could apparate from the house."

He nodded and they opened the empty house with a quick Alomohora and went inside to apparate back.

Back in the hotel room, they had apparated in to Severus' room, Hermione sat down on the armchair.

"I guess you'd like to know what happened in the living room?" she asked.

"Yes, I worried for a moment you might collapse."

"The living room. It's exactly the same like at home in England. Nearly the same couches, same furniture, same colours, even the rooms it selves are alike. It's an almost exact copy. What does that mean for the obliviation? They didn't seem to recognize me or my name at all," she ended sadly.

"They acted as expected, Hermione. For a second, I could see something in your father's eyes when he saw you, but when I mentioned your name, there was nothing in his eyes. Perhaps your resemblance to your mother just startled him a bit.

As for the living room – that's certainly interesting. Their subconscious must have provided certain images of your old home. I take it as a good sign that the memories are not as deeply hidden as they could be, Hermione."

"Really?" She looked up at him, her eyes full of hope.

The rest of the day was spent preparing for the next day and Hermione was bone tired after the small dinner they had in the hotel restaurant. Conversation between them was back to normal and Hermione didn't think about yesterday's awkwardness again. Severus rather seemed to be in a good mood for his standards.

Perhaps he really was optimistic about tomorrow's outcome. They had planned and checked upon everything thoroughly and when Hermione finally turned in for the night, she felt relatively calm.

Severus had enjoyed the day. After dinner, Hermione had instantly gone to bed but he didn't feel tired at all and decided to go for a night walk at the beach. Hermione's parents seemed to be very nice people and although he had only met them for a very short amount of time and with supposedly slightly different personalities, he envied Hermione a bit for having such parents.

His parents had been the exact opposite of Hermione's. They had neither been warm and open nor would they have invited total strangers who just knocked on the door saying they were probable neighbours. They would have suspected a hidden motive immediately and in this case they wouldn't have even been wrong.

He wondered what it would be like to grow up in such a family. The living room had a rather large library and it was clear Hermione had inherited her love for books from her parents.

Severus' thoughts kept returning to the fact that she had accepted to play a couple so easily without questioning the idea. She didn't seem to find it absurd to be his partner and had played along nicely, even with the physical contact.

Perhaps it would get her thinking once the issue with her parents was solved.

The next morning, Hermione once again felt nervous and the hours from breakfast until three o'clock seemed to stretch endlessly. Severus took her for another walk on the beach, which she seemed to enjoy.

Finally, it was time to leave.

Hermione had bought a bouquet of summer flowers for her mother and Severus had a bottle of red Australian wine in his hand. Everything else they needed sat securely in Hermione's handbag.

They apparated to the empty house again and crossed the street to the Wilkins house.

Before they knocked on the door, Severus grabbed Hermione's arm.

"Keep calm, this is going to work. We'll get you your parents back today." His voice worked wonders on her nerves. She let out the breath she'd been unconsciously holding. "Right, let's do this," she answered and knocked on the door.

The door almost opened immediately, the Wilkins-Grangers must have already been waiting for them. "Mr Snape, Ms Granger, please come inside. Oh, such nice flowers, my favourites, how did you know?" Hermione's mother greeted them enthusiastically. "I didn't," Hermione answered shyly, "they're my favourites, too," she ended with a smile.

Hermione's father was waiting in the living room, tea and a nice looking raspberry cake already on the table. Severus handed him the bottle of wine and they all sat down on the couch.

"I'm going to find a vase for the flowers," Hermione's mother said and went into the kitchen.

"We just assumed you'd drink tea, but of course I can also get you a cup of coffee," her father offered. "Coffee would be great, D… Mr Wilkins," Hermione smiled at him. The near slip of her tongue went by unnoticed by her Dad, Severus looked a bit annoyed.

As soon as her father had vanished into the kitchen as well, Severus pulled a vial out of Hermione's handbag and poured its content into the tea. The potion had no taste and was colourless and wouldn't be noticed until it took effect.

"Here's your coffee, Ms Granger," her Dad said and sat down on the couch again. "Call me Hermione, please," she pleaded. This situation had to end soon, she couldn't stand talking to her parents like this.

"So, what is bringing you two to Australia?" Her Dad asked just as her Mom came back into the room.

"Oh, we were visiting my parents a couple of weeks ago and decided to live here as well because my parents are quite happy. Severus still has to get used to it, but he will, won't you, darling?" She smiled at him and for one moment, he believed that she was serious.

"I hope so," he answered and pretended to take a sip from his tea. The Wilkins followed his gesture and each took a sip of the tea.

The potion was very similar to the Muggle knockout drops, only without the side effects. The Wilkins would be unconscious within the next minute and they would seem to be asleep but their minds kept active on a subconscious level. It had been a tricky thing to brew, but Severus had thoroughly enjoyed it. It was the first potion he had made in more than a year.

"We are very happy here and don't miss England one bit, I hope you will feel the same once you've settled down here. Have you already decided whether you will rent the house across the street?" Mrs Wilkins asked but one moment later, her teacup fell on the ground and before her husband could react, they were both unconscious.

"That was fast," Hermione said and set down her cup of coffee. She grabbed her handbag and pulled out their wands. "Let's get them into a more comfortable position."

When both her parents lay comfortable on the two couches, Hermione pulled out her books and retrieved the parchment on which she had written down the safety- sentence.

Severus cast the spell to open her mother's eyes. Hermione stood and sat down beside her mother on the sofa. She looked directly into her mother's expressionless eyes, took a deep breath and began speaking her safety-sentence to reverse the memory charm:

_Hermione Jean Granger was born on September nineteenth, 1979, at 3.15 a.m. and she did her first accidental magic on March fifteenth, 1982, and levitated her teddy bear Bobby into her bed. _

It was a rather stupid sentence but no one except her and her parents knew about the time she first did magic. Not even Harry or Ron.

A whirl of magic went through the room and after the spell ended, her mother's eyes closed. The potion would wear off in around half an hour, estimated from the sip she had taken and then they would see if it had worked.

Hermione let out a breath she'd been holding and turned towards her father.

"Take your time, Hermione," Severus said quietly. "Don't rush this, you need to stay calm. You did fine with your mother."

She listened to his advice and waited a couple of moments before she turned around to Severus.

"I'm ready. Cast the spell."

Once again, Severus waved his wand and the eyes of Hermione's father opened. Once again, Hermione said her safety sentence.

When Severus had heard the sentence for the first time, he had very nearly laughed out loud for the funny choice she had made. But on second thought, she had chosen a fact that in combination only her parents could know about (and perhaps Albus but he hadn't been a threat at any point to reveal the secret, Severus had instantly decided) and he found she had chosen it very wisely.

It was only one sentence but he sincerely hoped it worked to get Hermione her parents back.

After the spell finished, Hermione sat down next to him on the sofa, trembling.

"I honestly don't know if I can stay in here and see them wake up and not recognize me," she whispered, choking back tears.

"You need to stay, Hermione. If they wake up and you're not here the reaction to the return of their memories might be bad. They need to see you at once. It will reassure them that they have not gone mad."

"Please stay with me, Severus. I need you here with me," she pleaded silently.

"I won't go anywhere, Hermione." Unconsciously, he took her hand in his to silently reassure here. He only recognized what he'd done when she looked up at him and smiled.

"Thank you, Severus."

Silently they sat on the couch next to each other, holding hands, and waiting for her parents to wake up. Absentmindedly, Hermione squeezed his hand once in a while and Severus had to hide a smile considering the situation they were in.

After nearly half an hour, Hermione's mother stirred. Her right hand went up to her head and she covered her eyes as if she wanted to keep reality outside. Hermione let go of Severus hand and stood up, holding in her breath.

Slowly, Julie Granger opened her eyes and removed her hand. Her eyes immediately found Hermione standing in front of her and they widened in recognition.

"Hermione?"

"Mom?" Hermione choked out before she fell down on her knees beside her mother. Slowly she took her mother's hand.

"What are you doing here? Where have you been?" After a moment, she added : "What have you done to us?"

"Mom, please let me explain," Hermione began her father began to move on the other couch. His eyes opened at once and he took in the scene before him.

"What are you doing on the floor next to my wife, Ms Granger?"

Severus pulled out his wand in one swift movement and stunned Mr Granger into unconsciousness.

Julie Granger screamed.

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><p><em><strong>AN : Reviews are highly welcome :-)**_


	21. Clarity

**_A/N : Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. Perhaps we can make it to 100 with this one.. ? _**

**_Sorry for the delay in posting this, the next chapter will come sooner, I promise!  
>Thanks again to my faithful beta Christine. <em>**

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><p>21. Clarity<p>

"Mom, please… let me explain. Dad is going to be alright, I swear!" Hermione said, desperate for her mother to listen to her. _At least I hope he will, Severus just has to succeed. _"Mom, please…", she repeated.

"Who is he?" her mother asked and shot a very dark look at Severus.

"He is my former teacher, Severus Snape. He is very good at mind reading and he will help Dad. He is a friend, mom. You can trust him." Her mother still looked suspiciously into Severus' direction but didn't comment further.

"Why do I remember and Dad doesn't?" She shot the next question.

"Because… I did something wrong when I took your memories away," Hermione said quietly, not daring to look into her mother's eyes at _that_ difficult confession.

"YOU took our memories? Just who did you think you were, Hermione, when you decided to play God?" Her mother shrieked and sat up on the sofa, agitated and angry now.

"How could you do this to us? How could you? I don't think we've raised you to misuse our trust." Hermione backed away from her mom then, lost for words and shaking with sobs.

Severus decided it was enough. The Grangers clearly were all very stubborn people.

"Ms Granger, if you would take the time to listen to your daughter you would understand that she has saved yours and your husband's life. If you are quite finished yelling at her, you should let her explain as she requested. I am aware this is a difficult situation and your emotions are in turmoil, but Hermione did the right thing. Never doubt that. I know what I am talking about," he ended with a firm voice that should have left no room for discussion and would have certainly sent all Hogwarts students in fearful silence.

"And why exactly would _you_ know about it, Mr Snape?"

"Mom, please leave him alone and talk to me," Hermione pleaded.

Ms Granger sighed but Severus could see that she had calmed down a little bit.

"Alright, Hermione, explain. And you," she said, pointing at Severus, "take care of my husband's memory."

Severus nodded in agreement, looked briefly into Hermione's eyes for reassurance and then turned to Mr Granger and cast a silent Muffliato. Hermione and her mother should be undisturbed for their discussion. But he now could see where Hermione's former bossiness came from.

She had just copied it from her mom but during the last year, she seemed to have somehow lost it. But she had also learned from her mother that people should be given a chance to explain themselves before she finally judged them. Her mother's reaction had been perfectly normal and she had given in to listening to Hermione surprisingly fast after the little speech he gave her.

He would have yelled much longer at Hermione for doing something like that, for whatever reason. Severus was convinced Ms Granger would forgive her daughter some day soon. Now, he had a task to fulfil.

"Mom, do you remember when I told you about this wizard, Lord Voldemort, that gained more and more power in Britain over the last couple of years?" Hermione began.

"Yes, I do," her mother answered, clearly wondering where this was going.

"He and his followers, the Death Eaters, like they called themselves, were at the peak of their power in the summer two years ago. There was a real war going on in the Wizarding world. My best friend, Harry Potter, was Voldemort's archenemy and the only one who was able to defeat him. Voldemort was immortal at that time. That was because he had split his soul into no less than seven parts."

Her mother couldn't help but interrupt her. "Seven parts of one soul? I really don't want to know how that was possible but he must have been quite mad."

"Oh yes, that he was," Hermione continued, happy that her mother seemed to listen now, "Ron and I, being Harry's best friends, were targets for Voldemort and his followers because we tried to help him defeat Voldemort. What I didn't tell you then was that Voldemort hated Muggles, especially people like me who were able to do magic with absolutely no magical heritage. Basically, he wanted us all dead. If I had told you, you would have wanted me to leave the wizarding world, I guess." Her mother could only nod, her eyes wide at the revelations of her daughter.

"His followers, the Death Eaters, were tracking down families of Hogwarts student with Muggle heritage, like I was. But being also Harry Potter's best friend, I was an even more desired target. And you – as my parents – became a target, too." Hermione stopped to give her mother a chance to speak or ask questions.

"And why did you not simply tell us all this? We would have left the country voluntarily. I remember the strange attacks on London and Dad and I had already talked about moving."

"Yes, and I heard you. You talked about Australia. But they would have tracked you down here easily. They would have tortured and questioned you about my whereabouts. And even if you hadn't known anything, they would have killed you for not telling them. But if you truly didn't remember me at all, you were safe. They would have found no trace of me in your memories. I tried to keep you both safe, Mom. I couldn't lose you," she sobbed.

"Why are you giving us back our memories now? Are we supposed to be safe now?"

"Yes Mom, Harry defeated Voldemort over a year ago."

"Interesting. And you decided to wait another year to work up the courage to come here?" her mother said sarcastically.

"Mom, no! It wasn't like this. I wanted to come immediately, but his followers were still hunting down the people who were involved in Voldemort's defeat. As I said, I was involved as well. After I took yours and dad's memories, Harry, Ron and I were on the run for nearly a year and destroyed all parts of Voldemort's soul so that Harry was able to defeat him in the end. This is why they tried to kill Ron and me at Christmas."

Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes again and she took a deep breath before she continued.

Her mother already felt sorry for yelling at her daughter again before she had fully explained everything.

"They killed Ron and Severus came just in time to save me," Hermione continued quietly.

"Ron is dead?" Her mother asked unbelievingly.

"Yes, and I loved him so very much. He was my boyfriend since the end of the war." She was crying now. Telling her mom about Ron made the pain come back with full force.

"Hermione, if it's really true what you are saying, then why didn't you come right away after Ron's death? We would have taken care of you. You had to go through this all alone," her mother argued.

"Because there were more Death Eaters than those who killed Ron. Severus hunted them down together with the Aurors – that's a kind of wizarding police – only a couple of weeks ago. I finished school three weeks ago, and in the last two weeks all we did was prepare our trip here. I wanted to make sure that it's completely safe to bring you back. The last two years were hell for me, mom. The Weasleys kind of adopted me after Ron's death and made me a part of their family but it's not the same. I want my own family back. And if you'll never forgive me I will have to live with it, but at least I knew you were safe." Hermione didn't know what else to say and hid her face in her hands.

"Come here, Hermione," her mother said after a couple of minutes silence.

"I can't say I've forgiven you yet but I can see why you did it. But you could have talked to us beforehand, you know."

"There wasn't any time, mom. I wanted to but I had to act very fast. We were on the run from the next day on."

Julie Granger opened her arms and Hermione gladly returned the gesture with tears in her eyes.

"Gods, mom, I've missed you so much."

Severus saw from the corner of his eyes that mother and daughter seemed to have reconciled.

He, however, had serious trouble with her Dad's memories. They were there but hidden very deeply. It seemed the loss of his daughter had done something to Mr Granger's mind. It seemed he was unconsciously hurt very deeply by his daughter's actions and his mind now simply refused to bring back the memories to prevent further sorrow. Severus had to find a way to get past the barrier Mr Granger's mind had set up. He slowly retreated from his mind and undid the Muffliato.

"Hermione?" His voice was very low and soft. He really didn't want to disturb mother and daughter at their reconciliation but he needed to talk to Hermione to be able to proceed with her Dad.

"What is it, Severus? Is something wrong?"

"No, I just need to talk to you for a moment. Ms Granger, would you mind getting us some fresh, uncontaminated tea. Unfortunately, this might take a while."

"Mr Snape, is there something you're not telling us here?" Clearly, she was still suspicious of him, and understandably so.

"No, I just need time to do this. And tea," he emphasized. Ms Granger shot him another look, stood up and left the room.

"What is it, Severus?" Hermione asked again.

"To be completely honest, Hermione, I've never seen anything like this. Your father's mind was clearly distressed by the obliviation and his mind somehow built a kind of protective wall around the place where his mind has stored the memories. The safety-sentence couldn't work around that wall…"

"Oh God, Severus… what did I do…," Hermione said, all colour leaving her face again.

"Hermione, I need information about you and your father. Think about something you loved doing together in your childhood, something you are very fond of and that is special for the both of you. I need you to show me, Hermione." His steady voice once again calmed her.

"You need to see my memories?" She immediately understood. Severus nodded, his expression serious.  
>Hermione didn't have to think long about something special she had done with her dad when she was little.<p>

He had shown her how to ride a bike without stabilising wheels when she was five. That itself wasn't something very special but it was one day she and her dad had spent all alone without her mom. It was the day where after a couple of hours her dad was out of breath from running after his daughter on her bike for hours. And at some point, she had put up so much speed that she pedalled away from him without ever recognizing that she could do it all alone. Only when she looked around to tell her dad how fast she could already go, she saw him standing on the street way behind her, waving and smiling, his thumbs up in the air. No man had ever looked prouder.

It was the day of her childhood that she remembered in total clarity. Her father had sometimes told her that this was one of the happiest days he ever had. It was the day where a very special connection between father and daughter had been built. It would have to do.

"I'm ready, Severus," she said, looking straight into Severus' eyes.

Hermione's eyes were open and full of trust as he looked into them. He still wondered how that had happened, the sheer trust she put in him.

He pushed the thought aside and took out his wand.

"Legilimens."

He had no idea what to expect but the picture of a five-year old Hermione certainly wasn't it. She was cute with her long unruly hair and freckles. Severus could sense her joy and emotion she had felt on that day. He could also sense the love for her father, something he never experienced, not even rudimentary. He had to refocus to not feel overwhelmed by it. Her memory was right in the front of her brain and he didn't need to dive in further. She seemed to know how to show someone memories and he had to ask her about that later.

Hermione felt a very gentle intrusion into her head. Severus was ever so soft in searching for the right memory. She had thought about it right when he spelled the Legilimens and hoped it would be easier for him to find and see it. He backed away only moments later and nodded.

"Thank you, Hermione. That should do it."

He turned away to face her father again.

"Severus," Hermione addressed him from behind, "please, wait a moment." Both her mother, who had returned a moment ago with fresh tea, and him eyed Hermione curiously.

"Whatever will happen, please know that I am forever thankful for your effort. I know it must have been hell for you to come here right after you've returned from Europe. If this doesn't work, I know it will be entirely my fault. Who knows if Voldemort would have really attacked? We'll never know. I…"

"Stop," Severus interrupted her. "Hermione stop apologising, I am here because I want to be. Now let me do my work, we can talk later." With that, he turned and left Hermione standing behind him in the sitting room, her mouth hanging open.

_He is here because he wants to be, not because he has to. _For a short moment, she wondered about his words, but seconds later she was captured by Severus' actions.

He took her father's hand and must have wordlessly spelled his eyes open. With his right hand, he pointed his wand at her dad and once again cast the Legilimens.

Sweat began to show on Severus' forehead after several minutes. His breathing was getting rapid like he was running too fast.

Abruptly, her father's eyes closed and Severus leaned back and took several deep breaths.

"Severus?" Hermione asked, her voice full of fear. "Is everything alright?"  
>"I hope so. Now, we have to wait. Your father will not wake up for another three hours or so. His memories have to reinstall themselves at the right places now. It will take time, but I think it has worked thanks to your memory. He reacted instantly to it." Severus stepped forward and grabbed his teacup and reheated it with his wand.<p>

"Mr Snape, please sit down. You look exhausted and in need of some rest," Ms Granger spoke to him, her voice now sympathetic and no longer hostile.

"And you, young lady, will follow me into the kitchen. This man needs rest. Now."

"Mom, what is it?" Hermione was curious why her mother had ordered her away from Severus without any hint of subtleness.

"Do you really think it will work, whatever Mr Snape just did?" Her mom asked her, a strange expression in her eyes.

"Yes, mom, I think it will. If he shows only a little bit of confidence, I am pretty sure it worked," Hermione tried to reassure her.

"And why do you trust this man so implicitly? What is he to you?"

"He was my teacher at Hogwarts. And he was a Death Eater. That's why he could have been so sure that you would have been attacked. No, mom, please listen to me before you judge him," Hermione pleaded when she saw her mother was short of running into the living room and throwing Severus out of her house.

"Alright, but the explanation better be good, Hermione."

"He became a Death Eater when he was very young for reasons that are his own to explain. However, he changed sides shortly after he became a Death Eater and was Albus Dumbledore's spy for the last twenty years. If it wasn't for his efforts, Voldemort would still be alive and Harry dead. That is all you need to know. I trust him indefinitely."

"Twenty years? How old is this man? He doesn't look older than thirty to me."

"That's because he is a Wizard, mom. We age a lot slower than Muggles do. He is around forty, I think. I don't even know exactly. We can ask him later."

"But I still don't understand why you seem so familiar with him. It seems to me that you are rather comfortable around each other," her mom pressed on.

"We have become good friends over the last year. You see, Voldemort wanted to kill him at the end of the war because of a bloody stupid wand. Severus was never discovered as a spy until the war had ended. I saved his life at the final battle and since then, we have become friends. I don't understand it myself really, but he understands me on a level no one else does, not even Harry." She could understand why her mother found it strange that a former teacher was her friend, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Are you two really a couple?" Her mother asked.

"What? No, mom, why would you… is it because we pretended to be a couple when we came here yesterday? No, mom, we are not a couple. I love Ron." Hermione added pointedly.

"No need to get so upset, Hermione. I was only curious. I know you love Ron but it doesn't mean that you are not over him yet."  
>Just how has this discussion taken a complete wrong direction, Hermione wondered. <em>I can't talk about Ron or Severus now, I'm still worried about dad. <em>

"Mom, please. I don't want to talk about Ron now, I really can't. I'll explain everything in detail once dad has his memories back, alright?"

The next couple of hours went by at a snail's pace. Severus joined them in the kitchen an hour after he had been ordered to lie down and found Hermione's mom watching him very curiously. He wondered what Hermione might have told her about him.

When it was finally time to wake up Vincent Granger again, Hermione once again was very anxious and nervous. Severus didn't admit it, but he was, too, to a certain stage. He felt confident that his method had worked but there still was a risk at tampering with a human's memories.

All three of them went into the living room and stood beside the couch Vincent Granger laid on. Hermione took hold of her father's hand and then nodded towards Severus.

"Enervate," he said quietly, without using his wand.

Nothing happened for several seconds, but then Mr Granger stirred and opened his eyes. First they found Severus and then Hermione, who squeezed his hand, anticipation hanging in the air.

Vincent Granger cleared his throat and a smile spread on his face. "Hermione?"

Severus let out the breath he'd been holding and Hermione's face immediately broke into a huge smile.

"Dad?" She practically jumped at him and hugged him fiercely. He hugged her back without a hint of indecision.

"Hermione, where have you been?" He asked into her hair, his relief at seeing his daughter again obvious.

Severus wondered why her father reacted so very differently than her mother. Perhaps the other way of bringing back his memories had lessened the shock reaction. He had to think about it later, but now he felt genuinely happy for Hermione.

"Oh dad, I am so sorry about everything," Hermione whispered, still embracing her father fiercely. It seemed they really had a stronger connection than she had with her mother, Severus mused silently. He had retreated into the back of the room to not disturb the family reunion.

Suddenly, Hermione released her Dad and stood up and turned around, finding Severus standing beside the window. She rushed over to him and hugged him wordlessly, showing him her thankfulness with the tightness of her embrace. He hugged her back and inhaled her scent deeply, closed his eyes and simply enjoyed being hugged by her so tightly. For a moment he forgot that Hermione's parents were still in the room.

Then her father's voice interrupted them.

"Hermione?"

She let go of Severus. "Sorry, dad, I am just so thankful that he was able to help you."

"Help me? And why are you sorry?" Her dad asked, his confusion obvious.

With a deep sigh, Hermione returned to the side of her dad, sat down next to him and her mother, and started to explain again.

At eight in the evening, all four people in the Grangers living room were exhausted. The emotional rollercoaster and all the confessions that had been made during the afternoon strained everyone, but the mood was better than Hermione had ever dared to hope. Her father hadn't shown such a strong reaction like her mother had.

In fact, her parents had both expressed their understanding for what she had done and had already more or less forgiven her. They would still have to get over the fact that she had taken such a huge decision for her parents at an age of seventeen, and – had she died during the war – would have altered their lives forever. Her mother had been right, Hermione realised, and she really had played God with her decision. Had her parents not shown understanding or forgiveness, she wasn't sure what she would have done.

"Anyone hungry?" Her dad interrupted her thoughts. For an answer, her stomach growled.

"That sounds like a yes. What about you, Mr Snape?" Her dad asked Severus, who sat silently in a corner, clearly a bit uncomfortable after all these hours with Hermione's family. And the strangest thing was that her father wasn't at all suspicious about him. He had just accepted Severus' role in everything.

"To be honest, yes I am. But I think I should leave you now, you still have a lot of things to discuss and I will eat back at the hotel," he announced.

"Absolutely no way, Severus," Hermione said at once. "You are the reason we can sit here together relatively peaceful. You'll stay. Why don't we order some Pizza, Dad?"

Severus sighed. Of course, Hermione would be adamant that he stayed. And – if he was honest with himself – he found he liked the Grangers. Their company was bearable and Hermione seemed happier than he had seen her in a very long time. He would stay to be able to watch her joy and than leave after dinner and presumed she would stay overnight with her parents.

The ordered Pizza was delicious and a bottle of red wine was emptied during dinner. It felt like a celebration of the Grangers reunion and perhaps it was although no one had explicitly said so.

When it was finally time for him to leave, he stood up and announced that it was time for him to go.

"Just a moment, Severus, I'm coming with you," Hermione said to his surprise. Her parents looked just as surprised as he was.

"Why don't you stay, Hermione, we have a spare bedroom upstairs," her mother asked, clearly a bit disappointed by her daughter's announcement.

"No, mom. You need time to adjust and talk about everything. I'll be back tomorrow after you've finished work. Promise."

"Work? Oh goodness, I've completely forgotten about the practice," her mother said.

"Well, we can't just close the practice now that we know why we ended up here in the first place. Let's do our work as we normally would and we'll decide in a couple of days, when everything's settled down. Alright?" Her dad proposed. It was a sensible thought and Severus found he liked her dad. He seemed to be a good man.

"Alright, Hermione," her mother addressed her, "then come back tomorrow at four. And you, too, Mr Snape."

"Thank you, Ms Granger." He said, taken aback by her kindness. He didn't expect to be invited again after his task was fulfilled, but he wouldn't have returned home tomorrow anyway. Another day in Australia wouldn't hurt.

They both bid her parents goodnight and disapparated from the entry hall.

Back at the hotel, Hermione could feel the exhaustion swap over her again but she didn't want to go to bed immediately. Too much had happened during the day and she wanted to talk to Severus alone and once again thank him.

"Severus? Why don't we take a drink at the bar, I'd really like to wind down a bit before I go to bed."

"As you wish, Hermione," he answered quietly. He was exhausted but after giving the idea some thought, he found he needed some time to relax, too. "It's a rather good idea," he added after he had seen the downcast look in her eyes at his unenthusiastic answer.

They sat down in the cosy hotel bar and ordered a glass of white wine each.

"I know you don't want to hear it, Severus," Hermione began after a couple of minutes silence, "but I really don't know how to thank you. Without you, I don't know how the day would have ended. Thank you, Severus. Thank you so much."

"You're more than welcome, Hermione. It was nothing and I am happy that you have your family back now. They are very nice people," he replied.

"They are indeed. Although I really feared for a moment my mom would never forgive me. The first minutes after she regained her consciousness were horrid. Thank you for calming us both down, Severus. You've done so much good today." Once again, she reached over the table and squeezed his hand.

Severus didn't reply, he didn't know what to say. He would do nearly everything to make Hermione happy again and today had been exhausting – yes – but not nearly as much as the previous years had been.

Silently, they finished their wine and went to bed. They both slept soundly and better than they had in days.

The next morning, Hermione and Severus met at breakfast and discussed what to do with the beautiful day. Severus had decided to travel back to England on Wednesday and Hermione would stay as long as her parents wanted her to. Hermione felt sad that Severus would leave so soon, but she could understand his reasoning. He hadn't been at home very much during the last months and he really deserved some peace and quiet now.

"I will write you every week, " Hermione announced as they discussed his plans over breakfast.

"And I don't promise to write back every week," he smirked back at her.

After that, they took a long walk at the beach and an afternoon nap to catch up on the missed sleep and the time difference. It felt like a real holiday to Severus, and he found he would love to spend more days like this with Hermione. Now that she had her parents back he hoped she would really start to look forward in her life again. And perhaps he could really find a way that he could stay in her life.

Shortly before four o'clock they met again in the hotel lobby. Hermione had changed into a red dress and Severus had to stop himself from ogling her too much. She looked way too beautiful in that dress. But he didn't find the courage to comment on her looks and lowered his eyes to not give himself away. Sometimes he would give a lot to have back his ability to hide his feelings from everyone, but when his mind reminded him of the fact, that the Dark Mark had most likely been the reason for this ability, he quickly dissolved his wish.

Hermione's parents had planned a large barbecue for the evening in their garden behind the house and Severus helped Mr Granger heating up the grill with his wand and flavouring the meat. Hermione and her mother set the table and prepared some salads and bread.

"How long will you be able to stay here, Hermione?" Her mother asked her while she sliced tomatoes into pieces for the salad.

"I will start my apprenticeship at January first and I think I could stay at least until October, if you wish me to. I planned a rather late start to be able to spend more time with you, if everything worked out fine with restoring your memories," she replied.

"An apprenticeship? I always thought you would attend university?" Her mother asked curiously.

"It's a combination of sorts. It's an apprenticeship combined with university courses. I'm going to become a healer, mom. A doctor in the wizarding world."

"A healer? And I always thought you would end up in your own bookstore," her mom said, smiling at her daughter. "Are you happy with your decision?"

"Yes, mom, I really am."

"That's all I need to know and then I am happy for you. One of these days, you have to tell how you came to that decision. And of course we'd love you to stay as long as you like. There's still a lot you need to explain to us. But dad and I have forgiven you. Truly. You've made the right decision. Thank you for saving our lives, darling." Her mother stopped slicing tomatoes and hugged her daughter fiercely.

Hermione didn't know what to say and hugged her mother back, tears in her eyes again.

"Thank you, mom. You have no idea how much this means to me. I love you."

"We love you, too, honey," her mom said quietly and then let go of Hermione.

"How long will Mr Snape stay here with you?" Her mother asked after a couple of moments silence.

"Oh, he'll be travelling back tomorrow. He has a lot of things to do at home and really needs to get back."

"He seems to be a nice man, although a bit reserved," her mom mused.

"He is very nice mum, and he isn't very open. I think he's really struggling to be with me since several days. He's not a very social person." Just when the words had left her mouth, she could hear her father and Severus laughing. Out loud. Both of them. Her mother shot her an amused look. "I can't see him struggling, dear, he rather seems to be enjoying himself, isn't he?"

"Yes, it really seems so,…" Hermione answered and stored the sound of Severus laughing safely away in her mind, just in case she would never be able to hear it again. It was a beautiful sound to her ears and she would do everything to make him laugh more often, she decided in that very moment.

The evening was spent in a joyous atmosphere and Severus wanted to pinch himself several times. During the last year, he had found new friends in Dean and Thomas and today, it seemed, another one in Vincent Granger. He had never relaxed this quickly into anyone else's company. Perhaps the reason was he was Hermione's father but in the end he found the reason didn't really matter. If Hermione hadn't saved his life over a year ago, he would have never had those experiences. With absolute clarity he saw she had changed his life completely. She had changed him.

He sent a silent wish to Merlin or God or whoever could be up there that he could be a part of this family one day.


	22. Mixed Feelings

_**A/N : Many thanks to my beta Christine for her continued support. **_

* * *

><p>22. Mixed feelings<p>

Hermione had decided to stay with her parents at least for another month. There were still so many things left she had to tell them and she desperately wanted the broken trust the obliviation had caused between her and her parents to disappear.

Of course the Grangers had forgiven their daughter for her actions very quickly and Severus' explanation of things had certainly helped in the process.

Nevertheless, Hermione had told Severus that she could still feel that her parents needed time to trust their daughter fully again, although they hadn't said so aloud.

Severus left on the following Wednesday after they had restored the Granger's memories.

Both her parents and Hermione had begged him to stay longer but Severus needed to get home. He didn't want to become too close to Hermione's parents as long as he didn't know how he could handle his still annoyingly growing feelings for Hermione and what to do about them.

Deep inside him, he knew all he wanted was to stay in Perth and wait and see what happened but he didn't dare. Hermione and her parents really needed the time alone and perhaps Hermione would finally fully recover from the trauma of Ron's death with the help of her parents. That was what he kept telling himself.

After a quick but very warm-hearted goodbye, Severus travelled back to England with another port key, his heart heavy with the loss of Hermione's company. The last week, despite all the emotional breakdowns and heavy tasks, had been wonderful for him. Her family had been very amiable and Severus secretly found he liked them a lot better than the Weasleys. The Weasleys were fine people, but the whole family was loud and it had always been chaotic when he had visited them.

The Grangers were likeable people and Vincent especially had a dry sense of humour that matched Severus' own. Vincent Granger was fifty years old, only eleven years older than he was and perhaps it was another fact that had made them connect so easily. Severus was still astounded that another man who didn't really know him at all had shared so many personal things voluntarily after only a couple of hours – even though he _was_ aware of Severus' history.

Now, Severus sat on his couch in his home, a fire blazing in the fireplace while the English rain splashed against his windows, and was lost in thought. He had not moved or changed his position on the couch for a very long time. The prospect of not seeing Hermione for another month or longer made his heart ache and he lost all motivation to do anything. He was only back at home for two days and he already missed her. In fact, he missed her desperately. He sat there, remembering the feeling of her fingers when she had squeezed his hand because she was thankful. He remembered when they had sat on the Granger's couch, next to each other, holding hands and waiting for Hermione's mother to regain consciousness. It had felt so natural to hold her small hand in his, as if it truly belonged there.

And Hermione was still completely oblivious of his feelings, he was pretty sure about that, or she would have acted differently towards him.

* * *

><p>August turned into September and Hermione found that she liked Australia and especially Perth very much. The weather became constantly warmer and she and her parents often enjoyed the beautiful beaches on the Sundays they spent together. After Severus had left, Hermione had moved in with her parents into the guest room and helped with their household and garden, spent the days reading and relaxing and having long talks with her parents in the evenings.<p>

It was the first time in years that Hermione felt like she was on holiday and could truly relax for the first time ever. It was a rather liberating feeling.

She kept her promise and wrote long letters to Severus every week. She also wrote regularly to Harry and Ginny and Arthur and Molly to not only keep in touch with her "other" family but have some more of her things sent over to her. She had only arrived with a small suitcase in case things wouldn't work out as perfectly as they had.

During a week at her parents, that had gone by with a fly with arranging the guest room for herself and starting to relate everything that had happened in the last two years, she hadn't missed England. With the beginning of her second week, Hermione realized that she didn't necessarily miss England, but her friends. She felt a bit sorry that she couldn't share her joy about having her parents back with Harry and Ginny, but in a small corner of her mind, Hermione had to admit to herself that she missed Severus more than she would ever have imagined. More than she missed Harry or Ginny, and more than she still missed Ron.

One evening, Hermione came to the point in her narration where she had saved Severus' life after the final battle. Hermione had told her parents the last two years chronologically so that they were able to relate to all the things that had happened.

"Wait, Hermione, wait," her mother interrupted her when Hermione told them about her impulse to check on Severus' pulse although he just seemed to had died before her eyes.

"Are you telling me that you have doubted his true allegiance for much longer than in that moment you decided to check on him? Such thoughts don't _just_ occur, so you must have thought about this before," her mother inquired.

No one had ever questioned her decision like that before and no one had ever doubted it wasn't only a spontaneous decision if there really was no hope left for Severus Snape. Of course, her mother was right, but she had never actually told Ron or Harry about her doubts on that year they had been on the run together after Severus had killed Dumbledore. After Severus had woken up, she had admitted that she had had the tiniest bit of doubt but no one had ever questioned her thoroughly for an explanation.

"You're right, mom. I'm just astounded that you are the first person ever to ask me about my motives to help Severus and the reasoning behind my actions.

You see, I was in shock when Severus had killed Dumbledore." Her mother still flinched every time that particular fact came up. When Hermione had first told her parents what Severus had done they had seriously questioned their daughter's choice of friends.

Now was the time to tell them the rest of Severus' story. He had given her the permission to do so in one of his letters. He always replied immediately to her letters and Hermione had written him another one just this morning and was already awaiting eagerly his reply.

"When we were hiding in the forest, I had lots of time to think when I had to guard the tent while the boys were sleeping. I hadn't seen Severus do it and only knew what Harry had seen in this night. We knew that Dumbledore was very weakened though Harry always tried to ignore the fact. When they returned from destroying the horcrux Dumbledore nearly wasn't able to walk anymore and the words he said to Severus that night had never made any sense to me," Hermione continued.

"What did he say?" her mother asked.

"He said: "Severus, please."" Hermione said quietly.

"Why would he say that?" her father now joined the conversation. "That really doesn't make any sense."

"My thoughts exactly, dad. Please - as in: please don't kill me? Dumbledore wouldn't have said please in this situation. No, he would have said something like "Think about the consequences, my boy, or something like that. But not only please. And this is what made me think about everything I had ever learned about Severus. Dumbledore always told Harry that he trusted Severus indefinitely. Dumbledore may have been a manipulative man, but he wouldn't have lured Harry into a false sense of security with this. From the night the Sword of Gryffindor was brought to us, I always wondered who might have placed the sword there? Who was a powerful enough wizard to track us down in the middle of nowhere without a Deluminator? Of course I wasn't sure but Severus was the most likely option for me. Anyone else would have helped us openly with this, I guess…". Hermione now had a very pensive look on her face.

_God, Severus has done so much more than we ever thanked him for. Why do I only see this now? Why doesn't anybody else see this as clear as I do? It must have been an immense risk for him to leave Hogwarts to bring them the sword with Hogwarts being guarded by so many Death Eaters. He is such a brave man…._

"And did he ever thank you properly enough that you have saved his life?" Her mother interrupted her thoughts and changed the subject, apparently satisfied with her daughter's reasoning.

"What kind of question is _that_, mom?" Hermione said incredulously.

"What I mean is that you risked quite a lot for him that night and I just want to be sure he is aware how much you have done for him."

"He is, mom, he is. Although it took him a while to be grateful that he's still alive. When he first woke up after a couple of weeks, he wished he had died that night, but after some weeks he began to see that he had gotten a second chance and started anew."

"Really? I wouldn't have thought that. He seemed quite content when he was here. But perhaps it simply was your presence," her mother said cryptically.

Hermione wondered what her mother meant but didn't question her statement any further.

"But Mom, you're really not seeing this in the right way. It is _us_ who should be forever thankful to him. All the things he has done for us during the war and even after everything was over… I am the one that should be grateful and I really don't want him to feel that he is in my debt."

Her mother didn't push any further and dropped the subject. It seemed her daughter was quite fond of Severus Snape. She was eager to learn what had happened after it was clear that Severus would survive, over a year ago. Hermione continued to tell her story long into the night.

The next few days there was still no answer from Severus to her last letter. Her parents were both at work and had still not made a decision whether they would stay here under the name of Wilkins or move back to England with their daughter. Hermione would still be able to visit often enough with portkeys and the Grangers had truly fallen in love with Australia. Hermione would have loved it if they returned to England but it was their life and Hermione wouldn't have dared to interfere with it again.

At last, after four days, Severus' answer to her last letter arrived.

_Dear Hermione, _

_I am sorry for answering your letter later than you might have expected. _

_I finally began to form plans of my future in the Potions business. I've been procrastinating far too long and am finally fed up with having nothing to do. _

_Perhaps you've seen the little shed on my land on one of your visits. This week, I've started cleaning it out and renovating it, as it will become my new potions lab. Of course, I will have to enlarge it magically, but I'm finally making plans and been to Diagon Alley several times to look for the appropriate interiors and supplies._

_Perhaps I'll have it ready when you finally return from Australia to start you apprenticeship and find time for a visit. _

_From the tone in your letters I can clearly tell you are recovering from the ordeal that you've been through in the last couple of years. You are sounding much more optimistic and happy. _

_You have no idea with how much relief that fills me. _

_Yours, Severus_

Hermione lay down the letter and felt happy that Severus put his plan to return into the Potions business into action. However the second part of this unusually short reply made her think. Did she really feel so much more optimistic after those three weeks with her parents? _Severus certainly seems to believe it and he knows me better than anyone… well perhaps except mom and dad. Do I really feel better? _Hermione asked herself. A very silent and hesitant "yes" slowly floated through her thoughts.

That evening, she sat together with her parents again and continued relating her story. She told her parents of the time after Ron's death, how she had shut everyone out of her life and that Severus had been the only one able to help her. The closer Hermione got to the present, the more her story contained Severus. His name fell in every third or so sentence and her mother couldn't help but recognize the fond look in Hermione's eyes.

So that man seemed to play a rather large role in Hermione's life and Julie Granger began to wonder if Hermione was even aware just _how_ fond she seemed to have become of her former teacher.

She decided to discuss this with her husband as soon as Hermione would leave for bed this evening.

"I stayed with him for three days and he made me feel again and he was the only one able to pull me out my state. I still don't understand how he did it, but without him I really don't know how things would have ended," Hermione said quietly and looking a bit ashamed of herself.

"You stayed in the house of your teacher for three days?" Her father asked, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hair. "That is totally inappropriate, my dear," he added although his expression had already had said that out loud enough.

"Oh dad, please. He hadn't been my teacher for more than one and a half years then, and we already were friends before. I slept in his guest room and there is nothing inappropriate about this. And remember what I told you: Professor McGonagall sent me to him. If she hadn't thought this being appropriate, she would never have done it. And Severus isn't like that, you know him now, Dad. There is really no reason to be worried." Hermione was exasperated.

How did her father dare to judge Severus, he always was such a gentleman and had never done anything inappropriate.

"He helped me to survive the hardest time in my life, so don't you dare judge him, Dad. This conversation is over for today, I'm going upstairs," Hermione said angrily, stood up and left the room without leaving her parents the chance for a reply.

"Wow, she really likes him, doesn't she?" Vincent Granger wondered aloud.

"I am beginning to think there's more to it, darling," his wife said, a smile spreading on her face.

"What exactly do you mean?"

"I think she's feeling more for him than friendship but I don't think she's aware that she does."

"You've lost me there, wife. Explain."

"I think Hermione is still feeling guilty for Ron's death. She always says she still loves him and I understand that but perhaps she also feels that she still _has to_ love him because she survived and isn't allowed to move on from his death. Perhaps she feels she doesn't deserve to be happy without him and buries herself into her love for him.

He's been dead for over nine months now and it is time that she is letting him go. I do fear she ends up like Severus with this Lily she told us about," she ended pensively.

"And why did you say she is feeling more for Severus than friendship?" her husband asked, still trying to follow his wife's trail of thought.

"Did you even listen to your daughter in the last couple of weeks? The name Severus is contained in every second or third sentence and she _always_ defends him every time we only even ask questions about his actions.

She is always in defence mode for him. I think her feelings go much deeper than friendship but she isn't able to acknowledge them because of her feelings to Ron.

And – if you ask me – he feels something, too. In fact, I think he might even love her from the way he looked at her sometimes."

"Wait a moment, are you saying you've seen this man ogling my daughter and only now decide to tell me about it?" Vincent asked, taken aback.

"Oh you men, when it comes to women, you really don't see anything, do you?

I've had a feeling when I watched him during his visit, but now, with the letters that are replied to so quickly and all the things she has told us… yes...I am pretty sure he likes our Hermione very much."

"But – what if she really likes him back?" The word _love _just didn't want to come over Vincent's lips yet.

"I don't know, darling. I really don't. I mean, she is still so young and there are supposed to be other men in her life but after all she's been through in her young years? How many men are out there that will understand what she had to endure? Someone who understands her nightmares or her fears."

"You've already given this a lot of thought, haven't you?"

"To be honest, yes. But tonight it became clear to me that there definitely is something boiling between these two. Severus seems to be such a private man but he invites our daughter for several days into his home? There has to be more behind it that this man even comes here to Australia to help her and us. What do you think, darling?"

"I can't say I like the idea but it is her life, isn't it? But he is so much older than her, almost twenty years, I really don't know if that could work out at all."

"You're forgetting that they will both live at least another one hundred and eighty years or so."

"Yes, I know that, but a man with such a past for my daughter… you're really challenging me here, wife," Vincent complained.

"No, I'm not. I haven't decided for myself yet if I like the idea of them being more than friends.

But what we really need to do, Vincent, is to talk her out of clinging to Ron like this. He won't come back and she really has to let go. It is time. And whatever happens afterwards, isn't really in our hands, I guess."

"Easier said than done. Let's give her the night to calm down and we'll see about everything else tomorrow, alright?"

The next morning, Hermione was still in a snit during breakfast. She silently poured her coffee and grabbed a piece of toast and sat down at the breakfast table.

"Good morning, Hermione," her mother greeted her cheerfully as if nothing had happened.

"Morning, mom," the answer came grumpily.

"Are you still angry with us for yesterday evening?" her mother asked her in the same cheerful tone.

"Yes," came the monosyllabic answer.

"I understand that, darling. Let's talk about this tonight, all right? Dad and I have to leave for work now but please don't think we aren't thankful for what Severus did for you. We understand what you feel for him. See you tonight, Hermione," her mother said, grabbed her coffee and left.

_We understand what you feel for him…? Just who does mom think she is? She has no idea what I feel for Severus. She doesn't understand one bit about him. _Now, Hermione was really angry. All these questions about Severus intentions and actions made her furious. She had told them everything into detail and still they dared to judge him.

Hermione grabbed her coffee and went outside in the garden to enjoy the morning sun. However, the beauty of the day couldn't stop her mind from spinning.

In the last few days they hadn't breached the subject of Ron's death any more. Actually it seemed like her parents felt sad that he had died but didn't see it as the big catastrophe in Hermione's life like she did. It was like they had far too readily accepted that he was dead and wouldn't come back any more. Now all they did was pick on Severus and she wasn't going to accept that.

* * *

><p>Severus was covered in dust and mud when he went back to his house in the evening. He cast a quick Scourgify to take care of the dirt on his clothes but was already looking forward to a hot and long shower to remove all the dirt from the shed. It felt good to make plans again – and the best thing was - it kept him from thinking about Hermione all day.<p>

Tomorrow, he would be finished with cleaning out the shed and could start installing the new granite stone floor inside.

If he kept up this pace, he would be able to start with brewing in less than a month. The thought made him deliriously happy.

Under the shower, his thoughts began wandering back to Hermione. He had kept his last letters deliberately late and short to avoid the impression he did not much else than to wait for her letters and reply to them immediately. His feelings had clouded his judgement long enough and he felt it was time to do something in his life that didn't include Hermione. When she returned he would see where things would lead but for now, he had to refocus or he would go mad over missing her.

* * *

><p>Hermione tried to read a book in the garden but she couldn't concentrate enough to really make progress with it.<p>

Her thoughts went back to Severus' last letter. _Do I really feel better now? Do I feel optimistic? I'm really not sure. Talking with my parents about the last two years has certainly helped but do I even have the right to feel happy again? _Her thoughts immediately went back to Ron. _Of course I don't, my darling, with you being dead and me being alive. I shouldn't feel happy at all. But sometimes, I do, when I think about how everything worked out with Mom and Dad and my apprenticeship. _But the guilt she felt still lingered and came back with force for every happy thought she felt these days.

Hermione had gone back inside to take an afternoon nap and slept peacefully in her room until her parents returned from work.

The exhaustion she still felt from the last years finally began to wear off and sleep was always the best medicine. She was glad she was able to sleep relatively undisturbed again.

However, a knock on the door interrupted her peaceful slumber this afternoon.

"Hermione, are you in there?" her mother asked through the door.

"Yes, mom," she answered, her voice still full of sleep.

The door opened and her mother came inside. "Oh sorry darling, did I wake you?"

"It's alright mom, how late is it?"

"It's almost half past five, darling. How long have you been asleep?"

"More than two hours. Seems like I needed it. I'll be down in a minute, mom. I guess you still want talk?" Hermione asked, offering peace.

"Yes, I'll start dinner and then we can talk."

A couple of minutes later, a delicious smell went through the house. Julie Granger was cooking Hermione's favourite spaghetti sauce and Hermione's mouth was already watering when she went down the stairs.

"Hey, Mom, Dad," she greeted her parents when she entered the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready in a minute. Sit down, darling," her mom said cheerfully.

The spaghetti were delicious and Hermione cleared her plate thoroughly with a peace of bread.

Her parents didn't attempt to continue their talk over dinner. Hermione couldn't stand the tension in the room anymore after she had put her plate away into the dishwasher and sat down at the table again.

"Mom, Dad, please say whatever you want to say. I will listen to you if you don't insult Severus any further."

Her mother seemed to hesitate another moment but then took a deep breath as if to recollect herself for whatever she was about to say. Now, Hermione was curious and nervous about what her mother might have to say.

"Hermione," she started, "I promise we'll try to not say anything against Severus again. I'm sorry if we've given you the impression we don't like or judge him. It's just that he seems to be a man with so many different layers and of such complexity that makes us ask so many questions. He really seems to be a good man."

"He is, mom, he definitely is," Hermione said firmly.

The next question Julie Granger had for her daughter was totally unexpected.

"Have you really come to terms with Ron's death yet?"

"What does that have to with anything? We were talking about Severus, mom."

"Yes, and that's exactly why I'm asking my question, Hermione. Are you over Ron yet?" Her mother repeated her question stubbornly.

Hermione wasn't sure what her mother was getting at but the question wasn't something she had to think about very long.

"No, mom. How could I be? It's only been a few months and I still miss him so much, mom. I still love him," she said, already tearing up again. "How can you ask me that? It's just cruel."

"Because I think – we both do, actually – that is time for you to let go of him. No, please wait what we have to say, before you run away again, please, Hermione," her mother pleaded.

"Okay, say what you need to say," she answered sadly after a long pause.

"It's not only been a few months, it's nearly ten months now that Ron is dead. He won't come back – ever. You have to realize that, darling. I know it is hard but you need to let go. Not immediately, but you have to start the process. You have your memories and no one will ever take them from you, but you also have to create new and happy, memories, too.

You are still so young, Hermione. You will find another man some day, but you can only let him in your heart if you let go of Ron."

"What? I can't let go of Ron yet."

"And why exactly can't you let go of Ron? What is keeping you from truly moving on?"

"I… I feel if I move on I betray his memory. We've been through so much together, he was my friend since my childhood and he had grown into such a good man, mom. If I let myself feel free and happy again it will be like his death has never happened, mom."

Julie Granger could understand her daughter, but it was her husband who found the right words.

"If you could speak with Ron right now, Hermione, what would he say about the things you just said? Would he want you to mourn for such a long time? Would he want you to be unhappy and come to a standstill in your private life? We didn't know Ron very well, Hermione, but I think he would have wanted you to have as much fun in your life as possible, don't you think?"

Her dad let his words sink in for a while and neither of them spoke for a couple of minutes. Hermione let her tears fall freely, but silently.

_Is there a chance Dad may be right? Would Ron still want me to mourn for him? Or would he want me to be happy? Can I really let go? _

"I have to think about what you said, I am so confused right now, Dad."

Hermione retreated to her room for the complete next day.

She lay on her bed in a state of half-awareness. She was asleep most of the time but when she was awake, she wasn't sure she had even slept. She kept seeing Ron in her dreams, trying to tell her something and when she was awake she pushed the memory away because it made her sad to think about what he might have to say.

Her parents left her alone and she felt thankful for it. Her dad's words kept going around in her head and any clear thought about what could be right or not evaded her.

In the evening, Hermione went downstairs to grab something for dinner and went up again, without talking to her parents.

After dinner, her thoughts unconsciously went back to Severus. She really wanted to talk to him about everything she felt but somehow she knew she had to sort this out for herself.

She still wondered what her mother had implied when she had asked if she was over Ron yet and what feelings she had for Severus. Did she think that Severus and her were more than friends?

_How could we be, when I'm still mourning Ron. There isn't any space in my heart for another man. _

_Yet,_ at tiny voice added.

_So am I ready to move on or not? Gods, I can't think about this when I'm here and so far away from home. I need to visit Ron's grave. I need to go back. _

The next morning, Hermione joined her parents for breakfast.

"Mom, Dad, I have decided to go back to England next week. I need to be at home to sort everything out. I am so confused right now and I need to see things straight again. Please don't be angry because I don't stay as long as I intended, but I really need to get back home. I love it here and hate to leave you again and I hope you can understand," she ended, waiting for her parent's reaction.

"Hermione," her mom said, smiling at her daughter, "we've been expecting that after the last couple of days. We know you are not at home here and we've missed a lot in your life and we can't help you to sort this out. We can give you advice whenever you need it but we want you to be happy. If you need to go back to be happy again, then go. We will come and visit, and who knows, perhaps we will even move back to England soon…."

"So you're not upset, mom?" Hermione asked, her voice full of hope.

"No, darling, we're not. I thought your mother made that quite clear," her dad answered.

"And you really think about moving back home?" Hermione couldn't help asking.

"Yes, we are but we haven't decided yet. We don't want this to be a rash decision," her mom said. "But we have received an invite for Christmas from the Weasley family and I think we'll know by then," she continued.

"Oh mom, dad, it will be so good to celebrate Christmas with both my families," Hermione said, a smile spreading on her face. She stood up and hugged her parents fiercely. "I love you both," she whispered silently into their ears.

"We love you, too, darling," her dad whispered back.

A week later, Hermione stood in the hall of her parents house, fully packed. She had told the Weasleys that she would come back home today and Severus that she would be home this week.

He had expressed that he would be pleased to see her again as soon as he could find the time. His new potions laboratory seemed to be very time consuming but Hermione felt a bit sad that he hadn't expressed more enthusiasm about seeing her again.

Hermione and her parents said a short goodbye without any tears. The last week had been good and the relationship between her and her parents was intact again. They were already looking forward to Christmas at the Weasleys and promised their daughter the two and a half months would pass in no time at all.

Four hours later, Hermione stood in front of the garden fence of the Burrow. Travelling back had been exhausting and it was almost noon in England now, whereas it was already evening in Perth now. It was going to be a long day.

She entered the kitchen and found Molly cooking lunch for the family, hunched over a large pot of stew, it seemed. It was cold outside, no more than ten degrees and Hermione's mouth watered at the smell.

"Molly?"

Molly turned around and her face broke into a smile. "Hermione, you're finally back. Come here, my dear," she cried and hugged her tightly.

"I've been watching this damned family clock since this morning and it always said _travelling_ and when I don't look at it for one minute, you finally appear in my kitchen. Welcome home, dear! And look at that tan you've got."

"Thank you, Molly. I'm glad to be back. Where is everyone?"

"Well, Harry and Ginny will arrive any minute now, Arthur will come home for lunch in twenty minutes, George is upstairs. And I have invited Severus as well. I thought you might want to see him after everything he's done, don't you?"

"Severus is coming, too? I wouldn't have guessed he could find the time from what he said in his last letter."

Deep inside, a feeling of warmth spread through her at the prospect of seeing Severus in a couple of minutes.

She had wanted to visit Ron's grave first before she planned to visit him but Molly had had other plans. Perhaps she was right.

There was a knock on the door.

Severus had been nervous all morning. _How could I have been so stupid and say yes to Molly's invite? I don't have the time for this nonsense. Of course I want to see Hermione again, but she would have come to me when she wanted to. And with all the Weasleys around.. no, I shouldn't have accepted. _

But it was too late now. He stood before the garden fence and had to go in now. His heart beat furiously and he had no idea how to great her properly after everything that had happened between them.

He sighed and went to the door and knocked.


	23. Progress

_**A/N : Sorry for the delay in posting this. **_**_Work has been quite demanding in the last few weeks._**

**_A huge "thank you" to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! _**

**_Thanks - as always - to my beta Christine. _**

* * *

><p>23. Progress<p>

The door opened and Hermione suddenly stood in front of him. The sight of her took his breath away. Severus swallowed hard and struggled to take in the sight of her.

Hermione's hair had acquired a golden shimmer from the Australian sun and her skin had an almost golden glow. The snug dark jeans she wore together with the red blouse made her the most attractive woman he had ever seen. It didn't take him more than one second to take all this in. Then his eyes met hers and he found warmth, emotion and joy in them. She was practically beaming at him and he couldn't stop his heart from jumping with joy.

Hermione grabbed the doorknob and hesitated. What if it was Severus? _I really want to see him, but now – when I've only just arrived…? _

She pushed the hesitation away and opened the door. It _was_ Severus and he didn't look exactly happy to be here. He stared at her and his eyes began to move ever so slowly up until he met hers. He looked very posh in black jeans, a dark blue shirt and a black leather jacket. Muggle clothing really suited him more than any robe ever had.

She met his eyes and deep inside her, she felt something shift. A shiver began to ran down her spine the longer she looked into his dark eyes.

Hermione violently pushed the odd feeling away for the moment and smiled at him instead.

"Hi, Severus," she greeted him quietly and then reached out and hugged him, having no idea if he would hug her back. It would be quite embarrassing for her if he didn't but she just needed show that she was truly happy to seen him when she had missed him so much over the last two months.

"Hermione, welcome home," he mumbled into her hair – and hugged her back.

Tightly.

So he had missed her, too, despite the coldness in his last letter. She couldn't help but grin at the thought.

She let go of him and found him smiling back at her. She grabbed his arm and led him into the kitchen. Molly suddenly had disappeared and was nowhere to be seen. _Strange_, Hermione thought but was happy to have another moment with Severus alone.

"It is so good to see you, Severus," was all Hermione could think of saying. Suddenly she felt nervous around him but wouldn't be able to say why.

"I didn't think you would return from Australia this soon, Hermione. What happened?" Severus finally asked after a long moment of stretched silence.

_Straight to the point - as always, _Hermione couldn't help thinking.

"Nothing happened, Severus. It's just some unfinished business I have here and so many things to do before I start at St. Mungo's," she replied, feeling uneasy about being so unspecific with him.

Even in the back of her mind she wasn't ready to admit that he – though very indirectly – was one of the main reasons for her coming back early. Moving on from Ron and finding ways to do that before she went on with her life was the reason she officially admitted to herself.

Of course, Severus didn't buy the vague explanation and had caught on this point of her explanation immediately.

"Unfinished business?" He shot her a pointed look.

Hermione was rescued by the return of Molly.

"Ah, Severus, there you are. Doesn't she look good, our Hermione?" she asked innocently.

Slowly, Severus turned away from Hermione with a look that suggested that their discussion wasn't at all finished.

"Yes, she does," he admitted without hesitating.

The front door opened again and Harry and Ginny entered the kitchen. "Hermione!" they both cried out aloud and Hermione found herself in a bear hug.

"We are so happy that you're back. We've missed you so much," Harry and Ginny said agitatedly.

Another voice interrupted the happy reunion when George entered the kitchen. "Look who's back and looking all tanned and happy… Welcome home, Hermione," George greeted her and also hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek.

Severus felt a pang of jealousy going through him when he saw Hermione and George in that embrace. He knew he had no right to feel jealous at all, but he couldn't help it. What if she was ready for a new love in her life and she would find it in just another Weasley?

Hermione finally let go of George's embrace. "How are you, George? You do look so much better than when I left," she told him.

"Yes…see what love can do to a young man," Molly said from behind him.

"Mom!" George protested loudly, but couldn't help grinning. "But she's right, Hermione, as always. I fell in love and I can't help but feeling happy at the moment."

Severus let out a breath of relief that no one really noticed. Hermione, however, seemed to be genuinely happy for George, which left Severus wondering about his own stupidity that she might have feelings for George.

"Who is she?" Hermione asked him. "I want to know everything!" she added excitedly. "And why didn't you two tell me?" She added, shooting a dark look in Harry's and Ginny's direction.

"It's Susan Bones, Hermione, and she will come over tonight. And that's _all_ I'm going to tell you right now," George replied with an evil grin. "Harry and Ginny only found out last week, when I made our relationship _official_, so don't blame them for not telling you. And _you_ are the main person here today, you know," he added.

_How right he is_, Severus thought and let out a deep sigh.

A couple of minutes later, Arthur arrived and Molly began serving lunch. It was good to see Hermione being happy again, although Severus could see that something was still amiss. When she seemed to think that no one looked into her direction, it seemed she was miles away and her mind was occupied with other things than the little party going on around her.

It wasn't until everyone went over into the living room for coffee and tea that Severus had a chance to speak with Hermione again. She seemed exhausted now from the long day she had and looked like she wanted to be alone as soon as possible. The chatter around her went on regardless and Severus took the chance and sat down next to her.

"Everything alright?" He asked her quietly.

"Yes, I'm fine Severus. Just tired. It's lovely to see everyone again but it's also quite exhausting.

How have you been, Severus? After your last letter I thought you were quite busy with your potions laboratory. I admit I am surprised you found the time to be here today, I certainly didn't expect that," she said, sounding somewhat irritated.

"I apologize that my last letter might have sounded a little…unfriendly. I admit I wasn't truly in a mood to write letters when I wrote that last one," he admitted. The truth was, however, that on that particular day, he had considered not replying to her letter at all. He had found something to do with his life and was simply fed up with waiting for Hermione to return from Australia. He deliberately wanted to occupy his mind with other things and writing her letters continuously certainly hadn't helped.

But when Molly had written him if he wanted to come to her welcome home party he didn't have to think about it at all. He had written down the word _Yes_ on Molly's letter and had sent the owl back to The Burrow.

He had been desperate to see her again, despite all his efforts to distract himself and now that she sat next to him, his feelings were back as strong as they had been before.

"It's alright, Severus. I admit I was a bit hurt by your words in your last letter, but I am so happy you could find the time today. So are you nearly finished with your potions laboratory now? I want to see it as soon as possible, I am so curious what you've made of that shed."

_Oh Gods, what have I written in that letter? _Severus desperately tried to remember but couldn't.

"Well, I am not finished yet, I think it will take me another two or three weeks to get ready. And no, you can't see it before it's completely finished."

Hermione looked a bit disappointed. "But I can come over for a visit anyway, can't I?"

"I'm not sure if I have the time, Hermione. It was difficult enough to make time for this today," he said and her disappointment became clearer now.

"But I will send you an owl when I can make some time," he added, just because he couldn't stand to see her disappointment in not being able to see him. It gave him more hope than he dared to admit to himself.

"Okay, Severus, I understand. I'll try to be patient then. I have lots of things to do, anyway," she replied, looking pensive.

"What was this about some unfinished business you mentioned earlier, Hermione?"

"Oh nothing that would concern you, Severus. Just some personal things I need to attend to," she said evasively.

"Hermione, if you don't want to talk it, then don't, but please don't lie to me or avoid a real answer. I thought we were beyond that," Severus replied, feeling disappointed in her lack of trust. He had thought that their friendship went deeper than it obviously did for her.

"Severus, I'm sorry. It's just… something my parents told me to do. Or rather think about. And I'm simply not ready to talk about this yet. Sorry about being so unspecific about this. I will tell you when I'm ready, ok?"

He sighed. "Of course, Hermione. I just don't want to see you fall back into your old habits and not talk about things with your friends or your family. You seem better now and I'd very much like it to stay that way," he admitted and at the same time wondered if he hadn't just given away too much of his feelings.

Hermione didn't know what to reply to Severus' honest answer. He really cared for her and hadn't bothered to hide it now that she was back and it touched her heart. _He is the best friend I could have ever found. Would I want to risk that?_

Not long after his confession of sorts, Severus said his goodbye and left with the promise to find time for her when she wanted to visit. He hadn't said much yet about his potions lab and what potions he wanted to make there and for whom, but she found it didn't matter, as long as he was happy.

Hermione went to bed early that night because she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore after dinner but as soon as she lay in hers and Ron's old bed, sleep evaded her.

She couldn't stop thinking about Severus and the way he had hugged her today. The way he was able to see right through her and always sensed what she wanted to hide form him. He had done so much for her but somehow she hadn't realized just how sensitive he was. Stupid, really, she thought, because during his years as a spy this ability was essential for his work, apart from the Legilimency.

For the first time ever, she had realized today that Severus was indeed an attractive man. During the last year it seemed he had only gotten younger and healthier. He didn't look one day older than thirty, rather than the forty years he was now. In one of her letters, she had asked him for his birthday and he had insisted to tell her only if she wouldn't send him a gift for his next one. Of course she had said yes but had no intention whatsoever to keep her promise.

She wondered if she was even allowed yet to think of another man as attractive. Her mother certainly seemed to think so and in a very roundabout way, she had suggested that Severus might be the man Hermione needed in her life. Hermione hadn't given the idea much thought yet but after seeing him again today… perhaps she should. Her mother's not so subtle hints had found their way into her mind regardless.  
>But then… she had to visit Ron's grave first.<p>

* * *

><p>The next morning, Hermione was wakened by a loud knock on her day. She groaned and had the feeling she had only fell asleep an hour ago.<p>

"Yes?" she called.

"Hermione, get up, we're having breakfast," George said through the closed door.

"Give me ten minutes, George," she said and pulled the pillow over her head.

After breakfast, Hermione decided to visit Harry and Ginny first. Harry had some free time this morning and his shift at St. Mungo's would only start this afternoon. She wanted to know everything he had learned in his first couple of weeks and also talk to him and Ginny about her upcoming visit to Ron's grave and the reason she had come back early.

_Severus is right_, she thought, _I really have to talk to my friends more to stay healthy. Talking to mom and dad has already helped so much. _

She apparated in an alleyway just around the corner from Diagon Alley and found Harry and Ginny's flat easily. She wondered how it was possible for Harry, the boy who had saved the wizarding world, to live here in central London, completely undisturbed. At least he hadn't mentioned any unexpected visits yet since he and Ginny had moved here.

She knocked on the door and Harry opened it immediately.

"Hermione, come inside. Welcome to our home," Harry greeted her proudly. He led her straight into the kitchen where Ginny was preparing some coffee. The little flat the couple had found was cosy and full of light. Hermione found it quite perfect and hoped she could find something similar like this for herself.

Harry showed her the bedroom and the bathroom and Hermione felt a small pang of jealousy at the sight of the happiness of her friends. They seemed to be very happy together and didn't try to hide it.

"The flat is perfect, Harry, and you two really seem to be happy. Congratulations, Harry," she smiled at him although she felt more like crying, thinking that she could be as happy if Ron would still be alive.

"We are, Mione, we are," Harry confirmed with a huge smile all over his face.

Harry told her a bit about his apprenticeship at St. Mungo's, and although he hade only been in training since the last three weeks, he had already learned a lot and seemed to be on good terms with the other Healers, too. "You will love it, Hermione. Of course it's hard sometimes when you realise you can't help everyone, but it was the best choice of my life," he said seriously.

"And what about you, Ginny?" Hermione couldn't help but ask.

"Oh since I've started working with George I'm trying to split my time between the shop and here and mom at home. Now that we've all moved out, she feels quite alone some days. I'm helping her to get used to it, although she still helps George and me with the shop sometimes," she explained.

"What about you, Hermione, I guess you will move out of the Burrow in the near future, too?" Ginny asked her back.

"Yes, this flat is perfect and I really hope I can find something like this. Although I'm not really sure if want to live this near to Diagon Alley or in the city at all. Aren't you harassed by all the Harry Potter admirers that are out there in Diagon Alley?"

"The apartment is secret-kept, Hermione, only a handful of people know this address. Sorry, it seems we forgot to tell you. It's fine, really. We are left alone and the fuss about me really has died down, thank Merlin. It's the same at St. Mungo's. At first, our new colleagues were quite shy and reserved towards me, but it has already gotten so much better. Otherwise I couldn't handle it, I think, if everyone wouldn't treat me as some normal person."

"That sounds good, Harry, and it eases my mind. I've been really worried about the "fame-factor" we unfortunately have."

The three friends fell silent after that and Hermione was still trying to find the best way to address the reason she had really come here to talk about today. How could she tell Ron's sister that she was trying to get over her brother? How could she tell Harry that she was trying to get over his best friend?

"Hermione, what is it?" Ginny interrupted her thoughts.

"You know you can talk to us," Harry added, "and it's quite clear there's something on your mind. I've already noticed yesterday. So come on, tell us. You know you can speak about everything with us," he tried to reassure her.

_Severus is right; I have to start speaking to my friends again. Openly. They are not going to leave me just because I rely on them. _

"I am struggling how to tell you this. You know I've reconciled with my parents." Harry and Ginny both nodded, both curious where this was leading. "And it was so good to be able to talk to my mother again. I had missed it so much to be able to talk to her about everything. You know I didn't talk about my feelings enough after Ron died and with my parents I was finally able to tell the whole story again and working through my feelings step by step." Hermione paused to take a breath. Harry and Ginny remained silent, letting her decide the pace.

"After I had told them everything, and I mean _everything_, my mother asked me if I was ready to move on with my personal life as well, now that I also found a perspective for my professional life.

I couldn't believe what she was suggesting. She told me it was time to move on personally as well. To get over my grief for Ron, to start letting go and… meet another man perhaps."

Hermione remained silent to await the reaction of her friends.

"And?" Ginny finally asked when Hermione didn't start speaking again.

"Nothing. I want to know what you think."

"Well, I think your mother is right," Ginny answered. "It is time for you to move on. It's been ten months now and you are only twenty-one years old. Live, Hermione. Ron was my brother and we both knew him. He would have wanted you to live and have fun in your life. You have grieved enough, Hermione. And you certainly went through enough this whole year. No one deserves more to be happy than you," she said quietly and grabbed Hermione's hand.

"You still think you should be mourning Ron, don't you?" Harry asked her quietly.

"Yes, I do, deep down in my heart. My mind says I'm getting ready to move on, but my heart still aches for Ron. Do I make any sense?" Hermione asked.

"Of course you do. And we're happy you've come here to talk to us. To be honest with you, Hermione, we've talked about this before. Months ago, really. Ron is not coming back and he certainly wouldn't have wanted you to be so unhappy. Go out and find yourself another man. We support you and we love you, alright?" Harry assured her.

Hermione felt tears welling up in her eyes again. She wondered if she would ever stop crying about everything after months of keeping everything in at the beginning of the year.

"Thank you, Harry. This means so much to me." She dried her tears and smiled at them. "It really helps to talk about all this. Severus was right."

"What did he say to all this? Did you tell him about what's going on with you?"

"He just suggested I should not shut out my friends anymore. He knows why I did that back in spring and I am still hesitant to rely too much on others, but having my parents back has helped me so much. I need your friendship and I am so grateful that I still have it."

"Of course you do, and you'll always have it, Hermione," Ginny smiled at her.

"And what did Severus say to all this?" She repeated her question.

"I didn't tell him," Hermione confessed.

"Why didn't you? We thought he was your friend, your best friend, really?"

"He still is. This has to do with something my mother mentioned in Australia, and not only once," she said evasively.

"What did she say?" Ginny inquired.

"She thinks that Severus could be more than a friend to me," Hermione said very quietly, looking at the floor.

Ginny shot Harry a pointed look but both didn't say anything. However, it didn't escape Hermione's notice.

"What?" Hermione snapped and felt left out.

"We think your mother may be right," Ginny said.

"You've talked about this? Me and Severus? When?" Hermione asked sharply.

"A while ago, when Severus returned from Spain. I thought it was quite obvious he feels more for you than just friendship," Ginny answered her honestly. "He seems to hold back, but yesterday it was quite clear to see how happy he was to see you."

"But…" Hermione was speechless. He had spent all this time with her and had never said a word. No, Ginny had to be wrong.

"…I was happy to see him, too, yesterday. We are friends, we should be showing each other that we are happy to see the other one again."

"Of course, Hermione, but still. I think he feels more for you. In fact, I am certain. Harry thinks differently because he is much older than you and wouldn't fall for an ex-student. But I think he _is_ smitten with you."

"But he never said a word," Hermione said, astonished.

"And why would he when he knows you're still mourning Ron? He would never forgive himself if he pushed you into anything," Ginny argued.

"Since when do you know him so well?" Hermione couldn't help but wonder.

"He came over to The Burrow for dinner twice when you still were in Australia, and we talked a bit. He really is a different person and a good-looking one, too," Ginny added with a cheeky grin.

Harry knocked his elbow into Ginny's ribs.

"You think he's attractive? Snape?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Yes, in his own dark way, I think he is. But more importantly: What do _you_ think, Hermione?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it…much. I guess I think he is good looking but it doesn't matter this much to me."

"It doesn't or it wouldn't?" Ginny grinned at her.

"Oh, do shut up, you two, I don't know. I need to think about everything.

I had planned to visit Ron's grave first and kind of talk to him before I considered what my mother said to me. And now you have completely confused me. You should be ashamed of yourselves," Hermione said jokingly but deep inside felt happy that they had talked so openly with her.

Was it really possible that Severus felt more for her? How had Ginny and her mother been able to see it and she had not?

She said goodbye to Harry and Ginny not long after and apparated directly to the graveyard. She didn't want to delay this any longer. In fact, she couldn't, really, after the talk she had with Ginny and Harry.

* * *

><p>Hours later, she arrived back at The Burrow, feeling exhausted. She came home into an empty house and made herself a cup of tea and sat down to write a letter to her mother.<p>

_Dear mom, _

_I know I've only arrived yesterday but I already feel the need to write to you, if I can't talk to you personally. I really need to find a flat in a Muggle area where I can talk with you over the phone._

_I was welcomed very warmly yesterday and we had a small party here at The Burrow. It was so good to see my friends again after this long time. George even closed the shop to be here and he had the best news: He found a girlfriend and seems to be__very happy. I feel so happy for him, he truly deserves this__after all he's been through. _

_Today, I went to visit Ginny and Harry in their new flat. It's very close to Diagon Alley and really nice. Harry and Ginny seem to be very happy there. _

_I spoke to them about Ron and the things you've said to me. They agreed with you that it was time to get over him and that I should be happy again. _

_What really surprised – and confused me to no end – is that they have gotten the same impression like you had. _

_They also think that Severus might feel more for me than just friendship. I still wonder how I could have missed that, if it is true at all. I was so confused after my visit to Harry and Ginny that I went to visit Ron straight away. _

_I told him about you and my stay in Australia, about missing him every day and having a bad conscience because I am thinking of letting go. It was a cathartic experience and I can see clearer now, even if I've shed hundreds of tears again. _

_You are right, I need to move on and Ron _would_ approve. It's just that I need some time to take this in and remind me of every day. I can't live like this forever. I even envied Harry and Ginny today for their happiness and felt bad about it when I left them. I am the only one who can influence my own future and nobody else can, I realised that today. _

_Secondly, I really don't know what to do about Severus. He came here to greet me yesterday and seemed really happy to see me again. He even hugged me so tightly that I almost couldn't breathe. And he's certainly not a hugging person. _

_Of course, he saw right trough me when I was unspecific with him about my early return. I admit, it was the first time it was a bit awkward between us. _

_He is currently still quite busy with the set up of his new potions business and I don't know when I'll see him again. For now I only know I need some time to think about everything. Even if he is feeling more for me – do I feel the same way about him?  
>I only know that yesterday was the first time that I realised that he is a good looking man and that he looks nowhere near forty. <em>

_What should I do, mom? _

_Love, Hermione. _

It took a couple of days before she received a reply of her mother. In fact, it had been more than a week now.

Hermione had viewed at least fifteen flats both in wizarding and Muggle London, but hadn't found anything that she would be comfortable living in and could afford at the same time.

Of course, she had the money that she and Harry and Ron had received from the Ministry after Voldemort's defeat, but there was no way she would touch it unless she absolutely needed to.

If she was truly honest with herself, Hermione wasn't totally sure if she should really rent a flat in London or rather in the village she had grown up in her childhood, should her parents return to England. Their house still belonged to them but Hermione couldn't find the courage to ask them if she could live there if her parents decided to stay in Australia.

A week had gone by and she had gotten nowhere with her living arrangements. Molly would only be too happy if Hermione stayed at The Burrow and made sure Hermione realised how much her presence was appreciated there. But Molly could also sense Hermione's inner restlessness and understood her need to move on without losing her adopted family.

She hadn't heard from Severus, either, since she had returned, and felt disappointed that he still seemed to be wrapped up in building his potions lab.

Finally, her mother's letter arrived after one and a half weeks.

_Dear Hermione,_

_We are happy that your return to England went so well. _

_If you ask us, Dad and I are pretty sure that Severus was __very__ happy to see you again, from what you've described in your letter. I can feel your mind working through your feelings for him. Use your __heart__, Hermione, and don't overthink! What did you feel when you saw him? How do you feel when you're near him?_

_We think your visit to Ron's grave was exactly what you needed. Take your time to let go but look ahead and feel and __see__. If it's even clear to Harry and Ginny that he seems to feel more than just friendship for you, watch him when you see him again. Be attentive and tell me what you've seen in your next letter. And if it feels good, then – go ahead._

_Love, Mom and Dad. _

That was all? Hermione couldn't believe her parents. She desperately needed their advice and all she had gotten were those few lines. She read them again and again.

Finally, she put the letter down and sighed heavily. _Mom is right, I _am_ overthinking everything again. What I need is… I need to see Severus. Talk to him and see... just like Mom told me to._

* * *

><p>Lost in her thoughts while she lay on her bed in her room at The Burrow that morning, she startled when an owl pecked at her bedroom window. It was Severus' owl.<p>

Hermione opened the window, let the owl in and impatiently untied the letter from her foot.

_Hermione,_

_I've finally finished the main work at my potions laboratory. I still need to procure some ingredients and supplies, but the shed is finally ready. If you still feel inclined to come and see, you are invited to do so tonight at 7 p.m. I will prepare some dinner, too. _

_Please send your reply with my owl. _

_Severus_

It was as if he had been able to sense her feelings. She didn't have to think about her reply longer than two seconds.

_I'll be there._

_Hermione. _

It was only ten o'clock in the morning now. The house was empty and she would visit another flat today near Diagon Alley at noon. It would be a long afternoon until seven in the evening. Suddenly, Hermione felt nervous. What if she could sense his feelings towards her, too, now that she was aware that there might be some? What if everything became just awkward between her and Severus and their friendship would stumble over his or her feelings? But – what if everything turns out all right?

There was no other way but to go and find out.

The flat she had visited today had been perfect. It was about forty square meters and in a good state with lots of light. The rent reached her personal budget but she wouldn't find anything better, she guessed. She would tell the real estate agent tomorrow that she'd rent it, if she still felt that good about it tomorrow.

Now, Hermione stood under a hot, streaming shower and prepared herself mentally for the evening. She knew she had to switch her brain off and let her feelings take over tonight and see where things went with that but it was still hard. She tried to remember how she had done that with Ron, too and felt better at once.

At the same moment, the realization hit her that thinking about Ron didn't hurt any more. She could think about him and her feelings for him and – the pain stayed away. It felt like a warm bath to sink back into her memories of Ron. She had finally let go - and felt it was fine.

At precisely seven o'clock, there was a knock on Severus's front door.

He hadn't felt that nervous in… the last twenty years or so. He had no hope that things between him and Hermione would change any time soon but still…he felt as nervous as a teenager before his first date. It felt silly because it even wasn't a date.

He had spent the last two hours in the kitchen, preparing a Boeuf Bourguignon for dinner and hoped Hermione would like it.

Severus was exhausted because he had only finished the work in the shed last night but couldn't wait to show it to Hermione. So he had sent her the letter in a very spontaneous decision and only hoped she would like what she saw.

He opened the door and it felt completely different than almost two weeks before, when Hermione had returned from Australia. Hermione looked at him in a way she had never done before. She looked truly happy to see him and it felt like she really looked at him for the first time ever. His heartbeat sped up in no time.

"Hello, Hermione," he managed to say in a very low, hushed voice. "Come inside," he added and stepped aside to let her in.

"Hi, Severus," she greeted him and took a step towards him. Then she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "It's good to see you," she whispered, moved away from him again and went inside, leaving a stunned Severus standing in his doorway.

What in Merlin's name had just happened? His hand went up to the cheek she had just kissed. It felt like her kiss had burnt right through his skin. _How am I going to survive this evening? And what did she just do? And most importantly – why?_

He closed the door and finally followed Hermione into the living room where she was already removing her cloak.

"Wait, Hermione. I'd like to show you the laboratory first, so please leave on your coat. It's too cold outside to just go in that… dress you're wearing," he managed to say after he had caught a glimpse of the red dress she was wearing. In fact, she was as dressed up as if she was on a date.

_Perhaps she has one after she has seen everything here, _Severus mused but tried to push the thought away. Something was definitely different tonight.

Hermione followed Severus through his garden on a dark and slippery path in the direction of the shed. His wand was enlightened with Lumos and Hermione could see enough to not stumble on the wet path.

Finally, they reached the shed, which seemed to look no different than before. But then, she hadn't paid that much attention to it before.

Severus lowered the wards with his wand and the door opened.

Hermione was quite sure within seconds that she had never seen a more beautiful working space before.

The shed seemed to be at least twice as large from the inside than from the outside. It was bathed in a warm, yellow bright light and reflected on the off-white painted wooden walls.

The floor seemed to be a rather dark granite, the working benches were made of the same material. The shelves at the walls were made of a dark wood and several cauldrons of all sizes were already stored on it.

In the very back of the room a full-size shelf for ingredients was installed and stood already half-filled with ingredients. The wall behind was painted in a dark green. _Typically Slytherin, _Hermione couldn't help but think.

It was the perfect workplace for a potions master. The windows were large and would let lots of light into the shed during the day. In the evenings the lights that Severus had installed, would provide enough light to work as well. The temperature was pleasant and not comparable to any Hogwarts dungeon he had worked in before.

Severus waited patiently for Hermione to take everything in. She seemed stunned but kept silent as she inspected the shelves and the room.

After several minutes silence he began to wonder if she liked what she saw or just didn't know what to say.

"What do you say?" He couldn't help but ask, suddenly insecure about his choice of colours and materials.

Hermione startled at the sound of his voice and turned to him with a smile on her face.

"It's the most beautiful potions laboratory I have ever seen, Severus. You've outdone yourself. You should be proud, it's really wonderful," she said, emotion clear in her voice. That was also different. Before she had returned from Australia, she had hidden her emotions much better than today.

He pushed the thought away and let her words sink in. So he wasn't the only one who was in love with his potions laboratory. The hard work of the last months had been worth it. He felt satisfied and … happy, the combination of both feelings at once still feeling new to him.

"Thank you, Hermione. I do love it, too. I'm happy you approve," he replied, and couldn't hide his rather smug smile.

They went back to his house and Hermione sat down at the dinner table, suddenly nervous. Where had the confidence she had felt when she had arrived suddenly gone? The evening hadn't been awkward so far and Severus' lab was extraordinary.

He had vanished into the kitchen to fetch their dinner. He had closed the door to do so and she wondered why that was.

Severus leaned back against his kitchen door as soon as he had closed it from the inside.

Hermione's dress did leave him an unfocused mess and he still wondered how to survive the evening. He took a deep breath and grabbed two plates for the Boeuf Bourguignon.

The door opened and Severus came out with two delicious-smelling, steaming plates and a bowl of baguette floating behind him.

He placed her plate before her and sat down with his own.

"Is that Boeuf Bourguignon? I love it, Severus. How did you know?" Hermione asked.

"I didn't. It is my favourite, too," he admitted quietly.

They ate in silence, but it didn't feel awkward and Hermione truly enjoyed the delicious meal. She hadn't eaten anything that good in ages.

When she finally pushed her plate away, she found it was time to tell him what she wanted to tell him and took a deep breath before she started speaking.

"Severus, I'd like to tell you about this unfinished business I told you about when I returned from my parents."

Severus hadn't expected that but nodded and waited for her to continue.

"You know that I told my parents everything that had happened during the war and after. It was especially hard for me to talk about Ron's death again, but it helped to speak about it. I realised that I should have been doing this more often with my friends, just as you have always told me.

Mum and dad helped me to see things clear again after a couple of hard days of arguing. About you, too, I have to admit.

They made it very clear that I have to move on, let go of Ron and move on with my life. Not only with working at St. Mungo's, but also with my personal life as well."

Severus had to push down his raising hope rather violently. _She can't possibly be hinting at her love life? _

"Mom specifically mentioned that I should let go of Ron and find love again."

Hermione let out a breath. This was much harder than she had imagined.

Severus had looked on edge every second she had been talking. But she could clearly see how affected he was by her words. His eyes were blazing with intensity and suddenly it was clear that he liked her more than as a friend. The risk she had thought she would take seemed to fade away.

But he had yet to say a word.

"Severus," she continued, "I think I am ready to move on. I went to Ron's grave last week and I was there for hours. I was finally able to let go. I am able to think about him and the pain's just gone. It's a wonderful feeling and I only found out today. I think I might be ready to open myself to another person again," she ended.

Severus only stared at her.

Hermione slowly stood up and walked around the table, coming to a halt before him. She held out her hand and waited for him to take it. He didn't hesitate one moment and stood up as well. Severus felt as if his heart had missed several beats when he looked into her eyes.

_It couldn't be true, could it?_ She looked up into his eyes and found so much emotion in them. It seemed, her mother had been right, after all.

"I'd really like to know if my mother is right," she whispered.

Ever so slowly, she stood on her toes again until her face was right before his. She trembled and parted her lips and she had never felt more nervous and hesitated._ What if mom was wrong after all?_ _ What if this ruins our friendship?_

Severus' thoughts were much different from hers. _She wants to kiss me, and I feel like I am in a dream. But I need to know._

Severus gathered all his courage and slowly bent down until his lips met hers and kissed her with every emotion he could find within himself. All the feelings he had pushed down now poured directly in that kiss. He felt like he was finally coming home after a very, very long time.


	24. Emotions

_A/N : Many thanks for all the reviews, they really keep me going !_

_Another huge thanks to my beta Christine!_

* * *

><p>24. Emotions<p>

As soon as her lips connected with his, Hermione felt as if her whole body was on fire. Her lips and every single bit of skin that connected with Severus began to tingle intensively in no time at all.

For her it felt as if Severus put all the pain from his past and happiness he felt in that very moment into his kiss.

Hermione had never been kissed like this before. Severus wouldn't have to tell her after all how he felt about her, she could tell it all from the kiss they were sharing.

She slightly parted her lips for him and his tongue easily slipped into her mouth, connecting with hers with passion. It felt heavenly to be kissed liked that and Hermione's brain finally stopped working.

Severus still felt as if he was stuck in a middle of the most beautiful dream he never wanted to wake up from again.

He couldn't believe he was finally kissing Hermione and that she had even taken the initiative in approaching him. He had let loose every single feeling that he had tried to shut away inside him as soon as his lips had connected with hers. It was as if a gate had opened and he couldn't keep his feelings inside anymore. Severus had never shared a kiss like that and it left him breathless.

Finally, Hermione had to catch her breath and slowly pulled away from Severus. He, however, didn't seem very eager to let go and after she had taken one long deep breath he pulled her to him again and kissed her again, passionately, leaving Hermione feel wanted in a way she had never been before.

_He loves me, _her mind practically shouted at her. _He really loves me. No man kisses like that if he is not in love. _

Only then he released her from his tight embrace and stepped back, looking into her eyes as if she were the world to him.

Hermione still felt overwhelmed by the realisation she had just had and had to swallow hard.

They looked at each other and slowly, a huge grin spread on both their faces.

"I guess my mother was right, then," she finally managed to say and smiled at him.

"About what?" he asked, a confused expression showing on his face, as if he had totally forgotten the conversation before.

Which he really had.

"That you might feel more than friendship for me," Hermione answered shyly.

Severus actually blushed and had to look away.

"One could say that," he admitted very quietly and still struggled to find the words to express his feelings or his awe that she had just kissed him the way she had.

"Good," was all she answered, waiting for him to say more.

"Let's sit down," he said, taking her hand and leading her over to the couch, and sat down next to her, his arm wrapped around her and pulling her close.

"I am no good at expressing my feelings, Hermione. I am still in a bit of a shock about what just happened here. But I hope you felt that my feelings for you go… very deep. And have been for quite a while now, I have to admit."

Somehow, it wasn't as hard as he had expected to tell her this. He just knew she would not use his feelings against him. _And perhaps the other reason is that I have played out similar scenes like this in my head countless times before today,_ his mind provided as a second possible explanation.

"I…," he started and hesitated, but Hermione put a finger on his lips, silencing him.

"You don't have to say it out loud, I could feel it in your kiss," she whispered, although she would want to hear him say it one day but wasn't sure if she was ready for this today already.

"You know, if it hadn't been for my parents or Harry and Ginny, I probably would have never picked up on your feelings," Hermione continued and felt rather stupid now that she could easily see what Severus seemed to feel for her.

"I gave myself away?" Severus asked, looking stunned and embarrassed altogether.

"I guess you did," she said and smiled. "I'm happy that you did, too." She looked into his eyes and didn't know what to say.

"Then I should be happy that I utterly failed to hide this, too," he said with a smirk on his face.

"How long has it been, Severus?" Hermione now asked in a more serious tone. From what Ginny hat told this might even have started before they had gone to Australia. She really needed to know how long she had been oblivious to Severus' feelings for her.

His gaze slipped away from her and he looked at his hands, debating with himself if he should be completely honest with her. Admitting that this had even started while Ron had still been alive could chase her away, after all.

But he wanted to do this right and be honest at any cost, he decided, and just hoped he didn't make a too big fool of himself. If there was any chance for a real relationship with her, he wanted it to be based on honesty.

"Severus?" Hermione interrupted his thoughts quietly. "You can tell me, it's okay."

Only then he dared to look into her eyes again and tell her the truth.

"Almost a year now," he said so quietly that she almost couldn't hear it. But she _had_ understood what he had said. Hermione was stunned into silence and her thoughts went wild.

He had lived with all those feelings for a year and had _never_ said anything. He had respected her relationship with Ron and didn't speak up after his death but had supported her nevertheless. He had helped through the worst time of her life and had kept all his feelings to himself. Until today.

Hermione took his hands into her smaller ones. He looked into her eyes and she could clearly see the vulnerability there after he had been so honest with her.

"Thank you for telling me, Severus. And thank you for being so honest."

"You are not angry with me for having those feelings even as Ron was still alive and you were happy with him?"

"No, because you respected that I was in a relationship with him and you didn't try to break it. I'm not angry. How could I be? It must have been hell for you to hide your feelings from me all this time."

"You have no idea, Hermione," he admitted at once. "Especially when we went to visit your parents. Once or twice I almost lost my countenance."

For a couple of minutes, Hermione and Severus sat on his couch, next to each other, both of them lost in their own thought, but silently caressing each other's hands.

Hermione's thoughts turned to the future. She hadn't really thought this through, she had to admit to herself. _I never thought about what would happen after this evening, regardless of its outcome. But I do know I want to continue this, if he wants it too. It feels right…even if I may need some time to adjust to our new situation. I should tell him that. _

"To be honest with you, Severus, I didn't plan ahead of this evening. I didn't even plan this evening. My mother suggested that I let things happen the way they felt right – and they did, and still do – and I know that I feel something for you Severus. I really care for you and you made my toes curl with that kiss," she admitted, blushing deeply.

"Thank you," Severus said with a rather smug look on his face, which she never had seen on him before.

"What I really want to say is that I would really like to continue _this_," she said gesturing between them, "based on the friendship we already share. This feels to good to not pursue it," she added, smiling at him again. _Gods, I have to look like__a lovesick teenager to him, what with expressing my thoughts so clumsily. _

Severus looked a bit shocked by what she had just said.

"You mean it? You'd really want us to be in a relationship together?" He had to say it out loud or he would never believe that he had understood her correctly.

There – he had said it and only now she seemed to realise what she had suggested. A relationship with cranky, ugly, old Severus Snape was really not something she could have thought about, couldn't she? A man twice her age and with his history…

But "Yes" was what he heard her say.

It couldn't be.

"Could you please say that again?" he asked, feeling foolish that he so desperately needed the reassurance.

"Yes, Severus. And stop brooding. I really want to be in a relationship with you. If not with you, the person who knows me best of all people, then who is there for me?" Her voice wavered as if she would start to cry any second now. Only when she had said this out aloud, she realized the truth in the words she had just spoken. _He really is the only person I would trust with all my feelings, apart from my parents and Harry and Ginny. Why didn't I see this before?_

"It's just that we would have to take it slow because this is all rather sudden for me, but please don't doubt me, Severus," she added, her voice quiet but steady now.

Severus laid his arm around her shoulder and once again pulled her close to him. He couldn't believe it. His dreams had come true, for the only and first time in his life.

"You have no idea how happy you've just made me, don't you?"

"I might have an idea, Severus," Hermione answered, "from the look on your face. I have never seen you look that happy and content and I somehow have trouble to believe that I have something to do with it."

"You have _everything_ to do with it," he confirmed without hesitation.

For a while, the new couple sat together on his couch in silence, simply enjoying each other's company and the knowledge that there was another person in their life again they could hold on to.

Hermione started to imagine Severus in her new flat and asked herself if he would like it…which brought her thoughts to an instant stop. She still hadn't told him about that. _Might as well do it now…_

"Severus, I haven't even told you about my new flat," she began excitedly.

"Have you finally found one?"

"Yes, and it's perfect. It's very near to Diagon Alley and St. Mungo's. I can walk both distances easily if I don't want to apparate. I only have to inform the agent that I will take it tomorrow morning. Would you like to come and accompany me?"

"I can't Hermione, I'm sorry. I have an appointment with the apothecary of Hogsmeade tomorrow morning. I need a customer for the potions I will make, after all."

"So _that_ is what you intend to do with this formidable lab of yours." Hermione had wondered all evening what Severus intended to brew in that lab.

"Didn't I tell you?" He asked, a wondrous look on his face. He was quite sure that he had told her in one of his letters he had sent to Australia.

"No, you didn't. I _did_ ask you about it in one of my last letters that I sent from Perth but you never replied. You've only sent back that short reply wherein you told me that you had no free time to meet me with all the work on your potions lab," she said teasingly.

"Oh. _That_ letter." He was sorry that he had sent it but how to explain this to her?

"What do you mean? _That_ letter?"

Severus needed a couple of moments to take up the courage to reply honestly.

"The one where I had convinced myself that I could be happy without you and put all my energy into my potions lab and forget about my feelings for you. I made that letter so short and rather unfriendly to convince myself that I could really do this. And after I've sent it I felt bad about it but didn't want to take it back. A couple of days later Molly's invitation to your homecoming party arrived and I felt like a fool. I wanted to see you so badly again and replied within five seconds. I think she must have come to her own conclusion then. I _am_ sorry about that letter, Hermione," he finished, sounding ashamed. _And I babble like a teenager. Am I a grown man or not? This is ridiculous and I am no good in relationships. She will realize this all too soon. _

"It's alright, Severus, I do understand it now. But you _still_ haven't told what exactly you plan to do in this potions lab."

He sighed and let go of his thoughts and she _still_ talked to him so it couldn't be that bad, he tried to convince himself.

"Well, I do need one or two apothecaries as customers to have a financial basis for my life. I intend to brew the more complex potions for them, if they let me, given my reputation."

"Which is rather fine now, Severus, as you very well know," Hermione replied instantly, trying to wash his self doubts away. "And you know how rare potions masters are in Britain these days. They will eagerly accept your offer, I am quite sure."

"Thank you for having such faith in me, Hermione." He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her arm.

"Given the financial basis, I will use my spare time to finally develop and research some new potions. I haven't done this in years and this is what I really want to do. Depending on how many potions I will have to brew for the Hogsmeade apothecary I will need no second customer, then."

"Are you sure you only want to depend only on one person? Is that wise?"

"I know what you mean, Hermione. I am not sure either but I don't want to brew all the time for other people, I have to see and wait how it goes."

"Of course, Severus. It's entirely your decision."

Hermione recognized they had almost completely fallen back into their "friendship-mode" again, talking about their plans and interests easily. It felt comforting that they hadn't lost that ability on the very first evening they spent together as a couple. The realization made her very happy and she had to smile.

"Why are you smiling?" Severus instantly asked her.

"Because I've just realized that we can really do this. We are talking like friends like we always have and can hold hands at once. I quite like that," she said, looking deeply into his eyes.

Severus took a second to understand what she had just said and after that was not able to stop himself from kissing her again.

A tiny voice that had been silent for years came forward into his mind. _How could I exist that long without this?_

Hermione was lost in the kiss. It held a tenderness and appreciation for her that went straight into her heart.

It felt so _right_ to kiss Severus and Hermione wondered how she could have missed all these feelings he so obviously had for her. It felt magical; there was no other word for it.

When Severus finally broke the kiss, he was breathing heavily and his face was flushed. To Hermione, it looked quite endearing.

"Everything all right, Severus?" she asked him innocently.

"The things you do to me, Hermione…," was all he managed to say and felt like a fool at the same time for not being able to restrain himself better. He had done this all his life and it worked quite well but with Hermione he didn't seem able to hold back _anything_ from her. "I am sorry," he added quietly.

"There's absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Severus, but I really should go home now. I have to get up early and it's already near midnight. Molly must be wondering where I am."

"But you will be moving out soon, anyway," Severus protested. He really didn't want to let her go. Ever again.

"I know, but I should leave now, anyway."

Hermione stood up and grabbed her coat from the other couch. If she didn't go now, she would be too tempted to stay and she _really_ wasn't ready for that.

Severus followed her to the front door but hadn't protested further. Perhaps he understood what she felt right now. She stopped in front of his front door and turned around, after Severus had helped her into her coat.

"But of course I'll kiss you good night, boyfriend," she teased him and gave him a light kiss on the lips.

Severus was too stunned to reply or respond properly to her kiss and she was out of the door faster than he would have liked.

He stared at the closed door for what felt like a small eternity.

* * *

><p>Hermione felt immensely grateful that all lights were out when she arrived back at The Burrow. She entered into the kitchen as quietly as possible and removed her shoes and tiptoed quietly up into her room.<p>

As soon as she had closed the door behind her she let out the breath she had been holding since she had closed Severus' front door behind her.

The intensity of the evening and the boldness she had shown just before she had told Severus good night still made her shiver and emotions flooded through her in a total mess.

Now that she was back in her room and slowly removed her clothing and slipped into her pyjamas she had _finally_ time to _think_ about the evening.

But as soon as she lay down on her warm and comfortable bed, she couldn't concentrate and sleep overwhelmed her instantly. Hermione fell asleep with a smile on her face.

Somebody banged violently against a door, Hermione realized in the middle of her dream. The banging didn't seem to stop and finally she realized that the banging was real and there was someone outside her door in the real world.

"What is it?" she shouted, rather unfriendly, her voice thick with sleep.

"I've just had a firecall from an agent called Adrian Brown. He seems to be waiting for you in your new flat," Molly shouted back.

_Shit, I didn't set a wake-up charm when I went to bed. _

"One minute. Tell him I'll be down in one minute."

"Alright, alright," Molly answered, already descending the stairs.

Hermione grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater and changed in record time. A cleansing charm had to do it this morning. She pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and ran down the stairs.

"Mr Brown, I am so sorry, I overslept. Can I come through?"

"Please do, Miss Granger," he answered pleasantly and Hermione hoped he would still let her rent the apartment after this not so splendid second impression she'd given him.

She grabbed some Floo powder and flooed directly into the flat.

Mr Brown greeted her with a warm smile and held out his hand. He didn't seem angry at all about her lateness.

"I am so sorry, I went out last night and simply forgot the wake-up charm. I hope this doesn't change your mind about my reliability. I won't be late with the rent, I promise," she added, hoping that she sounded also sincere and not only desperate.

"It's quite alright, Miss Granger. I _am_ aware who you are and I would never think of you of an unreliable person. No worries there."

For the first time ever, Hermione felt happy that she had some kind of reputation in the wizarding world.

"Thank you," she said relieved and smiled.

Half an hour later, everything was settled and she could move in the next Wednesday already.

Hermione flooed back to The Burrow and was happy to find that Molly had left her some breakfast. As soon as she sat down at the kitchen table Molly joined her.

"And how was your evening with Severus, Hermione?" Molly asked her, her eyes sparkling with interest and amusement.

Hermione blushed just as Molly had expected her to. She had seen this a long time coming.

Right after Ron's death Severus was the best friend Hermione could have wished for and although Molly had grieved for Ron even more than Hermione had, she had never thought that Hermione should never have another man in her life.

She had spotted relatively early that Severus had some intense feelings for Hermione. It was shortly after Ron's funeral, when Severus had visited the family. It had amazed her just how long Hermione had needed to pick up on Severus' feelings, it seemed to have taken ages but finally she had recognized them and seemed to feel something for him, too.

Of course Severus was nearly twice her age, but she guessed it was just what Hermione needed.

He was different from Ron in every single aspect and perhaps that was what made it easier for Hermione to accept him as a new man in her life when not everything reminded her of Ron every day.

"It was a very nice evening, Molly," Hermione said quietly and began to explain what had happened.

Severus woke with a start. It was still dark outside and a quick-cast _Tempus_ showed him it was six-thirty and he could stay in bed for another half hour.

His thoughts went immediately back to the evening before and he couldn't help but grin. He still had trouble to believe his luck. Hermione had saved his life twice now. He would have to thank her again for saving his life over a year ago because he had never believed it possible that a person could feel _this_ happy. All the bitterness and guilt he had ever felt simply seemed to have been washed away by the last evening. He felt _elated_.

It was time to invite Dean and Thomas for tea and talk to them. Feeling like this _had_ to be unnatural.

But he had to meet Jamie McCarthy from the Hogsmeade Apothecary first. Severus got up from his bed and went into his bathroom for another rather cold shower.

Things could be settled easily between Mr McCarthy and Severus. The apothecary was in desperate need of a new potions supplier and Severus' offer had arrived at just the right time. Severus didn't believe in coincidences and doubted his luck even after they had signed a contract for a whole year. Of course, he had done a thorough check-up on Mr McCarthy before he had sent his offer, but still… things going so easily for him wasn't something he should get used to, he sternly told himself.

Now, it was time to order more ingredients and start brewing as soon as possible. When he arrived back at his house, he recognized for the first time how quiet and silent it was. Severus had always relished the quiet in his home but now that there was a person he could share it with, it felt almost too quiet. And…his thoughts went back to Hermione again - he just couldn't help it.

He was still astonished about her calling him _boyfriend_ the night before when she had kissed him goodnight. He certainly wasn't a boy anymore but it still felt nice to be called boyfriend for the first time in his life. Oh, there had been some women after Lily but no relationship had gone so deep that one of them had called him boyfriend. He simply hadn't been able to let anyone see his emotions then. Now, he had problems hiding them at all.

Severus sent an owl and invited Dean and Thomas for tea on Friday afternoon, hoping they would have time for him. They had to ground him otherwise he was sure he would feel too happy for his own good.

He also hoped to see Hermione again soon, but they both had simply forgotten to set a new date in the rush of the evening. He eagerly awaited his owl back in the afternoon to ask her out on Saturday night for dinner and a proper date. He would do this right.

* * *

><p>Hermione was relieved that Molly had finally stopped her questioning. <em>Merlin, I didn't even have one minute to think about everything yet and Molly questions me like the Holy Inquisition. <em>Of course, Molly had been friendly all the time and really was interested in Hermione's happiness, but still… couldn't she have waited a couple of days?

But on the other hand she was more than relieved that she seemed to have the whole Weasley family's blessing for her relationship with Severus.

Molly had referred to it as such instantly and would not take it back, even if it only had been for half a day now.

Hermione was _finally_ back in her room again and at last found the time to think about Severus and the evening before again. She had to smile and was already looking forward to seeing him again, soon. The realization that they hadn't spoken about their next date hit her. _How could I have forgotten?_

She grabbed some parchment and her quill.

_Dear Severus,_

_I do hope you slept as well last night as I did. I've had a wonderful evening and am already looking forward to our next one, which we seemed to have spectacularly failed to find a new date for. _

_How about Saturday night? _

_I totally overslept this morning but I still got my new flat. I already look forward to seeing you again. _

_Love, Hermione. _

As soon as she had watched the owl fly away through her window, she once again took her favourite seat by the window on a large pile of pillows. She loved this place and mostly used it for reading and thinking. Well, thinking was on the agenda for today.

Thinking back to the evening before still made her stomach flutter. It had been wonderful to touch Severus, kiss him and simply curl up in his arms. She felt protected in a way she hadn't for a long time. Especially remembering the kisses made Hermione blush even now. Everything had been so very different than with Ron.

_Ron_, she thought, _I should really not compare Ron and Severus, it isn't fair for both of them. But I can't help doing it anyway. _

She had to admit to herself that Ron's kisses had never done to her what Severus's had accomplished yesterday. The heat that had rushed through her body instantly had nearly swept her off her feet.

The intensity that Severus had shown in kissing and caressing her had almost overwhelmed her and she had to end the evening so abruptly because of it. It was more than she was able to take on one evening after such a long absence of love in her life.

But how must everything have been for him then, she couldn't help but wonder. Of course, she knew nothing about his love life except for Lily, but that had been twenty years ago and she couldn't imagine he had _always_ been celibate despite his grief for Lily. She supposed she would learn about this with time.

That implied that she indeed did see a future for her and Severus. Now that she thought about it unhurriedly, the thought managed to frighten her a bit.

She still had to start her apprenticeship on January first and had just found a flat for herself. _How can I think about starting a new relationship in the middle of this? _

Ron wasn't even dead for a whole year now and the good feeling she had yesterday when she had thought about him before her visit to Severus, was gone and once again replaced with guilt.

Molly had told her earlier that the return of the guilt was to be expected but that she must not give in to it at any time. Hermione now didn't find it easy to not give in to it instantly.

_Did I act too impulsively? Shouldn't I have sorted out my own feelings first before giving Severus any hope that we could be an item? Was I fair to him?_

Her thoughts came down to the bottom of the problem now. _What _do_ I feel for Severus? Is it friendship, is it love or just my loneliness or a combination of everything? Could it even _be_ love yet? _

_Yes, it could, a tiny voice in her mind answered. _

But how could it be, she had to ask herself. _Perhaps you've felt it longer than you dare to admit to yourself,_ the tiny voice said again. But she had been grieving for Ron until a couple of weeks ago, there couldn't have been any space in her heart for her feelings for Severus, could there?

The answer came almost automatically. _Yes_, it said quietly. _And you haven't acknowledged them because you were bathing in your guilt and grief and it was there all this time. You've known for a long time now that Severus is very special to you, but you never dared to admit just how special he was to you. But now that you are aware of his feelings and you have identified yours, too, why not pursue them? _

_Mom has seen right through me,_ Hermione suddenly realized. _She must have seen that I feel something for Severus, too, otherwise she wouldn't have hinted at it_. _Oh God, I've been so stupid._

* * *

><p>Severus eagerly awaited his owl back with a reply from Dean or Thomas but it seemed Hermione had the same thought as he had… they hadn't set a new date and she had owled him first. He was happy about her note and immediately sent back his reply with her owl, inviting her for dinner in London for Saturday evening.<p>

It would be a long second half of the week as it now was only Wednesday. Saturday seemed to be much too far away.

But there were lots of potions to brew now and things to plan for Saturday evening so he supposed he could bridge the time somehow.

He just hoped she wouldn't change her mind in these days and that Molly or her friends didn't influence her. He was quite sure that the cat was out of the bag now and the people close to her knew the new status of their relationship. It would be interesting to see the reactions when he went to pick up Hermione on Saturday. He smirked and went to brew his potions.

Hermione had fallen asleep in the afternoon after all the thinking she had done. She had written to Ginny and Harry if she could come over the next day for lunch or dinner and that she had to tell them something important. She supposed they already guessed what it was. Perhaps a different opinion would set her mind right again.

Now that she had realized that her feelings for Severus were deeper and older than she thought possible, she didn't know what to do about it. How could he understand that she had fallen in love with him when she was still mourning Ron? Would he think of her as unfaithful?

She was bad at hiding feelings like this and she couldn't just go and meet Severus and tell him that she loved him. He would not believe her sudden change of mind and she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

But he had been so honest with her, why not explain everything and then wait for his reaction? And the guilt about feeling this way whilst she had still been mourning Ron hadn't gone away either. She really needed to talk to someone other than Molly. Oh how she missed her mom on days like that. She was so looking forward to see mom and dad again on Christmas, which was still five weeks away.

Finally, Saturday arrived. Severus had been nervous all day and now it was evening and it was time to get ready to pick up Hermione from The Burrow. He picked black trousers and a dark blue shirt together with his Muggle Leather Jacket. He would take Hermione into Muggle London this evening. He feared that in Diagon Alley there were too many people who would recognize them both and they wouldn't have a chance of a quiet evening and a good dinner. He had searched for an appropriate restaurant for ages in some Muggle magazines he had bought in town and hoped the Italian place he had picked was as good as the magazine had said.

Hermione wondered how she could ever eat anything on her dinner with Severus.

Her visit at Harry and Ginny had been good and they had easily accepted her explanation that she might have had feelings for Severus long before she had recognized them herself. Harry had pointed out that he had always seen a special connection between her and Severus after she had saved his life and firmly told her to put the guilty feelings about Ron away.

She had tried that in the last few days and had even visited Ron's grave again and now could handle things slightly better.

However, how she could tell Severus about all this without making a fool of herself was unclear. She had decided she would try to postpone the admission of her feelings for him to another day and would just try to get trough the evening somehow.

Ginny had suggested she should tell him right away after he had been so honest with her but she was sure she just couldn't do it – yet.

She picked a black, plain dress and had just put on some make up when Molly announced through the closed bathroom door that Severus had arrived.

Hermione took a deep breath, opened the bathroom door and slowly descended the stairs. When she arrived in the kitchen, Severus had his back turned to her and was talking to Molly. She heard him chuckle at something she said. It was a wonderful, deep sound.

_And he doesn't deserve to be lied to. I just have to be honest with him. But I am frightened what he will say. _

"Hello, Severus," she said quietly.

Severus turned around slowly, obviously forgetting about his discussion with Molly. He was sure his heart missed a beat at the sight of his _girlfriend_, he couldn't help but think. She looked beautiful in her black dress, her hair falling around her shoulders in golden curls, her feet in some elegant black heels.

When his eyes finally met hers, he could see at once that she was frightened. Scared as hell.

He went over to her and instead of greeting her, pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. She was trembling.

"Hello, Hermione. What's wrong?"

* * *

><p>AN 2 : So _not_ sorry for the Cliffie :-)


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N : Once again, sorry for the delay in posting this. This chapter was hard to write for me and work has been taking over my time constantly. Here's quite an emotional chapter for you. Hope you like it!_

_Thanks to my beta Christine for her support!_

* * *

><p>25. Confessions<p>

"What is it, Hermione, please tell me," Severus repeated. He now really began to fear she might just break up with him again and was frightened to tell him so. The very thought of this possibility was almost too painful to bear.

"Would you like to cancel our evening together?" Severus couldn't help but ask. That seemed to get through to Hermione and she finally looked into his eyes, confused.

"What? No, Severus," she replied, sounding absolutely baffled. Which calmed Severus instantly.

"Then tell me what seems to frighten you so much. Please," he added quietly.

"Can we please leave, I don't want to do this here?" Hermione asked and nodded shortly into the corner of the kitchen where Molly was still hovering over something on the stove. She really loved Molly but she couldn't talk about her most inner conflict with Severus in her presence.

"Of course, Hermione. Let me help you into your coat, then."

They didn't speak as they left The Burrow and Severus side-along apparated her directly into London as soon as they had left the wards.

When they appeared in London, Hermione stayed in Severus's arms longer than she would have needed to regain her balance and gathered her strength. She should have known that she would not be able to hide anything this significant from Severus, nor should she. If she really wanted to have an honest relationship with him, she should tell him the truth about her feelings. Even if she had only discovered them days ago herself. It still troubled her how she could have not noticed them being there at all for _months_.

Severus didn't seem willing to let go of her either and held her in his embrace as long as possible. Finally, he let go to look into Hermione's face and it was obvious she seemed to have calmed down a bit.

"Shall we?" He asked and took her hand to lead to her through the Muggle neighbourhood in London. She only nodded and silently followed him along.

Severus now could only congratulate himself to his decision to have drinks before dinner. He sincerely doubted that Hermione would be able to eat anything before they had talked about what seemed to be troubling her so severely. He didn't want to push her any further and kept silent, waiting for her to start talking. She seemed to be a different woman from the last time he had seen her.

Finally, they reached the pub Severus had selected for their drinks. They stepped inside and Severus was relieved that the place was not too crowded and quiet enough for talking.

"What would you like to drink, Hermione?" He asked her after he had helped her out of cloak.

"A glass of dry white wine, thank you," she said and smiled at him.

Hermione sat down at a table in a quiet corner and gathered her thoughts. She was thankful that Severus hadn't pushed her to talk or had filled the silence with chatter. _I must have really frightened him when he saw me. So much that he thought I would split up with him already. I really have to apologize first. And he has shown such patience, although he really must wonder what is going on with me. How could I ever have come to the conclusion I should keep silent about my feelings?_

Severus returned with their drinks. He had bought himself a Guinness and also brought some peanuts to go with their drinks.

Hermione waited until he sat down and then grabbed his hand over the table. He looked at her, astonished.

"Severus," she began, "I am sorry that I frightened you with my behaviour earlier. I really am. I can't imagine what you must think of me now."

"Hermione, you are sorry that you frightened me? I thought that you were afraid _of_ _me_ from that look you gave me when I arrived. I admit I was thinking that you might call this off," he said, gesturing between them, "but most of all I was worried what might have happened between Tuesday and today."

"Then I am sorry to have caused you worry, and I have to admit I was frightened, and I still am because I have to tell you something." _Merlin, I am babbling. _

"And I really don't know how to start, but please don't think I want to end what has only just begun. I don't want to call this off, " she said while squeezing his hand and gathering a deep breath and some more courage, "because I think I love you."

There – it was out. And now she _only_ had to explain it. But the sight of Severus' face immediately shut her up again. His eyes were widened and his mouth was hanging open and he was _blushing_. It seemed he was bereft of any ability to speak and just sat there, staring at her, his drink or any surroundings forgotten.

Which was fine because Hermione still had her part to tell him.

"Now I wasn't afraid to tell you _this_, specifically, but the details around it. You see, when I returned to The Burrow on Tuesday night, I was so tired and happy that I fell asleep instantly. And I slept better than I have in ages, thanks to our evening, I think," she continued and had to smile because his expression still hadn't changed.

"On Wednesday morning I rushed straight to my new flat and I only had a moment for myself in the afternoon, after Molly had given me a thorough questioning of our evening together. After quite a long inner debate I had to ask myself honestly what I am feeling for you. I admit I acted on impulse on Tuesday evening and I still think it was the right thing to do, but I hadn't asked myself _before_ what I really felt for _you_. Prior to my visit to you, I only thought about what you might feel for _me_. And the longer I looked into my feelings, I slowly found out that I've been in love with you for a longer period of time that you might think … appropriate." _Gods - this is hard, his expression betrays nothing and I don't know what he's thinking. But I've come this far, now out with it._

Her pause seemed to break Severus from his state. "What do you mean - appropriate?" He asked, looking confused now.

"I think I've already fallen for you when I was still mourning Ron, Severus. I didn't acknowledge or recognize my feelings then. I think only mom did, really, but I feel like I betrayed you both.

You, because I didn't even recognize what I felt and still mourned Ron at the same time. Ron, because I shouldn't be able to fall in love with anyone else while I was still mourning him. I feel guilty and ashamed and I really don't know what you think of me now and I would understand if _you_ might want to end things now," she ended, exhausted, and tears welling from her eyes. She closed her eyes and tried to shut out the world. Severus just _had_ to be horrified now.

She felt his hand squeezing hers and gently caressing it with his fingers. He didn't pull away like she had expected him to.

"Hermione, please, look at me." His voice was low and gentle.

Ever so slowly she opened her eyes and looked straight into his. Never before had she seen a more warm and gentle expression in them.

"You love me?"

"Yes, Severus, it seems like I do."

"And you really think it inappropriate that you have loved me for several weeks or months now and weren't even aware of it?

"Yes."

"I don't see your point." He said, now openly smiling at her.

"You don't?"

"No, Hermione. It is perfectly normal to feel guilty when you have lost a beloved person and fall in love with a new one. Don't you think this has happened to others before? I also think it's perfectly normal to only recognize your feelings for me when you were really ready for it, and not earlier. You didn't betray me or Ron, your mind and heart handled this perfectly, don't you see?

And don't you think _I_ didn't feel guilty about my feelings for you when you were in love with Ron and mourning him afterwards?"

_Could he be right? His arguments sounded sensible enough, but the guilt doesn't go away that easily. And he felt guilty all the time as well? I guess we both have to learn how to be in love again._

"It is perfectly alright to feel the way you feel, just like you said, we need to take this slow, until you feel more comfortable with me," Severus interrupted her thoughts.

_Oh – he has gotten this completely wrong. _

"But that exactly is the problem, Severus. I feel so good when I am with you that I am forgetting everything else when I really shouldn't. I've never been kissed like that before," she said heatedly and so loud that several people turning towards them, listening in. Hermione was blushing heavily from her admission.

"I do feel comfortable with you," she continued in a more quiet tone, "more than I should. More than I've ever felt with _anyone_." And that brought back on the guilt, again. She sighed.

Severus's mind was reeling with everything she had confessed. She loved him. Something he had never thought possible. She had never felt like this with anyone, not even with Ron. Of course she felt guilty about that. He could relate to that. But that didn't stop him from being the happiest person on the whole bloody planet right now. He had to tell her that, even if he made a fool of himself.

"Hermione, do you realize that you've just made me the happiest man on earth?"

She looked at him, confused, and he decided there had been enough talking. He leaned over the table and kissed her. The spark between them was back on instantly and her lips tasted of wine, life and happiness. And despite of all the things she had said, she responded to the kiss, and seemed to let go of her emotions. He could feel her love in the kiss and hoped she could feel his, too.

Hermione's brain instantly shut down when Severus kissed her. And the feeling of rightness and happiness overcame her again and she didn't seem able to do anything about it.

When Severus finally broke the kiss and sat back down again, his face was flushed and he was smiling happily at her. It was a sight to behold.

"Oh Severus, I can't seem to think straight now but I will think about what you've told me. Perhaps you are right. I still do fell guilty but I also feel truly happy for the first time in ages. I'm sorry for being such an emotional mess," she said, feeling ashamed. "I must seem like a teenager to you," she added quietly.

"And I must be an old grumpy man in your eyes. Could we now please stop the self-depreciation for the evening and proceed to our dinner?" He asked her with a gleam in his eyes she had never seen before. _I really make him happy. And I feel happy too, despite the guilt. _

"Yes, we can. And you're definitely not old, just grumpy sometimes," she said with a smile and finished her wine.

The little Italian restaurant Severus had found had small cosy tables hidden in small niches, only lit with candle light. She would have never taken Severus for the romantic type, but the sight of their table clearly changed her opinion. It seemed Severus knew how to have a romantic dinner, after all.

Conversation over dinner was light and easy and Severus couldn't remember an evening in his life where he had to smile _that_ much. It felt unreal.

Hermione conveyed her excitement about her upcoming apprenticeship at St. Mungo's and her flat for which she still had to do some shopping. Severus promised to help her move in and build some furniture if she wanted him to.

He told her about the potions he had already brewed for the Hogsmeade apothecary and the ones he planned to develop in the future.

They didn't discuss their feelings again and for the evening they were happy enough how things had turned out, despite all the obstacles that still existed in their minds.

It was almost ten in the evening when they finally left the restaurant. Together with their homemade pasta, Severus and Hermione had finished a bottle of red wine and Hermione felt slightly tipsy now, but also very happy. The cold November night air felt good against her warm skin but she used it as an excuse to hug Severus as soon as they had exited the restaurant.

"Thank you for this wonderful evening," she said quietly into his chest. "I haven't felt this happy since I've got my parents back. Thank you, Severus."

"You're welcome, Hermione," he whispered back and held her tight in his arms. "I've never had a better evening, either."

_And I never want this evening to end, _was all Severus could think about while he held Hermione in his arms. Hermione didn't seem to want to let go either and snuggled deeper into his embrace. Severus hadn't known that hugging could cause such a deep feeling of content, happiness and yes – even optimism for a short while.

Finally, Hermione stepped back, although she looked entirely unwilling to let go of him.

She smiled at him.

Severus couldn't help but lean down and kiss her deeply.

They went for a stroll through London's theatre district and enjoyed being able to walk anonymously amongst the Muggles of London. Around midnight the temperature dropped considerably and all cast warming charms couldn't keep Hermione's feet warm. It was time to return home to The Burrow.

Severus apparated them both back to the apparition point near the house but didn't let go of Hermione. He simply wasn't able to as he suddenly feared they would never have such a perfect evening again. Where the thought had come from, he couldn't say, but he held her tightly in his arms and just enjoyed her warmth and her closeness. Hermione didn't seem to mind.

Eventually he pulled back and looked into Hermione's smiling face in the pale moonlight. She stood on her toes and kissed him goodnight.

"Goodnight, Severus," she said quietly and turned to go back to the house. Severus grabbed her arm and pulled her to him for another intense kiss, which left Hermione entirely breathless and slightly wobbly on her feet.

"Goodnight, Hermione. I love you," Severus said. And apparated home.

* * *

><p>Severus opened the door of his house after he had pulled down the wards absent-mindedly. He still was in awe about the whole evening and his own courage and stupidity to tell her that he loved her.<br>He instantly went upstairs and prepared for going to bed. His thoughts went wild as soon as he closed his eyes to get some sleep.

_I am such a fool. Confessing my love for her and letting myself fall so deeply for her. How long will it last? How long _can_ this last? She will find a younger and more cheerful man soon and I shouldn't have let her see that much of my feelings. But I can't seem to help it. I should enjoy it while I can. She will be gone soon enough. _

The happiness and joy he had felt throughout the evening lessened considerably and he fell into a disturbed and restless sleep after hours of lying awake in self-doubt.

Hermione woke up on Sunday, feeling refreshed and happy. Her thoughts went back to the prior evening immediately.

_He really loves me. I wonder how long he had to work up his courage to say it. I do wonder how _I _found the courage to say it yesterday. _But it had been the right thing to do, to be open and honest with her doubts and feelings. And it hadn't stopped them from having a wonderful evening together.

As soon as she appeared in the kitchen for breakfast, she realized that she had slept right into the middle of this Sunday. Molly was already preparing lunch and Harry and Ginny had already arrived to join them, as they did on most Sundays.

Molly shot her a pointed look, which of course held the question how the evening had ended after the rather rocky start when Severus had picked her up. Hermione just smiled and said nothing, which told Molly enough. She smiled back and continued preparing lunch.

"Hey, Hermione," Harry greeted her and kissed her cheek. "You've never slept that long during our Hogwarts time," he added. "What did you do last night?"

"I was out yesterday night," she offered.

"Alone?" Harry asked innocently.

"Not exactly," she said, waiting for Harry to come to his own conclusion.

"With Severus?" Ginny asked before Harry was able to even think about his next question. She grinned at Hermione. She only nodded and couldn't help but grin back.

"You were on a date with him?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Yes, Harry, I was. And we were getting along rather well."

"And you're his girlfriend now?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"I don't know if he would call me that, but yes, I think I am. And I can't help but being happy about it."

"Well, if he makes you happy, then I suppose we don't have a say in it," Harry said.

"I told you he's smitten with you, Hermione. I'm sure you will be good together," Ginny added, shooting an almost angry look at Harry. "And you should be happy, too, if he makes Hermione happy."

* * *

><p>During the next couple of weeks, Hermione and Severus met as often as possible, but mostly didn't manage more often than twice a week.<p>

Severus was always happy to see Hermione and they spent wonderful evenings together, with him cooking for her or going out for dinner in one of the small and cosy pubs on Holy Island. He was now well known in the small village and most people greeted him in a very friendly way. Hermione was happy for him that he had made some new acquaintances in his new home.

Hermione had finished moving into her flat with Severus's, Harry's and Ginny's help. She had also started reading on her material for her start at St. Mungo's and Severus kept teasing her that she could just skip the first trimester of her apprenticeship with all the preparation and reading she was doing beforehand.

Christmas drew nearer and Hermione looked forward to her parents visit. Of course she had told her parents in her letters that she and Severus were an item now (and the reaction to that had been very positive... more like "finally") but she didn't tell her mother that she and Severus had yet to become intimate or that she felt him holding back something since their wonderful first date.

He was attentive and their kissing had become even more heated but he didn't seem to want to take it any further which left Hermione both relieved because she still had problems with her feelings of guilt, although they had lessened considerably, and frustrated at the same time.

She was about to explode if he didn't to anything anytime soon.

The nights she spent alone in her new flat didn't help either. She and Severus communicated by owl and Patronus on those nights they weren't able to see each other.

Hermione couldn't wrap her thoughts about what might be wrong. She had asked him several times but he always answered the same way. "It's nothing, Hermione."

He also hadn't repeated his confession to love her since that first date. Of course, she didn't need to hear it every time she saw him but some reassurance would have been nice.

The evenings they did spent together were always wonderful and Hermione she was happier with Severus than she had ever been with Ron. But as long as she didn't know what was wrong with Severus, she kept the thought to herself and had to deal with her comparison of Severus and Ron on her own.

His potions business seemed to be a downright success. The Hogsmeade apothecary was ordering all the healings potions from Severus and he was mostly busy until deep into the nights. But he also kept their planned evenings together strictly free of work. She wondered how they would manage to see each other with the shift work at St. Mungo's.

Harry often had dark circles under his eyes because he didn't deal well with shift changes, especially with the night shifts. He couldn't sleep when it was day outside and had still trouble getting used to it. But the work made him happy and he was looking forward for Hermione to join him soon.

Finally, Christmas week arrived and Hermione's parents were due to arrive on the twenty-third. Severus seemed quite nervous about seeing them again.

On the Saturday before Christmas, Hermione and Severus sat on the couch in his living room, enjoying the roaring fire and each other's company.

Severus found it harder and harder to not just pick Hermione and take her upstairs and seduce her. She seemed to be as aroused as he was most of the time but the fear of losing her again had become ever so present in his mind that he didn't dare to take it further. He expected her coming to her senses soon, even if she still seemed very happy to be with him.

They had been together for a month now and – despite all the dark and heavy thoughts Severus had – he had never been happier in his entire life. It was confusing but he wasn't able to push his doubts away.

"Severus?" Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

"Mmh?"

"Please tell me what is going on? I know you have something on your mind and I know it's wearing you down and you always say it's nothing but I know it's not. You know, when we started this, only four weeks ago, although it feels much longer for me, we wanted to be open and honest. And we were until after our first date. I was, but you aren't. So please tell me what's wrong, Severus. I can't stand this and I deserve to know."

He sighed. She was right of course, but telling her about his doubts would chase her away faster, he guessed. So he tried for a compromise. He would tell her, but only after Christmas. The first anniversary of Ron's death was only days away now and she should be able to spend a happy Christmas with her parents. And get through this first anniversary.

"You are right, Hermione. And I promise I will tell you. After Christmas."

"You promise?"

"Yes, I do."

"Alright then, but there's no escape for you after Christmas," she said and kissed his cheek.

"You know, Severus, I really am happy with you. I love you," she added quietly but the admission made his heart ache. _I love you, too, _he added silently in his mind.

_Perhaps, she will stay after all? _His heart offered hope.

His mind pushed it down again. _Look at me, I am a miserable old git, why would she?_

_The way I behave right now… why would she, really? _

It was time to stop brooding or he would push her away even faster.

Hermione's thoughts moved into a similar direction.

_If he doesn't change his behaviour soon, I will have to _make_ him tell me what's wrong. I can't stand this. Or perhaps it's just the sexual tension between us… _

* * *

><p>The day before Christmas, Hermione was so excited about her parent's visit that she ran around The Burrow like a nervous wreck. They had said they would come with a surprise but had kept Hermione entirely in the dark about what the surprise could be.<p>

Her parents had told her they would come to The Burrow by car. They would rent one at Heathrow Airport and drive over to Ottery St. Catchpole and were due to arrive around noon. Arthur had told them how to find The Burrow, that was normally hidden from sight of Muggles, in a separate, warded letter. They had to take an old country road and drive right through what looked like a fence, very much like platform 9 ¾ at Kings Cross. After they would had crossed the fence-ward, they would be able to see The Burrow at the end of the road.

It was one o'clock now and they had to arrive any minute now.

Severus would come over for dinner tonight although she had to convince him to come over. He didn't want to disturb the first evening that she had with her parents in months. She reassured him several times that he didn't intrude and practically belonged to the family anyway, which seemed to convince him somewhat.

At last, Harry heard a car approaching. "They`re coming, Hermione!"

Then she could hear it, too, and ran outside. It was raining heavily but she didn't care. Her parents were here.

The little SUV they had rented finally stopped in front of the garden fence and the doors opened.

"Mom! Dad!"

She closed the final distance between her and her mother and caught her in a tight embrace.

After her parents had been able to catch their breaths, they all stumbled back into The Burrow's kitchen for some early tea. Julie and Vincent Granger were shivering because the English winter weather was much too cold for people who just had escaped the Australian Sun.

"I'm so glad you're finally here," Hermione said with a large smile on your face. "You have to come and see my flat tomorrow. It's really nice and cosy now that I finally have all the furniture and decoration."

"We'll do that, Hermione. After we had a good night of sleep. The thirty-six hour flight was horrible. I would give everything to travel so fast like you wizards do," her Dad said. "It would be much easier to visit more often," he said and shot a meaningful look into the direction of his wife.

"How long can you stay? Every time I asked you told me that you still had no confirmation for your replacement for your practice and how long they could take over," Hermione asked.

"A couple of weeks," her mom answered vaguely. "Don't worry, we'll stay definitely until after New Year's."

The afternoon was spent with lots of tea and cookies and a nap for Hermione's parents. The long journey had really worn them out and Hermione had to remind herself that they weren't wizards although they really seemed to be comfortable in a magical home like The Burrow was. Her mom had been watching the dishes wash themselves for nearly five minutes because she had never seen a more fascinating thing.

Severus had been nervous all afternoon to meet Hermione's parents again. He remembered the good conversation he´d had in Australia with Vincent Granger and the resemblance of Hermione and her mother. He remembered how much he had come to like them in such a short time and how much he had wished to be a part of Hermione's family one day.

And although he was much nearer to his dream coming true now he was also afraid to see tonight what he would be missing if Hermione didn't stay with him. He had nearly spoiled a potion with all the brooding he had done in the afternoon.

Now, he was dressed in Muggle clothes again and stood in front of the door of The Burrow.

At seven o'clock sharp, there was a knock on the door and Severus arrived. Harry and Ginny had arrived in the late afternoon as well and the house felt cramped with all the people.

Hermione almost instantly opened the door and flew into his arms.

"Severus! Finally, you're here. Come inside," she said and kissed him fully on the mouth, with the whole family watching. Still, he couldn't help it and responded to the kiss.

"Hermione, let him go, he's getting all wet in the rain," her father said, laughing.

"No, he won't. Water repellent charm," she answered smugly.

But she stepped away and let her parents greet Severus. Her mother even dared to hug him and he accepted it with a hesitant smile. He seemed to be genuinely happy to see her parents again.

When all members of the Weasley and Granger families and Harry and Severus were finally sitting at the dinner table and Molly was about to start bringing the soup for starters, Vincent Granger stood up and cleared his throat loudly. Hermione hadn't known that he had planned a speech of sorts and Severus shot her a questioning look as well.

"Now we're all here together, Julie and I have something to announce. First of all, I'd like to thank Molly and Arthur for their generous invitation. I must admit that I do love magic after all I've seen today. Hermione never used much of it when she was at home with us. Except that one time." A silence followed and Hermione felt guilt welling up again about the obliviation of her parents. "But that's all naught and forgiven and we've realised in the last couple of weeks how much we've missed in the life of our only daughter. She may be grown-up now but we'd like to see her becoming a doctor, or healer like you call it and see her more than once a year for a couple of weeks like it was when she attended Hogwarts. We'd like to see her live her life."

Hermione held her breath. Was her father telling her that her parents would stay in England?

"That's why Julie and I decided to move back home. That car outside only contains small parts of our luggage. Most of it is in a container somewhere on the ocean right now and will be shipped to our old home in the next couple of weeks. We sold our practice and the house in Perth. We're coming home, Hermione. That's our Christmas present for you," her dad ended his little speech and gave his daughter a look full of love and joy.

Hermione couldn't stop her tears from falling. She stood up and hugged her dad, then her mom and all others present applauded.

"This is the best present you could have ever given me," Hermione said quietly when she could speak again.

"I admit we will miss the Australian sun," her mother said, "but nearly not as much as you. It was an easy decision, really."

* * *

><p>Dinner was delicious and after everyone was supplied with coffee and desert Hermione and her mom found the first chance to talk privately.<p>

"You seem really happy with Severus," she began.

"I am, mom. And I really love him. It isn't always easy to push away the guilt I'm still feeling about Ron sometimes, but it's getting better. I am so happy when I am with him and it really feels good to just spend time with him. You were right, mom. It's much better to stick to the feelings and not think too much," she added, looking pensive.

"What is it, dear?"  
>"I don't know, mom. Sometimes he seems distant like he is worrying over something and he really looks unhappy then. And he doesn't touch me much. We kiss but … nothing more," she admitted.<p>

"But you want more?" her mother asked.

"Yes, I think I do. But he won't tell me what is bothering him. He promised he would after Christmas, but now I am really worried it's something serious.

He is also the most attentive and gentle man I've ever met. I never knew he had such a side."

"You really do love him."

"Yes, mom."

"But?"  
>"He hasn't said it anymore since our first date."<p>

"And that bothers you?"

"Of course it does. I know he loves me but what keeps him from saying it again? It certainly would be nice to hear it again, especially with his behaviour in the last couple of days. I know we've only been together for a short time and I thought we could tell each other everything, but I really fear he is keeping something major from me."

Vincent waited patiently for Harry finishing his talk with Severus. As soon as Harry went to find Ginny, he approached Severus. The poor guy looked somewhat unhappy.

"Severus, it's good to see you again."

"Vincent, it's good to see you again, too. Hermione's really happy that you're staying," Severus said, feeling foolish for stating the obvious.

"Yes, I guess she is. But I think she is even happier with you," he replied.

Severus didn't know what to say.

"Is she?" he asked very quietly after a while.

"Of course she is. Look at her, she is looking healthy and happy again. All thanks to you, I guess, so I should thank you for it. You know, I had my doubts when Julie told me you had feelings for our daughter after you left us. But Julie is always right in such things. You make her happy. Full stop.

And now tell me what is making you look so unhappy because I can see you love my daughter."

Severus nearly choked on his glass of wine.

_Straight to the point. And I still can't hide my feelings. Sometimes I do wish my Occlumency back. _

"You are certainly not beating around the bush, Vincent. But I should have known where Hermione learnt to be so … direct."

"So tell me, Severus. What is it? Are you not happy with her?"

"Vincent, I don't know how to tell you what I'm feeling, I really am no good at this. I didn't even tell Hermione."

"She doesn't know what's troubling you? Hasn't she guessed?"

"She knows there is something and I promised to tell her after Christmas. You really think she's happy with me?"

"Is that the problem?"

"I… fear that she will soon find someone else younger and more suitable for her," was all Severus could admit. But Vincent understood instantly.

"So you keep yourself from feeling happy out of fear it might be over soon, anyway?"

"Yes," Severus admitted so quietly that Vincent almost couldn't hear it.

"Severus, I mean no offense, but you are a stupid man. After all I've heard about you, I did think you were a very intelligent man," Vincent said, grinning. But then his smile faltered.

"And I thought you knew our daughter better than that. If she loves, she loves thoroughly and deeply. It wasn't easy for her to accept her feelings for you, especially with all the feelings she still had for Ron.

But believe me, Severus, between you and me, I've never seen her so happy and she never spoke about Ron the way she speaks about you. If you ask me, there's a good chance she will never leave you again. Not if you are honest with her and tell her what's up. This behaviour will only push her away. Now go and tell her. This is a direct order, Severus. I am still older than you," he finished with an evil smirk on his face.

Severus didn't know what to stay. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He watched Hermione talking with her mother in the kitchen, looking worried over something. But when she found him looking at her, she smiled openly.

_Yes, she really loves me. And I am such a fool._

"I promise I will talk to her tomorrow, but now it's time for me to leave. It has gotten late and you should have some more time with your daughter alone, Vincent. Thank you, I will keep in mind what you've told me."

"Be sure that you do, Severus," Vincent replied.

He kissed Hermione goodnight but invited her over for breakfast. She was surprised about his invitation because they would see each other for the Christmas dinner tomorrow anyway, but didn't hesitate to say yes.

"Goodnight, Severus." She had been surprised by his rather abrupt leaving, having hoped he would stay longer. She joined her parents in the kitchen. Everyone else already had gone to bed.

"Vincent, Hermione, I fear I can't keep my eyes open for longer than five more minutes. Goodnight, Hermione," her mother said, rubbing her eyes.

"Go ahead, dear, I'll follow in a moment," Vincent answered and kissed her forehead.

"What would you say to a final glass of wine for the day with your old father?" Vincent asked his daughter, pouring a small amount into her empty wine glass and then refilled his own.

"Are you not tired, dad?"

"I am, but not as much as your mom, and there's something I need to talk to you about."

"What about, dad?"

"Severus."

"Oh. I've seen you two talking earlier. What was it about?"

"I found out he can be quite stupid."

"Severus? Are you sure we are talking about the same man?"

"The poor man is head over heels in love with you but fears you will lose interest in him soon for a much younger and more handsome guy. So he forbids himself to be truly happy with you and more or less waits for you to come to your senses."

"WHAT?" She couldn't help but shriek.

"I've just told you he's stupid."

Suddenly it all made sense to Hermione. His retreatment, his hesitance to touch her or take things further, his not saying _I love you_ anymore.

He really was stupid. _How can he think he's just a temporary thing? After all we've been through together? I have to talk to him. Right now. _

"Hermione?" Her father interrupted her thoughts.

"Thanks for telling me, dad. He really is stupid. There are several things I need to say to him. Goodnight, dad," she said and kissed his check, and then went for her coat.

"You're going now? But you'll see him in the morning anyway. And he wanted to tell you in the morning, he promised it to me."

"He did?"

"Yes, he did. And I made him see that you aren't going to leave him any time soon, because I can see how much he has come to mean to you."

"Am I that obvious?"

"You are, and I am happy for you after all you've been through. He might not be the man your mother and I imagined you with, but we like him. That's enough, I guess."

Hermione couldn't help but hug her dad. He really was the best dad in the world.

"Thank you, daddy. I'm so happy you'll stay here. I don't know how I survived without you and mom."

Minutes later, Hermione apparated to Severus's house. Of course it was warded and she couldn't just walk in and talk some sense into him. All lights were out and he seemed to have gone to bed already. _Shouldn't I wait until the morning, if he wants to tell me anyway? Perhaps I should just apparate back home…_

The front door opened and Severus suddenly stood right in front of her. He hadn't switched on the lights and just stood there, in his pyjamas, his wand lit with _Lumos._

"Hermione? What are you doing here in the middle of the night? Has something happened?"

"Well, sort of. I've just had a talk with my dad."

His eyes widened.

There were a lot of things she could have said to convince him of her feelings. She could have shouted at him for his stupidity. Somehow her mind seemed to forget all this and her heart spoke.

"I wanted to ask if I could…stay the night?"


	26. Bare

_A/N : Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. _  
><em>I'm not entirely happy with this chapter but I do you hope you will still like it. This is the first love-scene I ever wrote so please be kind to me :-)<em>

_Many thanks again to by beta Christine._

* * *

><p>26. Bare<p>

He couldn't have heard correctly.

"You… what?" Was all his brain managed to get out.

Hermione looked at him, her expression faltering a bit. "I'd like to stay the night." After a pause she added, "If you'll have me."

Earlier, Severus had arrived at home in a state of hope, confusion and anticipation. Vincent had managed to set his mind right with only a couple of well-pointed sentences. _How could I have been so stupid and not trust Hermione's feelings for me enough? She will be so angry when I tell her the truth…_Severus mused while he brushed his teeth and prepared for bed. He doubted he would get much sleep tonight anyway, but had changed into his pyjamas nonetheless. After he had switched off the light in his bathroom, he sensed that his wards were being breached.

He picked up his wand and went downstairs without turning on the lights again. Who could this be in the middle of the night? He didn't sense any dark magic but he still was cautious, as there were still enough enemies out there.

Silently, he stood behind the door and looked through the magical door viewer, which couldn't be seen from the outside but gave him a good look on his visitors from the inside. It was Hermione. And she looked upset. His breath caught.

He slowly opened the door and was sure he said something to her at one point but all his brain managed to catch her her saying was:

"I wanted to ask if I could…stay the night?"

Severus had to swallow hard. _Am I dreaming or is this real?_

He silently took her hand and gestured her to follow him inside as his voice was still failing to work.

"Severus?" He heard her say behind him. She sounded hesitant and the tone in her voice made him turn around before he reached the living room. He waved his wand and at least a dozen candles flickered alight. At last, he found his voice.

"Hermione," he said quietly and gently pulled her against him, lowered his head and kissed her.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips and pulled away to look her straight into the eyes and hoped his eyes were able to show what he was feeling, because he wasn't sure he would ever find the right words.

"I know I don't deserve you. I am sorry I doubted the sincerity of your feelings towards me. I have no other explanation than that I was unable to interpret your feelings towards me correctly because basically…no one ever fell in love with me before. Or even liked me. I know I behaved like a fool and your father was right to reprimand me…" He was babbling.

"Stop, Severus, please stop," she interrupted him and hugged him tightly. "It's okay and I understand. I am sorry I didn't make myself any clearer. I only want you to promise me one thing, Severus," she demanded gently.

"Which is?" he asked, because he knew he would do anything for her.

"Talk to me if you feel unsure. I promise I won't hold it against you. Please don't stay silent. And I promise I will do the same. Alright?" Her expression was open and serious.

"Promised," he answered sincerely.

"And Severus? Now that I've found you, I won't let you go easily. I know we had a difficult and rather uncommon start but these last few weeks made me incredibly happy. I'm not going anywhere," she assured him and her words were balm for his insecure, new discovered soul.

Two years ago, he had been desperate. Voldemort seemed to be winning, Dumbledore's death weighed heavily on his conscience and Harry, Ron and Hermione had needed what felt like ages to find all the Horcruxes. If it had not been for helping Harry, he would have killed himself right after Dumbledore's death because the guilt had weighed him down. It still did sometimes. The memories still were difficult to handle, especially after a day spent full of happiness with Hermione and brewing Potions. He still doubted he deserved anything of his new life. But here she stood, this wonderful, amazing, young woman that he had fallen in love with head over heels. He shook off the negative thoughts and focused on her.

Suddenly, he remembered what she had said when she had arrived and his breath caught once more.

"Were you serious?" He asked her. He just had to be sure if she really wanted this.

"About what?" she asked back, having obviously forgotten the purpose of her visit herself over their conversation.

"Staying the night?" He asked in his deep, baritone voice, daring to look right into Hermione's eyes, waiting for her reaction to his question. She smiled.

"Yes, I was. I still am."

She stood on her toes and kissed him.

It felt like electricity went right through Severus and he kissed her back passionately and held none of his emotions back for the first time since that wonderful first date they had. She kissed him back the same way and let him feel her love for him. When they had to let go of each other to catch their breaths after several minutes, Severus let his dream come true and picked Hermione up with one swift motion and carried her upstairs.

Having arrived on the upper step, he turned and pushed his bedroom door open with his left foot and Hermione giggled when he almost lost his balance over doing that. He laughed with her.

They reached his bed and ever so slowly he lowered Hermione gently onto it. With a flick of his wand a couple of candles were lit.

"Do you have any idea how long I've dreamed to do this?" He whispered in the soft candlelight. She shook her head and smiled.

"Tell me."

"Almost a year," he confessed and blushed heavily.

_This is it, _Hermione couldn't help but think. _And I can't wait for it to happen. _

She sat up and grabbed his pyjama top and pulled him down on the bed.

_When did I become so bold? _She had to ask herself for a short moment before she started kissing him, open-mouthed and passionately. He responded in the same kind and soon, he was tearing at her clothes. Hermione let go of them willingly.

She started to unbutton his pyjama top and felt the soft skin on his stomach. It felt so good to be finally able to touch him and see him so open and happy.

"Drop your glamor," she whispered against his mouth. "I want to see all of you."

Silently, the glamor the Severus wore constantly vanished and Hermione could see the scar tissue on his neck. Severus hesitated and waited for her to turn away from it, obviously. His expression closed down immediately after he had dropped the glamour.

She reached out her hand and touched the sensitive skin, which no one except Healer Harris had dared to do before.

"It feels softer than I thought. Is it very sensitive?"

"Yes, but it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought when you are touching it. Are you not appalled by the sight of it?"

"How could I be? I know the story behind it and I'm glad you're still here with me in spite of it.

You're beautiful to me, Severus."

Her words were his undoing. No one had ever touched him like that and no one had ever called him beautiful. He had no idea that he liked it when somebody touched his skin and his body, because no one had ever touched him voluntarily. He had still no idea what she saw in him, but at this moment, he found he didn't care.

He kissed her hard and pulled at her clothes and Hermione lost all ability to think. When there were only her knickers and his trousers left he sat back on the bed and stopped to look at the beautiful, almost naked woman in front of him.

"Are you still sure about this?"

Hermione didn't answer but pulled her knickers down herself and when she was finally naked, her skin tingled from the cold air in his bedroom and the arousal she was feeling. She had never been so turned on in her life and she had never wanted a man more badly. With a swift motion, she pulled down his trousers and freed his erection. She took his face in her hands and gently kissed him, pulling him down on her. It was all the encouragement he needed. A last reasonable crossed his mind out of nowhere. "Are you on the potion?" he asked her breathlessly.

"Yes, I am. No worries."

He began kissing down her neck and discovered some sensitive spots that made her squirm underneath him. He took his time to kiss her breasts and she ran his hands through his hear, urging him to kiss her more. He moved further down and kissed her navel and the soft skin above her pubic hair and breathed in her scent and still felt like in a dream.

"God, Severus, please stop teasing. Please," Hermione said in husky voice he had never heard before. She sat up and she gently pressed him down onto the bed beside her and began to kiss and touch his neck, then moved down his body. His hands stopped her. He couldn't wait one minute longer to be finally inside the woman he loved.

He gently covered her with his weight and started to kiss her passionately again. He hadn't done this in years, but being with her felt natural and he didn't feel insecure about what he did for one second. And she obviously enjoyed herself.

Finally, his cock found his way to her entrance and he could feel the degree of her arousal. He stopped and looked into her eyes and saw nothing but love and trust in them. She spread her legs further and he eased himself into her in one slow motion.

Hermione had never been so close to an orgasm before anything real had happened. Severus's cock had only accidently touched her most sensitive parts yet and she had almost come instantly. The look he gave her before he finally entered her was one of sheer awe and amazement and full of love. He had never been closer to her and she had never felt such a connection to another person before.

Finally, finally, he eased himself into her and Hermione felt so much love for him rushing through her body and mind that she never thought possible. It felt as if he had been made for her and the sentiment almost overwhelmed her. She shed a single happy tear and when she opened her eyes to look at him again, she could see him shedding tears, too. Happy tears.

Her right thumb stroked his tears away. Then he started to move.

The feeling of complete happiness that always overcame Severus when he kissed Hermione was almost too overwhelming once he was inside Hermione. When he started to move, he instantly feared it might all be over much too soon but she seemed to be on the edge as well. They would have all the time in the world for each other, he reminded himself. _For the rest of their lives, hopefully,_ a tiny voice said out of nowhere.

He was unable to hold back any longer and started to thrust. The noises Hermione was making underneath him encouraged him to move faster and seconds later, the last thoughts left him.

Hermione came with a cry a couple of moments later and Severus followed soon after, silently and intensely. He had never had such an intense orgasm before and collapsed on Hermione almost instantly afterward.

They shared a few passionate, lazy and hot kisses before they were able to speak again. The intensity of their emotions still overwhelmed them both.

"I love you," she whispered and soon after, they were both fast asleep with happy smiles on their faces.

* * *

><p>In the middle of the night, Hermione woke up because her feet were cold but the rest of her body was covered with a pleasant heat. Realising where she was and with whom made her smile instantly and she tried to adjust the covers without waking Severus. Which wasn't possible, of course. After years of being a spy and being on alert every night, he woke instantly after Hermione did.<p>

He, too, had to remember where he was and with whom. He was amazed she was still there and didn't seem to mind that he was spooned around her completely naked.

"Are you cold?" he asked into the silence of the room.

"Only my feet, Severus. I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"I don't mind, I don't want to sleep while you are with me. I could miss something," he confessed quietly.

"Oh Severus, aren't you a closet romantic? I told you I won't go anywhere." She turned around in his arms and kissed him.

All thoughts of going to sleep again instantly left his mind and this time, they took much more time to explore each other's bodies intensively without exchanging any more words.

Exhausted, they both feel asleep afterwards and slept long into the next day.

Christmas Eve was spent with a late breakfast, interrupted by lots of kissing. After a quick shower, Hermione went back to the Burrow to spend lunch with her parents and the Weasley family. Severus would join them for dinner and also on Christmas Day.

"I know I am going to see you again tonight but I really don't want to go, Severus. Last night was wonderful. My mother is going to see right through me when I get back to the Burrow," she said, blushing heavily.

"And how am I supposed to survive the dinner tonight, when they know exactly what we did last night?" Severus asked back, sounding not entirely serious.

"Just stay close to me and they won't dare to say a word. It's our business, not theirs."

After a long kiss Hermione finally left and Severus was left alone in his house, which felt suddenly all too empty.

He still had to wrap around what had happened last night. Hermione had come here to convince him of the sincerity of her feelings, and had succeeded admirably. The doubts that had weighed heavily on Severus' mind had vanished and Severus allowed himself to feel entirely happy.

The first sex after far too many years had been wonderful and he could easily say it was the best sex he had ever had. Hermione seemed entirely satisfied after their two rounds of lovemaking and he was still amazed she had felt the desire to sleep with him at all. A man that was so much older than she was, with an older body and some unsightly scarring. But she had called him beautiful and it had been his undoing.

_I will never let her go again. She is the love of my life. _

With this resolution in mind, he went upstairs and took a long, hot shower and prepared for his visit for lunch and tea and Dean's family. Thomas and his family were invited as well and of course they would ask after the state of the relationship between Hermione and him.

He had kept them up to date about the progress they had made but had also failed to tell them about his doubts on the stability of it.

They would laugh him in the face if he told them now. But they were his friends and now he realised if he had told them sooner about his doubts, they would have also talked him right out of it. He suspected Vincent was correct and he really was stupid, or rather inexperienced, in that area.

* * *

><p>Hermione arrived at The Burrow with a large smile on her face. She entered the kitchen with a loud "Good morning, everyone!" and went right upstairs to change her clothes. Her mother had instantly come out of the living room to greet her daughter but only saw her rushing up the stairs into her old room, where she still had some things for those nights she didn't return home to her flat.<p>

She decided to follow her and ask her about last night. From the spring in her step and the joyous tone in her voice it had seemed to be a good one.

_Finally, _she thought and sighed quietly. She had truly feared that Hermione would never realise what a good match Severus was for her and, although she had never told her that, also a much better one than Ron had ever been. And of course, she had feared that Severus would never work up the courage to say anything about his feelings and she had been right.

Ron had been a nice guy, but also rather immature and she had never quite understood what her daughter had seen in him except the long friendship they had shared before.

She knocked. "It's me, Hermione," she announced herself.

"Come in, mom." The sound of joy in her voice had disappeared.

Julie found her daughter sitting on her bed, holding a sweater in her hand.

"Hey darling, how are you?" She carefully asked and sat down beside her daughter on the bed.

"I'm fine, mom. I just need a moment." She held the sweater up to her nose and breathed in its scent.

"This is an old sweater of Ron that I wear sometimes when I'm here. I've just grabbed without thinking about it but somehow it still carries Ron's scent. I just had to think about the last year. It is already a year in two days and I've moved on to another man. But I am not forgetting Ron, mom, it's just like... the memories are changing and it almost seems like a different part of my life now."

"Is everything alright between you and Severus?" Julie wasn't entirely sure of the mood Hermione was in.

"Yes, mom, it is now. We talked and everything's okay, really. He's wonderful. Like I said, it's just the sweater that brought a memory back."

"And you spent the night with Severus?" Her mom asked, not holding back her curiosity.

"Yes, mom. And I'm not sharing any details. But I'm happy, okay?" The smile on her face was back.

"But something still bothers you?"

"Oh mom, why do you know me so well? It's just difficult to be so happy and sad at the same time. When I went to Severus last night, I didn't think about Ron once and now that I'm back and the anniversary is just two days away…I think it's just the guilt coming back."

"I know it's difficult, Hermione, but we're here to help you. You deserve happiness and when you feel happy, accept it. Take that day as it comes, okay?" Her mom suggested in a soft voice.

Lunch at Dean's was always a noisy thing, just like at the Weasley's home. Far too many people in a cramped tiny dining room, four little kids and two chattering women. Severus almost regretted that he had accepted the invite, but his friends were worth a little fuss. And Hogwarts had been a good training for days like this.

Dean greeted him with a hug and Thomas clapped on his back and greeted him with a huge smile.

"It's been far too long since we've seen you, Severus. You made yourself quite rare in the last few weeks. But you will be forgiven if your free time was spent with Hermione. How are you, mate?"

"I'm fine, Thomas. I really am," he confessed, feeling surprised that he really felt what he had just said aloud. It must have shown on his face.

"I guess you are, mate, it shows on your face. Congrats," Thomas said so loud that Dean and his wife heard, too.

"Already?" Dean asked with a huge grin. "Are you going to marry her?"

Severus almost choked on his drink.

"No, you daft man. I've just told Thomas that I feel…content. Happy, one could say," he confessed again. "And I'm not going to marry her," he added. _Not anytime soon, _the tiny voice in his mind added.

"Yet," Dean and Thomas said in unison, grinning.

_God, only six weeks and I'm thinking about marrying her after the first night we had together. _He silently shook himself. It was really much too early for thoughts like this.

* * *

><p>Severus had never blushed more often in his life than on this Christmas Eve.<p>

Of course, Hermione's mother knew exactly what had happened last night and had, of course, told her husband. They were too polite to say anything out loud, but the looks they gave Hermione and him were speaking volumes.

Harry and Ginny sensed that something had happened from the behaviour of Hermione's parents and the fact that he and Hermione couldn't keep their hands off each other. They always held hands or he had an arm wrapped around her, he just couldn't help it. But every time he sensed that someone watched them, he blushed violently, but also kept his hands were they were. He loved this woman and there was no reason to hide it.

Even Molly and Arthur couldn't hide their smiles when he kissed Hermione upon his arrival. For some seconds he had forgotten there were other people in the room. It was a bit annoying to be so helplessly in love, but for once in his life, he did what he wanted to.

As a Christmas present, he had bought Hermione a delicate silver necklace with a little pendant attached to it. It had the form of the Rod of Asklepios and he hoped it would bring her luck for her career as a healer. Severus hoped she liked it. He had almost bought a heart-shaped pendant but after coming back to his senses he had sneered at it and didn't want to appear the lovesick fool he was. Of course he had bought her present long before last night happened but he still hoped she would catch his meaning. It was the right profession for her and he hoped she would become truly happy with her choice.

_And with me, _the annoying voice was back again, although it always spoke the truth.

Hermione had had much more difficulties with finding a gift for Severus. In the end, she decided on some quite expensive theatre tickets in London for a Muggle performance of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing." She loved the piece and hoped that Severus liked it, too. In fact, she didn't know if he liked theatre at all, but it was worth a try. The tickets were for a Saturday two weeks after New Year's and they would have dinner before.

Severus spent the night at home, alone in his bed while Hermione stayed at the Burrow. He didn't want to spend the night at The Burrow and wanted to give Hermione some space with her parents and the anniversary of Ron's death looming over them. She had surprised him with telling him that she wanted to spend the day with him. Hermione wanted to visit the spot in the woods where it all happened and then visit his grave. He didn't exactly look forward to this, but he was also glad she didn't shut him out on a day like that.

He had never felt so alone in his bed before. After he had spent only one single night with Hermione, he already missed her presence next to him. _Pathetic._

And it also was a strange feeling, because he had always envisioned himself to be alone for the rest of his life. He was now determined to change that.

Hermione woke with a start on Christmas Day. Her sleep had not been restful and it had taken her ages to fall asleep at all. She had missed Severus. After only one night together. She had missed the feeling of love, of comfort and security she had the night before and now had to shake herself mentally for being so sentimental.

Severus would arrive for lunch, as she hadn't been able to convince to show up for breakfast when everyone exchanged gifts. Perhaps it was a good thing they wouldn't exchange gifts in front of everyone else, but in the privacy of her old room. She dressed and went downstairs, where everyone else already seemed to be waiting for her to exchange gifts.

Her parents had visited her flat the afternoon before and had found it lovely. As they hadn't found the time to bring any gifts with them from Australia with moving back and organizing everything around it, they simply gave her an IKEA gift card to complete her little household with more than enough pounds on it. It was exactly what she needed.

Harry had bought some books she would need for her training that was only one week away now. Seeing the books brought back the feeling she hadn't found enough time to study before she actually started. "You won't need these until March or so. I'm only starting with them now and they are really interesting. I thought you might like them as well," he explained when he saw her guilty expression. He could still read her well.

Severus finally arrived at noon. Hermione instantly snatched him away after everyone had said hello and wished him a Merry Christmas, which he had endured with a friendly but not enthusiastic expression. Too much sentiment from people he wasn't so close to still embarrassed him and made him feel uncomfortable and he was glad when Hermione took his hand and led him up the stairs.

When the door finally closed behind them, he instantly pulled her towards him and began to kiss her with an intensity he hadn't shown in the last weeks, except during their night together.

"Merry Christmas, Hermione," he whispered against her lips, when he had to let go and catch his breath.

"Someone's happy to see me," Hermione smiled back. "Merry Christmas to you, too, Severus."

They sat down on her bed together and quietly exchanged gifts without words. They both felt insecure about their gifts but they wrapped the paper open simultaneously and they both had to smile at their gifts. They were perfect.

"I do love Shakespeare," Severus said, "but I've never been to a play before. Thank you, Hermione. May I help you with the necklace?"

"Yes, please," she said, turning around and exposing her neck.

Severus couldn't help but kiss it first before he closed the necklace around it. "I hope you like it," he said quietly.

"It's perfect, Severus. I will wear it as my talisman every day."

She turned around again and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you," she said and hugged him tightly.

* * *

><p>Christmas Day was spent in a happy but also wistful mood, remembering Christmas Day a year earlier, with Ron still amongst them. Severus had felt slightly uncomfortable but it was bearable with Hermione next to him. He could see her struggling with the memories coming back but she managed admirably.<p>

He hadn't planned on staying the night at The Burrow, in fact he hadn't planned to ever spend a night in the house where the spirit of Hermione's former boyfriend was still very much alive. So he kissed her goodnight and went home to get a good night's sleep before that difficult day tomorrow.

Hermione woke up in her flat, feeling disoriented. It had been a last minute decision to spend the night alone at her flat, away from The Burrow. After Severus had left last night, she went up to her old room and decided that she couldn't stay if she wanted to get any kind of closure tomorrow. She had left a note on the kitchen table and had flooed home. Although she had only lived in her flat for good four weeks now, it already felt like home to her. It was comfortable and warm and it was quiet. And this was what she had needed for the night. The only other place she felt that comfortable was Severus's house but that was out of the question for tonight. She needed to spend the night and the morning alone before she could get through the day. Surprisingly, she slept well and undisturbed by dreams or nightmares.

Severus was due to pick her up at The Burrow an hour before noon. She had no idea how exactly he felt about accompanying her but he hadn't complained. There were so many thoughts whirling through her head since a couple of days that she really needed him to steady her. After a cup of coffee and a very small breakfast she flooed back to The Burrow, feeling rested but uneasy.

Somehow, they got through the day. Arthur and Molly had shed a lot of tears when they returned from the graveyard and Harry and Ginny had accompanied Severus and Hermione into the woods where it had all happened. It had been a hard day and in the evening, Severus desperately wished to be alone. The guilt he felt about Ron's death accompanied with the fact that he wouldn't be together with Hermione were Ron still alive, had weighed heavily on his mind all day. Hermione had been quiet all day long and they hadn't talked much but had held hands all through the day.

It was time for him to go home now.

"Hermione, I will head home now. Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked her before Molly could invite him to stay for dinner.

"Yes, Severus. And thank you for today, I don't know how I would have managed without you," she said quietly.

"You're welcome, but I feel like I haven't been of much help today," Severus answered honestly.

"Would you like to come with me to my flat? I won't stay the night either. I can't, really," she admitted. Her parents had left yesterday evening, finally heading home into their house in the outskirts of London. Hermione felt the need to leave the Weasleys alone and finally move on. Not away from them as a family but to live her own life.

"I don't know, Hermione. It's been a difficult day for me."

"For me, too. Then please come and we'll talk. Please," she pleaded and he found himself nodding.

They had some tea and a light dinner and went to bed early.

Severus spent the night awake, comforting Hermione and listening to her even breathing after she had finally fallen asleep in his arms. He always slept badly the first night in a new place and Hermione's need to talk had turned out to be quite extensive.

She had practically bared her soul to him after she had curled up beside him in her bed.  
>In the stillness of the night he had confessed that she had really thought she loved Ron, but from a distance she could see now that they wouldn't have worked out in the end. In the darkness of the night she had confessed that the feelings she had for him already went much deeper and that she had been shocked when she had realized it. In the protection of the night she had confessed that she loved him more than she had ever loved Ron and that she didn't feel that guilty about it as she probably should.<br>The day had shown her that her future was with Severus and that she had gotten the final closure she needed. She had talked and he had listened, unable to say anything back. He was simply overwhelmed by her trust and openness.

When the first light came through the window, he finally fell asleep from exhaustion. His mind had tried to process all the things she had said to him and when he finally thought of what he could say to her after her confessions she had fallen asleep. There were so many things on his mind that he wanted to tell her but hadn't dared to, but now… after she had been this open, he felt like he could really take the risk and tell her everything. About his childhood, his past, his crimes during the war and the depth of feelings for her. And his secret wish to marry her one day.


	27. New Beginnings

A/N: Many thanks to my friend and beta Christine. I own nothing.

* * *

><p>27. New Beginnings<p>

Hermione woke with a start on January second. She had timed the tempus charm to wake her up on seven a.m. sharp to give her enough time to calm down her nerves and get ready for her first day at St. Mungo's.

She had had a hard time falling asleep the evening before and had the feeling of only having fallen asleep minutes before the tempus charm woke her up again. Now she wished she had let Severus stay at her flat to help her falling asleep, but he had insisted to leave her alone and not disturb her before her first day. It hadn't helped at all and instead his absence seemed to have made it all worse.

_Merlin, I hope I am able to concentrate at all. _Hermione tried to suppress her anxious thoughts while she showered but the tiredness only seemed to add to the nervousness.

After trying to tame her hair into a neat ponytail, she exited the bathroom to find a potion vial sitting on her kitchen table and couldn't help but smile at the sight of it.

Apparently, Severus had come by at some point and had known exactly how she felt. The little note attached to the vial said:

_This is a light calming draught that will not make you tired, but will also help you concentrate. From the way your bed looks like, my suspicions that you might need it are confirmed. See you tonight, Severus. _

She really had to thank him for this tonight – the potion was her rescue for the day. It was difficult to say why exactly she felt that nervous, she just was. A new phase in her life began today and she felt happy, excited and terribly unsure if everything would be alright and she had really made the right choice.

The potion took effect immediately and she even managed to eat a small breakfast after she had calmed down a bit.

At five minutes to nine, she apparated to St. Mungos.

Severus could feel how nervous Hermione was on New Years Eve and New Years day. Her distraction had been obvious and he could understand the reasons behind it. She had chosen this career with her heart and not with her brain as she usually did and now felt unsure if she really did the right thing. She had expressed more than once how right her decision had felt deep inside her but of course, her nerves had gotten to her in the last couple of days.

After he had left her flat the evening before, reluctantly, he had to admit to himself, because he wasn't really sure that leaving her alone was the best decision, the inspiration of making her first day easier had struck him and Severus had gone straight into his potions lab and had developed this new potion. He had tried it himself because her nervousness had gotten to him, too, and the potion obviously worked when he went to bed at three a.m. in the morning, calm and feeling well. He had left the potion on her kitchen table just before he went to bed himself and had apparated to her flat in his pyjamas and went right back after he had taken a look at her in her bed, asleep but restless.

They had both adjusted their wards to each other and apparating in and out was the most comfortable way of seeing each other. He was still amazed how easy this decision had been for him, giving up his complete privacy to a woman. The woman he loved.

The week after Christmas had been calm and filled with hours spent in front of a fire reading in his living room or visiting her parents. They had refrained from visiting The Burrow again after Christmas to get a bit of distance after that first anniversary and it had done them both good. Severus couldn't recall a happier week in his whole life.

Hermione was open with him and told him what was on her mind. Especially after that one night where she had confessed her most private thoughts to him.

After that, he had also begun telling her about his childhood and the difficulties between his parents and Hermione had shed tears on his behalf when she heard what he had been through in his childhood.

She loved to sleep in his arms and the amount of sex they had in that week had left Severus quite exhausted. He still had to pinch himself sometimes because mostly he felt like in a wonderful dream.

Harry waited for Hermione at the St. Mungo reception desk. A large smile appeared on his face when he spotted Hermione apparating in.

"Good morning," he greeted her and kissed her cheek. "Welcome to your first day. You will love it!" Harry seemed to feel more enthusiastic like she did.

"Hey Harry, thanks for meeting me here. I really am nervous despite the calming potion Severus made for me. But at least I'm not feeling like I have to throw up any minute any more."

"That nervous? That's absolutely unnecessary, Mione. Healer Harris is great and you will have the best mentor you could have wished for. And you're wearing your necklace. It really was a very thoughtful gift, wasn't it? Who thought that Severus had it in him?"

"I did," she said confidently and grinned happily. Harry had successfully distracted her and her last parts of nervousness had vanished, Hermione realized. "Thanks, Harry," she told him and Harry understood her meaning.

Healer Harris arrived and Harry hugged her, wished her luck and left Hermione alone with Healer Harris.

"Good morning, Miss Granger and welcome to St. Mungo's. How are you this morning?" he greeted her with a smile and firm handshake.

"Good morning, Healer Harris. I'm doing okay I think, the nervousness is slowly giving in to the excitement I'm feeling."

"That's good, because there's absolutely no reason to feel nervous. You are here to learn and it's good to feel respect for the job, but not being anxious about it. There will be difficult days I can assure you, but first, I am going to show you everything. Follow me, please, Miss Granger."

After that rather short introduction, Hermione followed him downstairs into the labs where blood samples were analysed and potions were brewed. Compared to Severus' potions lab, the one at St. Mungo's seemed rather small and not very well equipped. She wondered why that was, but didn't comment.

Healer Harris led her through every single floor and showed her all departments, including the surgery and also the department for mind healing, a part of the Janus Thickey ward. She wondered why it wasn't called psychiatry in the Wizarding World as well. This department affected her the most, because the patients she could catch a glimpse of were either looking very sad or as if they were totally enclosed into their own world of madness or depression.

The final stop was the emergency ward where she had brought in Severus one and a half years ago. Healer Harris watched her intently as he led her trough the rooms. "Memories?" he asked her quietly.

"Yes, indeed," she admitted. "But I'm okay, really. Thank you for asking. And sorry, I completely forgot to say hello from Severus Snape. He explicitly asked me to do that."

"Thanks, Miss Granger. So you are still in contact with him. Is he doing well?"

"Yes, he is. I'd like to be honest with you, as you will learn it anyway one day or another. Severus and I are together since a couple of months. I know it seems like a total cliché after I saved his life but … some things just happen in life," she ended, blushing.  
>She had considered that she had to tell her new boss about her relationship to his former patient but she wasn't sure it had been a good idea to tell him on her first day from the look on his face. He looked pensive.<p>

"To be honest, I never expected that. The last time I saw him he wasn't happy and you must really have done wonders if he has found such a strong will to live again." He paused.

"When he left here, he said something about moving to the sea but I didn't really think he would do it. Did he?"

"Oh yes," Hermione answered with a smile. "And what a gorgeous house that is. I love that place," she added with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"I am happy for the both of you. And I am sorry about what happened to your boyfriend last year."

"Thank you, sir. You know, without Severus I would never have recovered from that the way I have. I couldn't help but fall in love with him along the way," she admitted and as soon as the words had left her mouth she realized what kind of private information she had shared with her new boss on her very first day. _Oh God, now he will think I am just another emotional girl he has to supervise._

"I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have said that, this is far too private," she apologized immediately.

"Don't worry, Miss Granger. I am happy to hear that you and Mr Snape found each other. I always thought the two of you had some kind of special connection when he recovered here. I think you are one of the few people who made the effort to really understand him. And please call me Jason, Miss Granger. We are about to work very closely with each other and I think such formalities are only in the way of that. I am only about ten years older than you, after all."

Hermione let out a sigh of relief. He hadn't understood her the wrong way but she also realized that he would have a lot of patients confiding in him because he was a very good listener. She smiled. "Only if you call me Hermione from now on," she replied.

"Deal," he confirmed and they shook hands.

"It's time for lunch now, would you like to join me in the cafeteria?"

After the lunch break they headed back through the emergency ward to do a ward round on Jason's patients. Hermione was more than excited to meet the first patients, and during lunch, Jason had told her about the people they were about to visit in the afternoon. During her first trimester, she would learn to observe Jason examining the patients and how to deal with them. She would learn to ask about the anamnesis of the patients and learn the basic healing and diagnostic spells for simple diseases and injuries. The second trimester would be spent learning theory about healing at university and she would attend together with Harry on his second theoretical trimester.

Secretly, she hoped she could skip the first one because of the books she had already read and would finish during her practical trimester, so that she could catch up with Harry and study together with him.

In her opinion, it was a good way to become a healer. Not just start with the theory and meet the first patients months or years after the training had begun. What if one couldn't stand the contact with the patients or the prospect of losing one? What if one couldn't stand the sight of blood and all the other body fluids every day? What if the thought of losing a patient was too unbearable to continue the training?

These thoughts were running through her head when she and Healer Harris crossed the emergency ward when an alarm went off. Earlier, Jason had told her this kind of alarm only went off when a person whose life was in immediate danger arrived. The nurse at the reception desk had just cast a sonorous charm that went through the whole hospital to call out to Healer Harris when she spotted him in the hallway.

"Jason, you're needed here. The patient will be here any second now."

The next moment, a stretcher and a paramedic appeared on the apparition spot. The patient on the stretcher was none other than Draco Malfoy.

Jason instructed Hermione to follow him and observe. Draco was almost blue in the face and obviously had problems breathing. His hair had grown long and he was much too skinny, almost anorexic.

She observed Jason casting some diagnostic spells she had never heard of before and realized how little she really knew. Time was of essence here.

"Bring him into room two immediately," Jason instructed the paramedic.

They levitated the stretcher and Draco had entirely stopped moving. Was he already dead?

Draco had been missing since the day of the final battle. Hermione was aware that he was Severus' Godson and that Severus was worried over him, but also never made an effort to really find him, at least none that she knew of.

He had always argued that Draco obviously didn't want to be found and had most likely left the country out of shame and guilt over his behaviour during the war. The Unbreakable Vow Severus had taken for him had left a rift between them because Severus had to kill Albus due to Draco's inability to perform the act. Of course he had wanted to spare his soul and had performed the act willingly to save Draco but he had never once uttered a word of thanks to him for doing it. He had never spoken to Severus during all these months when Severus was Headmaster and had to fight several wars at once. He had never apologized for leaving Severus to perform the last minute task and kill Albus. A task that had torn his own soul apart in so many ways. Severus was still angry with him for that. He had only told her so last week.

Hermione followed Jason into the room.

"He has been poisoned. It's difficult to find out which poison it was exactly, it seems that he was given at least two different poisons simultaneously. I need different antidotes for this. Cathy, please fetch some general antidotes from the apothecary, while I have to find out what exactly he has ingested." He gave the nurse two potion names, which Hermione had never heard of.

She moved around the bed and sat beside Draco. "Draco, what happened to you?" She said quietly. A small piece of paper poked out of his robes. Hermione grabbed it out of instinct, having a feeling it might be important.

_Whoever finds me, do not try to save me. I want my miserable life to end today. Please tell Severus Snape and my mother that I am sorry. Draco Malfoy _

"Healer Harris, please look at this!" Hermione said urgently, switching back to his title unconsciously. "He doesn't want to be saved. What do we do now?"

"Do you recognize his handwriting?" Jason asked her back.

Hermione took another look but she had never seen Draco's handwriting so wasn't able to tell.

"No, I've actually never seen it."

"Then we can't be sure he has written this himself. We have to do everything we can to save him." He was right. If this was a crime, it was the perfect murder.

The nurse returned with several vials. Jason poured them down Draco's throat and made him swallow them with a spell. A different one that Hermione had used on Severus. She made a mental note to look up the spell later.

"Now we have to wait for the potions and the antidotes to take effect.

When did you last see him?" Jason asked after a pause.

"The day of the final battle," Hermione replied instantly. "He is Severus' Godson."

Jason nodded as if he knew about it.

"Do you want to send him a message?"

"Is that appropriate? Shouldn't we inform his mother first?"

"His mother is here, Hermione. In the Janus Thickey ward. She has been in a coma since last September."

"What happened to her?"

"I'm not sure, she is not my patient. But with his father being in Azkaban, I suppose Mr. Snape would be his next of kin."

* * *

><p>Severus was in his potions lab, modifying the potion he had brewed the previous night for Hermione. His first attempt had been really good and there were only small modifications like the taste that had to be improved. He startled when Hermione's Patronus suddenly rushed inside.<p>

"Draco is here in St. Mungo's and he has been poisoned. Please come immediately if you can."

He dropped his stirring rod into the potion.

_Damnit! Of all times to return, Draco chooses the day Hermione starts her training. But poisoned? _Severus mind returned to more rational thinking.

He picked up some vials from his storage and grabbed his robes on his way out. After warding his home, he apparated straight to St. Mungo's.

"Where can I find Healer Harris and Miss Granger?" He asked the nurse at the reception desk in the emergency ward.

"You can't see them right now, they are dealing with an emergency patient, Mr…?"

"Snape." The nurse's eyes widened. "I am here to help, the patient is my Godson."

She nodded. "Room number two, down this corridor, on the left side."

When he entered the room he was met by sheer chaos. Draco was convulsing heavily on the bed and Hermione, Healer Harris and a nurse tried to bind him to the bed and steady him. Hermione noticed Severus entering without looking up.

"Severus. Please help us steady him."

"Why don't just stun him?" He asked incredulously, but grabbed Draco's feet nonetheless.

"Because we still don't know what poisons he ingested and if we stun him, we can't make him swallow the antidote. A stunner could kill him, too."

"You're the doctor. What else can I do? I brought some of my potions as well."

"Hermione, please show him the note," Jason said, slightly out of breath from holding Draco down. Slowly, the convulsions became less intense.

Hermione showed him a small, crumpled piece of paper with Draco's handwriting on it.

"Do you recognize this as Draco's handwriting?" She asked him quietly.

"Yes, I do," he said, sighing heavily. He drew his wand and silently cast a spell on the paper. "He has written this himself. You can stop."

However, it seemed that the potions that had already been administered, took effect and Draco's face regained some colour and his breathing became steadier.

"I think it's too late for that," Healer Harris commented. "Now that he's out of immediate danger, we will have to find the right antidotes to get the poisons completely out of his system. But he will live either way and we will confine the damage now."

The door opened and the nurse returned with the results from the blood samples.

Healer Harris looked over the results, frowning.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

"He ate a large amount of belladonna and also took something that contained arsenic," he answered. "It's a wonder he was still alive when he was brought in."

"Do you know who alerted the paramedics?" Severus voice interrupted his thoughts.

"No, we should ask them when they return. Do you have something in your vials that would help, Mr. Snape?"

"Only against the belladonna, since it's more…common… than arsenic." Severus handled him the vial.

"How concentrated is this?"

Severus took a quick look at the chart in Healer Harris hand.

"Two drops should do."

The potions had been administered and Draco transferred into another ward. Severus, Hermione and Jason had gone into the cafeteria for a coffee.

"Mr. Snape. I am sorry we have to meet again under these circumstances but it is good to see you again. You're obviously in very good health," Jason said, handing him a cup of coffee.

"Don't be sorry for something you are not responsible for," Severus answered with a smirk.

"But thank you, I am doing quite well. Thanks to her, too," he added, nodding at Hermione. Hermione blushed but inside, she felt happy the Severus so openly admitted their relationship. They hadn't really talked about that.

"Yes, she told me this morning. I am happy for the both of you."

Severus grabbed Hermione's hand under the table and squeezed it. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>Later, they found out from the paramedics that had brought Draco in, that a house-elf had alerted St. Mungo's of the emergency. Draco had been at home and Severus couldn't help but wonder when Draco had returned to England.<p>

He hadn't told Hermione yet that he had written a letter to Draco after his recovery. He had asked him for a meeting to clear things between them after the war although Severus still found it hard to think about forgiving Draco. But he tried nonetheless. The answer he had received had been more than clear.

_I want nothing more to do with you, Severus. You are the hero now and I don't need your approval or your forgiveness. Just stay away from me and don't try to find me. I will be leaving England at the end of the month. _

Severus had been deeply hurt by that letter but the renovating of his home and the rebuilding of the Hogwarts wards after his recovery had distracted him enough to not dwell on the matter too long.

He had absolutely no desire to see Lucius and Narcissa again, either. Lucius was in Azkaban since the end of the war and would stay for at least another twenty-five years.

Narcissa had been a friend in his early Death Eater days and this had been the reason for her choosing him as Draco's godfather. He was the only Death Eater friend she had who was accepted by Voldemort _and_ not a cruel person she would never trust her son with. He really had been the only option back then, but Severus had always been aware of that.

Voldemort would have been suspicious if he hadn't accepted the "honour".

When Draco was a baby, Severus had really loved him as if he were his own child, but after Voldemort had been defeated by one-year-old Harry Potter, he had seen less and less of the child and the relationship had faded, much to Severus' regret.

The contact between him and Draco only revived when Draco started at Hogwarts and he was shocked when he saw what kind of a person he had become. He felt guilty that he hadn't influenced the boy in his childhood more and he had become nothing more than a spoiled brat.

He never hated Narcissa more than on the day he took the Unbreakable Vow for her son. She forbade him to speak one word to Draco about it. He had tried to talk to Draco nevertheless but he never said a word about his "mission" and never trusted Severus. Perhaps he should have tried harder.

He would talk to Hermione about it. It always helped, talking to her, he had realized during the last weeks. She had become his rock, long before she had become his partner.

Severus had returned home after Hermione and Jason (they were now on first-name basis, too) had spoken to the paramedics. He was quite sure he wouldn't get any more work done today with his mind being in turmoil and memories flooding back vehemently. A long walk on the coast seemed to be in order, despite the rather nasty weather outside.

The rest of the day was much less nerve-racking for Hermione. The patients she saw suffered mostly from rather common diseases and there were no more life-threatening cases. Around half past five, Jason and her left the last patients room for the day.

"So how did you like your first day, Hermione?"

"It was a…rollercoaster ride, I have to admit. But I loved it. I will be much less nervous tomorrow," she promised.

"You held yourself admirably. Not everyone is able to stay so calm when a familiar person is affected."

"Draco never was a friend or anything. We only attended the same school. Our relationship was rather…difficult."

"But you treated him with professionalism, regardless of your relationship towards him. Was this difficult for you?"

"No, not at all."

"Very good. And now leave, I'll see you tomorrow at nine," he dismissed her with a smile

"Bye, Jason."

Jason watched her disappear through the corridor, towards the apparition point. Hermione Granger would be a wonderful Healer one day, that, he was quite sure of.

* * *

><p>Hermione apparated directly to Severus' house, feeling anxious about what the events of the day might have done to him. He had been distracted when he left and was deep in thought after they had spoken to the paramedics.<p>

"Severus?" He didn't seem to be in the house, so he was most likely in the potions lab.

"Upstairs," came the answer. Then, she heard the shower running and went climbed the stairs.

A pile of wet and dirty clothing lay on the floor in his bedroom.

_So he went for a walk to clear his mind. In that weather._

"Care to join me?" his voice came out of the bathroom.

_The walk seems to have done him good. And I could really use the shower after the day I've had, _Hermione quickly decided and stepped out of her clothing. They had never showered together before but the idea sounded wonderful. She stepped into the bathroom, which was already hot and steamy.

She opened the shower curtain and a saw a very naked Severus, covered in white foam, before her.

"Need any help?" She suggested playfully, smiling at him.

"I could need help washing my back, but first…"

He grabbed her and pulled her close, kissing her so thoroughly that Hermione was breathless after seconds. Soon, she felt his erection poking into her belly and hugged him even closer. He moaned but grabbed the shower gel behind her and poured a generous amount into his hands.

"Turn around," he said in a husky voice. She did as he asked and then his hands were all over her, cleaning her thoroughly, especially her breasts and her most intimate parts.

"Oh Severus," she couldn't help but moan. "Keep this up and I won't last two more minutes."

"Bed?" he asked.

"No, in here," she answered shyly.

Fifteen minutes later, they were lying on his bed with towels wrapped around them, satisfied and happy.

"So how was the rest of your first day?" He asked after a while.

"Much easier. Draco was the only critical case that came in today."

After a while, she asked the question that had been going through her mind since Severus had left St. Mungo's earlier.

"How are you keeping up, love? It must have been difficult for you today, as well."

His arms tightened around her.

"It was, but now that I have you, it is much easier to bear than I imagined," he quietly admitted. Then, he began telling the rest of the history between him and Draco.

* * *

><p>The remainder of Hermione's first week at St. Mungo's went by rather smoothly, compared to her exciting first day. No other patients who were in immediate deadly peril were brought in and she learnt a lot in that first week. Jason Harris was a good teacher and also a very good healer. The contact she had with the first patients confirmed her choice of profession and Hermione hoped it would stay that way. Most evenings, she fell into hers or Severus' bed in complete exhaustion but with a content smile on her face.<p>

Draco was still in a magical induced coma that gave his body the chance to heal more. The poisons he had ingested had damaged his liver and kidneys and he was still in danger to lose one kidney completely. The antidotes had saved the liver but the kidneys had already absorbed much of the poisons.

Severus always visited Draco shortly before Hermione's shift for the day ended and they went in and visited him together. It really seemed that there was no other family left who wanted to visit Draco although Severus had tried to find more relatives but hadn't been successful yet.

On Friday evening, Severus went to see Narcissa before he wanted to pay Draco his visit. He also wanted to speak to her Healer about her condition and Hermione had found out his name from Healer Harris.

He went to the nurse at the desk of the Janus Thickey ward.

"Excuse me, Madam, where can I find Healer Browne?"

The nurse didn't even look up to Severus but continued to write into her patient record.

"Right down this corridor, last door on the left."

"Come in," a female voice answered to his knock on the door.

Healer Browne was a rather short witch with almost black skin, with very large white eyes and a very huge white grin. She wore a white hospital robe that only seemed to emphasize the white of her eyes and teeth.

"Hello, Mr Snape," she greeted him in a very friendly way, that Severus was not at all used to.

"Healer Browne," he said and held out his hand to greet her.

"Have we met?" Severus had difficulties to imagine a person to greet him in such a friendly way _and_ knew who he was.

"No, Mr Snape, but you have quite the reputation and I was curious to meet you. Healer Harris has announced your coming and I must admit, I was looking forward to meeting you."

That was unexpected.

"May I ask why?" His own curiosity got over him.

"Oh there are so many things. Your history, your role as a spy, your survival after that snake bite, the potions you invented…but, to be honest. It's especially the potions I am interested in."

"May I ask why?" He hated it when he had to repeat himself.

"Because of Ms Malfoy, of course. And the quality of our own potions master here, to be frank."

Severus finally took a seat and waited for Healer Browne to continue.

An hour later, Hermione and Severus met in front of Draco's room.

"What did Healer Browne say?" Hermione greeted him and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"I will tell you later at home, let us visit Draco first," he answered, still deep in thought about what Healer Browne had told him.

They opened the door and found Draco awake, blinking furiously at the couple when he recognized them. Hermione couldn't remember Jason telling her they would wake Draco up today, but perhaps he had woken up by himself.

"How dare you saving me? How dare you corrupting my carefully laid plan to kill myself? Granger, are you even too daft to read now?" Obviously, someone had told him what had happened since he had woken up.

"And Severus, why are you here and together with her? Who told you?"

Then his look fell upon their joined hands and his jaw dropped.

* * *

><p>AN : Please leave a review if you are still with me and this story.

The next update might be awhile, work is quite demanding right now and I will be on a two week holiday in the US in the beginning of May. Perhaps some reviews make me speed up the next chapter a bit... ? :-)


	28. Draco

_A/N : I am sorry this update took ages. I hope you still like this story and I'd be happy to hear from you if you do. Many thanks to my friend and Beta Christine._

* * *

><p>28. Draco<p>

Hermione immediately reacted to Draco's obvious gaping and began releasing her grip on Severus' hand. It wouldn't be helpful to add to Draco's anger and confusion. But Severus surprised her and only tightened his grip. He seemed to be stubbornly resisting of letting go and hiding anything from Draco. Hermione had to smile to her herself.

"Is there anything else you wish to say?" He asked Draco in a cool voice.

Draco hesitated. He took another look at Hermione, who was standing so near to Severus that there was no doubt left what was going on between them. He found it rather disgusting, he sternly told himself.

"Really, Severus? You couldn't have found anyone better than Harry bloody Potter's second best friend? The Weasel's ex-girlfriend? I am _very_ disappointed," he said with a self-righteous sneer.

Severus only sighed and had to think a while on the best response to Draco's insult. He had hoped that Draco had matured during his absence and had gotten over prejudice and his pride. But apparently, nothing had improved or he was in impressive denial of reality, which his attempt at suicide seemed to confirm.

Severus decided on a counter-attack.

"At least I am happy, which I guess one can't really say about a person who has just tried to kill himself and failed miserably," he said and Hermione almost couldn't believe that he really said that _and_ sounded like her former teacher again.

Draco didn't seem to have anything to say to that, so Severus continued.

"When I wrote you that letter after my recovery I had hoped we could come to some kind of understanding about our relationship in this after-war world. Your response, however, made it very clear that my attempt was unwanted, so I left you to your own devices. I won't tell you how Hermione and I became close to each other because I simply think you don't deserve to hear that story. Yet."

He paused and had to think about how to continue. He wanted to be harsh to make Draco see some sense, but also he did not want to shut him out completely. Draco would have one last chance with him, if he wanted to. _If not, so be it – no illusions there, Godson or not._

"I will return tomorrow for a meeting with Healer Browne - and no, we won't discuss you, but your mother. We are about to discuss a potion that might help her. As you can see, I've made my way back into life, slowly, but steadily. And don't think I still doubt that I deserve any of the happiness I am feeling these days. Guilt is a steady companion, but I've found there are things worth living for.

If you'd like to talk in a more sensible way to me, you can find me sitting in front of your door tomorrow at noon. If you don't come out, I will leave you in peace.

You will see Hermione now and then because she is working here now. If I ever hear any complaint about you or your behaviour, you will have to answer to me, is that clear?"

Draco seemed to have lost his ability to speech and just nodded with an expression of shock and awe on his face.

He had never seen Severus being kind and so hard at the same time.

Severus inclined his head, wrapped his arm around his _girlfriend_ and left the room.

Hermione let out the breath she'd been holding as soon as they were back on the corridor.

"Wow, Severus, that was … intense. If that doesn't shake him up, I really don't know what will."

His response wasn't what she had expected.

"Why did you let go of my hand when he commented on us being in a relationship?" He didn't sound offended but rather curious, his expression guarded.

"It wasn't really a conscious decision, Severus. It's just – his words – they reminded me so much of our time at Hogwarts and I really… still don't like him. I didn't want to add more fuel to his anger I think. It has nothing to do with us, Severus, and you know that."

His shoulder sagged a bit.

"Sometimes I still ask myself what you see in me," he said so quietly that she had trouble to understand him.

Seconds ago, he had appeared like the most self-confident man in the world, but he was letting her see his real self and that meant so much to her.

"I love you, Severus. There is absolutely no reason to doubt that. And I am not ashamed of our relationship. I could never be. You are a wonderful, gentle, handsome and loveable person," she added with a smile that made him blush at hearing her compliments.

In the middle of the corridor, Severus kissed her, not bothering about the stares they received. When he finally let go of her, Hermione was slightly breathless.

"What do you think about dinner at my house tonight?" He asked in a husky voice.

"I'll be there at eight."

* * *

><p>Draco lay in his bed, sulking. Severus words had shocked him more than he would ever dare to admit aloud. The worst thing was that Severus was absolutely right.<p>

He _had_ failed to kill himself.

He had failed to build himself a new life after the end of the war.

He had failed to make amends for his deeds during the war.

He had failed to thank Severus for everything his Godfather had ever done for him.

He had failed to do anything for his mother.

He had failed to find a sense in his life.

What boggled his mind almost to no end until deep into the night was the fact that Severus and Hermione Granger of all people were an item. How could that have happened after Weasley's death?

Severus really seemed to be much happier than Draco had ever seen him. His face had a healthy colour, considerably less lines and the dark Muggle jeans he had worn together with the blue shirt had made him appear at least ten years younger.

But how could he ever build the courage to ask for Severus' forgiveness? To admit his own failures?

He was supposed to be an arrogant git and the attitude he had shown today had certainly emphasized this.

Turning those thoughts in his head Draco finally fell asleep when daylight already came through the windows of his room.

* * *

><p>Hermione and Severus spent a wonderful evening together. Severus had cooked and they had shared a glass of wine over some pasta with seafood.<p>

"Severus, this is delicious. Knowing _you_ can cook like that, I will never work up _any_ ambition in cooking," Hermione complimented him.

Severus smiled at her compliment and seemed very pleased with himself.

His mind went back to Draco and he really felt unsure if Draco would come out of his room tomorrow or just ignore his attempts and gave up.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Hermione's voice interrupted him.

"I am not a good host tonight, sorry. Somehow I can't stop thinking about Draco. Was I too hard on him?" He asked, his voice insecure.

"No, you were not. You hit exactly the right tone with him. He'll come round, I am pretty sure about it."

"How can you be? You don't even know him that well?" He shot back, sounding a lot more defensive that he felt.

Hermione couldn't help but think that he was right and didn't reply. After a while, Severus took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Narcissa made me take the Unbreakable Vow right after the Dark Lord had made plans for having Albus killed by Draco. I always thought Draco trusted me enough to tell me about the plans he made for making it happen. I also thought he trusted me enough to admit that he struggled with his conscience and the task he had to perform. It seems I was wrong. I approached him several times, as Harry once witnessed, to offer my assistance and ask him about the progress with his plans.

Later I lost some of the Dark Lords confidence because of the lack of discipline at Hogwarts after Dumbledore's death. He accused me of being soft and advised the Carrows to be even harder on the students. Voldemort never punished me for not obeying his orders completely, he just suspected I had gone soft about the students. You know what Ginevra or Neville would say about my behaviour. Soft would have definitely been different. But Draco only reported more people to me, and all those time he came to my office, he never once said a word about what had happened when Dumbledore…died."

Severus paused, taking another sip from his wine glass.

"I did see that the pressure of the task wore Draco down and I never knew how much Crabbe or Goyle were aware of his plan. When Draco was younger, even in his first two years at Hogwarts, we were able to talk to each other. Sometimes, he came to visit me in the Dungeons and we had a good relationship, as far as I can tell.

Then Lucius hoped the Dark Lord would return and heightened his influence on Draco again. During your second year, with Tom Riddle's diary, Draco was not aware what was going on. Really only after the Dark Lords return, Draco let show how much he seemed to be on the Dark Lord's side. And what was I supposed to do? Talk him about out of it? Blow my cover as a spy? Trust him with my secrets?

We grew more distant over the years, something I really regret, but the situation I was in would not let allow me to confide in him."

"I understand that, Severus. You don't have to justify yourself. I know how difficult this must have been for you, love."

"You are far too kind, Hermione. I still think I should have tried harder to stay close to him in those last school years. Perhaps I should have taken that leap of faith and tell him the truth and it would have all turned out for the better."

"You are forgetting something, Severus," Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" Severus asked, looking confused.

"He let you kill Albus, although he was supposed to do it. He took the job, and he failed. Draco was responsible for his actions, just like Harry or me were at that time.  
>Now you have to live with what you were forced to do. I know Albus wanted <em>you<em> to do it. But to me it seems that all of them didn't spare one thought about you. Albus was cruel for even planning you having to do it, and Draco for not having the courage, and Narcissa for letting you take the Unbreakable Vow, which you saw as your duty as his Godfather. I know you wanted to spare his soul, but even in wartimes not everything should be justified for the greater good."

Hermione was a bit breathless after her speech but Severus sat opposite her, his mouth hanging open and obviously speechless.

"Severus, what is it?" Hermione asked, concern in her voice. _God, my mouth just ran away with all that…._

After another minute of silence, Severus finally spoke.

"You have no idea how much I needed to hear this from anyone other than myself. Thank you, Hermione. Thank you for your faith in me."

He took her hands and squeezed them.

That night, Severus swore to himself, lying wide awake next to Hermione, that he would do everything in his power to make Hermione happy and if she still wanted him, marry her one day. He was quite sure that no one else in the world was able to make him feel the way she did and no one could make him as happy as she did.

Her little speech after dinner had lifted another shade off his soul that he hadn't even been aware of. She had given him absolution. And her arguments had been logical and not influenced by her feelings for him. He believed what she said and he felt lighter than he had ever felt in his whole life.

The sex they had afterwards had been spectacular, Severus had to admit to himself in the darkness of his bedroom.

He had always held himself back and focused on her pleasure. He always made sure she felt satisfied and comfortable in bed but tonight he had let out all the frustration he felt and had taken over control. She simultaneously had let out all the angriness she felt on his behalf. It had felt amazing and liberating at the same time.

He still had no clue if Draco would come outside of his room tomorrow, but there was nothing more he could now do about it, so he tried to get some sleep.

* * *

><p>Hermione got up early to take a long hot shower and treat herself with a good breakfast. The last night had exhausted her and although she should have felt a lot more tired with so little sleep to go on, she felt refreshed and happy. The sex she had last night with Severus had been amazing and shortly before she had fallen asleep she swore to herself she would never let him go. It was still early in their relationship but nothing had ever felt so right in her life.<p>

Her morning was filled with loads of new patients arriving in the emergency ward and there was no time to spend further thoughts on Draco or her future with Severus. When lunchtime came closer she found herself looking at her watch every five minutes. She hoped she could get away in time before twelve.

"Hermione, is there any other place you need to be right now?" Jason asked after she had just checked her Muggle watch again.

"Sorry, Jason, no, I don't. It's just – Severus and Draco had a fight yesterday and they agreed to meet again at twelve."

"And you want to be there, too?"

"Yes, but with all the work here, I'll stay to help. I am sorry for being distracted."

"Just go, Hermione, I can manage for half an hour and it's time for your break anyway. Be back at half past twelve. It's okay – you've been doing well this morning."

"Thanks, Jason. But I will finish this bandage first." Hermione was still mostly observing but sometimes, like today, Jason let her help with minor things that normally a nurse would have done. Slowly, she was building up her knowledge and she was eager for the more difficult tasks although she knew there was still a long way ahead of her.

Severus had managed to finish his potion this morning and now only had to find a name for it. It was the one he had designed for Hermione's first day at St. Mungo's. Perhaps Hermione would have an idea for it.

Finally, it was time to leave for St. Mungo's. He didn't feel nervous, merely curious about Draco's decision. Hermione had taken most of the guilt he had still felt yesterday away with her words. He slowly walked from the apparition spot on the ground floor up to the fourth floor, where Draco's room was. His meeting with Healer Browne was only at one p.m., so there would be enough time to talk to Draco – _if_ he decided to show up at all.

When he reached Draco's room, he found Hermione sitting there and waiting for him.

"I didn't think you could come," he greeted her.

"I just had to. I have half an hour," she replied. "And hello to you, too," she stood on her toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Uargh.. gross, Uncle Severus. Kissing in public?" Draco's voice could be heard from the door, the sneer clearly audible in it.

Severus decided not to comment on that and turned around. Draco was incredibly pale and barely able to stand on his feet without support. Hermione still had her arms around Severus' waist and didn't let go.

"So you've decided to talk to me then? Good," Severus said.

"To you, yes, but not to her," he answered, gesturing at Hermione.

"Then we're done here. Come, Hermione." Turning around, Hermione could see the smirk on Severus' face. He knew exactly what he was doing and apparently he did know Draco well, because only after the first step they took, he called after them.

"Okay, Severus. I understand. You together with her or not at all."

Apparently, Draco knew Severus well enough, too.

They turned around and Severus nodded, his smirk replaced by an honest and open expression.

Silently, they followed Draco into his room.

Draco slowly made it back into his bed, but he really seemed weak and unwell.

"How are you feeling, Draco?" Hermione asked softly into the silence of the room. "Anything I can get you?"

"No, the nurse was here a couple of minutes ago and brought me some pain relief. Should kick in any moments. Bloody kidneys."

Severus, however, wasn't in the mood for small talk and decided on a direct approach.

"Why did you try to kill yourself, Draco?"

Draco stared at him, wide-eyed. He had anticipated that question at some point in the conversation, but definitely not at its beginning. He felt ashamed and didn't know what to say. He couldn't look at Severus any more and turned his head towards the window. A silent tear escaped his right eye after a couple of minutes silence.

"Because I am a failure," he whispered so silently that Severus almost missed it. He sniffed and more tears escaped his eyes.

"I have no right to exist at all. I fail at everything I do. Even at killing myself."

Severus and Hermione stayed silent, waiting for Draco to say more. It was obvious he had to speak out loud the things he felt.

"After the final battle, I locked myself away at home and waited. I don't know for what exactly but I waited. Mother was here already after the final battle and I never visited. I didn't leave my bed for days and my thoughts turned round and round. When your letter arrived, weeks after the final battle, I had already written a letter that I tore apart and burned. Instead I've written another one and sent you that. I couldn't stand the thought to disappoint you more than I already had.

Only after your letter I decided to leave England for a while. I went to the States, lived in Chicago for a while and it was nice that nobody recognized me. I spent most of my time in Muggle bars and learnt that Muggles aren't that bad. I almost managed to make myself a friend, but in the end, I even failed that. After I've returned a couple of weeks ago, I've never written him again."

I thought about contacting you but I wasn't sure you still lived at that hotel you've written from. So I didn't. I am sorry, Uncle Severus. For everything."

Finally, Draco turned his head and looked into Severus' eyes. They were moist with tears as well. Draco had never seen Severus cry before and didn't understand why he would start now, after having heard his story.

"I think I owe you an apology, too, Granger," Draco said quietly, looking at her.

"Accepted," she replied, "but it is Severus who needed to hear it. You are certainly not done yet." But Severus interrupted her.

"Thank you for telling me, Draco. You should rest now, you do look exhausted. I will come back tomorrow, same time. We'll talk more then. For now, this is quite enough."

Severus took a step forward and hugged him.

Draco had expected a lot from Severus, but certainly not a hug or absolutely no comment on his confession except the thanks, but perhaps it was for the best.

He needed the time to think, and he assumed, Severus as well. And he felt exhausted, Severus was right about that.

"Why did you let him get away with that? I think he has a lot more to explain than he did," Hermione said angrily as soon as they had closed the door to Draco's room behind them.

"Because I can see that he is being honest. I will hear the details but for now, for today, it was enough for me. Please accept that, Hermione," Severus answered her, sounding exhausted.

"Okay, for now I'll let it go. You know him better than I do. I have to head back again anyway." She pecked him on the cheek and turned to go.

"Hermione?" he called after her.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for your concern. Now go and save some lives," he said with a smile.

* * *

><p>Although he was half an hour early, Severus went straight to Healer Browne's office. Perhaps she was in and they could start their meeting early.<p>

The door was open and Healer Browne sat at her desk, writing something into a large notebook. He knocked on the doorframe.

"Ah, Mr Snape. You're early but please come in. The more time we have, the better."

"Healer Browne," he greeted her and shook her hand.

"Oh please, Mr Snape. If I am correct we will be working quite closely for a while. Please call me Cecelia."

"Severus," he replied.

For the next two hours they discussed Narcissa's condition in detail and although he was no Healer, even Severus could see that the administered potions couldn't have helped. St. Mungo's really seemed to have a serious problem there.

They decided he would write down his ideas and they would meet up next week again to discuss the first results. The coma Narcissa was in did not worsen her condition and they would have time to come up with well–thought-out ideas.

On his way home, he thought about how easy it had been to engage with Cecelia. She was highly skilled and had a good know-how in potions for a healer. Severus realized that he missed having colleagues. Although he had kept mostly to himself during his Hogwarts time it was still good to have his colleagues around all the time.

He loved working in his potions lab, but his only professional contact remained the Apothecary in Hogsmeade. Perhaps it was time to do something about that.

After Hermione returned from her lunch break, her day went to hell.

She did her usual ward round with Jason and the other apprentices, including Harry, like they did every afternoon.

It was during these hours Hermione learnt the most. All cases they were seeing were totally different and usually, she returned home with several pages of notes.

They now entered the room of Eugenia Lovegood, a distant relative of Luna. She had been at St. Mungo's for several weeks now for cancer treatment. She had come in so late that no potion or spell they had administered could have stopped her from dying. They had only bought her some more time.

Hermione was aware that she would eventually die, but when Jason stopped in front of her room and turned around to face his students, she knew there was something wrong.

"You are all aware of Mrs Lovegood's condition. She has entered the last phase of her life now and if I had to guess, I'd say she has only hours left. I will contact her family after our ward round but I would like one of you to stay with her in case my estimation is wrong. Do we have a volunteer for this difficult task or will I have to choose one of you?"

Harry and Hermione shared a look and nodded at each other. "We'd both like to stay," they said in unison before the other two apprentices could utter a word.

"I know it would be easier for you to do this together but I insist one of you does this alone. It is part of your training to see people die and I know this sounds cruel, but you have to get used to it. The earlier, the better."

"I will do it," Hermione said before anybody else could answer. She needed to get this over with, she told herself in her mind.

Jason seemed to hesitate, clearly because she was the most inexperienced of the four, but nevertheless, he nodded after a few moments.

"Alright, Hermione. If you need anything, come and get me."

With that, she entered the room, closed the door behind her and wondered if she was up to her task.

Severus was nervous. He had worked on a concept for a potion to cure Narcissa all day and now that it was nine in the evening, he hadn't heard from Hermione yet. Contemplating if he should send a Patronus, he sat in his living room, wondering how fast he got dependent on another person in his life.

She should have been in her flat since about six in the evening and usually she came by or sent her Patronus shortly after she got home. But no word from her today. Had something happened at the hospital? Was she okay? Or was he simply being paranoid?

He decided to wait another hour before he would send a Patronus. He could still ask Harry but there could be a simple reason for her delay and he didn't want to appear too anxious to see her in front of Harry. He hated that he wasn't able to turn his thoughts away from her.

At about half past nine, Severus was a bunch of nerves and got ready to apparate to Hermione's flat. Dependent or not, he had too see if she was alright. He put on his shoes and a sweater and apparated to her front door. Normally he would apparate right in, but not today. He knocked.

"Hermione? Are you home?"

He heard slow footsteps from inside and slowly, the door opened. Hermione was a mess. Severus hadn't seen her in such a state since Ron's death.

She stumbled right into his arms and cried.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"She died, Severus. She just died and there was nothing we could do for her," she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Who died?" He asked impatiently.

"Mrs… a patient. A lovely woman."

They entered the flat and sat down on their couch.

"You lost a patient today?" Severus concluded.

"Yes, and I thought I was able to handle it, but I'm not. How can I ever become a Healer if I can't stand watching people die? How could I ever think I would be able to handle this?"

Severus let her cry for a while and didn't comment on her questions. He had expected something like this to happen, but not that early in her training.

When Hermione had calmed down, he finally spoke.

"Your reaction is perfectly normal. If a patient's death would not affect you, I would certainly be more concerned than I am now. The thing you must learn is to distance yourself from it. The patients are only patients, no friend, no family. They will die with or without you and this woman did not die alone today. You were with her. This is what counts. You can't save everyone, but you can be there for people when the Healer cannot do more than he's already done."

"I thought I could handle it when I volunteered, but Jason hesitated to let me in. I should have known I wasn't ready."

"You'll never be, but you will learn to handle it, Hermione. You are strong and when the shock wears off, you will see what I mean."

"Oh Severus, I should have come to you right away, but I felt so ashamed. Thank you for coming."

"I was worrying when I didn't hear from you, so I decided to come over."

"Sorry, I didn't think. Will you stay?"

Severus was so relieved that she was alright that he could only nod. He felt like a fool now but he guessed that was what fools did when they were in love.


	29. Blake

_A/N : Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I think there's now only one chapter left, and - perhaps, an epilogue, but I'm still not sure about that. _

_Many thanks to my beta Christine and to everyone who's still interested._

* * *

><p>29. Blake<p>

When Severus awoke the next day, Hermione was already gone. He almost couldn't believe he had not heard her getting up and leaving the flat. Perhaps she had used a silencing charm, or he was really getting far too comfortable in her presence. It was almost eight in the morning now and it took him by another surprise he had slept this long.

Slowly, Severus stretched, got out of the bed and went straight into the bathroom. On Hermione's non-magical mirror Severus found one of those small yellow Muggle notes attached to it. It said: _Good morning, my love. Thank you again for coming over last night. Nothing could have helped me more than your presence. I used a silencing charm and hope you could catch on some of your sleep. See you later? Love, Hermione._

Severus had to seriously wipe the grin off his face. Did he really deserve such happiness? A young beautiful woman who truly loved him? The turn his life had taken still felt unbelievable on some days.

After a light breakfast he went back home to work on the potion for Narcissa. His meeting with Cecelia had been productive and he had developed some ideas for a potion that could really help Narcissa. It seemed that the potion's master at St. Mungo really wasn't the most competent man, otherwise he would have come with some basic ideas at least.

Narcissa was in a deep coma, both caused by emotional trauma as well as physical. After the end of the war her husband had been locked away in Azkaban and some very angry wizards had attacked her right in the middle of Hogsmeade. Severus had still been in the hospital then and didn't know the exact circumstances of the attack.

Her body had healed during the last year and a half but her mind had not.

The secret to her healing would be the waking of her mind. And he already had several ideas how to do that in mind.

Draco wondered if Severus would keep his promise and return today. Visiting hours were almost over and there had been no sign of Severus or Granger yet. The way those two had been looking at each other yesterday he suspected she would be a Snape some day, too.

He knew that he still owed Severus several explanations but it exhausted him to even think about them. His kidneys had hurt him all day and he seriously began to fear they would fail him after his stupid suicide attempt. Although it was only a couple of weeks ago, he realized what a stupid move _that_ had been. Some words that Severus had said to him the day before yesterday had made him realize that in no time at all. And – he needed his mother. The loss of her had had more impact on him than he had admitted to himself during the last one year and a half. Lucius was locked away – and rightfully so – and not at all missed. But his mother had always protected him and been on his side, and he was really all alone now.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," he croaked, his voice tired.

"Draco." It was Severus. Draco felt relief flooding through him and the anxiety he had felt throughout the day slowly came off. He wasn't really alone anymore.

* * *

><p>Jason had given Hermione the afternoon off. She had protested, of course, but Harry had convinced her in the end that she was much too exhausted to be any help. He was right.<p>

After a refreshing nap in her flat, she apparated to her parents. She had thought about visiting them after that horrendous day yesterday, but Hermione also felt the need to get through this on her own and grow up. That hadn't worked and if it had not been for Severus, she would still be crying on her sofa.

"Hermione?" Her mother opened her door with a surprised look on her face.

"Hi mom. I thought I'd come over for a spontaneous visit?"

"You're always welcome, come in."

After both women had a steaming cup of tea in front of them, Julie finally spoke up.

"Hermione. I can see that something's bothering you. Is everything alright with Severus?"

"Yes mum, of course everything all's right between us. Never been better in fact," she answered, a huge smile on her face, that didn't quite reach Hermione's eyes.

"But there's still something bothering you," her mother insisted. "You didn't come here for no reason, so please tell me, darling."

"It's just… that I need some distraction. Severus will be working until the evening and I really needed to get my mind off things."

"Just tell me what it is, Hermione."

Hermione swallowed but the tears that were threatening to come again stayed inside.

"I lost a patient yesterday. I had… still have a hard time dealing with it. If not for Severus, I'd still be crying my eyes out at home. He set things into perspective again but I fear if I am thinking about everything too much, I'll once again be a crying mess tonight."

"Then it's good you're here. It's a beautiful day outside, perhaps we should go for a walk and you can tell me all about it."

* * *

><p>"So why exactly did you leave Chicago, Draco? It does sound as if you were at least a bit happier there," Severus asked, his tone serious.<p>

Draco stayed silent for a while and had to think about the answer.

"I can't really tell you the exact reason. It's just… I've told you about this friend I made. We were beginning to see each other almost every day and I began looking forward to his company and his presence. Once I realized that, I became afraid to rely too much on another person. Blake, that was his name, and I met every evening at a bar or at his flat. I've never once invited him into my hotel room and I wasn't honest with him. He thinks of me of an English son of a Lord that has no need to work with awfully rich parents. He didn't mind. He even ignored the fact I was rich, or pretended to be.

The day before I decided to return to England, we met in his flat again. I had convinced myself during the day that I could not see him for a while because we had become too close. I had realized that I needed him to feel good or have a good day at all. It was unhealthy and that night, I told him I would return home."

"And what was his reaction?" Severus asked carefully.

"He looked disappointed. He asked me why I had to return so suddenly and I never told him the truth. I just said my parents had ordered me home. He said he wanted to write me letters but he never did. I guess he didn't like me much after all."

"Does the Muggle post office even know your address?" Severus asked after a while.

"What?" Draco asked, looking confused.

"Which address did you give him?"

"Oh fuck," was the only answer Draco gave him.

"Exactly. Of course an owl would have found you, but the Royal Mail? I don't think so. So perhaps he is just as disappointed in you as you are in him."

They stayed silent for a while and Draco had to let it sink all in.

When Severus wasn't sure if Draco would say anything more today, he began to speak again, his voice tired and sad.

"You know, Severus, I think Blake would have been the first real friend I would have ever had. Crabbe and Goyle were just…followers, and the rest of Slytherin was always too much afraid of Father. There was never anyone I could fully trust, except you had I realized that, and even if I had to lie to Blake about magic, it felt like a friendship. It was the best feeling I had in my whole bloody life."

"I do know what you mean, Draco," Severus said quietly.

"So you made friends, too?"

"Yes. The first friend I made was Hermione. We only became more half a year ago. But I was helping the aurors during all those attacks after the war and I have made two good friends there, believe it or not. I regularly meet with them and their families and they are good people. But I had to learn how to be a friend again after my years as a spy. It wasn't easy, especially opening up, but I am much happier now than I have ever been in my life, and not only because of Hermione although she certainly plays the biggest part in it," he admitted.

"Tell me how you became a couple," Draco said, his tone friendly. "I'd really like to understand how that came upon."

Severus conjured a glass of water and began to speak.

A couple of weeks later, Draco could finally leave St. Mungo's. His kidneys had recovered thanks to the potions Severus had made for him and he had to cut short alcohol and drink a lot of water but they would work and also had finally stopped hurting.

Narcissa was also making slow progress. Together with Cecelia's information about the coma Narcissa was in, Severus had concocted a potion to stir brain activity. Narcissa had been connected to a Muggle monitor that showed her brain activity as too low, without having physical causes. Severus' potion would make every other human being act hyperactive and might even cause a stroke but for Narcissa it would hopefully be the exact right thing.

He had informed Draco about the progress and he was happy to prepare their home for his mother's return.

During the last weeks, Severus had visited Draco almost daily at St. Mungo's and they had rebuilt their trust and friendship. Hermione accompanied him every other week and slowly Draco and her were able to stand each other's company without becoming insulting.

Severus had also written secretly to Blake in Chicago and had asked him to visit Draco. He had found his address in the Malfoy's home in Draco's room. He didn't explain magic or the exact reason why Draco had left; just that Draco had fallen ill and needed his friend and was sorry for not being able to reply to Blake's letters.

He had sent the letter a little over a week ago and still had not received a reply. Or perhaps the Muggle post was only terribly slow. It would be good for Draco to have a friend at home before his mother was well enough to return.

The night after Draco had returned home and Severus had cooked him a meal, a letter from Blake finally arrived. It said that he was happy to finally hear about Draco because he had sorely missed his friend.

He would take a week off the week after next and would arrive by plane on Saturday. Severus hadn't told Draco any of this in case Blake would cancel or something else happened. His letter, however, had seemed sincere enough and the young man really seemed to like Draco.

* * *

><p>Hermione slowly overcame her experience of losing a patient. When she thought back to that day it was still hard on her and tears threatened to fall but Severus and her parents had set her mind right. Things like this would happen once in a while in her job and she would have to learn how to deal with it and distance herself. Harry had made a similar experience in the mean time. After a tough day in the emergency ward, shortly before the first theoretical semester at uni, he had lost a patient, too. He also took it hard, but still better than Hermione. The experiences during the war had hardened him, he confessed to her over a drink they had, and he didn't like the detachment he felt but he still couldn't help it.<p>

Jason, Harry and Hermione met in the Leaky Cauldron after the last shift of Hermione's first practical semester on Friday evening.

"It is okay to feel like that, Harry," Jason also reassured him. "We all can only guess what you have been through in your life- except Hermione here, perhaps – but the detachment you feel – it is the feeling we all get with time. It is what keeps us doctors healthy, otherwise we could not do our jobs. You got there faster than normally but still, don't feel bad for feeling like this. It's perfectly fine, Harry."

"Thanks, Jason. And thank you for these last months, you are a good teacher."

"Thanks, Harry. I already look forward to July when you return." They clinked their glasses together and let the evening end in a good mood.

When Hermione returned into her flat this evening, Severus was waiting for her. He had opened a bottle of Bordeaux and seemed relaxed and comfortable. She hadn't expected him but was happy that he had come over and had waited for her to return home.

"Hey, darling," she greeted him and kissed him eagerly.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted her and pulled her down to him.

"How was your evening?" he asked against her lips.

"Good. We had dinner and drinks with Harry and Jason in the Leaky Cauldron. Now I look forward to a weekend off and to finally start at uni on Monday. And yours?"

"I visited your parents and then came here to wait for you. On the way back, I bought that wine and hoped you would be back early enough so we could share. It's a good one, from France."

"You…visited my parents?"

"Yes."

Hermione climbed off his lap and sat down next to Severus.

"Why?"

"Am I not allowed to visit your parents without you?" He teased.

"Of course you are, it's just... you never did that before or didn't even tell me. So what was the visit about?"

"I told them we would go on a holiday in May for a week and that we wouldn't be here for the Memorial Day and your mother's birthday."

"We're going on a holiday? But I have to study during that break, Severus."

"No, you have two weeks off, and we're only going for one week. It's more than enough time to study and you _are_ allowed to take some books."

"We're really going on a holiday? Where do we go? Did you already make plans?"

"Yes, but I am not going to tell. It's a surprise for you."

Hermione didn't know what to say.

While helping Draco and Narcissa, brewing potions and being there for her, Severus had planned a holiday without Hermione even noticing.

"You know that you are probably the best boyfriend on earth?" Hermione asked with a huge smile on her face.

"No, that's impossible. And I'm certainly not a boy."

* * *

><p>On Saturday, Hermione and Severus apparated to the secret apparating spot in Terminal two at Heathrow Airport to pick up Blake. He had written Severus the flight details and what he would be wearing so that Severus and Hermione would be able to recognize him. Hermione was still amazed the lengths Severus had gone to ensure Draco's recovery and happiness. Perhaps he was still trying to make amends for the things he had done during the war but whatever the reason may be, it made Severus happy, too. To have a purpose and making feel other's better, certainly did make feel him better as well.<p>

When they finally spotted Blake, Severus and Hermione almost couldn't believe their eyes. Blake resembled Harry so much except for the glasses that he could easily be Harry's doppelganger. Somehow, Draco had totally failed to mention this to both Severus and Hermione. Hermione instantly had to hide her grin when she thought about Harry's reaction to this news. Draco's best friend a Harry Potter lookalike. Unbelievable.

"Mr Warner?" Severus addressed him.

"Yes? Are you Mr Snape?" he asked back. Thank God he sounded totally different than Harry did, thought Hermione.

"Yes. Welcome to England, Mr Warner. This is my … partner Hermione Granger," Severus almost stumbled over the words. So far, he had never had to introduce Hermione to strangers as his girlfriend or partner.

Blake's eyes widened a bit when he realized how young Hermione was, but did greet her politely.

"Hi, Miss Granger."

"Oh please, call me Hermione, you can't be a lot older than me. Welcome, Blake," she greeted him with a smile.

"Now, let's find a taxi and surprise Draco."

The taxi ride to Malfoy Manor was long and very expensive. Hermione had forgotten how expensive taxis were these days and at the end they had to pay over one hundred pounds when they finally reached Malfoy Manor in the outskirts of Waltham Abbey. Blake wanted to pay his share but Severus and Hermione just ignored him and paid the driver.

"Don't you have your own car?" Blake inquired.

"No, it's not of much use when you live in London," Severus explained and secretly was already dying to see how Draco would explain magic to him. It was unavoidable if the two of them wanted to be real friends, Severus knew.

"As you know, we haven't told Draco that we found you or that you are even here now. This might be a shock to him and don't be disappointed when he gets angry at first. He doesn't like meddling," Hermione explained.

"I had the same impression," Blake replied while looking impatiently at Malfoy Manor.

"He really is rich, isn't he?"

"Oh yes, that he is," Severus confirmed. "But that doesn't mean he's happy."

"Let's go inside," Hermione said, "lingering here won't make Draco any happier."

Severus stayed behind Blake and Hermione and silently deactivated the wards protecting Draco's home against unwanted intruders with his wand. Hermione just reached for the doorbell when he was ready.

Severus had instructed the house elf to not open the door at any time on Saturday and stay hidden in the kitchen because a clueless Muggle would arrive during the day.

From the inside of the house, Hermione could hear Draco swearing as he approached the front door. "Where's a bloody house-elf when you need one….?" She hoped that Blake thought he had misheard.

The door opened.

Hermione and Severus stepped back to give Blake and Draco more space.

Draco's mouth opened and closed again and his eyes were wide with shock.

"Hi Draco," Blake greeted him, a huge smile on his face.

"Blake, what are you doing here?" Draco had finally found his voice.

"Visiting you. If you'll have me, that is. I've learnt from Severus that you haven't received my letters."

"No, I didn't. Of course, come inside. And you," – he pointed his fingers to Severus and Hermione – "have some explaining to do."

Smiling, Severus and Hermione followed Blake and Draco into the house.

They all sat down on the sofas and Draco obviously didn't know what to say or where to start.

"Draco," Severus began quietly to make thing less awkward, "after you've told me about Blake and the mess you've made with the post office, I decided to take things into my hand. It was clear to me that you shouldn't lose this new friend you've only just found in Chicago. What you make out of this from here is entirely up to you, but at least I wanted you to have the chance… to make things right. And perhaps Hermione and I should take our leave now so that you can speak to each other alone."

When Draco finally heard the front door close, he let out a breath he'd been holding since Blake's arrival.

"Why are you really here, Blake?"

"Because I miss you. I miss our friendship and our evenings together. When Severus Snape wrote me, I was so happy to hear from you, even if not directly. I suspected there was something wrong with the address because I have never made such huge errors in knowledge of human behaviour before. I can see that you're happy to see me now."

"I am, Blake. I am. And I'm sorry I just left and never wrote to you. It's just that… I haven't been well since I came back and I know it's been months since we've had any contact but I am really, really happy to see you."

"Then that's all I need to know for now."

"Did you see Draco's eyes after he had overcome his first shock?" Hermione asked as they made tea back at home in Severus's house.

"Not really. What about them?" Severus asked.

"I thought you of all people would have seen that there is more between the two than just friendship," she replied. "Although I am not sure if Blake feels the same."

"He is, no worries."

"So you did recognize it?"

"It was obvious from the letter Blade sent me and from what Draco didn't say between the lines. But I am not sure they will both acknowledge what they are feeling. To be honest, I haven't thought about Draco's sexuality much at all. I am a bit surprised, but Blake seems to be a decent young man."

"You know I've always wondered about Draco. He never had a girlfriend at Hogwarts long enough that it was worth mentioning. Perhaps he wasn't so sure about himself either," Hermione mused.

Draco knew he had to completely honest with Blake if things should somehow work out between them. So he had made a drink for both of them and afterwards told him about magic. Blake's reaction was…worth remembering. Draco had explained in the simplest words he could find the existence of magic and that a magical world that existed right under the noses of Muggles all around the world.

Then he called the house-elf and Blake had almost fainted at the sight of him but had recovered quickly. Draco then showed him some spells and ordered dinner from said house-elf.

After dinner he told him his entire story up to the end of the war, not in all detail but the "big stuff" and if Blake did not run away after that, they really stood a chance for being friends or hopefully - more.

Around midnight, Blake couldn't hide his yawns any longer but Draco had poured out his heart to him and he felt that he deserved a first response how he felt about all this.

"Draco," he began, sounding tired but honest, "thank you for your honesty and openness with your history. I know this can't be easy for you, to not hide anything from me. You should know that I appreciate knowing all this but please also know that what counts for me is the future. You are not the person you once were and I can see that you don't want to live in the past anymore either. Let's continue tomorrow, but right now, I need a bed. I hope you have one for me in this … castle," he ended with a smile.

Draco's eyes almost flooded with tears when he realized what Blake had just told him.

"Yes, of course," he replied, his voice cracking. "You can have the room next to mine. And thank you."

* * *

><p>On Monday morning, it was still dark outside, a Patronus came flying into Severus' bedroom. Hermione had left last night after dinner because she had an early shift and needed more sleep than she would have gotten with Severus.<p>

"Severus, come immediately. Narcissa's waking up!" Cecelia's voice hammered through his bedroom. Her Patronus was a horse and it fitted her perfectly.

After his heart had stopped racing in his chest from the early intrusion in his bedroom, Severus quickly got out of bed, showered and apparated to St. Mungo's. He wouldn't want to miss Narcissa's waking at any cost.

"Severus, here you are," Cecelia greeted him on the floor in front of Narcissa's room.

It was still quiet in the ward this early in the morning and no other doctor's or nurses were present on the floor.

"Come inside."

Severus could see immediately on the Muggle monitor that Narcissa's brain activity had increased considerably. He was no doctor but the amplitude on the monitor was a lot higher than it had been before.

"And you're sure she is going to wake and is not just dreaming?" Severus asked Cecelia.

"Yes, I am. This much activity is normal for people who are awake. She should wake up any minute. Thanks to your potion, Severus," she smiled at him.

"But we still don't know what state she'll be in once she wakes up," Severus tried to be not too optimistic.

"Yes, that's correct, but there were no obvious signs of brain damage so I am fairly sure she'll be alright."

Narcissa began to lash about in her bed and pulling at the sheets, then her eyes finally opened. She sucked in a deep breath.

"Where am I?"

Cecelia rushed to her side.

"Ms Malfoy, you are at St. Mungo's hospital. You've been in a coma for some time. What is the last thing you remember?" Cecelia asked while taking Narcissa's pulse and examing her pupils.

"I was in Hogsmeade, buying some things. But I don't remember anything after I left Madam Malkin's."

Severus took a few steps towards Narcissa's bed. Her eyes widened at the sight of him.

"Severus?"

"Hi, Narcissa," he greeted her softly.

"I thought you were still here and unconscious?"

"I was when you were attacked, but you should know," he hesitated and looked at Cecelia for a confirmation that he could tell Narcissa how long she had been out of it, and saw her nodding back immediately, "that you were attacked over one and a half years ago. I've recovered in the meantime."

"One and a half years? What about Draco? And Lucius? Oh Merlin, what have I missed?"

"Ms Malfoy, I know this must be a shock for you but this was also a small test if your brain has suffered any long lasting damage, but it seems it hasn't. That's a good sign. We are still guessing why you were in a coma for this long amount of time, because your body had healed completely after a couple of weeks. Were you… depressed before you were attacked?"

"I don't know, maybe. Where is Draco?"

"He is at home, Narcissa. He's doing well. Lucius is still at Azkaban. I will let Draco know that you're conscious immediately."

"Thank you, Severus."

Blake and Draco were having breakfast in the vast Malfoy kitchen together. They didn't bother with the dining room, it was much too large for the two of them and felt much too formal. The last two days Draco had spent explaining the war and the time after as well as his exact role during the war. He had confessed everything to Blake, including his attempt at suicide, and it felt like freeing his soul. Blake was a good listener and he didn't interrupt Draco once. He was intrigued to see how Draco now hated his younger self and distanced himself from it, without denying his past. He could fall in love with him for that. Perhaps he already had.

"Thank you for listening, Blake. There isn't much more to tell and you are the only person whom I have ever told so much about me. If you still want to be friends, I would be very happy but if you don't, I'll understand," Draco said, his tone grave.

"Did you listen to me at all during the last two days?" Blake asked, almost angry.

"Stop your self-pity and get on with your life. You have made errors, you were young and you regret what you did. You want to start anew and you don't deny your past. For heaven's sake Draco, I even forgive you for hiding magic from me. You're forgiven, Draco and your past doesn't really matter to me. You are different now and I quite like the man you are now."

Blake grabbed his hand over the table.

"I might even like you more than is good for me," he quietly added.

"You do?" Draco asked and intertwined his fingers with Blake's.

"Yes," came his answer, even quieter than before.

"Then it's a good thing I feel the same, don't you think?"

The doorbell rang.

"Oh no, not now," Draco muttered, but got up and went to the front door.

"Severus?"

"It's your mother, Draco. She has woken up."


	30. She's the One

_A/N : I am truly sorry that it took me this long to write the last chapter. _  
><em>I hope you like the end of my little tale. I almost can't believe it myself that I wrote over 150k. <em>

_A huge thank you goes to my good friend and beta Christine who supported me during these last two years. _

* * *

><p><strong>30. She's the One<strong> (References to the Robbie Williams song are a pure coincidence...)

Severus lay in his bed, wide-awake and the first rays of sun were glimpsing through his curtains. He hadn't slept a wink that night. Too many thoughts that he just wasn't able to suppress any longer.

The holiday he had planned for Hermione and him now was only a week away. Severus had had only positive thoughts in mind when he had planned that holiday. Now, as "the" week approached much faster than he had ever thought possible, he had doubts. Severe doubts about the plans he had made. Cold feet, as any other person would call it undoubtedly. He had planned to ask Hermione to marry him during that holiday. Not right away of course, but some day, when they were both ready for it, or mostly she, really.

Marriage was something Severus had never thought about until he had met Hermione. He had enough time to get used to the thought and felt more than ready for it. But was Hermione ready for marriage? He really had no _fucking_ idea.

She was only twenty-two, still in the middle of her education, living in her own first flat. She surely wasn't ready for marriage yet. All Severus wanted was making his intentions clear. That she was _The One_ for him.

It was time to meet Dean and Thomas for drinks tonight, he had to talk to someone other than Hermione about this.

* * *

><p>Narcissa had almost returned to full health. Jason, Hermione and Harry met regularly for coffee so that the two students could keep up to date with their long-time patients' progress. Draco's first visit after her waking up had been quite emotional and full of tears. Something Hermione and Harry hadn't thought him capable of showing - in front of others, at least. Narcissa hadn't suffered any lasting damage and had slowly regained the strength in her limbs during the last few weeks.<p>

She knew that something had severely changed in Draco as soon as she looked at him at his first visit. There were some lines in his young face she had never seen before. But his eyes also shone with happiness, which was a completely new sight for her. She had obviously never realized how unhappy her son had been all those years.

His greeting had been warm and the hug he gave her was not something she had received since his childhood. To see this kind of change in her son made Narcissa deliriously happy.

A couple of days after Narcissa had woken up, Draco finally told her why he was that happy and even felt – optimistic.

After recovering from the first shock that her son was obviously gay, she wanted to meet Blake immediately.

"If this young man makes you happy, I need to meet him as soon as possible. Are you serious about him, Draco?"

"I think I am, mother. I know he is a Muggle but I don't even care. He is the most genuine, honest and tolerant person I've ever met. He knows everything about me, mother. I told him _everything_. And he doesn't care," he ended pensively, as if he still doubted what we was now saying out loud.

"You told him _everything_?" Narcissa asked.

"Yes, mother."

"But why? I don't think this was quite…necessary. The war is over, son."

"That is _not_ the point, mother. My life was practically over after the war. I had no friends, no family, no hope. I went to Chicago to distract myself and I met Blake and I was feeling better there. I dared to hope of a new life. When Blake and I became close, I became afraid and ran off which ended in a… suicide attempt, and…"

"You what?" Narcissa shrieked. Draco had not told her about this dark chapter in his life yet, he had deliberately waited with this revelation until his mother was stronger and more stable.

"Yes, mother. I tried to kill myself. There seemed to be no hope for you, I had and still have no intention to see father ever again, and there was no hope for me. Severus was the one who talked some sense into me after I was brought here. Without him, I think I would have tried again," he confessed.

"I told Blake everything because I am serious about him. About his friendship and our relationship. I want nothing in-between us. I wanted him to know everything and then make his decision. And I can't express how happy his decision to leave my past behind us makes me. You can trust him, mother. You'll see when I bring him round tomorrow," he ended in a firm voice.

Her son had grown up.

She nodded.

Blake greeted him with a soft and warm kiss when he returned home after the visit to his mother.

"Hi, gorgeous," Draco greeted him while kissing him back. "I wish you needn't return to the States the day after tomorrow."

"So come back with me," Blake replied, his expression serious.

"I'd love to, but I really can't," he said sadly.

"Mother returns home on Monday and I want to spend at least a few days with her."

"And after that?" Blake inquired.

"I still need to make plans for my life, but I don't see a reason why we should not do this together," he said with a smile.

Instead of a reply, Blake pulled him close again and kissed him.

* * *

><p>Dean, Thomas and Severus met in the same Pub on Holy Island, where he and Hermione had shared one of their first meals together, back when Minerva had sent her over after Ron's death. When all three of them had their beer in front of them, Dean spoke up.<p>

"So what's this all about, Severus? It's not that we don't enjoy meeting with you spontaneously, but you said you also needed our advice."

Severus nodded, but kept silent. He now felt a bit embarrassed about having admitted that he indeed needed advice. He was a grown man after all.

"Is this about Hermione?" Thomas asked.

He really was no good spy material anymore, Severus thought. They can read me like a book. He nodded again.

"Out with it, Severus," Thomas demanded.

"I am going on a holiday with Hermione next week," he began.

Thomas laughed.

"And you're worried about that?" he asked.

The sour look on Severus' face silenced him immediately.

"Sorry, Severus."

"I wasn't finished, Thomas. I have rented us a small Muggle house near Antibes in France. It's quite a romantic place, I guess. No neighbours, a pool, view on the sea, et cetera."

"You must be quite successful with your potions then, Severus," Dean interrupted.

"It is quite expensive yes, but I didn't particularly care when I rented it. I only wanted it… to be a special place," he said, gathering his thoughts. Why was it still so difficult for him to talk about his feelings to his friends? He trusted them and still…

"For proposing to Hermione?" Dean asked, his tone serious now.

"How do you know?" Severus asked.

"It is quite obvious, Severus. Case of cold feet?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," he admitted quietly, sipping his beer.

"Why on earth, Severus? She loves you, she already told you she will stay with you. Where exactly lies the problem?" Dean asked.

"She is so young, Dean. She's only twenty-two and we haven't been together very long, it's only been half a year now. I want her to know my intentions, but don't want to pressure her into anything she might regret later," he confessed.

"Have you talked about marriage at all yet?" Thomas asked.

"No, we haven't."

"Severus, no worries. From what I've seen when you visited, she will be very happy when you pop the question," Thomas replied, his tone reassuring.

"But still,…." Severus began again.

"Oh shut up, you sour sod. She _will_ be happy."

Severus kept silent.

_Merlin, I was so sure when I booked this holiday and now it's all gone to hell. Why would she tie herself to me?_

"Severus!" Dean almost barked at him. "Will you cheer up now and stop doubting? Please don't spoil this for her with your sudden bouts of self-doubt."

_They have to be right, they just have to…I need her to be in my life._

A week later, Hermione ran about in her flat, gathering the last things she would need for her first holiday with Severus.

She needed to find her bikini, and soon. It had to be somewhere in the back of her closet. She hadn't worn it in ages and hoped that it still fitted, but if not, there was still magic to adjust things here and there if necessary. Hermione had no idea why she felt so nervous. The anticipation she had felt for her first holiday with Severus had been immense and now she felt suddenly nervous about it. There was no sensible reason for feeling that way and perhaps it was only because he still hadn't told her where they would go. Just that she needed things for a warmer place than England and perhaps a bathing suit could be useful. She guessed it was Italy or Greece but she wasn't sure and not knowing things wasn't something she could handle well.

Shortly before five o'clock there was a knock on the door of her flat. _Severus!_

_Merlin, I feel so __not__ ready for this. _

Hermione opened the door and looked into his face and found him looking as nervous as she felt. _Why's that?_ She asked herself shortly but then relief set in that this seemed to be as difficult for him as it was for her.

"Hey there," she greeted him, pulled him inside and kissed him.

The nervousness they had both felt melted away quickly.

"Ready to go?" Severus asked quietly, breaking the kiss.

"Yes, just give me a minute to check if I have everything. Where are your things?"

"I already brought them there this afternoon. I wanted to give you a hand with your things," he replied.

"So where are we going? It can't be too far away if you've apparated back and forth."

"Patience, Hermione, patience," he said with a smile.

"Alright."

When her suitcase and her beaded bag were finally closed and everything she could think of was packed, Severus awaited her in her living room, smiling.

Only now, Hermione recognized he was wearing a linen shirt and trousers. It really had to be warm where they were heading. She was still wearing jeans and a light sweater as it was raining heavily outside and not more than seventeen degrees.

"Do I have to change before we leave?" She asked.

"No need for that," he replied, his look mischievous. "Let's go."

He took hold of her bags with one hand, the other one went round her waist and he pulled her close.

"Close your eyes, Hermione, and do not open them again until I tell you to do so," he whispered into her ear.

She did as she was told, but the nervousness was back. Apparating without knowing anything about the destination was definitely something she didn't like. She tensed and waited.

"Relax, Hermione. Trust me," Severus said quietly.

She let out the breath she was holding and a couple of seconds later, they both landed on a soft underground, grass she supposed. Her head was spinning and she wanted to open her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked. She nodded her head and breathed deeply.

Slowly, she noticed the warm air around her, the smell of the sea and the sun on her face. Severus let go of her and took her hand instead.

"Open your eyes, darling." His voice was so quiet she almost hadn't heard him. She heard him hold his breath to wait for her reaction.

Hermione opened her eyes and had to blink. The sun was shining brightly and she was standing on green grass that circled around a small blue pool next to a beautiful little cottage high above the sea. The Mediterranean, she guessed. It was perfect.

"Severus, I don't know what to say. This place is …."

"Magical?" he supplied with a grin.

Hermione could only nod, still lost for words. She turned around and put her arms around Severus' neck.

"This is the perfect place for a holiday. I have no idea where we are but it doesn't matter. It's perfect. I love you." She looked into the endless depths of his dark eyes. They seemed to smile back at her although the rest of his expression was serious.

"I'm glad that you like it, I wasn't sure. We are in France, near Antibes. And I love you, too. More than I can adequately express."

"Kiss me, Severus," she breathed.

Severus happily obliged and kissed his girlfriend, forgetting everything around him. Soon his hands went under her sweater and she moaned into his mouth.

Hermione felt electrified by Severus' touch. Never before had she been aroused more quickly and she could not get enough of her man. Her man. She'd never let him go again. Still overwhelmed by the perfect choice of a romantic holiday location he had made, she broke the kiss and took his hands.

"Show me the bedroom, Severus. Now," she added with an alluring smile on her face.

"I told you there was no need for you to change clothes before we left," he replied dryly. She smacked his arm but laughed.

"Come on," she urged him.

The bags forgotten, they went inside to find the bedroom.

An hour later found them both sated and slightly sweaty on the bed. Their lovemaking had been extensive and Severus had almost slipped up after sex and asked her to marry him in the haze of sheer after-sex happiness. But he managed to stop himself. His plans for this particular event were already in place although at the moment he could not imagine to feel any happier than he did right now.

After a short swim in the pool and a quick shower, Hermione was starving.

"Do we have anything for dinner or are we going out tonight?" Secretly, she hoped that Severus had done some shopping so that they wouldn't have to leave the house.

It really was the perfect place. The house seemed to be quite old but recently completely redecorated in a stylish, clearly Muggle manner. It was a perfect mixture of glass, elegance, stone and metal. The sofa was large and cozy, the kitchen large and bright with a decadent outlook on the sea below.

Bedroom and bath were more or less one room, only separated by a wall and frosted glass for some privacy. It must have cost him a fortune to rent this place, she realized while she dressed. The south of France in the beginning of May must be one of the most expensive places in this time of year. How could they ever top that with upcoming holidays together, she mused, smiling to herself.

Severus interrupted her thoughts with his answer.

"We have wine, baguette, fruit and cheese. Will that suffice for this evening? Or would you rather go out and have dinner?"

"No, option one sounds perfect for tonight, Severus."

* * *

><p>After one week at home with his mother, Draco was ready to go up the walls. Of course he was happy that Narcissa had woken up and was recovering nicely. However, her nosiness about Blake and the endless questions about the events during her coma were getting to his nerves.<p>

"Mother, I told you more than once that I'm not suicidal any longer. I was very unhappy and hopeless a couple of months ago, but not so now. Please accept that. I am _not_ going to do it again."

"I wish I could believe you, son. You also always told me you wanted to marry a woman and have children, but now... you are dating Blake."

"Mother, things can change when one grows up. I never thought I was interested in men, either, before I met Blake. But then I met him and I fell in love with him as a person, not specifically with him as a man. I don't know how to explain it better, but I just love him for who he is, and he just happens to be a man."

"And you really wish to leave me here and visit him tomorrow? How long do you really plan to stay in the States, Draco?"

"I don't really know, mother."

"Do you even plan to return home?"

"Of course I do, mother. Just give me some time to… make some plans. Find my place in the world. Something I want to do with my life. Please don't pressure me," he said with a deep sigh.

Finally, Narcissa understood. Her son really was at a turning point in his life. He had hit rock-bottom with his suicide attempt and now, while returning to life, he needed some time away. She understood why he couldn't do this in England, where almost everyone still hated him. Of course he hadn't told her that but it was obvious because he only ever spoke about Severus, Hermione Granger and Blake. She still wasn't sure why Severus and Granger were an item these days, but the war seemed to have changed more than one person around her.

"I won't," she answered him.

"Stay as long as you need, Draco. I understand."

"Do you, mother?" he asked, because he almost couldn't believe that she did.

"Yes, I think I finally do. And I wish you all the best. Come here," she said teary-eyed and pulled her son close. She hadn't hugged him in years but it felt great to do it.

"Visit me after the summer, mom. I'd love you to see Chicago," he murmured into her hair.

Narcissa smiled. Draco hadn't called her mom since he had been five years old.

"I will Draco, I will."

The next afternoon, Draco took the Portkey he had booked directly into the Ministry of Magic in Chicago. Blake would be going to work soon and Draco had planned on surprising him in front of his flat. Of course Blake knew Draco would be arriving today, but not exactly when.

The United States Ministry of Magic had very little in common with the British one. The look and feel was modern and much less pompous. Draco decided that he liked it and would return later that day when Blake was at work.

He left the ministry building and walked to Blake's flat. Just in the moment he reached it, the door opened and Blake came out.

"Good morning love," Draco greeted him.

A huge smile spread on Blake's face.

"Draco, you're here already? I never expected you before tonight," Blake replied, putting his arms around him.

"Guess I couldn't wait any longer,…" Draco replied and kissed him. Extensively.

But it couldn't be helped, Blake still had to leave for work at one point. After a couple of minutes of heavy kissing in the middle of the corridor, Blake finally ended the kiss.

"I really need to leave, Draco. I think I will be back around four, just get comfortable in there," he said, nodding towards his door and handing Draco his keys.

"I can stay in your flat?" Draco said surprised. He hadn't really thought about where to stay in Chicago but would have looked at hotels or rooms during the day.

"Of course you can. Where else would you stay?" Blake said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Okay," was all that Draco managed to say to that.

"See you later, love." With that, Blake was gone.

Draco still stood in the corridor, frozen. Had Blake just invited him to live with him while he was in the States?

Blake's flat was tiny and he only had one bedroom and a very tiny couch. They hadn't done much more than kissing yet and still for Blake this didn't seem to be a problem.

_Is it for me? _Draco had to ask himself, when he finally opened the door to Blake's flat.

* * *

><p>The week in France was passing all too fast. Hermione and Severus visited Nice, Cannes, the beaches and Saint-Tropez. Hermione found that she loved France. She had once been in Paris with her parents as a child but it had been in autumn with lots of rain and grey skies. Those memories were now replaced with a France full of light and sunshine and warmth. And Severus.<p>

So far, every day had been perfect. _The nights as well. _Hermione had to grin when she thought about them. She had dressed for dinner on their last evening and was waiting for Severus to finally come out of that bath- and bedroom.

The outdoor couch beneath the pool had become her favourite place during the week and they had already decided to come here again as soon as possible.

Today, Severus and her had visited Grasse, the town of herbs, scents and perfumeries. Severus had procured some herbs that he needed for his potions and Hermione had bought a new perfume. Together, they had ambled through the old town and the small alleyways and Severus had become quieter with every turn they took. Hermione had no idea what bothered him and when she asked him about it, he had always told her it was nothing.

They apparated back into their cottage after they were done with shopping and Severus had disappeared instantly into the living-room with a book, leaving the bathroom and bedroom to Hermione for getting ready for dinner tonight.

Hermione couldn't help but suspect that he had planned something special for their last evening of their holiday. And she couldn't also help but ask herself why? Every single day and evening had been very special for her. Severus had been the spitting image of a gentleman all the time and it had almost been too perfect for her.

_Can life get any better? _She asked herself when Severus finally emerged from the house in black trousers and a dark blue shirt. He looked stunning. A glamour was covering the scars on his neck and the first two buttons of his shirt were open. If they had the time, she would gladly remove the shirt again from his body. She had chosen a black dress she had bought shortly before the holiday, which he had never seen before.

It seemed that it had the desired effect. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open when he saw her lying on that couch in a very relaxed, but tempting position.

"Ready?" Severus asked with more confidence in his voice than he actually felt, after he had found his voice again seeing Hermione in that dress.

"Yes." Hermione stood up and Severus eyes widened even more. Her cleavage was entirely too open-hearted and he had to keep his distance from her before he ripped that tiny dress off her.

"Like what you see?" She asked, her eyes sparkling.

Severus had to clear his throat before he answered.

"Very much."

Severus had cursed his nerves at least seven times now. It had all started in Grasse in the afternoon, when he and Hermione had looked at some bridal dresses in a window. Hermione had taken particular interest in one dress that only had some very thin straps, a tight corsage and a voluminous skirt, all in cream-white and with paste gems on the corsage.

"I would love to have a wedding dress like this one day," she had said and that had shut Severus up for the rest of the afternoon. He was certainly able to imagine her in a dress like this. And now he stood there, at a loss at what to say, having an engagement ring in his right pocket.

"Where are we going?" Hermione asked innocently as she stood up, straightening her dress.

"Just a very small Brasserie down in Antibes," he answered and managed a tight smile.

_I still wonder what has gotten him in this mood since Grasse, _Hermione mused. _Ever since we looked at those wedding dresses he's gone mute….Oh my God, wedding dresses..! But, it can't be… he wouldn't want to marry me, would he…? But what if he does? _

Her thoughts flipped over but she had to stay calm for this. Not getting too excited by the thought, because if she got it all wrong… how would the evening end?

They shared a small kiss and apparated into Antibes.

"So, where exactly are you taking me tonight, Severus?"

"It's called "la fleur" and I've read about it in a tourist journal, but it looked small and intimate, that's why I chose it," he replied, his tone finally almost back to normal.

_Perhaps I'm just imagining things…, _Hermione couldn't help but think, albeit secretly a bit disappointed.

The small restaurant was indeed very cosy and romantic and the waiter showed them to a small corner where they sat privately, hidden away from other guests.

They started with a soup and then both Severus and Hermione ordered a Boeuf Bourguignon, the very meal they had shared when they had gotten together, which already seemed to be a long time ago now.

"I really think that your Boeuf Bourguignon is better than this one, although it is pretty good," Hermione said quietly.

"You mean that?" Severus asked, delighted by her compliment.

"Yes, I do."

Conversation hadn't been easy this evening. Usually they talked about all and nothing, never running out of topics. But tonight was different. It felt as if they were both dancing around _one_ certain topic.

"Would you like a dessert?" Severus asked after the waiter had taken their plates away.

"I'd rather take a walk to the seafront, to be honest. It is far too beautiful out there. You okay with that?"

"Of course," he answered. _This isn't going as I planned. I did want to ask her through dessert but now… I'll have to find a different way._

He paid for the dinner and together they left the restaurant and walked through the narrow alleys of Antibes.

Severus shortly thought about not proposing at all. But his heart really wasn't in it. He loved Hermione and he wanted her to know how much exactly she meant to him. This week had been the best week of his life and he intended to tell her that.

Hell, he had lied Voldemort into his face for years and he wasn't able to tell Hermione the truth? The absolute truth about how he felt about her?

Thinking about Voldemort suddenly brought reality back to him.

He was here in France, Antibes, with the woman he loved and suddenly he felt nerves he hadn't felt since he had become a Death Eater.

_Is this the final step to my healing? Am I finally dealing with all my emotions, my fears, my life and no __longer hiding from anything?  
><em>His confidence returned.

Hermione was at a loss what to think. Since they had left the restaurant, Severus remained mute and seemed deep in thought.

_Have I done something wrong? This week was perhaps a bit too perfect…_

His voice finally interrupted her unwelcome thoughts. Somehow, they had reached the seafront without her noticing it. The lights of the city were starting to reflect on the water and the sun was setting, the sky glowing in a beautiful orange and pink.

"Hermione?"

They stopped walking and faced each other. There were lots of people around them, some tourist but mainly locals. They didn't pay attention to the couple that stood in the middle of the seafront walk, staring into each other's eyes.

Severus' eyes shone with warmth and love and Hermione relaxed instantly.

"Yes, love?"

"I need to apologize for the mood I was in today and especially tonight. I want this night to be very special for us and I am afraid I ruined it."

"There's no need to apologize, Severus," Hermione interrupted him.

"But there is. Please, let me say what I need to say," he almost pleaded.

And then he went down on one knee in front of her.

Hermione's heart almost stopped when she saw Severus kneeling before her.

"Hermione, I love you. I love you more than I can ever adequately express. If I´d die tomorrow, I would do so as a very, very happy man. You've brought light and happiness back into my life. You even saved my life at a point where I was entirely unworthy of being saved. You were the only person who ever tried to look beyond my mask and did not judge me by my action only. I am so very thankful that you saved me. We both went through difficult times in our lives, but some of the most important parts we experienced together and this is what matters to me. You make my soul complete and I don't want to live without you in my life."

He had to take a breath and saw tears welling in Hermione's eyes.

_Happy tears?_

He hoped they were. He took the ring out of his pocket and held it up in front of her.

"I know you are only twenty-two years old and you probably don't want to tie yourself down to a forty year-old man. I just need you to know my intentions. One day, if you feel ready for it, I would like you to become my wife. More than anything I ever wanted in my life before.

Hermione, will you marry me?"

A couple of people had stopped their evening walk on the seafront and had watched a handsome, dark-haired man kneeling in front of a younger woman. The woman had tears in her eyes but her smile was happy and joyful. The evening sky was a deep pink and the last bit of the sun could be seen setting on the horizon. It was almost a too soppy picture.

Hermione did not answer but pulled Severus up from his knees and kissed him. She kissed him as if there was no tomorrow. When Severus needed to breathe he broke the kiss and smiled at her. "Does that mean yes?"

"Yes, Severus. A thousand times yes. I love you and of course I want to marry you."

Before he hugged her close to him he slipped the ring on her finger and almost could not believe his luck. She had said yes. Only then they registered that people were applauding around them.

Obviously they had given people quite the show. He wanted to disapparate immediately but that wouldn't have been a good idea with only Muggles around them.

"Thank you," Hermione said to the people standing around them. "Merci beaucoup. Je suis très heureux."

Quietly, she added: "Come on, let's get home."

* * *

><p>Blake returned early from work on Friday. Draco had now been staying with him for four days.<p>

The realization that he didn't need vast rooms and a huge house to be happy with his life had hit him hard. Of course it had only been four days, but he couldn't be close enough to Blake.

The days Draco spent getting reacquainted with Chicago through long walks, the nights he spent with Blake. Their intimate relationship had also undergone extensive progress during the last four days.

From kissing and getting it each other off during their first night, they had tried having full sex the night before. It was the best thing Draco had ever done in his life. Being this close to another person, having nothing to hide and giving everything that he had made him incredulously happy.

He had applied at the United States Ministry of Magic for a job as well. They were currently searching an assistant to the Minister for Magical Education.

Draco had told his entire story in the application in a very short version and now waited on their decision, or judgement rather. He had been open with his role in the English Wizarding War. He didn't expect too much but he had explained in detail that he wanted to redeem his deeds and wanted to be involved in the education of US American Wizards.

Of course he couldn't be sure that his relationship with Blake would last but he wanted to take the chance he felt he was given in his young life.

Draco was still waiting for an answer from the US Ministry of Magic. He had sent in his application three weeks ago and had almost given up on them replying at all. At the same time, he had begun to look at other options within the Wizarding World of the States. Working in Muggle surroundings would be too dangerous because he was bound to slip up one day doing magic.

Blake still was utterly speechless whenever he saw Draco performing magic. Whether it was only reheating some cold tea or letting the dishes wash themselves (although Draco had to look that one up in a book, there clearly had been no need to learn those spells at Malfoy Manor). Draco liked being admired by Blake for his abilities but never pointed out that he was the only one in their relationship who was able to perfrom magic. He wondered how that would work out in the future.

The future was one thing Draco couldn't stop thinking about.

_Could he stay with Blake for an indefinite time or should he ask him if it was okay if he officially moved in?_

_Would they be able to__live with the differences in their lives if they stayed together?_

_Could he imagine staying with Blake for the rest of his life?_

_What would Blake say if he explained that Draco would outlive him by at least fifty years? And would _he_ be able to handle this?_

Blake came home to find Draco staring at the wall, laying on his small couch.

"There's a letter for you, love," he said and closed the door.

"Mother?" Draco asked. She wrote him every few days, using the Muggle mail system now and it took the mail literally ages to get to Chicage.

"No, from this Ministry of yours," Blake said casually, as if this information wasn't that important.

Draco jumped from the couch and immediately grabbed the letter out of Blake's hands. He ripped the envelope open and pulled the letter out of it.

"What do they say?" Blake inquired when Draco stayed silent.

"They invite me to an interview, tomorrow at three p.m. They say that it is not likely they will hire me but would like to hear my arguments before they come to their final decision."

"But that's good, isn't it?" Blake said, wondering why Draco wasn't happier about this.

"Yes, I suppose so."

"What's the matter, Draco?"

"I need to talk to you, Blake. Come on, let's sit," Draco invited him on the couch.

"Why do I have the feeling that this isn't good?" Blake asked, looking unhappy. "Are you unhappy here?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Because before you say anything, I need you to know I've never been any happier in my life before. Now say what you need to say."

Instead of saying anything, Draco kissed him.

"Thank you for saying that. I can return the compliment," he said, smiling.

"Listen, Blake. I've had a lot of time to think since I came here. There are some things we do need to talk about, like me staying here."

"What about that?"

"I mean, you just invited me to stay here when I arrived, but I'm neither paying any rent nor did you say when I had to leave again. When I am getting this job, or any other job, do I search for my own flat or should I assume that I could just stay here? You never said that when I arrived." Draco stopped and waited for Blake's reaction.

"Draco, sometimes you can really be stupid. Or your English heritage makes you quite oblivious to things. I invited you to live here with me and I'm sorry if I didn't say this clear enough. If you want to pay a part of the rent, please feel free, I wanted to talk to you about that anyway as soon as you found a job. Or don't you want to stay?"

"Of course I want to stay. I feel comfortable here. Thanks, Blake and I'm sorry for being so dense about this," he said, feeling already a lot happier.

"Was that all you wanted to talk about?" Blake inquired.

Draco sighed.

"No, there's something I haven't told you yet. About being a wizard," he began.

"So?" Blake asked when Draco didn't elaborate.

_Am I assuming too much? Does he really want me in his future? But I do need to be honest with him. _He had never felt more insecure in his life.

"If we stay together and things work out between us, you need to know something. I don't want to sound presumptuous but if you'd like me to stay in your life, you need to know that Wizards do not age the same way as Muggles do. They age a lot slower. My life expectancy is something around 150 to 170 years. When you are in your seventies, I am not more than a middle-aged man in the Wizarding World. You should know this before you decide to stay with me. I never…expected to fall in love with you the way I did. But I want to be honest with you."

Blake took Draco's hand and caressed it gently.

"Draco. Thank you for telling me, but - I knew all that. Severus and Hermione told me when they picked me up from the airport and brought me to your home. They talked about it in a very casual way but clearly intended to let me know all this before I fell any further for you. It's okay, Draco. It doesn't change a thing for me. I love you and I want to stay with you, no matter what. Okay?"

Draco didn't know what to say to that so he kissed Blake instead. It was a kiss full of love and promise and in that very moment he knew he was finally home.

* * *

><p>The three weeks since their return from France had been a mix of happiness and lots of work and learning for Hermione.<p>

Hermione and Severus had told Hermione's parents immediately about their engagement after their return home. Hermione's father took the information very calmly and Hermione suspected that Severus had asked him beforehand. Sneaky man.

Then he dropped her off at her flat, leaving her to study for the next part of her training. Never before in her whole life had she had this much trouble concentrating on a book. Her mind continued wandering to Severus and their upcoming marriage. He had promised he would wait until she felt ready for marriage and she loved him even more for being so considerate but secretly she wondered if she truly needed any time to feel ready for marriage.

He was right that she was still in training for being a Healer but why couldn't she be a married apprentice? They would have to wait with having children after she had finished but she couldn't see herself waiting three more years until she married Severus.

Now, three weeks later, they had talked about children and found they both wanted at least one child in a couple of years.

Hermione had slept at her flat only once since their return from France and that had been the first night after their return.

She studied there and did her homework but in the evenings she apparated to his house and they had dinner together and she just loved sleeping in his bed, waking up to the sound of the sea. Secretly, she wondered if she should ask Severus if she could just move in but perhaps he still needed some more time for this step.

When she had searched for her flat, she had been sure she would need it to have a place to be alone and study.

The need to be alone had evaporated into thin air and Severus had told her she could always use the spare bedroom in his house for studying.

Thoughts like this went through her head when she apparated to Holy Island exactly three weeks after the return from their holiday. It was a warm evening in late May, the sun was shining and the view on the sea was stunning. She had apparated to the small bench a mile away from Severus's house to get some fresh air and a much-needed evening walk after a whole day over her books. She also had to come to a decision.

When she finally entered Severus's home half an-hour later, she found him in the kitchen, preparing some spaghetti for dinner.

"Hello, love," she greeted him with a kiss.

"How did your studying go today?" He asked her while stirring the tomato sauce.

"Fine, although I sometimes think that there is a lot more to learn at St. Mungo's than from the books," she answered pensively.

"Would you repeat that for me?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.

"Why? What?" Hermione asked, clearly irritated by his reaction.

"You just admitted that not everything could be learned from books. I think I need to hear that again," he said, smiling whimsically.

As a reply she knocked her elbow into his ribs and left the kitchen.

"Oh come on, Hermione. Don't be a spoilsport. You have to admit this is funny, coming from you," he called after her.

When Hermione had finished her spaghetti and sipped on her glass of water she decided it was time to speak her mind about what she had been thinking about for the last three weeks.

"Severus," she began, sounding serious. "I've been thinking." She cleared here throat, this more difficult than she had thought it would be.

"Yes?" He asked when the silence went on too long.

"I've been thinking why I couldn't be a married apprentice. I've been thinking about reasons why we should wait with getting married for another three years."

"And?" Severus asked, although he almost couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"I haven't found any. I love you and I want to marry you. As soon as possible. I don't see a reason why we should wait. I won't change my mind and I hope you won't change yours. So why wait?" She asked, waiting for his reaction.

"There's only one thing you would need to do first," Severus replied, not answering her question.

"Which is what?" She was getting impatient.

"Move in with me." He replied with a smile.

* * *

><p>*** Epilogue ***<p>

Hermione and Severus married on the nineteenth of September, on Hermione's twenty-third birthday. It was a small wedding with only their closest friends. Draco and Blake had come from Chicago and seemed happier than ever. In fact, Harry and Ginny overheard them talking about marriage as well. Harry was still having trouble to believe that Draco had fallen in love with a Muggle but he had also never seen Draco looking happier.

"Have you seen Severus ever look any happier?" Ginny whispered to Harry during the marriage ceremony.

"No, and I also haven't seen Hermione looking more beautiful than today. I mean, look at that dress," he said, openly staring at his best friend.

"Harry," Ginny shot him a warning look. "What? Can't I admire my beautiful best friend? Who is currently getting married to _another_ man?"

"Okay, okay," Ginny admitted.

Hermione was wearing the dress she had seen in Grasse in France. Severus and her had returned in the summer to buy it there. They both could not imagine her to wear any other dress for their wedding.

After the ceremony was over and Hermione was finally Mrs Snape, Severus addressed their guests.

"First of all, thank you for coming to our wedding today and enjoying this day with us. Trust me when I say that I never expected to marry at all in my life. In my young years, I fell in love with a woman who never loved me back and it took me years to realize how stupid I'd been. Hermione and I became friends after Voldemort was defeated by our friend Harry Potter here and Hermione had saved my life. She has saved my life in more ways than I want to say out loud here but our friendship was the base for the love we only discovered months or almost years later. She is the most tolerant, warm-hearted, wonderful and beautiful woman I have ever had the luck to meet and I still can't believe she married me today.

Thank you for loving me, Hermione, and thank you for sharing your life with me. You are the one for me and you make me the happiest man in the world. I love you."

Applause erupted and Hermione blushed but kissed her husband enthusiastically in front of their guests. Life could not get any better. All was well.


End file.
